Sticks and Stones: A Study of Hurtful Words and Helpful Remedies

By Jeff Abrams

It wasnt true what was said about menot even close. But people believed it and passed it on. My life was awful. I couldnt eat, I couldnt sleep. I took showers so I could cry without disturbing my family.

Finally, my attackers ran out of rocksor they moved on to somebody else. Either way, things got better. A friend told me that if I lived my life according to Gods Will, most people would eventually see that the gossip was false. He was right.

Today my life is better than ever. My faith in God and others is strong. Ive forgiven those who lied about meand those who listened. At least I hope I have.

Ive also learned to be a lot more careful about what I say about others and about what I allow others to say to me. As this book points out, people are fragile.

Reading Sticks and Stones has helped me. If you have a story similar to mine, I hope and pray it will help you.



~ Anonymous

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Mar 24, 2011
• ISBN: 9781449711962

Jeff Abrams

Jeff Abrams has the best job in the world as preacher of the gospel of Christ and longtime missionary to the good people of Ukraine. He is blessed to preach for the Tuscumbia Church of Christ, in Tuscumbia, Alabama. Graduates of Freed-Hardeman University, Jeff and his wife Judy have three children, Jordan, Josh and Jennah.

Book preview

Dedication

To my amazing circle of love.

To my wife Judy, thanks for the love, for the friendship and

for showing all of us what servants do. I’m looking forward to

the next 25!

To my son Jordan, thanks for having a preacher’s heart.

To my son Josh, thanks for the laughs, especially on the golf course…

To my daughter Jennah, thanks for being nearly perfect.

To my angel Megan, we’re all coming!

I am blessed!

Contents

Dedication

Welcome

(With a Warning)

Sticks and Stones

Word Power

Gehenna’s Garbage

In the Beginning was Gossip

Unmasking the Gossiper

Labeling the Labelers

Profile of a Target

The Blessing of Being a Target

Pulling Out the Knife

Witch Hunt!

Appearances Are Deceiving

People Say the Dumbest Things

A Better Way to Talk

A Better Way to Listen

A Better Way to Resolve Conflict

Tongue Zero

Your Tongue on the Day of Judgment

Discussion and Study Guide

The Last Word

Welcome

 (With a Warning)

Words. They can be energizing, encouraging, enlightening, exhilarating, extraordinary.

Words. They can be depressing, divisive, deceptive, distasteful, destructive, deadly.

Solomon, a man who devoted much of his life to the study of words, tells us, Death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21).

Words can be bombs or bouquets, tricks or treats.

A Greek philosopher asked his servant to prepare for him the best possible food. He brought his master a dish of tongue, because as he put it, with the tongue, one can bless others, mend broken hearts, educate hungry souls, and make peace. The servant was then asked to prepare the worst possible food. He again brought his master a dish of tongue, because as he put it, with the tongue one can curse, lie, break hearts, divide friends, destroy reputations, and make war.

Welcome to a book about words, especially the kind that wound.

I need to warn you, as you will quickly discover, the words in this book will never be confused with Shakespeare, Tennyson or even Doctor Seuss. With apologies to English teachers everywhere, my words about words that wound will not be as eloquent or as precise as I would prefer. If you are looking for a literary masterpiece, this book ain’t for you.

I also need to warn you that my words will at times be blunt, maybe too much so. Few punches will be pulled as we examine the devil’s favorite and most devastating weapon against humanity.

I apologize for any indigestion my way of putting things may cause you. If moments of discomfort occur, I hope you’ll take a couple of Tums and keep reading. The only one I’m seeking to sicken is Satan. I desire to offend only him. Hopefully this is a book the devil prefers is never read. He is certainly the foulest villain on the pages that follow.

It is my prayer that this book will be particularly beneficial to those who know the pain of the backstabber’s blade. If you are tired of being whispered about, tired of having your reputation trashed by social snipers, tired of being targeted by talebearers, then this book is for you. You need to know that one day, your tears will dry, the buzzards will stop circling, and your reputation will rise from the rubble.

It is also my desire that the following pages will help gossipers and their groupies to choose a better and nobler way of communicating with others about others.

If you gossip—you need to hush. Now.

If you listen to gossip—you need to stop. Now.

If you are a victim of gossip—you need to become a victor. Now.

Remember please … I love you and hope the words on the pages that follow will bless your life. Okay, you’ve been welcomed, you’ve been warned. If you’re still willing, let us with the help of the One who created words, commence to licking our tongue problem.

