Rosaura has a ghost

By Miguel Campion

 “Katarsis” is an amateur theatre group (to put it as kindly as possible) that just gets by on subsidies and whatever else they can get their hands on. Their leader and director, Beatrice, harbours grand plans to put on ambitious works of theatrical art, but they always end up putting on another classical piece for the retirees' theatre club in their local area. When Rosaura comes into their lives they believe everything is going to change when she offers them a juicy cheque to perform “Life is Sacred”, written by her dead mother who cannot rest in peace until the play is performed.

While the text is a hackneyed pastiche of the Spanish Golden Age with absurd rhymes written by a bitter old lady who made her career in a sausage factory, the money wins out and they decide to perform the piece. Little did they suspect that Rosaura would then demand to perform a role in the play. Not only is she a poor actor with no experience, but she also brings some baggage.

Quarrels, ambitions, infidelities, back stabbings, absurdities, ravings and ghostly apparitions abound as we witness the final decadence of a mediocre theatre company.

This play debuted in Pamplona on the 8th of April, 2000, in the Escuela Navarra de Teatro. The production by the Xahutondo Theatre Group was extremely well received and was awarded first prize in the Navarra Youth Theatre Awards for that year.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BadPress
• Release date: Jan 8, 2017
• ISBN: 9781507168509

Book preview

ROSAURA

HAS A GHOST

A Theatrical Comedy by

Miguel Campion

Translated by

Dominic Zugai

Preface:

This play debuted in Pamplona on the 8th of April, 2000, in the Escuela Navarra de Teatro. The production by the Xahutondo Theatre Group was extremely well received and was awarded first prize in the Navarra Youth Theatre Awards for that year.

With a few minimal corrections, the version of the play presented here is essentially the same as that performed in 2000.

––––––––

ghost.

1. An apparition, such as that which appears in dreams or reveries.

2. An image of the deceased which, according to some, appears before the living.

3. The image of an object which remains in our afterthoughts.

4. fig. A silent, emotionally void individual or a pale imitation of a previous incarnation.

5. As a pre-modifier, indicating an emptiness or false nature. A GHOST town. A GHOST writer.

6. A character people dress up as to scare people at night.

CAST

(by order of appearance)

RICHARD, actor (playing Segismund the prisoner prince and Gravemund the ghost)

HELENA, stage designer, costume designer, lighting engineer...

BEATRICE, her sister and the group’s director.

FRANK, actor (playing The Guardian Angel)

SAMUEL, the handy man

LUNA, actress (playing Sister Fofalda the jailer)

ALBERT, actor (playing Savagio the Grand Inquisitor)

BRUNO, actor (playing Saint John Nepomucene the Saint)

BETTY, actress (playing Immaculena the remorseful prostitute)

ROSAURA, entrepreneur and actress (playing Santalina the prisoner)

MISS ANNA, mother of Rosaura and playwright

MUSICIANS’ VOICES

The directions ‘left’ and ‘right’ used throughout refer to those of the audience.

ACT ONE

SCENE ONE

Darkness. Little by little, a light begins to outline a human figure. Eventually, SEGISMUND from Calderón de la Barca’s ‘Life is a Dream’ can be made out. He is played by RICHARD, a young actor wearing black leather trousers and chest straps over his bared torso. His arms are chained aloft. The lashing of a whip can be heard, to which he reacts with ambiguous gestures of both pleasure and pain. He begins to speak as the lashing continues. 

Segismund (Richard)

Pray mercy, oh woe is me,

Whose only crime has been

To ever have been born at all

Upon this mortal coil.

O gods, I do concede

For the cursèd gift of life

The punishment is this:

Is life, as it can only be.

To you oh gods on high

One answer do I plead

What deed can I have done

That you so punish me?

Yes, punish me! Punish me!

Richard screams. His image fades to black.

