Down by the Willow Tree: The Chronic Collection, #1

By Amanda Kimberley

After Emma Boucher becomes widowed, she feels her life is falling apart around her. Grief stricken, she is diagnosed with a slue of aliments, including fibromyalgia and panic attacks. Having no where else to turn, she finds herself on psychotherapist Dr. Carroll's couch to help her mull through some of the issues. 

During these sessions, her old high school sweetheart, Ryder Stevenson comes back to town for a visit after his recent divorce. And Emma starts to realize that her heart aches less now that Ryder is back. But can she fall in love again after growing up from high school?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Aurora Publishing
• Release date: Aug 1, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386761587

Amanda Kimberley

USA Today Best Selling and award-winning author Amanda Kimberley has written in various genres in the course of almost four decades. Her nonfiction blog, which focuses on the chronic disease fibromyalgia, has garnered recognition from various organizations, including Health Magazine. Naming her blog, Fibro and Fabulous, a top blog for fibro sufferers. Amanda has also written for medical magazines and sites like FM Aware, The National Fibromyalgia Association’s magazine, and ProHealth. When Kimberley is not writing nonfiction, she enjoys penning romance. Her first Furry United Coalition story, The Turtle and the Hare, earned the 2020 Summer Splash Book Awards of Ink and Scratches for Best Romance. Her Forever Series Books, Forever Friends, and Forever Bound were featured in 2015 and 2016 on the BookCountry website, a division of Penguin/Random House as editor’s picks. She has also been featured as a USA Today Happy Ever After Hot List Indie Author with Claiming My Valentine, a Best Poet of the 90’s ranking for an anthology, and has had a #1 PNR ranking with Immortal Hunger and Hearts Unleashed. Amanda Kimberley is a Connecticut native that now lives in the warmth of Northern Texas with her zoo consisting of her husky, tuxedo cat, mice, rabbits, guinea pigs, a tank of fish, two daughters, and a husband. When she is not writing you can find her cooking whole foods for her pack. She also enjoys reading, hiking, and gaming. Amanda Kimberley is a Connecticut native that now lives in the warmth of Northern Texas with her zoo consisting of her husky and cocker spaniel dogs, her tuxedo cat, two hamsters, a rabbit, a tank of fish, two daughters, and a husband. When she is not writing you can find her cooking whole foods for her pack. She also enjoys reading, hiking, and gaming.

Book preview

From the Beginning

"I know I came in here as a last resort. The pain has become worse but the panic attacks and depression are really what’s crippling me. I’m not even sure how it started, Doctor Carroll. It’s all still quite a shock. I thought I was doing okay when it came to coping. I’ve been eating well and getting the right amount of exercise. My weight has never been an issue in all my years since birth. So the constant pain is a mystery.

The doctors are all puzzled too. In fact, because there is so little known, they are not even sure how I contracted it. Some of them say you inherit it from a family member, and that would make a little sense since my mother suffered from a lot of aches and pains at an early age, but other doctors told me that it started from a trauma, whether that was an emotional tragedy or the car accident is beyond me.

I, Emma Boucher, had the pleasure of having all of these factors in my life, but I doubt that any or all of these things played a large part in my illness. There is no cure for this, and medication for this pain is only a temporary fix. Pain management, alternative therapy, and psychotherapy were suggested as the best options for my new chronically ill lifestyle and that’s why I’m here. I need to sort all of this illness out. Of course... Emma’s voice trailed as she put her head down and played with a gold band hanging from a simple gold chain around her neck with her thumb and forefinger. You know the other reason why I’m here."

Yes, I do, but let’s start from the beginning. Tell me about the time you first remember getting pain and let’s see if it connects with your disease or if it’s connecting with your grief over Ethan. Dr. Carroll said.

I remember my legs going numb at age five because the teacher asked me to sit in lotus position on the floor. Is that a good place to start?

Yes! Let’s take it from there because this is your first visit and we can get more acquainted that way.

It was strange, but I dismissed this weird anomaly as a normal occurrence. Any kid would do the same since they don’t understand what normal is I guess. I went for years sometimes without pain. But when I did have it, not only would it last for a week, but I’d also get groggy in the morning to a point where I had a great amount of difficulty functioning, even after my first cup of coffee. It was as if my brain was in a vacuum.

Okay, so it seems you have had this pain most—if not all of your life. Let’s now talk about a time when you had trauma in your life and see where that leads us.

Emma let out a long breath as she shifted her position in the ivory colored over-sized chair. She looked out the window of the office that boasted a large willow tree before continuing.

Okay. Well, the first time is easy. In high school, I accompanied Ryder on Connecticut’s first roller coaster that rode backward. He dared me to close my eyes, and no one dares me and lives to say I’m a wimp! I closed my eyes for the whole ride. Well, that turned out to be a bad thing because I didn’t anticipate the backward loop and because of that I wound up with some pretty bad whiplash.

What made you think you should have braced yourself for such a movement? Normally, being tense makes things worse for individuals in an accident. Said Dr. Carroll.

