Know Me Better, Man

By Marvin Lumbard

Marvin was raised by parents that are passionate for God. In his childhood, he was exposed to several people that were themselves examples of true disciples. In High School, he stopped struggling against the tug of God and became a follower of Jesus. Out of his love for God he has been a worship leader for many years. In the winter of 2016 God began to stir his heart to a deeper walk. In February of 2017 he resigned his position as Worship Pastor to take sabbatical for the refreshment of his body and spirit. It was the preface to what he and his wife have dubbed, “the year of the unexpected”. In the summer of 2017, Marvin began an intentional pursuit of God that would eclipse his previous efforts at discipleship. This is the diary of his walk, originally intended for his children, but at their urging, for any that could be encouraged by it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Thomas Nelson
• Release date: Aug 7, 2018
• ISBN: 9781595557643

Marvin Lumbard

Marvin Lumbard has been a Worship Leader for most of his Christian life.  He and his wife, Diana live in Des Moines, IA after having raised their family in the Valley of the Sun. He is the Pastor of Community Chapel.

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*8-8-17

Ihave never, with any faithfulness, kept a diary. I will try to do so now, if, for no other reason, the encouragement of my children’s children.

This first entry will be longer as I try to get up to speed as to where Diana and I are in this season of life.

We are beginning our sixth month of God-initiated sabbatical. We never anticipated the length, and never anticipated the physical challenges that challenged my ability to be productive in any endeavor, it seems. Also, my brother’s heart attack has consumed all of my thoughts and much of my time. PTL (Praise the Lord), he has ended his month in ICU and his rehab has begun (which may not relieve my schedule but will certainly continue his progress toward God’s continued use of his life for the kingdom).

Through these past months, I have been developing an increased longing for Christ-likeness, to know the voice of the Father, and be led moment by moment from the heart of God. I have read many books recently that have helped to motivate my longings. I will list a few noteworthy titles: The Release of the Spirit by Watchman Nee, They Drank from the River and Died in the Wilderness by David Ravenhill, Why Revival Tarries by Leonard Ravenhill, and currently The Life and Diary of David Brainerd. These, as supplemental reading to the Bible, have been challenging my status quo. Realizing that, while I — and many around me — have considered myself to be a mature and passionate man of God, the life of Jesus and the lives of other great followers of Christ have exposed my relationship with Christ as hardly an acquaintance comparatively. I have come to realize that I don’t love those who don’t love God. I don’t love what God loves or hate what He hates, and, at the end of the day, I have been far more concerned with pleasing the people around me — some I don’t even know — than pleasing the One who gave His life for me. So, with renewed dedication to knowing the God who loves enough to give deeply, I have resolved to pursue Him for who He is without regard for what I can get from Him. This is my journey.

*8-9-17

Ihave had a thought of posting my diary. I have struggled with several things about it:

1) I don’t want to expose myself to everybody.

2) Who am I, or what am I, that anybody would want to read about my struggle to know God better?

3) I have always longed to be able to see into the lives of our heroes in the faith. It seems that we only ever hear about other’s successes after they’re successful, or read about what they have learned that we haven’t. I have been so encouraged reading the diary of David Brainerd (a work so raw that it’s no wonder he had to be persuaded to let part of it be published at the end of his life), that I thought it was worth a shot.

I may not survive it (the thought terrifies me), but I wish others had been transparent enough to let us view their struggles to know God. I guess it’s one thing to put it all together and expose yourself after you have had success, but quite another to let people in while you’re taking the journey. For me, this is a calculated risk. I do know God. I know Him well enough to trust Him. I know that He is true to His word. His Word says to Draw near to God and He will draw near to you (James 4:8, NKJV). He says, You will seek me and find me when you seek me with your whole heart (Jeremiah 23:13, NIV). I know that His intention for us is to know Him. Is there any greater goal, any greater success, any loftier purpose than to know God? For out of Him flows anything of true purpose or value or treasure! So, this is it. An effort on my part to seek Him, more fervently than I ever have, with my whole heart.

Here’s a little background on where this search began. Since I became a follower of Jesus, I have tried to study and understand the Bible, so that I could live according to its principles. I would be the first to admit that I fall short daily. I would say, however, that hitting something that you’re not aiming at is a crapshoot at best. So, I find myself not only comparing myself, but everyone else to the standard of the Bible; specifically, the examples set by Jesus, the apostles, prophets, and all of the other men and women whom the Bible talks about.

