Big Daddy.

By Carl Delprat

As a old man who has experienced and observed much of life from a male's perspective, perhaps some assistance can be offered for those entering into middle age?
Rather than lecture or prophecies on doom and gloom, I've chosen to combine a collection of events personally experienced and witnessed into a fiction novel.
Usually I never write about myself or acquaintances, but in this case there was so much available material ... well ... why let it go to waste.
By the way, I'm not divorced or had ever reached these physical proportions, but ... I know of enough cases to make comment.
So dear reader, turn the first page and enter the life of Big Daddy, It is an insight into many lives from the perspective of today's average male.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Carl Delprat
• Release date: Mar 30, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370944200

Carl Delprat

Carl Delprat is a prolific storyteller. His home is the Australian coastal city of Newcastle, New South Wales.

Book preview

Big-Daddy.

A MANUAL FOR THE MIDDLE-AGED MAN.

An adventure/fiction/ novel

by

Carl Delprat.

Storymaker.

ISBN:9781370944200

Copyright 2017 Carl Delprat

Cover illustration by Carl Delprat.

A special thanks to Carmel, Carmen, and Herb for all their help.

This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favourite e-book retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

As per all fiction I have written, any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely accidental and with no intention of insult or offence.

Note: My stories are in Australian English, and … indicates talking while ‘…’ signifies thinking.

Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

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Other excellent long and short stories by Carl Delprat are ~

ALL STRINGS ATTACHED: Find out what happens after a mysterious glowing object is discovered inside a coal seam. Based on Steven Hawkins ‘string-theory.’

31 LAMAN STREET: Is where an evil ghost wreaks havoc amongst the locals.

GIRL SOLDIERS: A futuristic global adventure where the girls have taken over.

~DREAMMAN~: Where a young man uses his dreams to fight for good over evil.

THE THREE TREES: An international serial murder mystery set in the 1950’s.

THE TWO BROTHERS: A randy romp around Sydney and Newcastle set in the 1980's

THE STORY OF ANNIE: The long life of a MG-TC roadster.

BAD BOY BILLY: A crime and passion novel with a serial killer on the loose.

THE HARPSICHORD MAN: A tale about a criminal harpsichord builder.

WHAT ABOUT MADELYN? A political catfight between two female rivals.

THE NEW PRIEST: Revisit the times and tribulations of 1950' style priesthood warts and all.

A FEED OF FISH WITH FREDDY: A chocolate box selection of short stories.

DAYS OF FLOWERS: A human menagerie of intertwined lives travelling along the river of life.

MAGIC MOMENTS: One man's long journey of searching for a family.

A YOUNG MAN'S POETRY VOLUME I: The first of three editions of poetry commenced in the late 1970's.

A YOUNG MAN'S POETRY VOLUME II: A collection of short poems all guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.

A YOUNG MAN'S POETRY VOLUME III: A special selection that must be shared with everyone.

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Because being overweight has now become a national epidemic, there are so many BIG-DADDY stories about the place theses days all waiting for their stories to be told.

I myself hit 111 kg's and went through more operations and calamities then I've mentioned in this story.

Well I'm now down to 88.2 and (complete with lots of surgical stitches) living a much healthier lifestyle.

Anyway, I first painted the book's cover and then decided to write a story about it, so all back to front for me.

Before I go any further, all my characters are fictional and they always create themselves while the story unravels.

I also mentally role-play my characters like an actor does and find this method entertaining and creative.

I'm 72, happily married 50 years, never kicked out my two children, not interested in golf or fishing etc.

Yes ... it's going to be tough on many of us to make it through into old age and I hope this story can be of some benefit to any of those in need.

So, what better story than a guide line for those following a similar path, yes, an overweight person's instruction guide and operational manual.

And of course, as always ... as I keep repeating, I am a real living and breathing storymaker, so ... unless I have psychic powers, any possible connections with the living or the dead is just a dead-set fluke.

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Contents~

About Carl Delprat, Storymaker

Other titles by Carl Delprat

A word from the author

Chapter 1: Big-daddy's day out.

Chapter 2: Problem issues.

Chapter 3: Tests, tests and more tests.

Chapter 4: Deflating.

Chapter 5: Life without children.

Chapter 6: A big shock.