If I braced myself for the backward thrust, the pain wouldn’t have lasted for a week. I learned throughout my life to modify my movements when I engage in physical activities. And if I did things the proper way I was taught my body would be quite angry with me. While with Ryder, I donned this battle scar with pride, but when I was alone, I felt more than a little foolish about the whole thing. And then I vowed never to be so silly again.

But you were just a kid, weren’t you?

Doctor Carroll, let’s cut to the chase. I was never a kid, never thought like one, and didn’t have a body like one. I had my moments of childhood bliss but they were only moments.

I understand. Anyone would if they have been in pain all of their life. Were there any other times where you experienced a trauma?

Once while in college, and a passenger in a car. A stupid kid cut us off on a city highway with his bicycle. Thankfully, the car did not injure the 10-year-old, and he only had scrapes and bruises. But we all suffered whiplash. This episode of whiplash wasn’t as bad for me because I had gotten used to the pain at that point. Plus, I braced myself for the impact.

Do you think bracing yourself was the sole factor in helping you with the pain?

"I’m not sure. Everything is kind of a blur because I’ve had pain all of my life to some degree or another. It’s as much of a mystery to me as it is for the medical community.

There is still just too little research on this disease. Even today. I can’t see a brief thing like a car accident or a roller coaster having a lifetime impact on me. It just seems absurd since other people don’t have this kind of problem.

The pain medication prescribed and certain alternative therapies help to alleviate some of the bite from the pain right now. But I know it’s only a temporary fix. I could fall into another spiral and flare again. They say that relief is found during a long process of trial and error."

Who are they?

Doctors, healthcare sites, the National Fibromyalgia Association. Emma counted on her fingers as she rattled off each one. I was told that even though there is no cure, I might go into a remission if I find something that works.

Okay, so you researched this. You are being proactive. That is a good thing.

"Yes, I have been diligent. The problem is that the pain is always lurking around the bend and it’s difficult to predict flares. I get scared to even leave my house because of the pain and the panic attacks.

I already understand that I can’t do all of the things I once did. But it’s hard to figure out where I end and this disease begins."

That can be hard to determine at first but with practice, anything is possible.

"Yes, Dr. Carroll. I get that I need to redefine myself so I can live a happy and productive life. The thing is? I never figured myself as a Madonna or Cher. They have the market cornered on redefining themselves because they are good at being divas. But I doubt I could hold a candle to them.

Although I guess I could use them as inspiration and anything is possible."

Yes! Yes, you can! Let’s gain a better perspective on the real you. Tell me a little about the people in your life that have made a lasting impact.

I would have to start with Ryder. He’s been the most pinnacle person throughout my life.

How did you two first meet?

It all started when he moved into the neighborhood sometime in the 80’s.

The Move

The smell of pumpkin pie touched Emma’s nose and that meant only one thing, it was almost time to get inside for dinner. Emma let out a sigh.

She loved the outdoors so much so that camping underneath the stars with little more than a blanket comforted her better than anything else in the summer. In the most literal sense, the world seemed to be against her most days and the stars seemed to be her only friends.

The outside gave her freedom from all the indoor chaos. She loved the wind on her face; the way the rain touched her hair and adored it when the sun bathed her skin in its warmth.

The pumpkin scent grew in overwhelming proportions through the open window from the kitchen, forcing Emma to pull back to reality. Summer had come to an end and that pumpkin pie meant the school year started in a couple of days.

She closed her eyes tight to wish the vile thought away because the crisp air shouldn’t end yet. No one would get hurt if she stayed a few more minutes down by the willow tree. The massive tree was verdant with lush leaves, and yet, it also was ancient. No one on the block knew when it was planted. It was just a constant fixture and strong presence for the neighborhood.

When Emma moved in, she ran underneath it when the sun was high to give her all the shelter and comfort she needed from the harsh elements the world seemed to throw her way last year. Her parents hung up a couple of swings on the sturdy branches the first year they moved into the house. That was last year and Emma has gone out to swing ever since.

There were new neighbors moving in tomorrow and Emma wanted a few more minutes alone before she had to share it. She met most of them already but the family moving in also had a boy her age. The parents hinted their excitement about the two becoming friends.

Emma smiled to be polite, but she didn’t know about this boy. She had nothing against him but she was just out of middle school and had no desire to get a boyfriend.

 Most of the kids in her school seemed to join a private club that Emma wasn’t privy to. They all wanted significant others, so playing soccer and dressing in comfortable clothing did not prove kosher anymore. She tried her best to get them to like her but they cast her as the weird one in their eyes.

She liked things that the other kids didn’t. Science, math, and soccer ruled her world, not boy bands, designer clothing, and pretty polished nails and that made her school life miserable. Sure, she could play their game and become a petty gossip girl but she found faking fake exhausting.

All she wanted was a little peace from the constant teasing. Her parents moving her to a new school right after the seventh grade didn’t help either. But even her old friends didn’t talk to her now. Emma sighed again as the reality of the ending summer hit and a familiar voice carried through the air.

Emma! Time for dinner! shouted Mrs.