Yours, Truly: One Woman's Conversation With God

By Freddie Harris

Losing her father at the young age of eleven left a void in Freddie's heart that stayed with her as she grew into adulthood. She missed the wisdom, the strength, and the tenderness, that little girls depend on their father for. She longed for the intimate relationship that a little girl needs with her Dad, that only a father can give.

And she found it - in God. Believing that He can truly become anything to anyone, Freddie sought to create the intimate bond she missed with her earthly Dad, with her heavenly Dad.

Follow her spiritual journey to forge genuine father-daughter closeness with God, as reflected in their personal and very candid conversations. Identify with her daily struggles and victories to live a life that would make her Father proud. Feel their connection grow as she looks to Him for encouragement, guidance, discipline, power, and love.

Freddie's story demonstrates that intimacy with God is possible, right now. He's eagerly waiting, and ready to be Yours, Truly.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Freddie Harris
• Release date: Aug 9, 2016
• ISBN: 9781536579857

Book preview

Yours, Truly

by Freddie Harris

with Patrice Thomas Conwell

Copyright©2008 by Drug Alternative Program (DAP) Cover Design by London Lee, my son

Printed and bound in the United States of America All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including photocopying, recording, internet broadcasting or by any information storage and retrieval systems without permission in writing from the publisher.

Harris, Freddie

Conwell, Patrice Thomas

Yours, Truly / by Freddie Harris with Patrice Thomas Conwell

Edited by Courtney Jackson

Acknowledgments

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It is rare to find writing the pages of any book the golden treasure unearthed by an individual’s spiritual life. This is exactly what Yours, Truly does for the reader. Author Freddie Harris candidly invites us to enter that secret chamber we all long to find in our daily walk with God. With tenderness as well as boldness, Yours, Truly, sheds heavenly light on the adventure that is our journey into our Father’s heart.

Dorthy Valcarcel, Author

The Man Who Loved Women

Dedication

DEDICATED TO MY SPIRITUAL SISTER

Sterline Foster, R.N.

Over 20 years ago, you gave me a blank journal for my birthday gift. I was inspired to write letters to God in that book.

Thousands of letters have been written to my Abba Father. Thus, this book has come into existence. Thanks for inspiring me to write and share my experience with others.

You are my friend who sticks closer than a (sister). I love you, Sis!

Contents

Preface

Introduction

My Spiritual Self

My Emotional Self

My Physical Self

My Mental Self

My Parenting Self

My Renewed Self

About the Author

Excerpt from DeathDance by Clifford Harris

Preface

Hi, my name is Sophia Adella Luke. I am Freddie Harris’ spiritual daughter. When I first met Mrs. Harris, I epitomized the word mess. I was dating her son, who talked about her every now and then, and I really wanted to meet her.

Finally, she came to visit us. I still remember her presence, as she sat in the back seat of the car after we had picked her up. She seemed so peaceful, loving, patient and kind. She did not rebuke us, lecture us, or try to get us saved; she simply visited us.

When her son and I ended our relationship, Mrs. Harris and I continued to speak periodically. Then I started another relationship that consumed my whole life. My new friend did not want me talking to my mom (Freddie) because she was my ex-boyfriend’s mother. I granted his request, but during our time together, I snuck in a phone call or two. Each time, Mrs. Harris lovingly and gently affirmed me, saying, God will never let you down. You have to have a personal relationship with Him. Put Him first.

Every time I seemed to get into a rut or a predicament, I called Mrs. Harris. It developed into a habit, and eventually my calls became more frequent. With each call, she nursed my wounds.

Over time, our friendship developed into a more intimate mother-daughter relationship, which I was not experiencing with my own birth mother. As a result, I did not really know how to be a daughter. Time and time again, I would mess up by not calling Mrs. Harris, or forgetting a special day in her life. Yet, my inconsistency never fazed her, even though her consistency never failed. She lived the revelation that people will let you down, but God never will. If she got hurt or when someone like me disappointed her, she went to the throne of the only healer, God her foundation.

I remember calling and crying about how I sinned and she said, Oh, Sophia, so gently. At other times I would sob, I want a husband, Mom, and she’d say, Hey, you must fall in love with God first. Make Him your husband, and then your earthly husband will come. Focus on your relationship with God and everything else will follow.

She showed me how to wake up early in the morning and spend time with God.

Heeding her advice, I started writing love letters to God in a journal. I clearly remember, one morning, calling her, crying, my Bible and journal on the table in front of me. Mom, there’s too much to read, I sobbed. Where do I start? I’ll never get through this whole book! She earnestly responded, Just ask the Holy Spirit to show you where to start. He’ll show you. Just read a little bit at a time. This takes time, Sophia. Hey, I’ll send you little bits to help you understand.