Chapter 7: The big operation.

Chapter 8: A full recovery.

Chapter 9: Back at the coal face.

Chapter 10: Another operation already.

Chapter 11: Business as usual. (With complications.)

Chapter 12: Has big-daddy visited the dark side?

Chapter 13: A deep descent.

Chapter 14: A turn of events.

Chapter 15: Sneaky Samantha.

Chapter 16: Some life left in that old rascal yet.

Chapter 17: Changing partners.

Chapter 18: Some surprises.

Chapter 19: A change in pace.

Chapter 20: Recovery.

Chapter 21: Sailing along nicely.

Chapter 22: The going gets tough.

Chapter 23: Am I going mad?

Chapter 24: Bernie's wedding.

Chapter 25: At the crossroads.

Please again note: As with all my stories, … indicates talking and ‘…’ signifies thinking.

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Chapter 1.

Big-daddy's day out.

No body who takes on anything big and tough can afford to be modest. Orson Wells.

*********<(1)>*********

"The way I look at it Spencer, most people that I get to watch walking around here in this mall remind me of birds, yes flamin' birds and birds of all descriptions.

Now take that peacock over there with his hair plaited and this green tinge all over it, yes what a laugh. Then get a geek at this nasty old vulture of a woman; now tell me ... would you ever trust her?

And what about that gaggle of geese coming towards us ... or perhaps the silly old dodo right behind them?"

Just to please Big-daddy-Norton, Spencer Havelock gave them all a good nod of his baldhead when they passed by.

"And Spence, I can see you like the look of that plump little pigeon with the extra high heels ... yes I could go for her myself ... yes I could go two big helpings of that one p-l-e-a-s-e thank you very much."

They both leant back in their seats and then twiddled their thumbs for a bit.

"These women, they take so long to do things, yes my Margaret and her damned shopping just takes forever ... it takes her ages and ages and ... all they really have to do is just select something and then drop it into that trolley.

Now ... what can possibly take so long, yes tell me ... just to do a thing like that?"

Spencer made a very little grunt in response.

"Listen mate, do you hear that pumping sound, there's a sound in my earlike something’s pumping away all the time!"

I have no idea what you mean by that Malcolm, replied Spencer.

"Spence, now get a look at that old bloke over there with that 'walker.' No. no he shouldn’t be out on his own don't you think 'cause someone could knock him over."

Big-daddy moved his bulk to one side and then pointed to something in the moving crowd.

"Lucky for you again Spence, yes here comes your wife and her shopping's all done already.

Now if my Margaret doesn’t get herself a move on I 'goanna miss the Supercars on television."

Big-daddy was left all on his own now and left with mind wandering about silly stuff like always.

'Being an extra big man has its strengths and its weaknesses.

Anyway, you just sort of grow into it and being this large has a lot of responsibilities, ... like for instance you now have to protect the womenfolk from reckless fools and ... if you ever caught one of them ... well just sitting on the little beggar would keep a firm hold on him until help arrived.

Well ... I wonder what she's going to cook for me tonight?

Cripes I'm feeling those hunger pains rising up from my guts inside me already.'

"Oh ... hurry up Margaret!"

By the time Big-daddy had got out of his car, Margaret had already removed four bags from out of the back and was on her way off to the back door already.

It was such a hot day and the sweat was seeping out of him everywhere.

All this surplus liquid gave Big-daddy an idea.

'Perhaps I should give this car a wash?'

He really knew that would never happen, anyway later on tonight some rain was forecast.

Just look at that! 'The weather seal from around the driver's door is hanging off, yes everything they make these days is shoddy ... yes just look at the driver's seat, now what bad workmanship is that because it's collapsing, and I always thought Toyota was a great Japanese car manufacturer.

Oh look, here comes Margaret already for the rest of the groceries, that woman's going to just wear herself away to nothing the way's she's going.'

Blast!

What's the matter dear?

"Damned braces, that clip on my braces has come undone again ... yes everything is crap these days."

"Yes dear, and yes ... I will make you a nice cup of tea and a biscuit when I get this lot all sorted out, and your silly-Supercars should be on in about five minutes."

It was dark, yes, the room was dark meaning Big-daddy must have fallen asleep in front of the television as per normal.

