Confessions of an Accidental Salesman: "How I Survived in Sales Without Really Knowing What I Was Doing"

By Ronald Ziffer

Ronald Ziffer has been in sales for almost forty years. The book is a concise but tell-all account of all the trials and tribulations and successes and failures of his unintended career in sales. It is a gut level account of all the experiences that formed and shaped his feelings. It is a "must read" for those who are considering a career in sales, as well as those who wish to re-invent their selling skills. Ziffer pulls no punches!

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Dec 8, 2008
• ISBN: 9781467048514

Ronald Ziffer

Ronald Ziffer is a college educated, career salesperson, who has had a colorful, but less than illustrious journey through the halls of Alcoholics Anonymous. His decision to write this book was a reflection of many bottled-up emotions that he needed to openly express as a means of coming to terms with his bittersweet relationship with the fellowship.

Book preview

I

When we think of salesmen, we generally place them in the same hate category as the meter maid, the IRS agent, and politicians. I became a salesman accidentally over thirty-five years ago. I had just graduated Brooklyn College with a liberal arts degree and I was anxious to start generating a full time income. My skill set was somewhat vague and unfocused, as it probably still is. I really didn’t have any direction in life beyond the fantasy and dream world that seemed to internally define me. My father had passed away after my college graduation. My mother did not offer any encouragement other than to just find a job and kiss the supervisor’s ass. I never really thought of myself as a loser. My fantasies generally kept me somewhat exuberant. I had youth on my side and truly believed that life would work itself out, in the long run. My legacy is my journey and experience. If one person reads this book and can take it forward in a positive way, it will all have been worth it.

My first sales job was with a company called Panoramic Industrial Chemical Company. It was a boiler room specializing in overpriced cleaning chemicals. I actually got this job through an employment agency where I had to pay the fee. What a rip-off! The job was purely based on reading from a script and systematically answering objections until I either made a sale or got off the phone without one. This was a major breakthrough for I now had the confidence to believe I could sell. There was only one salesperson outselling me and he was using questionable tactics. The thrill of making a sale was very uplifting. I got this incredible rush from closing the sale and getting a commitment from someone who actually said yes to me. WOW!! For someone who wrestled with self-esteem issues all his life, this was a major coup. The experience of making a sale and then actually writing it up, was a great feeling. I could say it was better than sex, but I hadn’t gotten laid to that point in my life, so it wouldn’t have had meant anything. I didn’t really like this job other than the fact that it opened the door to new horizons otherwise unavailable to me. The atmosphere was rather seedy and unpolished. Between the constant talk about sex and the naked pictures all over the walls, you would think that being a pervert was a big part of the job description. I actually lasted a year and a half on this job before I completely lost interest. It did serve multiple purposes in my life. Besides paying for my grad school tuition and my limited social calendar, I was able to save some money. I left this job believing that I could always fall back on sales if my fantasies never came to fruition. It was an important crossroads in my life, and one which for better or worse, has carried me to this very day.

II

It only took me three weeks to find another job. Somehow, the experience of having been a salesman was looked on favorably by companies who were looking for the same. I now had an alternative career that could back me up through my graduate studies. It took a lot of pressure off. At the time it seemed like a good thing. In retrospect however, I think it gave me a false sense of security. Even though my focus was diluted as far as the future went, I knew I could always make a living. Looking back, it was my first really questionable decision. What was to serve me well in the short term did not play out well in the long term.

III

I next wound up in a place called J.A.Preston Corporation. This was a rather anal and laid back organization that survived primarily on its’ catalog sales. It was a well established company where the territories were developed prior to my employment. We dealt exclusively in the medical and health care community, marketing items from about a hundred different manufacturers. The great thing about this job is that there was no real accountability to discern between what was sold and what was phoned in. It was easy to look like a hero without any real effort. These were the pre-computer days and everything was tracked manually. Some of my best sales days happened without any real effort on my part. It was easy to coast on this job and believe that you were doing really well. Their existing customer base was just that good!

