The Lilac Years

By Kevin J. O'Conner

Almost two years in the making, The Lilac Years is Kevin J. O’Conner’s eleventh collection of poems. The book’s five sections explore the venerable themes of love and loss, the difficulties of living with isolation and depression, the little moments of life, the images and thoughts that art brings to the surface, and musings about poetry itself. The Lilac Years is a world of (among other things) trains, music, shadows, silence, memory, weather, trees, crows (dead and alive), ghosts, penguins at the Ueno Park Zoo, neon-marker hallucinations, Vasilina Orlova, Jean Cocteau, and Harvey Keitel.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kevin J. O'Conner
• Release date: Apr 30, 2018
• ISBN: 9781370817160

Kevin J. O'Conner

Kevin J. O’Conner (56) is not your typical poet. After 30 years of writing only sporadically, Kevin J. O’Conner returned to poetry in 2013—first as a creative exercise, then for the therapeutic benefits. Since 2015, he writes every day, exploring the craft of poetry through monthly writing challenges—‘my ongoing effort to write something that doesn’t sound like something I would write’, he says. Kevin’s poems explore isolation, memory, life’s small moments, and the experience of starting over at ‘a certain age’—always with an emphasis on straightforward expression. As of Spring 2019, Kevin has published eleven collections of poems, the latest of which is WISHES SOMETIMES HAVE CONSEQUENCES, plus four volumes of ‘love notes’ to the days of the week. His poems have also appeared in Raven Chronicles, Spindrift, The CDC Poetry Project, Lament for the Dead, and the anthology VOICES THAT MATTER, and as part of the Clay? VI (2016) exhibit at Kirkland Arts Center. When not writing poetry, Kevin can be found copy-editing documents from far-flung places, attending open-mic readings, designing books, and contemplating what to cook now that he is tired of soup. He lives in Bellingham with his mom's neurotic cat, Cleo III. (updated 28 October 2019)

Book preview

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

In a blog post about how working titles are often better than ‘official’ titles, I joked that I might call my next book Fred: The Lilac Years. I didn’t think too much about it at first, but then thought I ought to look up lilacs to see what they represent—just in case.

It turns out lilacs have a strong association with love and romance; the color for which the flower is named symbolizes a first love. Also, according to the FTD website, in the Victorian era, ‘the giving of a lilac was meant to be a reminder of an old love.’ Since this discovery on my part coincided with a number of recent poems that referenced past relationships, I stuck with The Lilac Years (but I did drop the Fred part).

Most of the ekphrastic poems, some of which date back to summer 2016, were originally submitted to a chapbook competition under the collective title Ekphrasis à GoGo. A number of other poems were submitted to a full-length book competition under the collective title The Ostensible Sloth of Distress. A few other poems were submitted to journals.

Thanks to the presses who did not select any of these works, as that enabled me to reclaim them for this collection.

Thanks to everyone who reads the poems I post to my blog or on ello, listens to me read at open-mic events, offers suggestions in critique groups, and invites me to participate in similar (mis)adventures. The feedback I get from doing these things helps me to become both a better writer and a better person.

If you enjoy this book, I recommend checking out Carolyn Agee, Minnie A. Collins, Jillian Ingram, Christopher J. Jarmick, Talicha Johnson (Talicha J), E. J. Koh, S. R. Mason, Georgia S. McDade, Vasilina Orlova, Lola E. Peters, Caitlyn Siehl, and Kilam Tel Aviv. I make no claims to similarity between their work and mine; rather, their poems give me something to aspire to.

I also encourage you to check out poetry readings happening near you—you never know what you might hear, or who you might meet. Thanks for playing!

—Kevin J. O’Conner, 25 January 2018

THE LILAC YEARS

The lilac years

1

We secretly love it

when the love story ends…

2

Mornings riding in trains—

time to breathe

before exploring the city

through scramble crosswalks

and record shops

We hear that song

at every stop along the way

I am struck by nostalgia

three weeks old

and counting

Afternoons riding in buses

or walking hand in hand

in the summer heat

thousands of miles from home

feels like freedom

The capacity crowd

are moved to silence

by a memory never experienced

Then the music plays

and we sway

Evenings riding in taxis

whose doors open and close by themselves

leaving rendezvous not quite secret

for sleepless summer nights

in separate rooms

3

Some things should not be repeated—

but where do you draw the line?

Shibuya

I recognize the scramble

from just about every angle

Buildings have changed

signs have changed

but the basic shapes

are as familiar

as the doubt I have carried with me ever since

Nakanobu

I wasn’t in tears

as I went from subway to street

No phone

I didn’t want tears

I wanted answers

No letters

Rain fell

I walked the streets

with music playing through my headphones

Nothing

and a nagging feeling

that something was wrong

Those rainy afternoons

were all I had to guide me

that and the songs playing in my headphones

as I went up the stairs

from subway to street

and continued home alone

Her shoulders

1

The angle of her collarbone

fascinated me

I wanted to dive

into that mysterious triangle

and swim beneath its beauty

barely illuminated by the waning moon

Whatever else she may have had

in store for me

I knew there I would be safe

between head and heart

less than the old stone’s throw away

from those eyes

But I could only sleep

It was the only way

to avoid dreading the next morning

when I would wake up

without her

2

How many songs

will be written

about this moment?

Lights low

shoulders bare

adventures

on the map

of your skin

out to the edge

where sea meets shore

and the time

we stormed the