A New Life in Thailand

By Nigel Cobbett

A very comprehensive guide to travel and living in Thailand. Packed with facts. Everything you need to enjoy your holiday or if you decide to stay in Thailand for the rest of your life. Every topic from A to Z is covered. With 51,500 words it is truly Thailand in your pocket. To help you plan your holiday the Planes chapter has all the airlines which operate at Suvarnabhumi and Don Muang with facts about their international and internal flights. Also the Planes chapter has tons of information to enable you to get away from Suvarnabhumi Airport to your chosen onward location quickly with little fuss whether you wish to travel by air, bus, train, taxi, van, limousine or car rental. The How to Order Food and Drinks chapter has 185 mp3 sound files in Thai to download to your device or you can use the links to soundcloud. You will be able to communicate effectively with Thais the moment you land in Thailand. The written English and Thai words and phrases are also provided should you wish to show them to a Thai for instant visual translation. The English alphabet Thai pronunciation guide is also provided to help you learn to speak Thai if you wish. The chapter about Thai food has recipes and cooking instructions for you to try. Details of the perfect teaching job are provided in the Working as a Teacher chapter but please hurry to apply before the hiring season ends. 10 Phuket fantastic beaches reports with great photos. All the important website links you will ever need (over 80) are summarised in the Summary of Website Links so you do not need to hunt for them. Phuket, Bangkok and Pattaya bars, nightclubs and sex scene packed with reviews of the best places to go. Stunning girls are everywhere in Thailand. Phuket, Pattaya and Thailand maps help you get around. Full bus timetables and train timetables to and from Bangkok to everywhere in Thailand are provided which is a great resource to have in your pocket. The new long distance sleeper trains are now up and running and provide a comfortable but cheap alternative to buses and planes so you will find the big trains map of Thailand very useful. Bangkok maps of the BTS (sky train), metro (subway train), airport train link and river boats help you plan your next move even if the internet lets you down. Packed with info about recommended hotels, a home, visas, Thai driving licence, internet, TV, telephone, marriage, health insurance, a job as a teacher and so much more. Also a section at the beginning describes my personal ups and downs of life with my 2 special Thai ladies.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nigel Cobbett
• Release date: Dec 23, 2016
• ISBN: 9781386338550

Book preview

A NEW LIFE IN THAILAND

By Nigel Cobbett

Text copyright © 2016 Nigel Cobbett

Table of Contents

About_this_ebook

My_first_trip_to_Thailand

My_second_trip_to_Thailand

Life_with_Cat_and_her_family

Life_with_Jiab

Home_sweet_home

Malaysia

Wheels

How_to_get_a_Thai_driving_licence

Thai_driving_skills

Golf

TV-Telephones-Internet-Newspapers-Entertainment

How_to_order_food_and_drinks

How to cook Thai food

Working_as_a_teacher

Health_insurance

Police

Visas

Visa_trips

Retirement_in_Thailand

How_to_get_married_in_Thailand

Bangkok

Snakes

Lady_Boys

Pattaya

Krabi

Elephants

Chiang_Mai

Songkhla

Hat_Yai

Nakhonratchasima

Khon_Kaen

Mahasarakham

Kamphaengphet

Mae_Sot

Phuket

Roi Et

Buriram

Emergency

Cost_of_Living

Summary_of_Website_Links

Trains

Train_Timetables

Buses_and_Vans

Bus_Timetables

Planes

Bangkok_Train_and_Boat_Maps

Connect with the author and Thai Translation Tools

About this ebook

All prices in this ebook are Thai baht (THB) unless otherwise stated. Thai translation options are at the end of this ebook in the chapter Connect with the author and Thai Translation Tools. The first chapter you might care to look at is How to order food and drinks because it has more than 180 mp3 sound files in Thai to help you in various different situations you will encounter. It is a valuable resource if you don't speak any Thai. Download the mp3 files to your device and have fun with them before you travel

Just landed or planning a trip:

If you have just landed or just planning a trip then the last 7 chapters in the ebook cover the major topics you will need. A map of Thailand immediately follows this page and there is a large train map in the Trains chapter. The Bangkok Train and Boats Map chapter has a large tube map (airport link, skytrain, metro) and a river boats map so you can plan your trip successfully.

