A Manual of Guidelines, Quotations, and Versatile Phrases for Basic Oral Communication

By Xin-An Lu

Rather like the nerves in human body, communication forms the sinew and tendon of any social body. The quality of everyday life is not only affected by the way we design our work and institutions, but also (perhaps more importantly) by the way we interact and communicate with each other. This booklet attempts to help its readers to become more effective oral communicators in various scenarios.

Every chapter in this booklet is largely divided into three parts:
(1) reflective and motivational quotations,
(2) guidelines for communication in a certain context, and
(3) versatile phrases for that context.

The quotations are intended to emotionally and philosophically motivate the readers to strive for better communication. The guidelines are intended to cognitively guide the readers in their communication practices. And the versatile phrases are intended to logistically supply for the readers' communication practices.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Sep 30, 2003
• ISBN: 9781469740027

Xin-An Lu

Xin-An Lu, Ph.D., teaches Basic Oral Communication, Small Group Communication, Public Speaking, Organizational Communication, and Computer-Mediated Communication at Shippensburg University of Pennsylvania. He lives with his wife and two daughters in Shippensburg, Pennsylvania.

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© 2003 by Xin-An Lu

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher.

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Contents

Preface

1

Interpersonal Communication

2

Family Communication

3

Small Group Communication

4

Leadership Communication

5

Public Speaking

6

Interviewing

7

Intercultural Communication

8

Nonverbal Communication

9

Language

10

Listening

References

Introductions of Some

Contributors

Preface 

Rather like the nerves in human body, communication forms the sinew and tendon of any social body. The quality of everyday life is not only affected by the way we design our work and institutions, but also (perhaps more importantly) by the way we interact and communicate with each other. This booklet attempts to help its readers to become more effective oral communicators in various scenarios.

Every chapter in this booklet is largely divided into three parts: (1) reflective and motivational quotations, (2) guidelines for communication in a certain context, and (3) versatile phrases for that context. The quotations are intended to emotionally and philosophically motivate the readers to strive for better communication. The guidelines are intended to cognitively guide the readers in their communication practices. And the versatile phrases are intended to logistically supply for the readers’ communication practices.

This booklet is the result of an experiment in my classroom teaching. All contributors to this work are young college students in my summer classes, 2003, at Shippensburg University of Pennsylvania. They present what they have learned in my Basic Oral Communication class in the form of a published and distributed book. The purpose of this educational experiment is to explore methods that can manifest student learning not only in a more permanent format, but also in a format that gives the learners a sense of pride. It is my hope that result from this experiment helps not only the readers of this booklet, but also our search for more effective learning in college education.

The following texts and materials were used in my teaching of the student contributors: (1) Pearson, J. & Nelson, P. (2000). An Introduction to Human Communication: Understanding and Sharing. 8th ed. New York: McGraw-Hill. (2) Effective Group Discussion: TheoryandPractice (10th ed.) byJohn K. Brilhart, Gloria J. Galanes, & Katherine Adams. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2001. (3) Lucas, S. E. (2001). TheArtofPublicSpeaking. 7th ed. NewYork: McGraw-Hill. (4) Myron W. Lustig & Jolene Koester (1999). Intercultural Competence. 3rd ed. New York: Longman.

Contributors to this work are (last names in alphabetical order): Dexter Alexander, Adam Bair, Todd Bowers, Nancy Campbell, Gael Carlson, Kenneth

Carter Jr., Robert Crum, Timothy Derstein, Eric Fogleman, Marie Gephart, Tara Group, Erica Hagarman, Megan Harnish, Amanda Heck, Rebecca Howell, John Jester III, Amanda Juillet, Kelly Knopsnyder, Janette Lehman, Jocelyn Lowe, Amanda Marsh, Jill Murphy, Kurt Nauman, Robert Noss, Patrick Pot-tinger, Zachary Reshetar, Lance Robison, Ryan Rogers, John Schenk, Rebecca Schopf, Jacqueline Shaffer, Kristen Shemeld, Logan Sites, David Suh, Kathryn Sylvia, Victoria Thompson. John Vantine.

