The Phone Poem Book: Simple Gifts

By L. Eugene Startzman

Phone poems are concise, precise, and often humorous 4 line verses that were originally written for the telephone answering machine. Volume 2, Simple Gifts,continues that tradition in the first part of the book with 333 such poems, mostly inspired by recent events in the authors life, especially his adventures with his
dachshund, Simon, his love of nature, its creatures, the flowers and elements in his wifes garden (a new-to-the-garden old white door), the advent of winter and spring, angels, demons, the movements of planets and stars, some current events,etc. The second part of the book contains a different order of humorous verse based on events that occurred during the authors past as he and his wife attempted to rear their 3 children and live together as a loving family. These longer
poems, organized around the theme, Simple Gifts, are from varying points of view: father (My Son the Ninja), mother (My Flaw), but especially the children, as in the delightful Eyeball Soup, the poignant Clip-Clop the Wonder Horse, Nightmare,Pierced Ears, Daddys Nose, The Snicker-Snack Man, and more. The second volume of Phone Poems also contains another new (to these works) literary form,the parable, wherein the reader is invited to participate in discovering the meaning
of a brief story. The most unusual of the 4 parables is The Text, told from the third person limited point of view of an angel who is given a difficult task by his ultimate superior.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Dec 16, 2010
• ISBN: 9781452063010

L. Eugene Startzman

Professor Startzman earned a B.A. degree from Heidelberg College in Tiffin, Ohio and an M.A. and Ph.D. (1970) from Ohio University in Athens, Ohio. He has taught English and American literature, as well as numerous General Studies courses, at Berea College in Berea, Kentucky from 1967-2008. He received the Seabury Award for excellence in teaching in 1997. Professor Startzman is an avid reader and considers Dante, Shakespeare, Milton, Flannery O'Connor, J. R. R. Tolkien and C. S. Lewis among his favorite authors and primary influences.

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© 2010 L. Eugene Startzman. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 12/8/2010

ISBN: 978-1-4520-6302-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4520-6303-4 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4520-6301-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2010911930

Printed in the United States of America

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any Web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Cover design by Michael Startzman

For my sons and daughter, John-David, Michael,

and Johanna, who were the inspiration

for many of the simple gifts.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I am once again extremely grateful to my two good friends, Phyllis Gabbard and Carol de Rosset, for their continued excellent help with content, formatting, proofing, and especially, that necessary intangible—dependable moral support. Their patience with me for continually having to reread the text is truly saintly.

I am pleased and proud of my son Michael, and extremely grateful to him, who, when I could not afford the perfect photo I had found for the cover, took it upon himself to design a cover that was truly perfection and perfectly delightful. I love the cover: there are no accidents.

I am also grateful to Janet Cain for her superb drawing of Simon, our loveable, rascally dachshund; she and her husband, Roger Pidney Davidson, are marvelous artists who specialize in exquisitely detailed portraits of pets.

The best source for information about Joseph Brackett’s Shaker Hymn, Simple Gifts, I think, is Roger Lee Hall’s Simple Words for a Simple Song, found at the American Music Preservation website: americanmusicpreservation.com.

I highly recommend this rich source.

Many of the older poems in Part 2 were performed in public, primarily at Berea College for Elderhostel courses I used to teach in distant summers that seem like yesterday, and for faculty and student Friday or Saturday night social gatherings during the school year. The poems were well received; people asked for copies; now they exist. I was always grateful for the audience’s kind, encouraging, and enthusiastic response.

I must also acknowledge and thank Wilhelmina Worthington of Pavane Productions, an independent agency, for her help with the footnoting throughout. I worked so closely with her in the final stages of production that I came to think of her as almost a part of myself.

Finally, I am grateful to Teampearl of AuthorHouse for the delightful cover of volume one and for their superb, professional formatting skills in both volumes that make the finished product look so good.

I ha’ such luck to spin out these fine things still, and like a silk-worm, out of myself.

(Bartholmew Fair 1.1.1-2)

I pray you mar no moe of my verses with reading them ill-favoredly.

(As You Like It 3.2.262-263)

Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish thou the work of our hands upon us, yea, the work of our hands establish thou it.

(The Psalmist 90:17 RSV)

Whom have I in Heaven but thee? And there is nothing upon earth that I desire besides thee.

(The Psalmist 73: 25 RSV)

Out of the Depths…

Psalm 130

Would I were a writer

With a penetrating eye,

Instead of just a blighter

Whose every word’s a cry!

Contents

Out of the Depths…

PART 1

Introduction: the Box

Secondary Causes

Talking Heads

Habitus

Dachshunds

Images

Growth in Grace

Halloween X

Feelings

This Writer’s Block

Losing the Blues

Reflections from the Feeder

Atheist

Agnostic

Theist

Enterprise

A Brief Encounter

Summer Trio

The Non-ecumenical Dachshund

The Garden Door—One

The Garden Door—Two

The Garden Door—Three

Smitten

Venus

Blue Blue Jays

Acute Summer Triangle

Do Not Go Gentle…

Oops!

