Kaleidoscope

By Beryl Ehondor

Kaleidoscope” is an important book for individuals and families. A project which started off as a series of blog posts collecting real-life experiences and interrogating them through the eyes of a young Christian lady has now metamorphosed into a book, and it shares insights on technology/media, leadership, marriage, friendship, religion, depression and hurt and indeed everyday life. It’s called Kaleidoscope: different parts, different patterns, different colors, different shapes. Isn’t that how our lives are?

The author herself is a keen observer of daily life. That she is able to see these things and write about them is a miracle. We, her readers, are fortunate. We are fortunate to learn from her. We are fortunate to see life through her eyes. And we must continue interrogating our own lives, maybe not through her lenses but through ours, formed over years of exposure and learning and interaction.

In the end, we’re better off and we’ll live richer lives when we see the world not just through our own eyes, but through the eyes of the people around us and God.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Beryl Ehondor
• Release date: May 24, 2018
• ISBN: 9780463746868

Book preview

Contents

Dedication

Introduction

I. Mirroring Everyday Life

a. Shit happens

b. The Banking Hall

c. Terrorism Class 101

d. My Acada Story

e. Dumping the Sorry Bag

f. Angels on Strike

g. The Obstacle in our Path

h. Toy story and Men

i. Lessons on Humility

j. Public Messing: Your New Health Hero

k. Stories that touch

l. Voices in the Loo

m. I am Cait: Who are you?

n. Bus Stop Crash Course

II. Tech Gaze

a. Facebook, Our Village Square

b. Social Media: Good or Bad?

c. Network Conspiracy Theory

d. Gadgets and Decorum

III. Relating and Connecting

a. Unknown

b. Window Shopping or Buying?

c. What on earth did God have in Mind?

d. Children are Special Gifts

e. Gossip Incorporated

IV. Leading with Grace

a. Do you have Founderitis?

b. Letting Go

c. Lonely at the Top

V. Depression, Hurt and Healing

a. Depression: The Relative of Suicide

b. My Suicide Note

c. Lick It Up: Forgiveness

d. Haunting Hurt

e. Forgiving Hurt

VI. Living with Purpose

a. Bucket List

b. Leonardo da Vinci Questions on Purpose

c. Write It Down

d. Just Do It

e. Live Simply

VII. Young and Beautiful

a. Love Handles

b. Phobia Tales of a Naija Spinster

c. Pillow Talk

d. Salary: A Bribe for your Dreams?

E. The Price of a Woman

VIII. Fresh from Naija

a. Nigeria vs. Yankee

b. ‘Police na your Friend’

c. Tales by Okada rides

d. What is cool about Slacktivism?

e. Samaritan Lamentation

IX. Heaven-Bound

a. I Pity God

b. Asoebi in Heaven?

c. Naughty Corner

d. Accredited Church of God

e. Daddy’s Little Girl

f. Die by Fire

g. ‘300’ – Gideons? Spartans?

h. Playing the Waiting Game

i. Preachers or Motivational Speakers?

j. The Bone Collector

k. Jihad and the World

l. Whatsoever State

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to God, my Source and everything else.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Special bini thanks to my super parents, Mr. Erhabor & Pastor Mrs. Veronica Ehondor, for being my biggest fans and fulcrum.

Plenty love to my cute brother, Humphrey Ehondor, the best creative director on the planet.

Many thanks to Mazi Sam I. Ohuabunwa, for inspiring KALEIDOSCOPE with the story behind his first book and advice to use what is in my hand, my writings.

To Barr. Patrick C. Abuka, Barr. Emmanuel Uche, Mr. CSU Anyanwu, for inspiring youth development endlessly.

To Mrs. Peace Onyegbuna, for her contribution and immeasurable support.

My sweet friends, Munachim Amah and Favour Nwankwo Anyafulu, for proofreading and painstakingly reviewing KALEIDOSCOPE.

Uncle Nkem Chima, for constantly encouraging and reminding me of the big picture in the grand scheme of things.

Ajibola Ponle, for teaching me to get rid of limiting beliefs, which I now teach others.

My good friends, Charles Ezebuiro, Ikenna Nduaguibe, Chika Amajo, the 'Berean' Brethren, Monteeclairs Masterminds, Monteéclairs Ambassadors, AG Leaders Domain Church, PAU SMC Ft9 family, for believing and giving support always.

My local church, for creating platforms for the expression of innate gifting.

Mentors in different seasons, Holy Spirit, Toyin Adebola, Ajibola Ponle, Peace Onyegbuna, Chidi Udo, Myles Munroe, Creflo Dollar, Mensah Otabil, Mum and Dad, for making investments in my mind and future.

INTRODUCTION

Why does ‘it’ matter?

Life, as we know it, will come to an end some day. Maybe not at the same time for everybody, maybe not with the deafening sound of trumpet and clashing cymbals, but one day these bodies we inhabit will no longer be able to carry us, and our souls will leave our bodies, and nothing else that has happened or that will happen in the world will matter anymore.

I often ask myself: Why was I born? Why was I born if the Creator knew from the very beginning that I would die some day? What is the purpose of life? Is there a deeper meaning to human existence? And sometimes, actually many times, I worry that I may not be living my best life, that I may not even know what it means to live my best life.

