The Easter Bwummers

By Gavin Mills

So every year Netta and her husband Jed spend Easter with her in laws. And every year is a disaster. But no more. She has had enough of Geoff, her father in law hitting on her. She has had enough of Anthea, her mothee-in-law trying to turn her into the model wife for her precious son. She has had enough of her wimp of a brother in law trying to convince all in earshot that he's a man. And she's certainly had enough of Dufus, the pet pit-bull from hell trying to make mini Dufuses by making out with her leg.
Netta has had enough full stop. And it's time to pull in guns to level the playing field - because as not too many know, she is a witch. Yeah you heard right. A witch. And this year with the help of a little magic, things will be different.
The problem: Netta does not practice her enchanted arts much - and she's never been big into concoctions or even the cullinary arts. So when she gets the ingredients wrong and things started going even wronger when everyone falls under some very strange spells, all she can do is go along for the ride - and this Easter promises to be an experience none of them are likely to forget for a very long time.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gavin Mills
• Release date: Nov 22, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370586394

Gavin Mills

Gavin Mills was born in the little town of Springs in South Africa where he attended school at St Brendan’s Christian Brother’s College. After school he had no clear idea what he wanted to do with his life. Engineering sounded good, so he applied and was accepted by the University of the Witwatersrand to study Chemical Engineering. When that didn’t work out, he did two years military service becoming a 2nd lieutenant and serving as transport officer for 52 Battalion out of Ogongo in Namibia in the late ‘70s.Coming out of the army, he went into computers as a programmer and later a systems analyst before giving up corporate to become a professional dancer, performing first in SA and later in London, Paris, Spain and Portugal - some of the highlights being principal dancer in Moulin Rouge Paris, Scala in Spain and Canary Islands, and Estoril Casino in Lisbon.On returning to South Africa, he performed in the first Miss World Pageant at Sun City in 1992, falling in love with Miss Hungary, who would return to South Africa two years later to become his wife. They have been together ever since, have two sons and live in Johannesburg. Whenever not writing or working, Gavin gets his kicks enjoying quality time with close friends and those most precious to him, his family.

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THE EASTER BWUMMERS

Gavin Mills

Copyright © 2017 Gavin Mills

All rights reserved.

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Dedicated to all husbands and wives with crazy in-laws.

CHAPTER ONE

It's a Kinda Magic

WHY COULDN’T IT just be like baking a cake? You know baking powder, eggs, milk, flour. …Maybe vanilla essence. That stuff makes sense. Mix it up, pop it into the oven for half an hour, and voila, something fluffy and sweet. A cake! No sweat. A walk in the park. But frogs’ livers, lizards’ tails, rats hair shaved at midnight? This is the stuff of nightmares – and I’m only getting started!

And if this is a nightmare, it’s still nothing close to the nightmare which started the day we arrived at my in-laws almost a year ago. …The nightmare that started the day we arrived at the in-laws two years ago. …The day we arrived at the in-laws every year for the past six years, every time we arrive for the annual Easter Bwummer get together at Geoffrey and Anthea Bwummer’s cozy and oh so neat little retirement villa in Nelspruit.

It’s not that I don’t like Jed’s parents. …Okay. So I don’t like my husband’s parents. There. Now I’ve said it. But it doesn’t really make me feel better. Should it? Of course not. But anyway I look at it, they are not nice at best, at average dysfunctional. At worst downright bleeding psychotic!

But I of all people should have known. I mean what good is it being a witch if you can’t see in your quaint little crystal ball that our sweet little cozy relationship with my in-laws would one day make Tom and Jerry look like a honeymoon couple!

When Jed brought me to visit my future in-laws for the first time, I thought they were such a sweet little couple. Sure Geoff was a bit overbearing but I put it down to a father wanting the right thing for his son.

And quite honestly, at first I had liked Anthea. Her home was impeccable, she treated her husband like a king, which I would later discover was no exaggeration - and he basked in the luxury. So cute. So loving – at first. Until I started thinking Anthea was overplaying it a bit. A year or two later my affection for my loving in-laws had eroded somewhat to the point where I thought Geoff made Henry VIII look like a marriage counsellor.

But the relationship in my mind remained somewhat benign. Wishful thinking – until our wedding day. Yes, our wedding day! It was to be the fairy tale wedding I had always dreamed of. Jed was my knight in shining armour – I loved him to bits – and still do.

Okay so things had to be rushed a bit… Pity. But I didn’t hold it against Jed junior. To be quite honest, he wasn’t even there yet! It was our dirty, right there under the stars under our double cab. …So he could have been a bit more patient. Waited until we tied the knot. But as Jed junior soon would show the world, he wasn’t one to hang about until the right time. Even the day when he was born he jumped the gun, pushing me into labour while waiting at the gynie for a check-up, breaking my water in reception – and I had been wearing pale colours. How embarrassing.

Our wedding had been planned for the spring. A garden wedding. But no. Jed junior made his presence known at a check-up in the middle of summer. So it was to be a winter wedding. Okay so he wouldn’t arrive in the summer, but at least he was conceived in the summer – under the double cab, somewhere in the middle of a road construction site.

It was to be the holiday we had always dreamed about. Camping under the stars every night at a different place on a road trip right around the country. We had left late because Jed had worked late. When selling houses, customers come first – and so does their timing. …And what a silly woman the wife was. Another Anthea it looked like. Yes, she wanted the house, then she didn’t, then she did, then she didn’t. Eventually at 9 ‘o clock on the night we were supposed to leave (in the morning), she eventually signed the papers.

But Jed was not about to let that spoil our holiday. In fact her sale was a reason to celebrate. The final sale that would give Jed his bonus. What a Christmas present. The minute the deed was done, we packed our bags into the