I lasted almost two years on this job. They wound up hiring a sales manager who was highly efficient, and he began micro-managing our day to day activities. Needless to say, I was found out! I was given an ultimatum that required me to work extended hours with no additional pay. It was a good job while it lasted but it now had reached the point where my job would become my life. For me, that was a no-no!! I needed a job where I could get home before my mother’s supper got cold. I lived in this nine to five mentality. The job was just a place to hang out until I was to be called out of nowhere to star in an Oscar winning movie. Somehow, I always kept the paycheck coming in. I was learning how to play the system and starting to get really good at it.

I was now twenty-five years old, with a college degree and two sales jobs under my belt. I was a prime property for any prospective employer who could be easily hoodwinked on appearances. When I worked however, I was capable of performing quite well. I had reached a point where I really needed to make a decision on where I wanted to go with my life. It was the mid-seventies and people were still hung over from the sixties. In general, there wasn’t a whole lot of ambition going on, so I really didn’t feel pressured to make any vital decisions at the time. I was collecting unemployment and using the time to try and break into television (my college major). Back then, the opportunities in New York were quite limited. There weren’t any cable stations so it was very hard to break into the local market. You really had to be willing to go out west and sweep floors, and hope that the road led you back to the big apple. I was just looking for the easiest road, where I would put in the least effort with the biggest payoff. I wasn’t willing to put much energy into either effort or risk. I was merely a closeted free spirit who knew how to put on a shirt and tie and go through the motions. To most people I was believable. The people who could see through me would either avoid me or make unkind remarks. I was always very careful not to put myself into controversy, for I never really knew who was going to call me on my shit. I usually had something to hide and I didn’t want to set myself up to be hurt, or have to creatively defend a lie. I was slowly but surely, becoming a master of the politics surrounding my own insecurities. A great movie of that era, The Sting, taught me that you really have to know how to outcon the con. I used to believe that nobody was more dishonest than me. What I have come to believe is that most people are wearing a mask that they are more than willing to take to their grave. For some people, their mystique is what keeps them alive and exuberant. For me, it was about the thrill of knowing I could get over on people when I really needed to. I was never really a hard worker, but I was gifted with the ability to make a little seem like a lot. Sometimes the appearance is better than the reality. Or at least until we get the reality going!

IV

Advanced Management Research was the next stop on my journey. This was a company that sold seminars to executives to improve their managerial and efficiency skills. It was a phone-based sales position in a very fast paced environment. Our job was to call the direct mail leads and set them up on the seminar schedule. It turned out to be a short lived situation. Most of the good leads were skimmed off by a couple of rogue salespeople who made sure they got to the office before the rest of us arrived for work. This was the first time that I came face to face with trust issues. It was my first glimpse of cutthroat competition between salespeople and I did find it somewhat unnerving. I realized that I was going to have to watch my back if I was to survive in this game. It was a choice I needed to make if I were to continue in sales. The age of innocence and naiveté was over. The three months I spent on this job offered some painful but very necessary lessons in the art of sales force survival.

It was now nineteen seventy-six and the year of the bi-centennial. I took off a term from grad school when I found out a girl I had a crush on had slept with one of the other guys in the class. I was one of these people who loved to fantasize about women but wouldn’t dare place myself in a position to be rejected. It was this colossal low self-esteem that kept coming back to haunt me. The irony however was; that as I got stronger as a salesman, it didn’t seem to carry over into my social life. I could be witty and gregarious up to a point, but when it came to asking for a date, I froze in my tracks. The voices of those high school assholes yelling out; Ziffer, You’re Ugly kept playing back in my head. In truth, I had become quite an attractive young man in my twenties. It took me almost into my thirties to build enough confidence to believe it. Most salesmen do well to carry their selling skills into their social lives. At this point, I was the exception.

V

The next stop on the road was a company named Grolier Interstate. It turned out to be quite an interesting opportunity. It was a job where we taught in schools during the day and sold in the homes at