The Preacher

By Tommy Cunningham

From the pulpit to the baptistry The Preacher is entertaining. You will be amazed how many hilarious events can occur in one preachers life. Funerals, weddings, counseling sessions, and correspondence are not exempt from the laughter which has filled more than four decades of pastoring.

The baptism stories are the best. From boiling hot water and loose tongues to a lady who literally jumped on the pastor because of her fear of water. You will laugh and laugh again. Dont miss the bathtub story.

When you come to read the final chapter, you will have stories to tell. Believe it or not, all these accounts are true! Enjoy the laughter. The writer of Proverbs reminds us a merry heart is a very good thing.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jun 10, 2011
• ISBN: 9781456756499

Tommy Cunningham

Dr. Tommy Cunningham has pastured more than four decades and the majority of those years have been spent in the Delta of Arkansas. He shares vivid accounts of hilarious events which have been a part of his pastoral journey. Congregations have all requested that he write a book about some of his real life experiences which seem stranger than fiction. Tommy, known as Bro. T brings out a part of ministry that has to be read to be believed! His writing will put a smile in your heart and help you see God does indeed have a sense of humor. Dr. Cunningham holds degrees from Ouachita Baptist University, Mid-America Baptist Theological Seminary and Luther Rice Seminary.

Book preview

Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION

EARLY DAYS

TEENAGE YEARS – ENCOUNTERS WITH THE CAR

COLLEGE DAYS

MY GOOD FRIEND CARROLL

BI-VOCATIONAL DAYS

THE MINISTRY –

CHURCH CHUCKLES

THE MIRACLE OF MCGEHEE

CONCLUSION

INTRODUCTION

This is not a book of theology or even Biblical teaching. The importance of a sound Bible-based understanding of the ministry is absolutely essential if one is going to be an effective minister. This book, however, deals with the humorous side of a man whom God shaped and molded for the ministry. As Joe Friday used to say on the early TV series Drag Net, Just the Facts. The stories you are about to read contain the names of the innocent, may God have mercy upon their souls!

Sit back and laugh along as we go back to the late 1940’s and follow a life filled with wonder. Being a pastor has been fun! If you are a pastor, be aware most of the churches alluded to herein did survive. If you are a layperson, please read the church section slowly and pray your current pastor will be surrounded by angels of protection!

To the many who have insisted upon a book, here is your opportunity to revisit some of my stories. We laughed a lot, now may you laugh again. The names revealed are not fictitious each of you are as much a part of these events as me. So forever within the pages of this simple book, you and I are a testimony to humor in the ministry.

To my family, I owe a huge debt of gratitude. Living with me certainly has been a journey into uncharted waters. Thanks for not abandoning ship!

EARLY DAYS

TEN POUND BUNDLE OF JOY

Imagine if you will, a quiet Arkansas town in the middle 1940’s. The Second World War is coming to a close. A young doctor’s family is about to welcome into their home their second child. He will be a ten pound bundle of surprising mischief. The blessed event happens on a hot August afternoon. The preacher-to-be enters to the joy of Mom and Dad. Dad thinks this may be the son that follows in his medical footsteps. Boy, did Dad get a surprise! Even the local newspaper reported that I was a ten pound girl! To tell you the truth, I’ve had a complex because of that announcement all of my life!

HELPING DAD

There are not many clear memories of those very early years. One however, stands out. At the tender age of three, I became very much aware of helping people. The family had just bought a new Buick Roadmaster. Dad had driven it straight from the dealership to our home. He and Mom were about to drive to New Orleans for a medical meeting. I overheard their conversation in the bedroom and was concerned because Dad said he didn’t know if there was enough gas in the car to make it to our neighborhood service station. Immediately, I went to the driveway and realized there was something I could do to help. I grabbed the water hose and proceeded to fill the gasoline tank with good old Arkansas water. I remember I filled the tank until water was running out of the gas tank and onto the ground. After turning off the hose, I went back inside the house feeling quite proud that I had been able to help. When Dad came out and loaded the suitcases into the trunk he seemed quite happy. With smiles on their faces, he and Mom kissed my sister and me goodbye and got into our brand new car for their much anticipated trip.