1

Interpersonal Communication 

QUOTATIONS

The relationship is the communication bridge between people.-Alfred Kadushin

Most men had rather say a smart thing than do one.-Josh Billings

Without credible communication, and a lot of it, employee hearts and minds are never captured.

-John P. Kotter

Words are just words and without heart they have no meaning.-Chinese Proverb

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.-Indira Gandhi

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.

-Henny Youngman

The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing.

-Anon.

It takes less time to do a thing right than to explain why you did it wrong.-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.-Dalai Lama

Silence is one great art of conversation.-Anon.

The moment a man talks to his fellows he begins to lie.-Hilarire Belloc

What great delight it is to see the ones we love and then to have speech with them.

-Vincent McNabb

Don’t knock the weather; Nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.

-Kin Hubbard

The most important things to say are those which I did not think necessary to say—because they were too obvious.

-Anon.

Good communication is as simulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.

-Ann Lindbrugh

All action has its roots in communication; by deduction, all conflicts can be resolved.

-Randy Bens

The art of communication lies not in speaking or writing to be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.

-Richard Leo

Words are the money of communication.-Michael O’Neil

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.

-Ralph Nichols

Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing.

-Rollo May

They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

-Carl W. Buechner

Do not save your loving speeches for your friends till they are dead; do not write on their tombstones, rather speak to them now.

-Anna Cummins

Communication is really all anyone gets paid for ultimately…and if you cannot effectively communicate…you will PAY…not get paid.

-Doug Firesbaugh

One of the most valuable things we can do to heal one another is to listen to each other’s stories.

-Rebecca Falls

To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.

-Anthony Robbins

Communication skills are the lifeblood of a successful life, if you plane on spending any time there.

-Doug Firebaugh

Being listened to is so close to being loved that but most people cannot tell the difference.

-David Oxberg

Communication is not only the essence of being human, but also a vital property of life.

-John A. Piece

Communication works for those who work at it.-John Powell

GUIDELINES

1.   What is Interpersonal Communication?

Interpersonal communication is any communication that involves more than one person. It’s defined as the personal process of coordinating meaning between at least two people in a situation that allows mutual opportunities for both speaking and listening (Pearson & Nelson, 2000, p. 18).

2.   Guidelines

1)   Pre-Conversational Checkpoints a. If you are the one initiating a conversation, you should ask yourself, is this the right time? Timing is important, and inappropriate timing can have a negative effect on the impact of your words. If you choose a bad time to speak about a given topic, you may not have the full attention of the person/people you are speaking to.

b. Why am I choosing to say this?

c. Am I getting my personal feelings and objectivity confused?

2)   What To Do a. Always be sure to speak clearly; if the individual(s) whom you are speaking to can’t understand what you’re saying, how are they to respond?

b. If you’re in a conversation with someone and you’re not sure you know what he or she said, paraphrase what you think they said. By doing this, you can verify if you heard them correctly, and show them that you are interested in what they’re talking about.

c. Actively participate in the conversation by asking questions

A closed-ended question will get you a yes or no answer. An open-ended question encourages more extensive information on the topic at hand, which may change your opinion on what is being talked about. When possible, form your questions so that they help to encourage the flow of communication, rather than bringing it to a halt.

3) What Not To Do a. One of the most important things to keep in mind is that you should always be respectful of those you are talking to, regardless of your position on the topic at hand. Try to avoid prematurely formulating a response by allowing the person who is speaking to finish what they are saying before you open your mouth. Don’t jump to conclusions and judgments.

b. Don’t give unwanted advice.

c. Don’t change the subject whimsically.

d. Don’t talk about yourself too much.

3. Relationship Dialectics

Relationship dialects are opposing and continuous tensions that are normal in all close relationships. Leslie Baxter (1993) identified three of them: autonomy vs. connection, novelty vs. predictability, and openness vs. closed-ness. Autonomy vs. Connection is the tension between simultaneously