Kattey’s Arrow

By KentseBadirwang

Kattey’s Arrow follows the journey of a young girl who from birth felt her life was accompanied by a profound spirit of darkness that always landed her in painful and emotionally draining situations. Her journey sees her living with childhood depression, surviving multiple rapes, getting caught up in gangsterism and self destruction, being seduced by suicidal thoughts and experiencing severe emptiness. She is finally rescued by giving birth to unplanned sons. The new little lives makes her want to strive for a better life.

This book is for those who are too afraid to confront their past, those who are burdened with self guilt, those who are endlessly struggling with self forgiveness and most of all those whose spirits are broken by past pain and need encouragement to heal. The book could be a reflection of so many Katteys out there ... Same picture but different strokes. There is a Kattey in all of us ...love can save us.

About the author

Kentse Badirwang was born in 1976 in Mafikeng in the North West Province, South Africa. She is the founder of Pelegi Movement NPO which advocates for the rights, and support of victims of gender based violence, rape and sexual crimes. She is known around her community for her passion to assist women and children affected by rape and gender based violence.

• Language: English
• Publisher: KentseBadirwang
• Release date: Aug 22, 2016
• ISBN: 9780620689281

KentseBadirwang

Kentse Badirwang was born in 1976 in Mafikeng in the North West Province SA. She is the founder of Pelegi Movement NPO which advocates for the rights, and support of victims of gender based violence, rape and sexual crimes. She is known around her community for her passion to assist women and children affected by rape and gender based violence.

Book preview

Kattey's Arrow

Kattey's Arrow

Cruel journey to her purpose

Kentse Badirwang

Copyright © 2016 Kentse Badirwang

First edition 2016

Published by Kentse Badirwang at Smashwords

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

Edited by Gil Harper for Reach Publishers

Cover hand painted by Loui Lance

Cover designed by Loui Lance

Website: www.reachpublishers.co.za

E-mail: [e-mail]

Acknowledgements

Tsela kgopo ga e latse nageng. I would like to thank God Almighty. You knew me before I was born. You knew my life was destined to be full of pain and sorrow. You knew it was going to be dark, yet you loved me so much that you gave me an arrow with a magical light, as I was born into a dark jungle called life.

To my father, Mr Gabriel Badirwang, thank you for your angelic shadow that boldly intervened when the heavy rains fell on me. To my mother, Mrs Joyce Badirwang, thank you for finally seeing the arrow with its shining light and embracing it. To my siblings, Thapelo Badirwang and Tlhalefang Gaborone, I love you deeply. To the little souls that were sent through to rescue me when death was due – my sons Bontse and Kalifa Badirwang – your profound purpose in my life is spiritual, and a divine testimony, that no one is born without God’s plan. I love you and thank you for your continuous encouragement, love and undying support. A special thank you to Dannyboy Mlambo for believing in my manuscript and making it a dream come true.

To everyone who played a role in my journey, may the grace of our good Lord bless you.

This is who I am...

Ke bapo mmina Tlou

Ke thethe kgopi ya matebele, ya kgopa bo rrarona matebele a mogale wa dintwa, a marete maramaga, a ntoto e lebedu

Kentse yo kentseng ke tlhafu ya thaba Bapo

Bapong ya kgosi Mogale

Kokomane ya Mokonyane

Peo ya Legalamitlwa pitsa ya bo rra Badirwang

tau e roduma bophirima, ya tsaya popelo ya Bapo ga nna jalo Ka nna yo Kentseng bophirima le bokone ga bopiwa lerumo la newa tlhabo ya letsatsi a belegwa ka lona a nna yo antseng a bitswa Kentse

Ga nna jalo

Contents

Chapter 1. Childhood

Chapter 2. The shows

Chapter 3. Health

Chapter 4. The system

Chapter 5. The ball

Chapter 6. Jozi

Chapter 7. Motherhood

Chapter 8. Abduction

Chapter 9. Death Blows

Chapter 10. New dreams

Chapter 11. The dark horse

Chapter 12. Going up

Chapter 13. Setbacks

Chapter 14. Victory

Chapter 15. I am there

One

Childhood

Her mother, as she had now come to realise, was very pretty. She was getting ready to go to school. Across the dark candlelit room sat her grandmother, whom she was made to understand, after much confusion and explanation, was actually her great-grandmother. A pot of porridge was overflowing on the prima stove and her mother ran to save the situation before her granny could scream at her like she usually did. Kattey almost believed that this was the normal way adults communicated. She could not think of it otherwise. In the humble spiritual space that dominated her great-grandmother, her soft voice came across as very squeaky and lame to the little girl. A few minutes later, the little girl was walking hand in hand with her mother who was rushing, with Kattey, almost in a marathon race, trailing after her. She would drop Kattey off at her primary school who would then stare at her mother disappearing into the narrow road that led to her higher education school. Kattey would also throw her head back to once or twice glance at her mother who always looked weary and tired even though it was that early in the morning.

