Love and Chaos

By Pasquale Romeo

What's the importance of chaos and fate in the choice of the partner, sometimes victims some others protagonists of our sentimental life?
Do the events happen by chance or by necessity? Are we protagonists or victims in our existential vicissitudes? can we perceive in the events an active element,or instead we believe that all that happens is a strange coincidence of contingencies?
The chance is of course important but what's the value we give to it in romance and love?
Each of us has an hidden intimate part that has inside, the themenos, the sacred undergrowth, that is the secret path of the psychoterapies.
It is made up of small and big wounds, moments of fracture, Love could be an healing treatement for these wounds. Fusional love is of course a manner to overcome the originary trauma. The Plato myth reminds us the legend of the twin souls, makes us reconsider that each one is an half as wehad lost something that exists and maybe life is to be reconsidered, is somewhere else.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Pasquale Romeo
• Release date: Oct 13, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310481826

Pasquale Romeo

Professor of Psychiatry at the University for Foreigners “Dante Alighieri”, Reggio Calabria, Italy I’m a psychiatrist and psychotherapist, author of many articles, Editorial Director of Research’s Magazine, responsible for many columns and a tv anchor. Winner in Reggio Calabria (Italy) of “Anassilaos- Youngs” Prize in 2001 in reason of my curriculum vitae et studiorum and of Pericle Prize in 2006 in Bovalino, Reggio Calabria (Italy) relating to social and cultural communication. National Responsible for Psychiatry in Forensic Science Research Group of University of Siena, Italy.

Book preview

Love & Chaos

Protagonists and victims of sentimental life

Published by Pasquale Romeo

Copyright 2014 Pasquale Romeo

Smashwords Edition

Translated by Paola Canale

To my daughter Perla

"The most beautiful sea hasn’t been crossed yet.

The most beautiful child hasn’t grown up yet.

The most beautiful days we haven’t seen yet.

And the most beautiful words I wanted to tell you

I haven’t said yet…"

"One is the direct aim: uplifting the Man, the individual,

Who wishes to uplift himself, let him think, meditate and understand He’s

A Messenger of the Supreme an infinitesimal part of a whole,

and all these parts are united in the wholeness by only one bond: Love."

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thanks to all my long-lasting friends Alberto, Fulvio, Giampiero, Natale, Sasà, Guido, Franco Fortugno, my best friend ever, Paola because of her hard and brilliant collaboration and above all to all my patients, for all I learned from them and finally to Giuseppe, Pigi e Vali to have taught me to love.

Index

Acknowledgments

The sentimental life

The physical love

From solitude to love

Love at 30 years old

The couple relationship

You, me and the others

From an analysis of the couples

The couple and its therapy

Abandon and love. The couple in crisis or in rehab

Quick questions for the health of the couple

1.

Sentimental life

A prickle, in a cold winter day, got closer one another, to protect themselves, by their mutual warmth, not to die of exposure; pain pushed them to set aside once again. When later the need to warm themselves led them to stay together one more time, that other disease was repeated, so that they were dragged back and forth between the two sufferings, until they finally found a moderate reciprocate distance, the represented for them the best solution.

Romance and love

Each of us lives differently the other’s condition and set his couple relationship metamorphically according to the person, just as a kaleidoscope, thus you can find different couples according to the typology of people.

Nevertheless, it would be convenient since the beginning to discern the couple who lives in a state of romance from, instead, a couple that really loves. Romance, or falling in love, is the first step of love stories, what Alberoni defines in his famous book nascent state (or ignition state), a meeting that looks like the foundation of a political party, of a movement, of a union of idealisms, of cultures, of new options and above all a great change of perspective and motivation.

There’s a big difference between falling in love and love, although both of them find their fulfilment in the couple. In the first case the relationship is mainly with oneself, secondly instead with the other. In the first case we declare immediately I will love you forever, even not knowing at all the person who we are speaking to – incredible but true; in the second instance we don’t say I will love you forever because we daily dedicate ourselves to the other person. Telling someone I will love you forever, having met him/her two days before is certainly symptomatic of a reality alteration, because we confound those rare moments spent together with all the rest, with life that is made of other things, which is not only an idyllic moment but which is, instead tears and blood.

Thus, all this make us consider romance as an answer to our needs, to a yearning, that we express by the other that doesn’t do nothing else than bringing out from ourselves that romantic side we need , that let us dream.

Is it possible we could fall in love only if in that moment we are persuaded it will last forever? Does it really happen in the most of the cases? It doesn’t. It’s obviously a cinematographic fiction of the movie of our life. Romance seems to be an important necessity, a moment in which we put to the test all that has been until then our existence, dramatically melting together our broken down pieces and making a sense, although fleeting, as a puzzle game in our life.

It could seem to be strange but in the romance all coincidences become real, all seems to be at the right place; consequently, we perceive that is the right person. It’s like a strange revelation, that obviously not always last for a long time, because it is often fallacious. In these moments our personality changes and new perspectives are deployed. It almost seems that a new world in which we are the demiurges and we use unsounded and until that moment unexploited resources. What is strange is that we ascribe all to the other person and nothing makes us suspicious that he/she is just a catalyzer and all is born inside us. Something different is love, in which the other person on the contrary has a fundamental role and becomes a milestone. If we would ask to the beloved person to describe the other person, the answer would be mostly impressionistic, made of great adjectives: he/she is beautiful/handsome, he/she is extraordinary, he/she is fantastic. It wouldn’t emerge then, the description of the person, but only of a state of mind. If instead we would ask to the person who loves, the description would be more accurate and it would come up the identikit of a person characterized by qualities and flaws, often we love more the flaws than the qualities. In romance instead flaws don’t exist and the person is encircled by a mystic aura.

Love as art

Creativity, extrema ratio of art, unleashes man from the bonds that lock him up in the nothing else than, lifting him up to the state of who plays; and the man, as Schiller sets out, is totally sited where he plays.

The imagination avails itself of this great function: creativity. Love, obviously, begins when we start to imagine.

Romance, just like art, allows us to unravel a mystery and to get us in touch with the unknown. As other surrealistic paintings, as a psychotherapy of the deepest self, or as a mysterious dream, put in relation certain aspects to which until that moment we have attached few importance. Now creativity emerges. From chance comes up something so far unsoundable, unknown emerges, and by love we are aware of new parts of ourselves that often remains in a lethargic state.

What’s love?

Ask it to the wind

That lashes his moaning on the gravel

Of the path of the sunset

To the frozen hammock that has lost its gazebo

Yelping to the season gone to the shadow

Of a street-lamp san souci.

Love is one of the hardest moments for the human being and it is often reason of tireless arguments. Each of us has in mind a subjective idea of this condition and draws the conclusions that depend on each own personal experience, often not taking in account of no common experience, of a cultural, poetic and prosaic background. Love is one of the few conditions in which each of us is persuaded to be able to express ourselves and believe that these observations are valid, no matters what consideration tends to be objective.

One of the most common ways to speak about love is the following: an extraordinary story, meaning with that an ideal moment that exists only in a fantastic dimension. Some pessimist, with narcissistic wounds, would add that it doesn’t exist. A great man one day told that