Chapter One

Sticks and Stones

A blow with a word strikes deeper than a blow with a sword.

~ Robert Burton

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me. The Greek word for this popular yet idiotic idiom is Baloney! Words can and do hurt. Badly. Words pack a punch. Some words wound so severely that King Solomon compares it to being pierced with a sword (Proverbs 12:18).

No medieval or modern instrument of torture has been devised that can compete with the agony that is wrought by an unbridled tongue. As bones are broken by sticks and stones, hearts are broken by heartless words. And broken bones are more easily mended than broken hearts. There is no plaster cast, metal plate, or surgical pin, for a broken heart.

Just as words have power to hurt, they thankfully have remarkable power to heal, to bless. Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones (Proverbs 16:24). Like a glass of cold lemonade on a hot day, good words are refreshing. Nothing eases aches, irons wrinkles of the soul and cheers hearts, like sweet words. Life is enriched by good words; words in a simple poem, a silly cartoon, a sweet love song, a sincere thank you note, a special book, a soothing verse.

God’s Word tells of many who were cheered by good words.

Good words cheered Joshua as he was leading a host of fussy folks into a land of high walls and giants. Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9).

Good words cheered a sobbing father as he lamented the loss of his 12-year-old daughter. Do not be afraid, only believe and she will be made well (Luke 8:50).

Good words cheered a trembling woman trapped in the eye of an immoral storm. Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more (John 8:11).

Good words cheered the apprehensive apostles. Let not your heart be troubled, you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions, if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you (John 14:1-2).

Good words cheered a resented child sitting in the lap of our Lord. Whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 18:4).

Good words cheered an aching apostle as he battled a bitter thorn. My grace is sufficient for you (I Corinthians 12:9).

Good words cheered holy heroes who braved barbaric persecution. To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with me on my throne (Revelation 2:10).

Need a good boost? Open the Good Book! God hasn’t forgotten how to revive.

Let us cheer and be cheered by good words. Oscar Wilde said, Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. When our words are refreshing, our presence will be more valued than our absence.

Let us be lovers of good words. Let us embrace good words, listen to good words, repeat good words, write good words, read good words, sing good words, celebrate good words.

As we develop a greater appreciation and affection for words that heal, bless and cheer, we will develop an even greater disdain for words that damage, disparage and disrupt. We will have hearts bigger than our mouths and a love that is too big to belittle.

The psalmist David was famous for his enjoyment of writing good words and singing good words. In his fifty-second psalm he encourages us to love good words even as he details the bitter fruit born by those who love words that wound.

Your tongue devises destruction, like a sharp razor, working deceitfully. You love evil more than good, lying rather than speaking righteousness. You love all devouring words (Psalms 52: 2-4).

The image is striking, disturbing—a destructive, deceitful tongue, as a sharp razor, slicing and devouring with words.

Some tongues are chainsaws—much noise, much damage.

The Devil’s Dinner

To devour is to rapidly, utterly destroy. Devour is what I do to a brownie. Devour is what a lion does to a gazelle, a bear does to a salmon. Devour is what evil words do. Devour is what lovers, listeners and repeaters of evil words do. Devour is the word Peter uses to describe what Satan intends to do to you. Be vigilant because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour(I Peter 5:8).

This roaring lion wants you for dinner. He wants your tears for his beverage, your ruined reputation for his entree, your crippled effectiveness for his dessert.

Satan is a glutton for gossip. He fattens up on whispers. He feasts on foolish talk. He cleans his plate with dirty accusations.

Satan devours with malicious words—they are his most effective utensils of destruction. As he devours us, he desires us to devour others. His devouring words are not to be ingested, digested or regurgitated to others. They are to be hated, avoided, vanquished from our vocabulary.

The Apostle Paul directs us to hate what is evil as we cling to what is good (Romans 12:9). The more we hate evil words, and the havoc they cause, the more determined we will be to eliminate the devil’s language from our conversations. The more we love good words, and the fabulous fruit they bear, the more determined we will be to season all our conversations with speech that blesses.

As there are many reasons to love sweet words, there are many reasons to hate words that wound. The primary reason to hate hurtful words is because of the immense pain that such talk inflicts upon good people. The sin of gossip is especially remarkable for its ability to injure.

An unknown writer has depicted well the harmfulness of gossip.

My name is Gossip. I have no respect for justice. I maim without killing. I break hearts and ruin lives. I am malicious and cunning and gather strength with age.

The more I am quoted, the more I am believed. I flourish at every level of society. My victims are helpless. They cannot protect