Having to enter the school gate, Kattey first took time to look at and admire her school dress which was very big and had lots of pins which made sure the dungaree fitted her like that of some American model, throwing her soul on the ramp to land herself a contract that would secure international exposure. Kattey really felt so proud that she was going to school and liked it very much, especially the part when people would praise her and say she was going to be a teacher or nurse someday.

After school she then had to wait for her mother to collect her so they could go home together. Her mother Rejoice had very little time for her as she had so many responsibilities at home. The only time she got for herself was when everything was done and when her great-grandparents had finally resigned to their sleeping chambers. Her great-grandmother, Oumama as she called her, had lots of time, being an old woman with nothing to do but rock in her chair the whole day. Mma Mokgethi had lots of time for Kattey and that was as close as she could get to a woman’s chest… or did they call it a hug? After many moons, as Kattey could not figure out how they calculated months, her mother told her that they were moving to a brand new house that both her mother and father had bought. There was a man who looked so much like her, and used to wear a soldier’s uniform.

She realised later that he was her father and he looked so young and strong. She did not quite understand what a father meant or how it had a connection with her but she loved the whole idea. When her father, as how she understood him, came to visit, it was always an event. He would bring goodies from the so-called big cities. Kattey promised herself that when she grew up she would, like her dad, go to the big city and get all these nice things that her father usually brought home. She was not sure though if the city was a place that only men went to, as she saw that all the women stayed home and waited for men to come from that miraculous place. She often sat and wondered what kind of a place that was and why it accommodated men only.

One morning she was told that her great-grandmother had died but she did not know what that meant. The whole funeral thing was so sad yet exciting. She saw so many of her relatives from the cities called Johannesburg and Rustenburg. People there had a deep sadness in their eyes but one picture that always haunted her was that of the tears on her mother’s face that lasted for days and days, and to this day she still cries when she thinks of that ceremony. Kattey failed to understand why she would cry for somebody who made her life a bit uncomfortable as she remembered. Her mother was now sad but had no one to shout or scream at her anymore. She thought it was okay for her mother to do things at her own pace as she now took over the role of shouting at people and especially at her.

Being that age, she wanted so much to grow up so she could take over the role of shouting from her mother and then pass it on to her own daughter someday. Life was fine as usual and they finally got to the new house. The house was nothing like her late great-granny’s four-roomed house. It had what was known as electricity, a bath with running hot water and lots of space. She even had her own room. It was pleasant to stay in that castle although now the distance to school was too much for her. Life was better and her father was now staying with them on a full-time basis. He was a nice and very sweet young man who made her laugh a lot.

Her glory in being the only child did not last long as she now had a male baby sharing or, rather, stealing her limelight. This didn’t sit well with her, and she sank into sadness. What a way to wrap acceptance around her little heart.

She was too busy enjoying the new neighbourhood with her funny looking baby brother to even realise that her mother was sick. Her tummy was growing bigger and bigger and she could not understand why this was happening. She noticed how tired and miserable she always was. In her mind, she’d also feel the same if she had to live with such a big tummy day in and day out. One day she got so sick and her dad took her to the clinic. Her mother was there for a couple of days and she really missed her a lot. Why would they not let her see her own mother? That is a question she only got an answer for much later in life. When she finally came home, her tummy was not as ballooned as before and she looked very pale and tired. She observed as she slowly made her way into the house. Her dad was carrying a bundle of something that she could not figure out what it was. The bundle was then put on a bed and her dad was peeping through the little blanket that was covering this thing. She was then called to come and see and, to her shock, saw a small very strange looking human being. She was told that she was her little sister. She did not know what that meant or where she came from. This thing came with no marketing as her baby sister just popped into her life and she was forced to deal with it.

The one night she was alone, next thing her baby brother was there, and now this… she braced herself with possibilities that as she was not involved in the recruitment of the two UFOs, her mother would always procure them in her tummy and go and pick them up. There was nothing she could do to stop this invasion. This process was more of a revolution to her existence and she had to think way beyond her childish mind and strategies about how she was going to end their presence, seeing that she could not stop the process of the actual revolution. Her little sister was born and they were now three and she did not even know what that meant for her in the family. She could not even say she was happy or sad. Kattey found herself in this neutral mode that sang a song of confusion. The latest baby was there and there was nothing she could do about that. Her parents were so happy and spent every moment they could with this new ‘bundle of joy’.