SCENE TWO

A light comes on revealing a dark basement, with a small elevated space in the middle like a small platform for an orchestra. In the background to the left is a loading door. On the right, there are three or four steps visible of a larger staircase which leads to the main access door to the basement from the outside. The basement continues on beyond what we can see to the left where there is also a bathroom, which is used as a storage space. Indeed, the entire basement is used as a storage space for a huge range of random objects, boxes, parts of previous sets, costumes... all arranged just right in a magnificent mess.

HELENA, an unremarkable young woman, and BEATRICE, her older sister, wearing thick black-rimmed nerd glasses and with a snobby, arty air about her, enter stage right via the stairs in animated conversation.

Helena

I don’t know what’s so wrong with my idea... I always thought that deep down Segismund was totally into S&M. Chained up in a basement all his life surrounded by men ‘guarding him’...

BEATRICE

But we spend half our lives rehearsing in this basement and we’re not all into whips and chains. I refuse to adapt ‘Life is a Dream’ into a kinky leather ‘n latex show. You’re my sister and I love you, but Helena, you’re sick in the head...

Helena

You’ve got to admit though, it would definitely liven that moth-eaten drag up a bit...

BEATRICE

‘Life is a Dream’ a drag? How can you say that? It’s a classic!

Helena

And so because it’s a classic you have to put Segismund in the same ragged loincloth, tattered wig and plastic chains as always?

BEATRICE

What can I say? The public love that loincloth...

Helena

You’re a sell-out.

BEATRICE

And I’ve got bills to pay.

Helena

Then why don’t you just get a normal job like everyone else?

BEATRICE

What? Making crappy pizza or pulling beers? I am the director of a theatre group and have a reputation to maintain. I am not a waitress. Don’t laugh... I have a name to uphold.

Helena

Yeah, right...

BEATRICE

Let me remind you I was interviewed in the local paper the other day.

Helena

I remember. And I also remember that story about a 50 kilo pumpkin on the same page.

BEATRICE

How can you compare me with a pumpkin?

Helena

And you appeared with a cigarette in your hand... You don’t even smoke!

BEATRICE

Well, I wanted us to come across as edgy and modern...

Helena

(sarcastically)

Ah, but of course, I forgot that you’re an artiste... What school do you sign up at to become one of those?

BEATRICE

You don’t have to study anywhere to be an artist, Helena. The best have always been self-taught. I’ve lived. I’m well-read. My work may not be the most amazing but I know that without me this group wouldn’t exist. I understand the bigger picture and I know how to get the best out of every show and keep us evolving.

Helena

Of course, I clearly have no idea about the ‘bigger picture’. I just look after the set design, wardrobe, lighting and the million other things you’ve got no idea about because you’re too busy with ‘the bigger picture’...

BEATRICE

Well, what do you want? To be the director? Fine by me. Let’s just see what funding your S&M version of ‘Life is a Dream’ gets... Let’s just see what Cultural Centre gives us a gig...

Helena

Just listen to yourself, Bea. You’re pathetic. How can you be such a sell-out?

BEATRICE

I’m not a sell-out. I’m just trying to maintain the artistic integrity of the group in a sustainable way. The important thing isn’t the play itself, it’s how we do it... the concept behind the show as a whole... what do you know about any of that? And if we didn’t put on this type of show we wouldn’t be able to afford to do what we really want.

Helena

But we never end up doing what we really want.

BEATRICE

Don’t say that until you’ve seen what I’m planning to write... It’ll break new ground and take the world by storm! Imagine: a plunge into the depths of the human psyche, a portrait of a single person, but with several different sides to them, with different actors playing the different parts of the character... five, six, TEN different personalities all brought together in the one character...

Helena

So it’s autobiographical, then?

Beatrice stares daggers at Helena. FRANK, young and uber-fashionable, enters from stage right.

Helena

Hi, Frank.

Frank

Hi. Is the newbie here yet?

BEATRICE

No.

Frank

And the funding? Have they called?

BEATRICE

No.

Frank

And the others?

BEATRICE

Still not here.

Frank

Well, I’m out of here, I’ve got