And now the evening news was on, meaning his dinner would be about ready.

Big-daddy hobbled off to the toilet and was really hoping it would be vacant when he got there.

"So, Margaret, what do we call this stuff?"

It was good to see their daughter Julie was staying home tonight and surprisingly ... Robert as well.

'Ops! That means they're both broke and will be after some of my cash, well then I best hide my wallet.'

Dad, would I be able to borrow the Toyota tomorrow night?

It was good to see Robert wanted to talk with his father again.

Well son, well first tell me now where is your Holden?

It is getting fixed at the moment.

Now why would that be son, because you always rev the living hell out of it just to keep the motor in trim?

The men at the garage said it has bent valves.

'This is almost like having a proper conversation around the kitchen table, but Julie is keeping to herself.'

Julie ... what are your thoughts on this matter darling, asked her inquisitive father.

Death!

Pardon? ... I don’t fully understand what you are implying. Big-daddy squeezed in another big scoop of mashed potato into his mouth and then let his tongue do all the work.

Death, death, death death!

"Holy-crap, she's a 'Goth' dad so what would one expect she'd say? All 'Goths' speak like that ... it's compulsory. Now fat-old-man... what about a loan of your rotten car for tonight?"

Listen son, the Toyota just doesn’t seem to like you because after I lent it last time it behaved terribly afterwards. Big-daddy had started sucking on a crumbed lamb cutlet bone.

That's all news to me dad, so what happened?

"For starters ... the back tyres had lost a lot of weight and the fuel in the petrol tank just evaporated away to almost empty.

Yes son, my silver Toyota doesn’t take to young male drivers at all."

Well Mrs Betty Havelock told me much the same thing when we were shopping together this very morning, her husband Spencer always finds problems after his son borrows their Falcon.

Margaret's ears searched about for a comment, but ... everyone kept on eating.

*********<(1)>*********

Someone kept turning down the air conditioning and big-daddy was starting to get really annoyed.

He looked about at all the people in this Hunter Valley Water Provider's office who were wearing jumpers and cardigans and wondered which one it would be.

'Yes, the stupid fools are all wearing cardigans in this hot weather.' So once again he shook his sweaty head.

Mr Norton, the manager would like to see you in his office in about thirty minutes.

It was that crawling-nasty-little Sammy Scheck once again and doing all the boss's ground work for him.

What's all this about Samuel? Big-daddy liked to be updated.

Medical I guess, they want the staff to take a medical and you know what that could mean?

No worries my boy, I'm as sound as a clock I am.

Big-daddy looked up at the clock, 'what a bugger, the boss has deliberately planned it this was so I will end up staying back and not getting any penalty rates."

He hunted about in his desk drawer and ... finally came up with a quarter eaten Mar's bar.

'Now I wish I had at least three of these things because ... only one is such a big tease.'

Mr Braithwaite looked up from his data sheets and attempted a smile.

Take a chair Malcolm Norton and sit down please.

Big-daddy picked out the strongest one he could find.

"I'm here to ... well, another way of putting it is ... I feel I have inform you the State Government Public Service intends to take a proactive interest in its employees heath and wellbeing and starting next year and there will be annual medical checks and assessments within this department.

So, do you understand where I am coming from Malcolm?"

Yes ... I do Mr Braithwaite, I certainly do ... and if there is anything I can personally do to help you get yourself fit ... then Mr Braithwaite you can certainly rely on me.

"Well ... err ... well that will be all for the present Malcolm, and I will update you on these expected changes when I hear something further."

Right-oh Mr Braithwaite, now you better start looking after yourself.

*********<(1)>*********

Big-daddy just felt so right when sitting about and just doing stuff in his garage.

It certainly wasn’t one of those fully functioning workshops like Dennis up the road had.

No, it was nothing at all like that one.

'Its like ... some sort of a mini-factory in there.

And that stuck-up Dennis was not one to ever lend anything so what good was it all to him?'

Yes, this garage was all sort of snug and uncomplicated, without too many distractions.

And he had a look about, just for old times sake.

Robert has been scratching about here again 'cause one of my screwdrivers is missing from the pegboard.

Yes, Margaret gave me those, as a birthday present twelve years ago, and they looked too good, yes much too good to ever