I wish I could say that I haven’t been judgmental in my comparisons of those around me. I have been and it has been a struggle for me to admit it and strive to love and accept others with the same grace God has shown me. That doesn’t change the standard, it just means that I need to extend grace to those that fall short (all of us), and let the Holy Spirit challenge their lives from the inside. God loves them much more than I do (we’ll talk about that later), and will use as gentle a method as possible to achieve His purpose.

So, since I believe what the Bible says, I expect to see in my life the things that the Bible says should be evident in the life of a Jesus follower. The converse is also true; I don’t expect those who are not Jesus followers to exhibit traits of a Jesus follower. I hesitate to use the word Christian as the understanding of it varies greatly, and many call themselves Christians who obviously are not followers of Jesus (Titus 1:16), so, I will use, Jesus follower or Christ follower or Believer for clarity.

When I see a disparity between my life and the examples of men and women of God in scripture, I have to wonder why. Some things are obvious, like basic steps of maturity (fruits of the Spirit) that may simply be not having walked with Christ long enough or neglecting spiritual feeding (Bible study, prayer, hanging out with other believers, etc.). All of these (shall we call them, needed growth steps?) should get our attention, and hopefully spur us to actions that eventually lead us to life change and more Christlikeness. There are disparities that aren’t as obvious (they probably should be) and may be unseen because of intentional neglect, immaturity, conflict with church tradition, or just ignorance of scripture. The one that really got my attention a few years ago, but never began to address until a few months ago, was the difference between Jesus’s success rate with regard to miracles and our own.

I have been a part of and now am a minister in a fellowship of churches that believes in the power of the Holy Spirit and His working through believers today. We believe that the Bible teaches an expectation, that the miracles and signs that Jesus did would also be done by His followers. We believe the Bible teaches that these miracles and signs were directed by God the Father, fulfillments of Old Testament prophecy, and expected as God’s stamp of approval on the ministry of Jesus and His followers. And, why not? God’s pattern through history has been to do stupendous things to bring praise and glory to Himself. Even the apostle Paul said that (my paraphrase) I didn’t come with eloquent speech to persuade you, but with demonstrations of the Spirit’s power to wow you and alert you and prove to you that I am speaking the words of God (1 Corinthians 2:1). So, why is it, I wondered, that Jesus healed everybody He intended to and we maybe get 10%? I’m being very generous to us. It may be closer to 1%. I began a pattern of reading through the gospels with the intent to watch Jesus and how he functioned in ministry and life in general. I noticed several interesting, if not perplexing, things.

At the pool of Bethesda, why did He only heal one man? Scripture says that there was a multitude of the sick gathered around the pool, for the express purpose of getting healed. Jesus went up to the pool, called out one man, asked him if he wanted to be healed (which was obvious, since that’s why they were all there in the first place), healed the man, and split! The man didn’t even know who Jesus was, as we see later in the story.

In our culture of fairness, we say, If you obviously have the ability to heal, could you not take a few minutes and do a little ‘duck, duck, goose’ around the pool and touch them all? Wouldn’t that be the right thing to do? Wouldn’t that be the fair thing to do? Are you so busy that you couldn’t even introduce yourself? What was Jesus thinking? How could He — why would He — pass up such a great opportunity?

How about the death of Lazarus? When Mary and Martha sent for Jesus, Lazarus was sick. Many scholars believe Jesus was only two days away from Bethany. Wherever Jesus was, and however long it took them to find Him, Jesus certainly wasn’t in a hurry to go help Lazarus. We only know that Lazarus wasn’t dead when the messenger was sent, and, by the time Jesus started back to Bethany (two days after He got the message), Lazarus had died. By the time Jesus got to Bethany, Lazarus had been in the grave for four days! Obviously, in Mary’s and Martha’s opinions, this was an urgent message. Why the delay on Jesus’s part? We might look at this and feel like, even though a great miracle took place, it was at the expense of unnecessary grief and a close friendship.

What about when the delegation of Greeks wanted to meet with Jesus (John 12:20)? We would say that this was a great opportunity for Jesus’s message to be spread farther. Here were men wanting to hear Him! Yet, Jesus essentially ignored them and went to preach somewhere else.

How about when Peter and John healed the man at the gate of the temple called Beautiful? The Bible says that the man was placed there as was his custom. Well, it was customary for Peter and John to go to the temple at the hour of prayer. Why hadn’t Peter and John healed him on some day previous to this? For that matter, why hadn’t Jesus healed him a couple of months before when he was at the temple?

