Significant Caring: In Service to Others

By Jeanne Adams

Have you ever felt like you weren’t your real self, similar to playing a part in a movie or on stage? What if you could become your personal best self...the genuine, uniquely loving person within?

Discovering and becoming that personal best self is part of our single life purpose—to grow in love. But so much in life attempts to keep us from genuinely loving. Even though we want to be kind and compassionate individuals, we mostly end up in a role of superficial socialization that has no real meaning.

As a professional counselor and therapist for over twenty-five years, the author has encountered numerous unhappy people who spend most of their lives in a constant search for meaning, a sense of belonging, and personal peace. They may be caught up in either a chaotic or boring lifestyle that includes reacting to life with fear instead of responding to challenges with hope and love.

Our best and real self is found deep within...away from fixations like ego, power, and automatic living. For example, the ego, though a necessary part of life, is usually used as window dressing or staging for the public. It promotes a false personality, a cover up scheme, a defense from fear and a need for control and power.

Significant Caring takes daily living to a much higher...more peaceful level and provides the reason and how to live as your best self with genuine caring for others from a perspective of gratitude, mindfulness, and simplicity.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Brighton Publishing LLC
• Release date: Aug 9, 2017
• ISBN: 9781621834458

Jeanne Adams

Jeanne Adams grew up in Chicago in a family of ten children, giving her experiences that many individuals might only imagine from books. She played on every sports team her seven brothers would randomly dream up, walked to school each day with a future international rock star, and although bill paying was tight with ten children, her parents regularly shared homemade items with neighbors and others in need. In subsequent years each of the ten siblings managed to obtain at least a Master’s Degree in a variety of professional fields. When given a freshman literature assignment to write an essay of at least two-thousand words, Jeanne turned in a five hundred word manuscript, convinced she would receive an F grade for laziness. However, the paper came back with an A+ and a note saying it was quality not quantity that counted. Yes, positive messages from teachers are vital, and growing up in a family of ten children, she gratefully received many loving messages. Currently one of Jeanne’s children, an Irish Setter named Molly is serving as a therapy dog for a local Hospice organization. Jeanne has over thirty year’s experience as a licensed counselor, mental health professional, recreation therapist, and faculty member at two universities. She is author of several motivational/inspirational books and has been published in a wide variety of areas.

Book preview

Significant Caring

In Service to Others

"How to answer God’s call and simplify life through mindfulness and living as your best self"

Jeanne Adams

Brighton Publishing LLC

435 N. Harris Drive

Mesa, AZ 85203

www.BrightonPublishing.com

Copyright © 2017

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN 13: 978-1-62183-445-8

Ebook

SMASHWORDS EDITION

Cover design: Tom Rodriguez

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Section I

Called to Love

The whole idea of compassion is based on a keen awareness of others. The whole purpose of life is to live by love.

~Thomas Merton

How often have you found yourself not reaching out to someone in need simply because you didn’t quite know what to say? How often has the goodness within your heart been stifled and left dormant because you were afraid of getting into something over your head? Have you frequently stayed within yourself because it was easier than to risk being misunderstood?

I sometimes wonder if God chuckles at our constant hesitancy to become involved with each other. He watches us bounce around other human beings like an old pinball machine, touching but never really connecting, as we interact from one social situation to another. Yes, we are usually polite and ask how someone is doing and we seldom miss saying, Have a good day. But most of the time we miss seeing the person or hearing what is really happening in their life. I don’t mean the details, but rather the challenges and feelings, hopes and dreams, discouragements and frustrations. And most importantly, we often miss the pain. It just becomes too uncomfortable and even embarrassing to hear about someone else’s hurt. (And don’t we have enough hurt of our own to handle?)

When Christ said, Come follow me, He didn’t mean only when we are rested, have energy, or have recently been inspired to do something for someone else. He doesn’t want us to put on a Christian hat for one hour weekly or only for a major crisis. We are always called to share the individual goodness within us through kindness and understanding.

But reaching out to others in a meaningful way requires an awareness, compassion, and willingness to go beyond superficial courtesies. And to do this we are asked to see the uniqueness of each person we meet during the day, or at least temporarily to meet him or her with our total attention and concern. Sometimes that concern may only be for the pain hidden behind their obnoxious behavior, or it may be caring about the pain of their loneliness, disappointment, fears, etc. No matter what the cause, finding oneself in the presence of a compassionate person can give a great deal of comfort to someone who is hurting.