Life is ephemeral. We can philosophize on its essence and argue from different positions about its meaning, but what we know for sure is that it is fleeting. It is temporary. When we begin to see life for what it is, a fickle, fleeting and impermanent thing, it changes how we journey through it. It changes the choices we make, the way we love, the way we live, the way we worship, the things we hold dear to our hearts. It changes everything.

We begin to ask deeper questions. Why does this academic degree matter? Why does this marriage matter? Why does it matter that I wake up today and go to work? Why does it matter that I’m kind to people? Does it matter if I graduate with a First Class or Third Class, after all I’ll die some day and I won’t take any of that with me? What, really, is the essence of organized religion?

It’s why Kaleidoscope is an important book. A project which started off as a series of blog posts collecting real-life experiences and interrogating them through the eyes of a young Christian lady has now metamorphosed into a book, and it shares insights on technology/media, leadership, marriage, friendship, religion, depression and hurt and indeed everyday life. It’s called Kaleidoscope: different parts, different patterns, different colours, different shapes. Isn’t that how our lives are?

The author herself is a keen observer of daily life. That she is able to see these things and write about them is a miracle. We, her readers, are fortunate. We are fortunate to learn from her. We are fortunate to see life through her eyes. And we must continue interrogating our own lives, maybe not through her lenses but through ours, formed over years of exposure and learning and interaction. In the end, we’re better off and we’ll live richer lives when we see the world not just through our own eyes, but through the eyes of the people around us.

Munachim Amah

Assistant Lecturer, Pan-Atlantic University

I. Mirroring everyday life

SHIT HAPPENS

It happened again. This time for real and outside my house...

...I couldn't flush the toilet.

Okay. I'm laughing, but it's a serious matter. We need to talk about toilets. Many people especially some adults need to be toilet-trained, re-trained and prosecuted when they default any toilet laws. I imagine this law will be sponsored by the ministry of public health, toilet affairs unit maybe...lol.

For me this is important because I've had strange, painful experiences, heard bizarre stories about toilets. I think it’s wicked for any adult to walk away from a dirty toilet and do nothing to tidy it.

I once heard of a girl who used to stand on toilet seats, then one day it broke and her buttocks was stitched in more than 20 places. Let's not mention those toilets where maggots have rendezvous, even dance shoki...#pukeloading.

Toilet washing was or still is the worst punishment to students in many public schools, because they know how unsightly and nose-provoking it is. I can't remember ever taking a shit in primary and secondary school because of the horrible sights...yes, I went to public (primary and junior secondary schools) until senior secondary. I'd just urinate without ‘contact’ somewhere and save the poo for my home toilet.

If you can't eat, read a book, hide or sleep off in your toilet conveniently, then it's probably going to fail the toilet affairs unit inspection. Not the type that Harpic adverts does with local movie stars. I mean real toilets that amala, beans, akpu, African salad, gbegiri-eating persons have visited, plus some oyinbo mende-mende mix in the rumbling stomach, probably also followed by Andrews liver salt or a shot of agbo jedi jedi...hehehe

This toilet matter is critical. It is important. From toilets, I've picked up infections, seen unspeakable things, heard more stomach-churning stories especially in multi-tenanted properties and public places.

I became so scared of toilet infections after the candidiasis/thrush bout that I started holding back poo for days until I reached my house. Only God knows how I survived NYSC (three weeks) orientation camp in Abia, sometimes skipping meals to keep a free stomach.

Okay, let's fast forward to a list of public toilet situations. When I say public, I mean anywhere that's not your home.

I highlight these situations because they are things we share in common and maybe there’s something to learn from these experiences beyond mere laughter.

Typical shit situations

1. When you use a public toilet and the shit refuses to flush once, and then someone else is already knocking, waiting to use the place.

2. When you enter a toilet and find someone forgot or refused to flush (and there's water in the closet).

3. When you're outside the toilet 'dancing' out of pressure, only to discover minutes later that the toilet was actually unoccupied.

4. When you're really pressed, the toilet is locked, and then you have to virtually beg someone for the key (typical in secondary school or university hostels where students use shared toilets).

5. When you're out for an event or in the market or a bus or public place with nowhere to poop or shit.

6. When you are done with your shit and the water stops flowing, so you can't flush.

7. After doing your shit you suddenly discover there's no water or tissue to clean.

8. Toilet graffiti done with chalk, pen or even shit. (Lol!)

These things and more are common instances in general or public toilet. What's your shit experience? Do you keep your toilet super clean? What can you learn from these experiences? Patience? Consideration of the next user? Carefulness? Cleanliness?

Feel free to share whatever terrible toilet experiences you may have. A quick solution suggestion is also welcome, because till now, shit happens!

THE BANKING HALL

...Ibadan, Nigeria, 14.20hrs. The sun was shining with a vengeance like there had been a misunderstanding with the clouds or some galaxial sky-mate that fateful Friday afternoon. I managed to catch a bike eventually, only to get stuck in traffic moments later. Why? The Muslims were praying; their own space wasn’t enough and so they blocked the entire main market road. I mean the entire main road with their mats. I was livid. Whatever happened to fundamental human rights! Blocking an entire ever-busy thoroughfare in the 21st Century?