Jesus puts this all into perspective by saying that He only does what He sees His Father doing. There is a timetable that is God’s. My brother reminded me of the time Jesus was going to Jerusalem for the Passover, and His brothers told Him that this would be a good time to promote Himself. Jesus said to them that this was not the right time, but that any time was right for them. There is a purpose of God that can only be fulfilled, only be completed, in His time!

Remember the man born blind whom Jesus healed? When the disciples asked Jesus about the cause of the man’s blindness, Jesus explained that it was for the purpose of God’s glory that the man was born blind! All those years? The pain of his parents? The stigma of being blind in that society? All for God’s glory, at that time.

I began to realize that I want God to work on my time. I want His grace and power to work in my time! I want to activate the promises of God on my timetable! Even though I know His Word that says His ways are not my ways, and His thought are not my thoughts. So much so, that He goes on to say that there is such a huge difference between my ways and His ways, that it’s like the difference in height between the heavens and the earth!

I began to realize that I don’t know God. That there is a huge gap between His thinking, His understanding, and mine. Jesus heard the Father say, We’re only going to heal one person today at the pool of Bethesda. We’re going to let Lazarus die this week, because the impact will be greater for the kingdom if we raise him from the dead. We’re going to save the healing of the lame guy at the gate Beautiful for Peter and John. I know many people won’t understand these things, and they will label you as unfair and insensitive, or too involved in ministry to help your loved ones, or, at the very least, eccentric. But this is the best timing for my purposes.

I was astonished as I tried to picture myself being obedient to that extent. Could I walk past all of those people at the pool and only touch one? I’m pretty sure I couldn’t. I realized that part of our problem as believers is trying to fit God into our timetable. I mean, after all, since God is our provider and healer and the supplier of all we need, what better time to do all those than right now! (In the name of Jesus, of course!)

How did Jesus know all of this stuff? Because He was God, you say? But...I thought He laid aside His deity (Philippians 2:7)? If Jesus was a man like me, there was something else that tuned Him in to the Father’s timetable. The only thing I have been able to find is the nearness of His relationship to the Father. Remember when Jesus told the disciples not to give what is sacred to dogs or cast their pearls before swine? There are things that are precious and special to us as individuals; things that occupy sacred or intimate places in our mind and heart; things that we would not share with just an acquaintance. If God so instructs us, why would He not abide by His own principle?

There is a walk of intimacy with God wherein He is comfortable, willing, and safe to reveal to us and communicate with us — and to us — things that, to the casual acquaintance, would be totally missed. It was this thought process that has ignited in me a longing to know God on a deeper level; that my spiritual journey be more like Enoch who walked with God, and like Jesus who walked with God, to no longer just do what satisfies the requirements of the Christian walk, but to spend myself to know Him. Father, instruct me and teach me.

*8-11 TO 8-13-17

This is my wife’s birthday weekend, so I’ve planned a little birthday trip to do some things she enjoys. I have noticed a greater ease of holiness in recent weeks as I have spent more time in prayer. I feel like God is honoring the time spent to know Him. We have had continued peace in this season of our lives (a season that many would call uncertain). The only uncertainty we feel is the not knowing of what lies ahead. We are certain that God knows and will reveal anything we need to know at the right time. It has been an overshadowing peace in the middle of circumstances that, in years and maturity past, would have been quite disconcerting for me. This is the same peace that passes understanding that Paul refers to in Philippians, I’m sure. We had a sweet time together in the Word and prayer in our hotel room on Saturday. God is working in us. Even the seemingly unspiritual activities have felt shrouded in His presence. Amazing!

*8-14-15

Sitting with my brother this morning, as has become my practice. Spent some time in prayer before leaving home. The Lord worked in me in prayer for the lost as I drove over to my brother’s. I have so longed for greater compassion for those that don’t know Jesus. Thank you, Lord, for sharing a little more of your heart with me.

I wonder why and how God could use me for His purposes. The pride and fleshly things that I fight have many times caused me to think that they were an insurmountable obstacle to God having His way with me. I think it was Leonard Ravenhill who said prayers don’t sin and sinners don’t pray or something to that effect. It sure seems like the more I spend time with God, the less effort it takes to live wholly for Him.

*8-15-16

My time with the Father was sweet this morning. I got up from prayer just in time to leave at the right time. I’m not sure how that happens except the presence of the Lord stirs me to it. The day was fairly routine. I’m making effort to be aware of Him. Had lunch with a friend, caught up on family stuff of the last couple of months, and talked about God’s progress in our lives. I’m reading Brother Lawrence’s Practicing the Presence of God . Not a new concept for me, for sure, but a good reminder of what walking with God looks like.