Possibly one of the best ways to bring hope to the world is to be that hope for others. A person who is hurting can’t always ask for what is wanted despite desperately needing help. Frequently, when questioned about how things are going, they will simply say, fine or will say very little, feeling that most people are not really interested or won’t be able to do what it might take to fix the situation. And often there is no fix—there is just the pain. Sometimes the quiet observation of You look tired today, or Something seems to be bothering you, followed by an offer of help can create a healing connection capable of bringing hope and peace to another. Just the realization that another person has noticed that you are facing a challenge can ease the burden.

There will always be times when we are not quite sure how to respond to a delicate situation with unclear boundaries. And it is hard to know how far to step into someone else’s life without overwhelming or appearing nosy. But there is a way that can create a bridge. Next time, when you are wondering what to say to someone in what might seem to be an awkward situation, you might try gently asking, How can I help? When asked with sincerity and sensitivity, the question can bring peace and comfort to a hurting human spirit.

Reflective thought

Dear God, it seems that your most important and hardest request of me in my feeble attempt to follow you is to learn how to love unconditionally. Even when I think I have done enough to serve others, I am suddenly hit with the realization that most of my attempts have probably been self-serving and lame. Too much of me has once again gotten in the way of genuinely reflecting your love.

I now realize that to sincerely learn unconditional love means that I have to put you first in my thoughts, drawing strength from having my priorities in order, and then take action that honestly reflects your way of loving. It means I must learn to listen like I have never listened before: to listen to the hearts and minds of everyone I meet; to hear not only what each person says but what they might be too afraid to say; to listen in between the words to what the real need might be. I need to listen to others with an openness of mind that allows for a connection with their differences. It means that all must be welcome into my heart and treated with the respect I crave from others.

In learning unconditional love I must open my eyes and see people the way that you see them; to look beyond their inadequacies, insecurities, and sometimes obnoxious behavior, and see your child within. It means that I must reach out not only to those who are easy to love but also to those who might be difficult to be around. It is so hard to look beyond the poor hygiene, the nasty and unkind words, the ignorant stereotyping, or manipulation that I see in others. But you reached out to everyone and accepted people where they were. And in so many ways, you were the ultimate therapist.

It seems that if I were able to love unconditionally as you would have me, then I could forgive the hurts that are thrown my way and forget about them, and I could forgive myself for being human. I could be patient with the people and situations in my life that frustrate and stifle me, and give without wanting anything in return. But that’s where the really difficult part comes in: learning not to have expectations regarding my love. Even when I think I am giving freely, there is that little bit of hope for the proper amount of gratitude or response that diminishes the authenticity of my generosity.

To be able to love unconditionally I must learn to view people with compassion rather than control. I must try to understand how people are hurting rather than how I can change them. And I must have patience with the way in which another’s life choices are made, realizing that I don’t have all the answers and certainly have no right to judge or even know their intentions. Sometimes it amazes me when I realize how less stressful it can be when I give up attempting to control other people’s lives. Why do I have to keep reminding myself that my continued support can be so much more valuable?

Maybe learning to love unconditionally is to simply be there for whoever crosses my path and is in need of my presence, to have the patience, perspective and peace that will allow me to be kind. Maybe learning how to love as you do simply means to become someone who can behave with the strength of gentleness in a society that seems to glorify abuse and dehumanization.

God, I know that you don’t care how clever I am or how knowledgeable. You don’t consider what positions I have obtained or how much money I have garnered, or how popular I have become with my social manipulations of others. And you will not ask how much power I have possessed or how much stuff I have acquired, or even how many people have said they loved me. Instead, I think you will ask if I have learned to love others unconditionally; if I have taken the words, Come, follow me to heart and learned to live them on a daily basis, and if I have been sincere in my struggle to come closer to you and to reflect your love. I think you will ask not only if I have been a good steward, but if I have been a good student; and not only what I have learned, but how I have lived.

***

It seems to me that God has simply said, I love you. Please respond. And then he showed us how. Jesus Christ came into our world with this very simple and direct message. It is the message that we human beings need to hear more than any other. We need to respond to God’s love through gratitude and by genuinely loving others.

However, instead of following his example, we continually spend time complicating that request, twisting it around, rationalizing our non-response, defining our positions, concentrating on non-essentials, and ignoring his directions.

In