Summary of Website Links:

All the ebook website links are summarised here

Trains (Big Train Map included) and Train Timetables:

SRT (State Railway of Thailand) trains from the main Bangkok stations

Buses and Vans and Bus Timetables:

Buses and vans from the main Bangkok bus stations

Planes

If you have just landed at Suvarnabhumi Airport the Planes chapter is for you. Also the Planes chapter has tons of information to enable you to get away from Suvarnabhumi Airport to your chosen onward location quickly with little fuss whether you wish to travel by air, bus, train, taxi, van, limousine or car rental. Topic main headings are:

1. Internal flights in Thailand from Suvarnabhumi and Don Muang:

If you land at Suvarnabhumi, you may wish to fly to your ultimate destination from there. If not then Don Muang is the other Bangkok option. The transfer to Don Muang is cheap because the shuttle bus inter-airport transfer between Suvarnabhumi and Don Muang airports is free. If the free bus schedule is not to your liking however it is not difficult to transfer by other means. If still unsure then ask for help at the official airport information desk which has English speakers. Basically anybody else is probably a hustler and will lie to you so be strong and have your wits about you. Most domestic flights are from Don Muang but there are a couple of options available if you want the convenience of Suvarnabhumi.

2. Options to transfer to Don Muang Airport from Suvarnabhumi Airport:

There are many options if you need to transfer to Don Muang. The free shuttle bus between Suvarnabhumi and Don Muang is best if the schedule is suitable. The Suvarnabhumi public transportation center has buses and vans that go to Don Muang - take the free shuttle buses from Suvarnabhumi airport to the public transportation center. The airport rail link has no connecting station for Don Muang airport, but public taxis, car rental and limousines are other options.

3. Options for onward travel from Suvarnabhumi Airport - if not going to Don Muang Airport:

The public transportation center has buses and vans to many destinations. Take the free shuttle buses from the airport to the public transportation center. The airport rail link, public taxis, car rental and limousines are available too. The Airport Express bus takes you directly to 4 places inside Bangkok for 150 THB including Hualamphong Railway Station and Kao Sarn Road. Also there is bus number 392 which takes you to Koh Chang, calling at Pattaya, Rayong, Chantaburi and Trat along the way. There is an express minibus which takes you directly to Koh Chang too. All these options are covered in more depth in the chapter itself.

Bangkok Train and Boat Maps:

Airport link, skytrain, metro lines and the river boats maps

Image2

Back to Top

My first trip to Thailand

I had just arrived in Thailand for the first time and I was going to be met by my pretty Thai pen pal, whose details I bought from an internet dating agency. She was there to meet me and as a lonely bachelor I was very keen to get started! This was my first mistake. I quickly learned that she was no bar girl and she soon made it clear, through subtle and gentle ways, that she was not easy. After about a week sleeping alone I sank a few and decided to explore the bars in Patpong. (Bangkok) She’ll never know. Where’s the harm? I knew two Thai words Taxi. Patpong. and in a flash I was there. A Thai guy who could speak pigeon English latched on to me. You want sexy lady boom boom? He was very persistent and I eventually said OK. This was my second mistake. Nobody does anything for nothing in Thailand. He ushered me into a bar with beautiful girls dancing on the stage. He ordered 2 beers and 2 big blokes looked at me and handed me the bill. Bastard, I thought. As the beers flowed, I began to mellow and enjoy my surroundings. A really stunning bird caught my eye. I figured she could not be smiling at me so I looked away, and the next moment she was sitting in front of me. She like you much, want go loom (Thailish for room) you. I think I just nodded lamely. Before I knew it, the sweet slim thing (Aom) and her pretty friend (Pear) and the persistent guy and me were on our way. I had just paid the bar bill and the bar fines. The bar fine is required by the bar because you are taking their eye candy away. The persistent sod hailed a taxi and asked me for 1000. I declined and then he turned nasty so I paid him but I got my revenge later because I refused to say Goodbye, thanks a lot. To cut a long story short, 2 hours later I had checked out of the hotel and was on my way to Pattaya in the back of a taxi. What a wonderful journey that was! I will never forget it! We booked into a decent hotel. I later realized how decent this hotel was. Hotels in Thailand are plentiful and the better, more expensive hotels take pride in protecting the unwary, often drunk as a skunk, falang (foreigner) from unscrupulous Thais. Do you want a safety deposit box, sir? I declined, but they were charmingly insistent and, thankfully, I agreed. They requested the ID cards of the 2 angels. Again, this is something the better, more caring, hotels always do. How can they be so cruel? How can they not trust such lovely girls? They’re so pretty. I thought to myself. We went to our room and my bed was in between the beds occupied by the angels. Aom could speak English and explained that they were classy girls and the price was 5000 each daily, though I later learned the local girls, just as pretty, just as sweet, only wanted 1000 daily. I bought some Viagra and I spent several happy days in paradise. I will always remember them. Worth every penny. But then things got weird. Aom introduced me to her brother and her son and I booked them into the hotel. Why? Because I’m a softy. That night Aom slept in the room with her brother and her son, because she missed them. I went to a bar my English friend had recommended to me because it was run by his girlfriend. I took Pear with me. My friend’s girlfriend then spoke a lot to Pear in Thai and then spoke to me in English. It turns out that Aom's brother was her husband. When we returned to our hotel room, there was a knock at the door and it was Aom. I told her to grab her things and not come back. The next morning we went down for breakfast and noticed a guard sitting outside our room. He was wearing a gun. At reception we were met with serious faces. Aom and her lover had asked for my wallet during the night because they said I owed them money. The receptionist refused and they posted a guard outside my door. My friend warned me about dos and don'ts before I went, but the only do I remembered was Do get a safety deposit box. They mug you so gently, so sweetly in Thailand.