Dexter Has Issues

The Race

Stage Red

The Critic

Appearances

A Simon Poem: Super Snoop

Simon Again

Special Day

War Is Hell!

Prescription Simon

Ontology

Ontology Revisited

Blue Jay Noise

Dance Macabre

Alpha and Omega

Garden Fireplace

Comstockery

Riddle

Frollie the Goalie

Quirks and Quiddities

Flower Power

Language Barrier

Lucy

Ardi

Laughter in Heaven

Dem Bones

Anthropology 101

Like a Story

Mister Eckhart

Buddha

A Poser

Simon!

Time

I Wonder

Storm

The Art of Cleaning

Our Lady

Troubadour

Storm Warning

Lcross Centaur

Webshots

Gender

Time

The Play

Surprise!

In the Darkness Blooming

Back Off

Old Fart!

Time Traveler

The Mentalist

Apocalypse Now

The Harvestman

A Gas Giant

Jupiter: Two Views

From the Feeder

Truth or Consequences

Opportunity

The Familiar

Upon Reflection

Look Out, Ladybugs!

Sky Dyed

Blood Lust

Regions

Real Life Is Meeting

The Accusative Case

Aquarium

Boo!

The Actress

The Backyard Terror

See into Others

Alas!

Phoxinus Cumberlandensis

Simon’s Mind

Ghost in Space

Impossibility

Analogy

In Vogue

ISS Matters Again

Granddaddy Longlegs

The Trickster

Blueness

In the Dark with Pansies

Benison

Always Learning

More Light Verse

The Audience

Spider, Spider

The Poetess

The Staff

Powers

Discoveries

Penguin Perfect

Oblation

Goodness!

The Frost Is…

Car Talk

Turning in the Wind

Just A Moment

Pinkie the Cat

The Sensitive Soul

The Operation

Birds of a Feather

Air Force

More Bugs

Wordsmith

The Final Round

The Golden Boat

Danger

Smoking!

Cultural Icons

Cultural Icons

Cultural Icons

Mystery

The Mystery

Beware the Elephant, Beware!

Dante and Donne

Meister Eckhart

Real Presence

The Lunar Eclipse

When I’m at Work…

Soft Shoe

Zen Stone

No Good Deed

My Body, Brother Ass!

My Inner Child

ISS & Shuttle

The ISS Alone

Divine Laughter?

Angelic Motion

Black Friday Blues

The Power of Naming

Woman

High-school Days

Wag, Wag!

The Bashful Beagle

Legend Has It…

Legend Also Has It…

The Creatures of Prometheus

Aphrodite’s Jest

Fraternity Meeting

Alas! So Much to Do…

Robotic Reflections

Psalm: The Depths

The Family Gems

Here Comes the Judge

HBP

Zen, the Possum

Identity, the Mystery

Eve in Exile

Adam’s Reflections

Fairway Drive #3

The Shirt Off His Back

The Human Impossible

The Ticket

Transportation

False Dilemma?

Getting Wrinkles

The River’s Response

So I’ve Heard…

A Clash of Symbols

First Quarrel

Pinkie’s Preference

Alien World

News

Polaris

Kentucky Sunset

Air and Fire

My Tail?

Adam’s Wound

The Toast

God’s Eye

My Editor

Simon on a Pillar

Light Reflections

Petting Zoo?

Angelic Splendor

Eden’s Guardian

Angels and Bedbugs

Parenting Woes

The Seraphim

Colo’s Birthday

The Explanation

Apollo, at Last

Tooth and Claw

Ho Ho Ho!

Water Falls

Garden in Winter

An Afterthought

UK2K

Heavenly Bars

The Cat’s Mishap!

Au Contraire, Lorenzo

A Merry Christmas Flower

The Dragon

The Phoenix

The Belly of the Whale

Political Resignation

Dislikes

Bede’s Ecclesiastical History

Dubai, 2009

The Burj Khalifa

Music of the Spheres

The Devil’s Crossroad

The Cosmic Drama

Simon, the Gift

Progress

Simon, the Pouncer

Eve’s Beauty

Wonderful to Tell!

Like Bartleby, the Scrivener

The Dancer

Morning Sun

Stolidity

Symbol

A Fowl Concern

M 88

The Pharmacy

Witch Head Nebula

Die Bat

Night Thoughts

Night Thoughts Too

Cataract Surgery

Hamlet-for-the-Defense

Simon’s New Toy

National Geographic Traveler

Here They Come!

Siren Song

Lilith in Eden

Lilith in Hollywood

Moai