Who Am I?: Discovering the Person You Were Created to Be

By Jeff Little

Life's most basic question is also one of the most difficult to answer. Often it's the first question we ask as a child and yet it's never far from those about to take their last breath. Every single one of us needs to answer this one simple question...who am I?

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Apr 10, 2018
• ISBN: 9781947165748

Book preview

BIBLIOGRAPHY

INTRODUCTION

It may be life’s most basic question. It may also be the most difficult to answer.

We avoid it, we laugh about it, we go through phases, we try out different versions, we ask others to tell us, and we even try to find it by looking at someone else’s answer.

It’s one of the very first questions we ask, and one of the last questions we reflect on.

No one else can answer it for us, and yet in and of ourselves we’re not capable of answering it on our own.

Whether you’re 7, 70, or someplace in between, you need to know: Who am I?

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Back when I was a kid, we didn’t have hundreds of TV channels, streaming services, on-demand, or even DVDs. Let’s be honest—when we were kids, we didn’t get to pick what we watched. We watched what our parents or siblings decided.

You never got to hold the remote. In fact, most of the time you were the remote.

If you wanted to watch cartoons, you basically had three options: Saturday mornings, a few old cartoons early in the morning, or maybe a show or two when you got home from school. That was it.

One of the cartoons I remember was Tom & Jerry. It was super violent, but it was also hilarious. Every episode was basically the same.

Because Tom was a cat, he would prowl around acting like the world revolved around him. I know, that part was realistic.

Eventually he’d run into Jerry the mouse, who was usually just trying to live his life and maybe find something delicious to eat. Of course this drove Tom insane, launching him into an unrelenting, murderous rage.

Hijinks, laughter, and adventures followed. Good times.

A common plot in several episodes found Jerry’s life interrupted by the appearance of a baby animal that had lost its way—sometimes it was another mouse, sometimes it was a duck or a bird, and one time it was a baby elephant. Jerry was a compassionate guy, so he’d try to help the little fella.

Inevitably there would be a moment when the little animals would look to their new caretaker—Jerry the mouse—and call out, Momma or Daddy. They were confused. They didn’t know who they were, so they tried to identify themselves by imitating their role model.

Jerry was a good dude. He never left the little guy with the psychotic cat but kept searching until the animals were reunited with their family. And every time, both the babies and their parents would be grateful for returning them to their proper home so they could grow into who they were created to be.

Everybody lived happily ever after. Except for Tom—he’s still recovering from repeated blows to the head.

When you’re a kid yourself, watching a baby elephant try to act like a mouse is silly because it’s obvious there’s a difference between them. That’s not who they are—that’s what makes it funny.

But life isn’t always so clear. The answers aren’t so easy to find. We can easily spend big portions of our life trying to be something we’re not or looking for validation and definition from the wrong sources. This isn’t just discouraging—it’s painful.

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How do we know who we are? And what happens to us in the process? Does anyone actually know or is it one of those frustrating puzzles with no real answer?

That’s what this book is all about.

Mark Twain said every intelligent person asks themselves three questions: Who am I? Where did I come from? Why am I here? The second two questions only make sense when you know the first—and in some ways, it’s all one big question.

Our struggle to understand ourselves never goes away. Life is difficult, it’s complicated, and most days it’s hard to comprehend. We’re all looking for something to hold on to, something we can depend upon, something we know remains true even if everything around it continues to change.

We keep coming back to it in every significant season of our lives. As our roles and responsibilities change, we’re forced to come back to this central issue.

We never finish with it. And when we don’t know or we’re not sure, we’re bombarded with the thousands of voices trying to tell us who we are on a daily basis. It’s often easier to see this play out in the lives of others than to see it for ourselves. But this issue is bigger than child development, adolescence, or the journey to adulthood. It transcends culture and the changing characteristics of each generation.

It’s more than cultural or generational—it’s at the very core of what it means to be human.

In many ways, it’s the central struggle of every human life: Who am I?

Sociologists and psychologists have argued for decades about which factors exert the biggest influence on our development and identity. The simplest way to summarize this discussion is nature or nurture? Does our identity, our unique sense of self, come predetermined, or is it the result of the atmosphere we grow up in?

This is a complex and worthwhile discussion.