She sent me love gifts in the mail— simple books to read that referred me to the Bible. At first I thought, Oh God, help me; this is so boring. Then it changed to, I want to know more; then, What happens next, God?

One day, while going through one of my I want a husband phone calls, Mom said, I have something I want you to read; it will change your life. She sent me a poem titled, Most Wonderful Love. I read it and cried. I realized that all my life I wanted things my way. But that poem put me in check. According to MY growth scale, I figured that I was definitely in love with God. But I was wrong. I posted that poem on my wall where I could see it daily. That became my cornerstone, my goal.

Finally, I got to a point where I was so in love with God that I was finally con- tent with being single. I was excited about waking up early every morning to spend time with God, falling in love with Him. My love for God was so strong that I didn’t even want to get married, because I thought it would come between my relationship with Him.

At that very point, I met my husband. Wow, just like the poem said. I was ready. I had learned that my whole source of love came from God, that He’s my foundation, He’s my everything. During this whole time, I pursued my relationship with God, jealousy melted away. Pain and loneliness left. Low self-esteem disappeared. Anger and resentment, gone. My unforgiving spirit toward my parents, gone. Hating my enemies, gone. And as I continued to fall in love with God, He filled me up with His love.

I think back to when Mom said to me one day, I wake up with God on my mind and go to bed with Him on my mind. What, I thought, are you kidding, Mom? That’s never going to happen for me. Believe me, I often reminded myself to think about God. I felt guilty when I didn’t remember, and of course, she’d say so tenderly, Hey, it’s going to take some time. This doesn’t just happen over night; look at me, I’ve been doing this for eleven teen years and I still have a ways to go. Mom always used herself as an example. She freely shared her faults and shortcomings to kill the guilt that would try to overtake me.

Mom constantly communes with God through Jesus. She felt His impressions of how to help me and how to train me. Without Mom’s relationship with God, I would not be where I am today. She says that I am not to get so caught up in doing things so much that I lose my relationship with God. Mom is a living example of what she preaches. This is a lifestyle for her, not a seasonal thing, not a New Age thing.

Because of where Mom is spiritually, she has set the rose-paved path for me and many others to follow her as she follows God. I’m learning to become the master that she is. By having the best teacher, I know that it is possible! And like Mom says, Hey, it takes time, it doesn’t happen over night.

I believe your heart will we changed for life as you soak up the pages to come. When the student is ready, the Teacher will appear. All it takes is our openness to learn how to fall in love with our heavenly Father.

Sophia Adella Luke

Introduction

Browsing through a bookstore one day, I happened on a book titled Prayer by M. L. Andreasen. Flipping open the cover I began skimming the pages when my heart suddenly flip-flopped within.

This is it, my mind spoke. This is exactly what I’ve been looking for.

Energized with anticipation, I hurriedly paid the cashier and rushed my treasured find home. I devoured the book’s message in two days. This is the eye-opener that got my attention:

"A Conversation with God

This is not an experience reserved for a few chosen ones; but is open to every

Christian. Note again these soul-satisfying statements, Often there will come to us a sweet, joyful sense of the presence of Jesus...as He draws nigh to commune with us as He did with Enoch. God draws near to commune with us! What higher joy can earth hold? If God has such in store for us, should we not explore the possibilities of communion?

Someone will again ask, Just what must I do to commune with God? How do I start? Be a little more specific."

It is not for one to tell another how to pray, but here is what one did. Lord, I have had a hard day today.

Yes.

I am tired, Lord, so tired.

Yes, I know, dear one.

I am afraid I lost my temper today, Lord. I was so nervous and tired out.

Yes, I know all about it. I would gladly have helped you, had you asked Me.

Lord, will You help me tomorrow? I will have another hard day.

I will be happy to do so. But now you must go to sleep.

Yes, Lord, I am tired. But before I go to sleep, I want to tell You that I love You. You have been so wonderfully good and patient. "

Yes, dear one, I love you too. Now go to sleep."

Good night, Lord.

Good night.

Isn’t this merely talking to yourself? says one. It is, but it may also be much more.

Note again the promise quoted above, that on such occasions there may come to us a sweet, joyful sense of the presence of Jesus...as He draws nigh to commune with us as He did with Enoch. If there is such a possibility, can we afford to pass it by?"

I immediately began putting the concept of two-way letters to God into practice.

The result—my book. This one you’re holding. A reflection of a new journey toward forging a deeper, more personal relationship with my heavenly Father.

I’d been searching for a way to get closer to God. Yes, it definitely chimes a clichéd sound, but how true it still rings. In our busy, high-strung lives, many of us sense the gap that grows from the 10 or 15 minutes we squeeze in for daily spiritual nourishment. Instinctively, we need to fill the gap in order to equalize the lopsided- ness we feel, and to quench the guilt that plagues our souls.

