□ THERE seems to be a lot of criticism lately aimed at Elon Musk for being a twat, most of it quite justified. But let’s not forget that his Falcon 9 rockets that actually land back on earth are right out of fucking Thunderbirds. Admittedly, he’s a complete bellend in every other sphere of endeavour, but credit where it’s due, his rockets are absolutely shit hot.
Tobamory Belch, Luton
□ I OFTEN wonder what people who have a beard of bees do when they want a cup of tea. Do they simply brush a few bees away from their lips in order to take a sip, do they lure them away by putting a bit of honey on their chin, or do they use a straw?
Hector Bystander, Goole
□ I SEE once again that Glossop is the target town of one of your spurious articles. Whilst I agree it is a pretty dismal place, compared to other towns in the Dark Peak, it comes off looking like Milan or Paris. Might I suggest your writers cast their gaze further afield to other Dark Peak towns like the godawful New Mills or even Dove fucking Holes?
Joe Hartshorn, Alness
□ DO ANY of your readers know what breed of dog first shagged a monkey to make a baboon?
Dumbo Sane, Zurich
*That’s an interesting question, Mr Dumbo, even though we’re not convinced that baboons came about as a result of a dog shagging a monkey. But we could be wrong. Perhaps somebody from New Scientist or Nature is reading this who could tell us if, at some point in the evolutionary history of baboons, a dog shagged a monkey, and if so, when it happened and what type of dog it was.
□ say what you like about people who do banking fraud, but at least you get straight through to them when you phone up. If I call my own bank I have to wait in a queue for absolutely ages after pressing loads of buttons, but when I call the number on a scam email I’m put straight through to one of their bogus representatives. So keep up the good work, fraudsters. You provide an excellent phone service with the money you purloin.