Many people came to see the strange baby with a rather big forehead. She was not there as a person any more, as conversations from near and far were all about the baby. Her mother had no time for her and she would always send her on little errands. Her life changed a little bit as she could not go and play anymore. She had to look after her baby brother and was expected to help her mother with the new baby as well, and with this and that too. She slowly but surely had a burning feeling in her chest that always wanted to make her cry. It was so painful to watch her parents play and adore that bundle of the so-called joy. If she had to explain and find words to describe how she felt, it would be plain hatred and envy towards her innocent little brother and new sister. She felt so betrayed by her parents because they did not tell her or prepare her for the life-changing events that had already happened. It was then the beginning of her life, and this carved one of her characteristics of being by herself most of the time.

The intention of being alone was to try to resolve problems or feelings that she could not understand or situations that she could not get herself out of. Kattey had a picture of her little brother’s birthday that archived its memory safely in the bottom shelf of her heart where pain ruled. Years went by but that memory was an event that stuck to her mind like the white colour on rice. The gift of an orange tricycle… the cake with his name written on top of it was the cherry on top. Lord knows how badly she wanted to destroy that cake. Her brother was then royalty material for as long as she could remember, and her little sister an oyster in her mother’s ocean. Kattey truly believed that she was ugly and ended up blaming her parents for not liking her and for her misery. She felt she deserved it and that was how she came to feel it was okay for bad things to happen to her. Kattey was always in her room and became very fearful of playing with other children, after her duty as a second mother to her siblings was done.

As she grew older, she learned to read and made a new friend. Her friend comforted her greatly and she was always eager to finish her duties to go and be with her friend. Her new friend was reading. She became obsessed with reading and she became a hunter of books in all forms and shapes. She read one book about people with whom she shared the continent with. Another was about a Nigerian country and their strange language: ‘Without a silver spoon’, a wonderful story of a Nigerian boy who suffered at the hands of poverty, who walked in a dark tunnel of challenges, whose heart burned with the desire to be educated. Kattey got to travel with this boy and fell in love with Africa, promising herself that she would live beyond South Africa someday and get to travel and explore the whole of her motherland, Africa. During her hunting sessions one day, she stumbled upon an old book that was written in simple English that she could by that time understand clearly. It was a book called ‘Tajewo and the sacred mountain’. In her head, she thought the Nigerian book glorified her thirst for knowledge and discovery but the Kenyan Maasai existence blew her curiosity dimension and she packed her bags and entered Tajewo’s world as a secret agent.

She followed him around from the very first day when the stranger appeared in the forest where he and his friend Meromo had been herding 10 of his father’s remaining cattle as the others had slept on the ground, dead from the drought that had stolen the rains from their lands. If she had to have an opportunity to travel, her first trip would be to see the very land in which Tajewo lived. Tajewo was such an amazing boy to whom she could, in some strange way, relate. He spent most of his time in the bush taking care of his father’s herd of cattle. When the stranger had finished eating from the gourd that Tajewo had given him, he called the two boys and revealed to them a prophesy that Tajewo had to fulfil by going on a dangerous quest that would end the drought that killed many of his people, and swallowed the godly possession of the Maasai people which was their blessed cattle. Tajewo was, like her, troubled and faced with adult challenges. She felt encouraged by him for as young as the three of them were, they had hearts of lions and did whatever they could to bravely travel the journey of honour.

The challenges might have taken different forms but Kattey found comfort in knowing that there were sacred children like Tajewo and the Nigerian boy who suffered in early childhood and had to bear the heavy emotions of life for a reason. When the world in her home got cruel and the storms tormented her, she would go to her room and draw strength from her warriors of life. She felt like she was blessed to be on Tajewo’s quest to the sacred mountain to hold the magic charm and restore the life of his people. To Kattey, she still had to discover and wait for her stranger to come and reveal a prophesy that would complete the answer to her purpose or destiny.

After completing her worthy expedition with Tajewo and Meromo, she left Africa and landed in the 18th century, courtesy of her trip being paid for by Emily Bronte, an amazing English author who captured Kattey’s heart and opened up a whole new light burning inside her. The ways and traditions of people living in England, her vast interest came across through the types of movies she would see on television. The stories of royalty surrounding King Arthur’s Empire, Robin Hood prince of thieves, and stories told in children’s books, the likes of ‘Snow white and the seven dwarves’ and ‘Little red riding hood’. Coming back to her own culture as a young Motswana, she read so many stories webbed in literature at school and mostly in books stolen from her aunts or anybody who would leave them lying around. Kattey thought of it as a weird type of addiction or