The great news is, we’re not left to fend for ourselves. We’re not the first ones to feel this way. From the beginning of time, human beings have wrestled with these questions in profound ways. The process is not easy or immediate, but there’s real, practical help available to each of us through the timeless wisdom of God’s Word.

In many ways, it’s the central struggle of every

human life: Who am I?

A couple of years ago, when I started to research and study this subject, I was surprised by how many different characters in Scripture wrestled with this question—many of them returned to this question throughout the course of their lives.

The Bible is filled with people who either couldn’t answer the question Who am I? or, worse yet, were ashamed and embarrassed by their answer.

Job was a great man, but he was also the husband of a bitter wife and the father of wicked children.

Abraham was a sad old man with no kids to carry on his legacy.

Isaac was a liar.

His son Jacob was a momma’s boy and a manipulative con-artist who would pretend to be whatever the moment required.

Joseph was his dad’s favorite and hated by his brothers.

Moses was an orphan child who grew up in the palace of the empire that tried to kill him.

Rahab was a prostitute.

Samson fell in love with a Philistine and married her, sending his life into a tailspin.

Gideon was a bullied coward struggling to make ends meet.

Ruth was an abandoned widow left to starve.

David was the son his father forgot about on the most important day in the history of his family.

Solomon was a sex addict.

Jonah was a hater.

And that barely scratches the surface of the Old Testament.

If you’ve ever felt confused, unloved, unlovable, ashamed, or insecure, you’re in good company. And the best part is, God didn’t leave any of these men and women in their mess.

He’s a loving Father who longs to call His children to Himself—to dust them off, pick them up, and help them see themselves the way He sees them.

This makes all the difference.

What you think determines how you feel and what you believe.

What you believe shapes how you act.

How you act forms your character.

Your character frames your future.

That’s why it’s so critical for you and me to not just answer the question Who am I? but to get it right.

Our future literally hangs in the balance.

Now take a deep breath. It’s not all on you to make something of yourself. The weight this pressure produces crushes our souls. It’s one of the greatest challenges we all face.

I want to help you see yourself the way God sees you. I want you to discover who He created you to be. I can’t think of anything more important to the quality of our lives.

He’s a loving Father who longs to call His children to Himself

.

Maybe you’ve heard this before. Maybe you’ve been down this road and you feel frustrated by your inability to come to a clear conclusion. Maybe you’re discouraged and disappointed with where you find yourself in this season of life.

I’ve been there. I get it.

But that’s not the end of your story.

No matter where you find yourself, as we start this journey together, my prayer for you is that God would give you fresh eyes to see the real you, the deep you, the version of yourself you know is out there somewhere waiting for you to discover.

He wants to do it. It’s going to take more than my insights, thoughts, and stories to get this done. It’s a supernatural job—good thing we serve a supernatural God!

The God who created us wants us to know Him. And as we understand His nature, His character, His heart, and His ways, the image of who we are at the deepest level begins to become clear.

1

WHO KNOWS ME BETTER THAN ME?

The Problem With Self-Identifying

This above all: to thine own self be true…

— William Shakespeare, Hamlet

There was nowhere to hide, no place left to run. I was cornered with the dark reality of my life.

I didn’t want it to be true. I needed it to be simply someone else’s opinion, an optical illusion, or the cruel exaggeration of an unflattering angle.

But as I looked at the photo on my friend’s phone, I was left defenseless. After a long day out on the water, riding jet skies and swimming, my hair spray had completely washed out. It no longer had the ability to maintain the mirage. The millions of little pixels in the image on the phone made it clear.

I was officially bald.

My generally positive outlook on life and considerable skill with a hair dryer allowed me to live a lie. What I perceived as a pretty cool hairstyle was actually an elaborate comb-over.

As painful as it was, right there in the moment I made the decision to change. My days rocking a power mullet were officially over. We’d had a good run—team mullet had been strong from ’80s hair bands to Billy Ray’s 15 minutes of achy breaky heart—but somewhere along the way my cullet1 had become a skullet.2

I got shaving cream and a razor and began my journey with a shaved head by choice. These were uncharted waters. I had to figure out who I was without my glorious, flowing locks.

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Most of us had to read Hamlet at some point in school.