The concept I found in Prayer helped me fill the gap. It fit in nicely with what I’d already started. I’d been journaling for years, pouring my feelings out on paper as a cleansing exercise. But the idea of God actually responding to me provided a new twist, making my connection to God seem more real, almost like I could reach out and actually touch Him. Now, it’s nothing for an hour to fly by as I immerse myself in our conversations. God responds to all of us in different ways. His response to me might not be the same response to you.

Beginning awkwardly at first, I’ve grown comfortable with this technique over a span of 25 years. And now, I’m sharing it with you as a tool for helping you create a more intimate friendship with God. Even if you’re not a person who journals daily, or you may not even journal at all, I hope you’re moved to try this technique. You may find, as I did, that it moves God out of some floating place in space right into the chair across from you.

At the very least, that’s my prayer for you.

My Spiritual Self

PRELUDE

I’ve always experienced a problem with honesty. From a very young child, I remember dishonesty festering like an ugly sore on my entire family.

My father died when I was 11 years old, leaving my widowed mother to raise eight children. Having never worked, my mother suddenly became the family’s provider. Realizing the heavy burden this placed on my mom, one member of the family decided to do whatever could be done to lighten Mom’s load including stealing for us—food, clothes, any necessity.

Although Mom eventually discovered my family member’s method of getting the things we needed, she was unable to force it to stop. I’m not really sure why; except maybe the overwhelming responsibility laid on my mother’s back eclipsed her faith in God’s ability to care for us.

Eventually we all learned this form of faithless self-preservation. I remember going into grocery stores and having my pockets filled with food. In a clothing store, I was layered with clothes under the outfit I had worn into the store. Under threats, I walked out of the store, scared to death of being caught.

Stealing became such a habit, that items were taken when there was no necessity; like a bottle of ketchup from a restaurant table, or the salt ‘n pepper shakers. And although I didn’t steal under self-influence, the seed of dishonesty hibernated and grew out of me in a different form. Lying.

I didn’t realize my problem with lying until I got married. Viewing my habit through the eyes of my genuine Christian husband was like holding up a worn-and- washed white sock next to a brand new white sock. All of a sudden, I clearly saw just how dingy lying made me.

The worst part is I didn’t lie to cover up horrible secrets or dark tendencies. I lied to help others, or myself.

Like when visiting my son, I asked him if I could borrow a pair of his sweats to warm myself from the cold air. When the time came to go home, my son came into the room where I was packing. I flipped the suitcase lid over the sweats so he wouldn’t notice them. When he left, I nonchalantly packed the sweats in my suitcase, rationalizing that he wouldn’t miss them; as an NBA player, he owned so many pairs. But God’s voice pricked my mind saying, You stole those sweats. Indeed, I had. When my son called me the night before I left for home, I asked, Those sweats I borrowed last night, do you mind if I have them? Do you need them Mom?

Yeah, I need them, I replied.

No problem, you can have them.

Now while that doesn’t seem like such a big deal, it’s the principle that matters. Once we’re comfortable with minute infractions, these spiritual compromises gradually numb our spiritual senses to doing wrong. Before we know it, our tiny slip-ups blossom into full-blown problems.

Realizing I needed help with my honesty issue, I used my conversations with God to practice standing before Him spiritually naked and vulnerable. Seeing dishonesty described in writing makes it much more concrete. I can’t run; I can’t hide. But that’s exactly what I needed to begin chipping away at this obstacle holding me back from spiritual growth.

As you listen in on our conversations, I hope you’ll gain spiritual insight to help you overcome your own obstacles to spiritual growth.

March 03, 1999

3:40 a.m.

Dear Father, my All and All,

I went to bed at 1:00 a.m. It’s 3:40 a.m. and I still have not gone to sleep. You have put so much on my mind. I took notes in the dark, here beside my bed so I would not wake up my husband. I’m compelled to get out of bed and write.

Well, Sonshine, I’m glad you decided to tell me what’s on your heart a great while before day. I’m all ears.

You know I never could understand nor experience how to pray without ceasing. I’ve craved so much to make prayer the breath of my soul as the Scriptures say. And just this morning you revealed to me that sin blocks prayer and my secret sins prevent me from praying without ceasing. My prayers are an abomination to You when I purposely sin against You. That statement got my attention!

Daughter, honesty opens the door for you to pray constantly. I notice that your heart has been open to praying even more than three times a day like Daniel. Prayer is a connection that is never broken. You do not have to think to breathe, do you?

Not at all, Father. It comes naturally, and breathing is the only action that keeps me alive. Once I stop breathing, I die physically. Once I stop praying, I die spiritually.

You’ve got the picture, Sonshine.

What comes to the surface, Dad, is YOUR MERCY to me