Numb

By Kathleen Mareé

"I'm tired of being what you want me to be, feeling so faithless, lost under the surface." - Linkin Park.

*A novella*

Playing local shows in seedy, downtown pubs when I was just Jamie with his guitar, and coming home to my girl who was waiting for me. A girl I couldn't imagine living without. That was my life. A life I loved. A life that may not have been perfect, or filled with money and fame - but it was perfect to me.

Playing packed out stadiums in beautiful cities, where Jay Ryker is who they scream for; and coming home to an empty hotel and a bottle of bourbon waiting for me. A bottle I wouldn't dare try and live without. This was my life. A life I loathed. A life that may seem perfect on the outside, filled with money and fame - but it wasn't perfect to me.

After losing my world that meant everything to me; I need to find my way back to the living.

I'm not sure I even want to. I don't think I would survive any more pain.

It may seem weak, but it's easier being numb.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kathleen Mareé
• Release date: Dec 3, 2016
• ISBN: 9781370032563

Kathleen Mareé

From the earliest age I was a born storyteller.Ask my parents and they will tell you I had a gift for making a simple event seem like an elaborate one. Purposely? No. Innocently? Yes. It was my imaginary world that initially led me to believe I wanted to be an actor. All of that role playing and living in fantasy... it was an obvious direction for me. However, becoming quite uncomfortable with the limelight quickly saw that dream diminish.Over the years I turned my world of fantasy into stories, and eventually began writing them down. Before I knew it, 'Cut' had been completed.

Book preview

Numb

A novella

By Kathleen Maree’

Published 2016

Copyright © Kathleen Mareé 2016

ISBN-13: 978-1539779773 ISBN-10:1539779777

ISBN: 9781370032563

License Notes

No reproduction without permission. All rights reserved.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.  This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people.  If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient.  If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy.  Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Disclaimer: The persons, places, things, and otherwise animate or inanimate objects mentioned in this novel are figments of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to anything or anyone living (or dead) is unintentional. The author humbly begs your pardon. This is fiction, people.

"I’m tired of being who you want me to be.

Feeling so faithless and lost under the surface.."

‘Numb’ – Linkin Park

Chapter One

Come here.

I crook my finger urging her toward me. The sun shining behind her; illuminating her features like she was some goddess sent to this earth to torment me.

But only ever in the best possible way.

Her long, black hair flowing in the wind as it gusts sensually around us. Those same dark eyes blazing brightly; a result of the pure happiness radiating in her smile. She slowly saunters her willowy frame toward me and I fight with everything inside me not to reach for her. She already knows how under her spell I am, so there is no way I need to indicate to what ball-less extent. When she slows her stride my lips tug upwards into a seductive grin. The exact way I know she likes it. She trembles. Her own lips quivering anxiously.

So, I’m here. Now what? Tahlia asks me, all breathy and as sexy as fuck.

Come closer and find out.

I hold my breath in anticipation, as I wait for what feels like hours for her to make her move. Finally, she gives in and leans her soft pink lips toward mine…

What the hell Jay?!

I jerk up when I feel a punch on my arm to the accompanying tone that always seems to scold me.

I’m impressed you even felt that right hook with the amount of liquor you’ve drowned yourself in.

I drop my head to my lap, as I shuffle my feet down to the floor from the comfort of my bed; vaguely hearing clatters of glass as my feet struggle to find a connection to the ground.

Although, you supposedly still gave that slut-bag a good time last night. She desperately wanted to leave you her number when I kicked her ass out this morning, Amy adds. The obvious disgust, dripping from her acid tongue.

I finally crack open my eyes, finding a blurry focus on the empty alcohol bottles and a used rubber on the floor near my bare feet. Any memory of some girl I used it on, coming nothing short of blank. But the haunting memory of that dark hair flowing toward me is as fresh as if it were yesterday.

But it wasn’t yesterday.

It was over three years ago.

Desperately trying to shove those memories away, a brief flash of the endless drinks I poured down my throat last night, flutters to the surface. As well as a club appearance Management insisted we show our faces at in order to stay on the scene. It was always their preferred method of ensuring the band stayed hot in this industry. It wasn’t enough that our music was fucking good. To be honest, they probably didn’t care if we sounded like complete shit. As long as we pumped out the albums, toured, and kept the fans close enough to think they stood a chance with us but kept our business clean enough to stay out of the media – they were happy. And a happy Management meant we didn’t have to deal with them or our over-priced lawyers. So I kept up appearances. I mean what other choice did I really have? I lost everything that meant something to me anyway and we were under contract. But I knew half way through the night, after one too many empty conversations with people who didn’t really give a shit about us but only who we were and what we were doing for a living – where the night would end up for me. It was always the same. And it usually ended with me in bed with some stranger. One, who I wouldn’t remember the next day and who would never mean anything to me. It was another distraction. But I never brought them back to my room. It was usually away in hotels, or even in Chris’s apartment in West Hollywood. It was never here. Which pisses me off.

She was in here, I stated angrily.

Well I didn’t imagine kicking out some blonde bimbo this morning. I swear you have reached a new low if you are dragging their skanky asses into your house. You never do that. And now she knows where you live. Dumbass.

I hear Amy continue to scold me as she scurries about my room. Probably picking up my dirty clothes and getting rid of any evidence of how pathetic I was. The very echo of her heels on my timber floor, further aggravating the headache that was punishing me.

As I deserve to be anyway.

How you have even managed to finish this album is..

Please. Stop. Talking.

I close my eyes and take my throbbing head in my hands, suddenly feeling the nausea overtake the numbness. I couldn’t manage further thoughts about the random woman I stupidity brought