We returned to the bar run by my friend’s girlfriend and she advised me to get rid of Pear too, which I did, albeit reluctantly, because she had done nothing wrong. I still remember her sadness as she looked deeply into my eyes. I was supplied with a new sweetie pie at 1000 a day. My friend told me to go there in the first place, but who listens to their friends? I bought some Viagra. On my final day I was tempted by another angel. It was my birthday so I was determined to make the most of it. I had 3 Viagra left and swallowed the lot. What a night! Sleepless! On my return to England I developed a stinging sensation in the nether region. I had been cautious, but perhaps something had slipped through. I went to the local hospital and received the very best attention. Why wasn't I more careful? I asked myself. Those who know what it is like waiting for the worst for several months will understand my anxiety. When I got the green light, I leaped up and hugged the surprised doctor. I vowed to return to Thailand before too long.

Back to Top

My second trip to Thailand

Because I could not get Thailand out of my head, and because my life just seemed to be drifting towards death, I made the decision to leave England permanently. I had an accountancy practice, but I was just ticking over without any prospect of a pretty partner or countless riches. I decided to prepare for this adventure by visiting Thailand again to assess the viability of settling there. Because the visa on arrival allows 30 days in the Kingdom, I planned to stay the full 30 days.

Upon landing, I again headed for Pattaya. It was my intention to hunt for the pretty girl from my friend’s bar, called Noy, because she had treated me well and seemed a decent sort. I booked into a hotel and went looking for Noy, carrying a photo of her taken 2 years previously. I had lost contact with her for 2 years but the only thing in my favour was her love of blond hair. I walked down the street, and I sucked in my breath when I saw a slim Thai with long blonde hair. I followed her to a bar, but it was a different bar so I could not be sure it was her. I sat down and ordered a beer. She did not recognize me, so I showed her the photo. She was totally unmoved. I told her that I was in Thailand for a month and I needed a partner. Normally this is welcomed by bar girls because it guarantees an income for a month, but Noy turned me down. I thought, blimey, even bar girls don’t fancy me.

Because of my previous HIV/Aids scare, I vowed to be extra careful this time. I did not want to get too excited on the first night, so I had a cunning plan. I settled for a fat girl because I only wanted to cuddle her. I went to the same bar the next day, and stayed there all day, drinking and playing pool with the bar girls. They are nice people, generally, and I enjoy being in their company. One girl took my fancy and I asked her to be my partner. She refused. Now I was getting irritated because if you cannot score in Thailand, you are already in the morgue. I spoke to the bar boss, a lady boy. Lady boys are common in bars and generally I find them easygoing and decent. How can you tell the difference? Easy. The pretty, slim ones with long beautiful hair, spotless skin, sexy walk and feminine ways are a dead giveaway. They’re the lady boys. He spoke to her and the deal was sealed, much to her annoyance. Her friend wanted to go with us, but I told her I was not interested. She explained that the girl I liked could not speak English and was extremely shy because she was new to bar work. I agreed she could come along, but no money for her and that’s what happened for a few days. The girl I liked was called Cat and her friend’s name was Kwan. I slept with Cat that night but I did not touch her.

I asked Kwan if Cat could be tested for HIV and after a little persuasion we went to the Bangkok Pattaya Hospital in Pattaya which I knew about because I had done some research on the internet. It is not the cheapest, but it is good quality and highly regarded. When her test results arrived, the nurse insisted that I was the first person to receive them, because only then could I be certain they had not been tampered with. Cat was clean. Kwan then told me that Cat wanted me to be tested too. I was impressed with Cat’s cheek but I refused anyway. Cat was clearly new to bar work, because she was really shy when alone with me. She could not speak English and this made Cat even more desirable. Bar girls who can speak English have been working for a long time as bar girls and are hardened by the job and become heartless and cynical. There are plenty of Thai women who can speak English, but they have had a good education which bar girls generally have not. I wanted to spend the whole month with Cat, but away from her friend and away from Pattaya.

Through Kwan, I explained that I wanted to spend a month with Cat in her home, living with her family. After a lot of persuasion, we set off to Korat (full name Nakhonratchasima). I told her I would pay her 1,000 every day. That meant she would have about 28,000 in the bank at the end of my holiday, because I also agreed to buy the food and essentials. For me it was a good deal, because I stayed at her home rent free. Cat had just separated from her husband and the story about her being