What strange sounds the car made just after it started! The best I can remember, the car never got out of the driveway. I do remember my dad getting out of his new car and saying some ugly things! He said something about the gas gauge had gone from empty to full.

A NEW FRIEND

Well, a number of years went by and the family moved to a new home. Just across the street was a Jewish family moving into their new home. I became good friends with their youngest son. We were both the same age. This is when I remember, for the first time, thinking that someday I would be a preacher. My Jewish friend said he was going to be a rabbi. Well, I grew up and did become a preacher! My Jewish friend became a CPA and managed an early retirement. Me, I’m still preaching and thinking how I can pay the next car payment.

DOCTOR TOMMY??

Growing up in a doctor’s family was a very unique experience. I remember hearing my Dad talk on the phone to the hospital almost every night. We always gathered in the back bedroom and watched TV. The phone would ring and it’s amazing how much you could hear of the phone conversation while continuing to watch the TV program. Once when my folks had left us at home with the maid while they attended a social function, the phone rang and I quickly answered it. My voice was in the process of changing and it was amazing how I could make my voice sound like Dad’s. The nurse rattled off some medical jargon and then asked, Doctor, what are your orders? I paused for a moment and then responded with a standard reply I had heard my Dad make many times. I said, Give the patient a thousand cc soap-suds enema! Later that evening my Dad returned. He stormed into the bedroom and asked me if I had talked to the nurse on the phone. I trembled and said, Yes! He literally picked me up off the floor and exclaimed, Do you know what you did? The patient was having an appendicitis attack! You could have killed him! Fortunately the nurse had enough sense to double check the treatment with the emergency room physician.

MY SISTER’S SUNDAY DINNER

My family would spend Sundays together. We would always have our Sunday meal in our own home. The menu, which never changed, was always fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, English peas and hot rolls. There would also be a pear or pineapple salad topped with salad dressing and cheese. During one of these routine Sunday meals, my sister (who was about sixteen) and I (about twelve) got into an argument about who was the fastest runner. The argument heated up to shouting intensely. My Dad injected himself in the midst of this fracas and took us both outside. Keep in mind we had been eating fried chicken for some time. Daddy lined me and my sister up and said, Now, race to Cherry Street. Cherry Street was a good four blocks down Twenty-Ninth Street. We set off on our race. Well, needless to say, I arrived at the designated stopping place way ahead of my sister. Then Dad shouted from the front steps, Now run back! Away we went. I left Mary in my dust. I got to our front yard and sat down in the cool grass to catch my breath. Finally, my sister came chugging up breathing rapidly, sweating profusely, then horror of horrors, she opened her mouth and puked all over me! I won the argument about who was the fastest, but never brought up the subject again.

MY FIRST JOB

Once, my friend and I decided we were going to have a Kool-Ade stand. Business was very slow that day so I decided we needed to offer other things for sale. That’s when I went into my parents’ bedroom and selected my dad’s diamond cuff links and wristwatch. It didn’t take long for those items to sell. A neighbor child came by and bought the cuff links and the wristwatch for fifteen cents. This is when I remember hearing my Dad say some really bad words! The story does have a good ending however. Dad was able to retrieve his cuff links and wristwatch after paying the new owner five dollars. So he got a bargain!

SHORTS SPORTS

My Dad was an avid sportsman. He loved to hunt and fish. Occasionally, he would take me and my brother with him. Once we were hunting doves at the state penitentiary farm. My gun was jammed and Dad sent me back to the car to get a screwdriver to fix the gun. We had walked several miles to get to the field where we were shooting. In order to get there we had to wade across a wide, deep ditch. Dad didn’t want to get his pants wet so he took them off and waded across. The water was deeper than anticipated and he got his