Love me do
It is not always a compliment when you say of someone, “She loves herself!” This expression usually refers only to the most base or childlike form of self-love that results in self-obsession and narcissism. The self-love that we are talking about here, however, is a far more profound and positive state of having appreciation, awareness and acceptance of your true self. This is not about selfishness or egomania. As Jutka Freiman, a Sydney-based psychotherapist and group facilitator, observes, “Self-love is the experience of self-acceptance and self-nurturing. It is being self-ful, which is different from being ‘full of one’s self’. In this latter state of being issues of superiority, grandiosity and self-centredness contribute to selfishness.”
Healthy self-love is not about comparison to others but an awareness of who you are. At the same time however, in this honest appreciation of your self, you come to an awareness of your connection to others.
This paradox is highlighted by Dr Judith Pickering, a Jungian analyst and couples therapist in private practice in Camperdown, Sydney, who says, “Being selfish implies an unbalanced attitude: that is, over-focus on our own desires at the expense of others. Loving oneself is a part of loving others; we are all part of a common humanity, we are all interdependent and interrelational beings.