And most of us didn’t understand what he was talking about, so we got the Cliffs Notes. Maybe that was just me. It couldn’t just be me though—it’s still one of their top-5 best-selling editions.3

I may not get the wordplay and subtleties of this masterpiece, but this phrase captures the heart of our culture. Our devotion and esteem for this idea have only grown in the more than 400 years since Bill put quill to parchment.4

This above all: to thine own self be true…

Chances are, even if you managed to skip Hamlet, you’ve heard this phrase. It sounds so inspiring. It looks great painted on a wall or framed on a decorative plaque. You can find it on all kinds of jewelry, and more recently it’s become a really popular tattoo.

But stop for a minute and think about what it’s actually saying. Think about how crazy this little statement is.

Not your Creator.

Not your spouse.

Not your children.

Not your neighborhood or your city.

Not your nation.

Above all, the top of your list, the highest priority, the most important person, the one deserving of the highest honor is your own sense of self.

No one in the universe is more important.

Most of us don’t have the nerve to actually admit this is how we feel, but the default setting of the human heart is to put our own needs and desires above everyone else. Our sense of self is a combination of our dreams, passions, and goals, and nothing is more important.

Every one of us carries within ourselves the elusive image of our ideal self—the best version of who we truly are.

Some of us are more familiar with this view than others, but all of us are in pursuit of our true, authentic selves. We spend billions of dollars and all of our energies trying to bring this fuzzy image into focus for the world to see—and ultimately embrace.

Every one of us carries within ourselves the elusive image of our ideal self—the best version

of who we truly are.

We may look for it in different places, through different means, and express it through our unique quirks and personality, but we’re all chasing the same thing.

We want to be seen, recognized, known, and loved. We need the people we admire most to tell us, You matter. We’ll do whatever it takes to make this happen.

Most days we live in the gap—the gap between the ideal way we see ourselves and the way the rest of the world perceives us. That’s why most people don’t like looking at pictures of themselves. It’s why bad hair days frustrate us. It’s why it’s so weird to hear a recording of our own voice.

It’s incredibly disappointing, depressing, stressful, and discouraging when we feel like no one else sees the real us.

I’ve felt this. You’ve felt it too—and not just one time on a particularly bad day.

This sinking feeling stalks us throughout our lives, ushering us into a first day at a new school, spending long stretches with us in the workplace, creating mistrust in our marriages, aggravating relationships in our families, taunting us in low moments, and stealing our joy on days we should be celebrating.

Most days we live in the gap

—the gap between the ideal way we see ourselves and the way the rest of the world perceives us.

These dark, painful thoughts travel in packs.

No one understands me is close friends with No one cares about me, which hangs out with If you were gone, no one would even miss you.

At the bottom of this emotional spiral is the misguided, seemingly innocent yet deadly belief: No one knows me better than me.

I love America. I consider it a great privilege to live in this country. But sometimes our greatest strengths can become our greatest weaknesses. We wear our right to personal expression and individuality as a badge of honor in America. It’s who we are. It’s hardwired into our DNA. The only kings we put up with sell smoothies or burgers, and even those guys promise us we can have it our way.

People come to America because it’s the land of opportunity. Like no other nation in history, the U.S. is the place where hard-working, determined people can make a new life for themselves. Don’t get me wrong; I’m grateful for this. I’ve personally benefited from this—in one way or another we all have.

But when you take this notion to the extreme, you end up with seemingly innocent sayings like, You can be whatever you want to be.

Over the past 30 years, we’ve cranked the volume on this message in our schools, in our neighborhoods, in our little league sports’ fields, and in our homes. We put it on repeat. We’ve blown our kids’ ears out with it.

Most young people have heard this little phrase (or something similar) so many times it’s gone from an encouraging thought to a never-ending anxiety. We were well-intended; we just didn’t think through all of the potential drawbacks.

It sounds so appealing, so healthy, and so idealistic. But here’s the problem:it’s not true.

It feels like it should be true. Big dreams and hard work can create social mobility, generate wealth, spark innovations that result in big companies, and change the trajectory of entire generations of families. These astonishing and inspiring stories happen in front of our eyes all the time.

Young people from disadvantaged backgrounds succeed beyond their wildest dreams and captivate the heart and attention of the world. No doubt about it. This can be healthy and worthy of celebration.

And yet some things, no matter how bad you want them, are unattainable. There are things we can imagine and things we want that we can never reach.

We love to tell ourselves anyone can grow up to become the President—like we all get a turn—but even if that’s true, you’re never going to be the Queen of