Tuesday's Girl

By Lisa Smith

Then one day a thought entered my mind. How do you know youre saved? When did you ever say The Sinners Prayer? I tried to tell myself these thoughts were nonsense and that I had nothing to worry about.
Those fears continued to grow. I wasnt able to control my thoughts. Each time I made a mistake I would wonder:
Do I need to say The Sinners Prayer?
Do I need to be baptized again?
Why did I think that? I know that is wrong.
Am I possessed? How could that be?
Very few people knew I was struggling with this. Those who did know were loving, supportive, and prayerful. Yet nothing they did helped me.

Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light. Micah 7:8

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Feb 3, 2011
• ISBN: 9781449707958

Lisa Smith

Lisa Smith is a writer from South London born to Caribbean parents. She has an MA in Creative & Life Writing from Goldsmiths, University of London, where she won the Pat Kavanagh Prize in 2019. Her short story Auld Lang Syne won the 2017 Guardian 4th Estate BAME Short Story Prize and in 2020 she was selected to join the London Library Emerging Writers Programme. Jamaica Road is her first novel.

Book preview

Tuesday’s Girl

Lisa Smith

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

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Copyright © 2011 Lisa Smith

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ISBN: 978-1-4497-0760-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-0795-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2010939305

Printed in the United States of America

WestBow Press rev. date: 1/25/2011

Contents

Acknowledgements

Preface

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Bibliography

Acknowledgements

My God and Savior- Your will be done.

Janet- What a roller coaster ride this has been! Thanks for sitting in the front with me.

Justin- You are my love and best friend.

Mom- You are the best! Thank you, thank you, thank you, with a merci on top.

Shirley- The T! Thank you.

Preface

I grew up in a Christian home. I always believed God existed. I believed that God gave us His only Son, Jesus, who died and rose again to save us from our sins. I never doubted these things.

As an adult I began to grow in my faith. My husband and I were going to church on a regular basis. I was baptized. I was flying high! To be frank, you couldn’t shut me up about Jesus!

Then one day a thought entered my mind. How do you know you’re saved? When did you ever say The Sinner’s Prayer? I tried to tell myself these thoughts were nonsense and that I had nothing to worry about.

Those fears continued to grow. I wasn’t able to control my thoughts. Each time I made a mistake I would wonder:

• Do I need to say The Sinner’s Prayer?

• Do I need to be baptized again?

• Why did I think that? I know that is wrong.

• Am I possessed? How could that be?

Very few people knew I was struggling with this. Those who did know were loving, supportive, and prayerful. Yet nothing they did helped me.

I fought with this for several years. I thought my fixes were the right things to do and that I was moving forward in my life. I didn’t realize I was digging deeper into a pit. One minute I’d find myself believing God’s word and the next I would be fearful that I wasn’t saved.

Finally, one day I asked the Lord for help. I was tired of being so full of doubt. I told Him I didn’t care what had to be done; I just wanted my thought life to be normal.

I started to read my Bible in depth. I