A Bathtub in Our Kitchen

By Robert W. Martin

In this second volume of the Bathtub Trilogy, the renovation of an old French farmhouse continues, with the primary goal of achieving an indoor bathroom.

Aside from the sundry construction work, there is a first-time visit to a French dentist, and the intricacies of the French voting system are encountered. Various electrical issues arise, culminating in a farm building catching fire.

A chilling tale of wartime stupidity is recounted.

And we are introduced to a new character; a real-life Obelix.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Robert W. Martin
• Release date: Jul 28, 2016
• ISBN: 9780992897437

Robert W. Martin

Rob Martin was born in Uganda in 1963. He graduated with a BSc degree in Forestry in 1987. He has lived in Uganda, Kenya, Tanzania, Australia, South Africa, Namibia. and the United Kingdom. He currently resides in France where he is single-handedly renovating an ancient farmhouse. He is the creator and administrator of several websites: http://www.la-darnoire.com http://www.st-1100.com http://www.landyrebuild.com http://www.stampswops.com

Book preview

A Bathtub in Our Kitchen

by

Robert W. Martin

Published by Linear Road Press at Smashwords

Copyright 2016 by Robert W. Martin

Smashwords Edition, Licence Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This book is also available in paperback.

Although every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher and author assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of any information contained herein.

In memory of my mother,

Who instilled in me a love for the written word.

Preface

Prior to writing the first book, I had no idea that a bathtub would become such a central feature. As there was very little literature in English regarding the region of Sologne, I initially intended to simply introduce readers to this area; something along the lines of A Year in Sologne. However, as the first year progressed, my perspective changed. Because the ancient farmhouse into which we had moved lacked even the most basic of amenities, the focus switched from the region itself to a more personal goal; achieving the luxury of an indoor bathroom.

However, due to other priorities (including being as self-sufficient as possible, as cheaply as possible) the construction of a bathroom took a lot longer than we thought.

Because we sold our house in the UK during a buyers' market, we did not have pots of money to lavishly spend on upgrading our home. To save money, every improvement to the house has been done by my wife and I; although the occasional assistance from a distant neighbour was sometimes necessary!

As well as the upgrading of the building itself, the aged Father-in-law (FIL for short) was another problem with which we had to cope. He is bedridden; this was one of the reasons for us moving to France. Fortunately the property has two houses – we would not have moved to France at all if we had had to live with him in the same house! To say he is a difficult character would be an understatement. As to why he's bedridden – it started off by being a psychological problem. He's not that old – only 78. You see, he's not very steady on his legs, due to an accident with a piece of earthmoving equipment. Before we came to France, he contracted a stomach bug. Because food was making him ill, he decided to stop eating. Of course this meant he became quite weak, and when he fell over in the kitchen, he found he couldn't get up again. He spent the winter's night on the cold tiles of the kitchen floor, and was found the following morning by M&O (the chief hunter and his wife). After several weeks in hospital, he returned home – this was shortly after we moved here. Since then, his fear of falling over meant he decided to stay in bed. Of course, the more he stays in bed, the weaker he becomes. So the problem is now physical as well.

Our first experience with the legendary French bureaucracy came when we re-registered our vehicles in France. Since then, we know what to expect as far as paperwork is concerned. Although I can now read French, and carry out a conversation – albeit with horribly mangled grammar – my form-filling skills are far from satisfactory. So this added burden falls on my wife, LSS (Long-Suffering Spouse).

By the end of the first year, several stages of the renovation project had been completed. The house had gutters, which diverted rainwater into large holding tanks. We had a borehole and clean water on tap in the kitchen. A thermal store had been constructed ready to provide hot water for the household via a boiler stove. The electrical wiring had been upgraded and was now compliant with modern standards – and oh, the joy of having proper electrical sockets everywhere instead of dozens of plugs running from a single ancient fuse! And last, but not least, all windows and doors had been replaced with double-glazed units, making the house much warmer in winter.

So, would we achieve our goal of having an indoor bathroom during our second year of residency?

Technically, yes. Although as you can infer from the title of this book, we're not quite there yet!

Table of Contents

CAST

THE DIARY CONTINUES: APRIL

MAY

JUNE

JULY

AUGUST

SEPTEMBER

OCTOBER

NOVEMBER

DECEMBER

JANUARY

FEBRUARY

MARCH

APRIL

MAY

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

CAST

(In order of appearance)

LSS.................Long-Suffering-Spouse

Aged FIL........Father-in-Law

MIL................The late Mother-in-Law

Aged Aunt......FIL’s sister (These siblings have not spoken in years)

JP....................Cousin of LSS and favourite nephew of FIL

Neighbour J....Female owner of the farm next door to that of FIL

Friend F..........Retired friend of LSS

Friend L.........Non-retired friend of LSS, particularly good at DIY

M&O..............Retired couple who are in charge of the local hunt; overall Good Eggs.

T&M...............Our closest full-time neighbours. It just so happens that their house is in the next county.

And introducing:

Mr. C...............A real-life Obelix

THE DIARY CONTINUES: APRIL

Hot water is finally available on tap! We plant trees, fill the thermal store and install the boiler stove, and I construct a wood stove out of an old electric water heater.

Monday 1st

Yesterday afternoon we visited neighbour J, taking the trailer with us. The reason for this was that she’d offered us a couple of young plum trees which had sprouted underneath their parent. We ended up with five fairly decent young trees; and four elder saplings as well. All of these have now been planted either in the garden around the pond, or along the fence line. Actually later in the year when their leaves emerged, we discovered that the plums were actually cherries; as they have two bright red nodules at the base of each leaf. A happy mistake, as cherries are even better than plums in our opinion!

We also took the opportunity of inspecting the elder trees we’d planted last year, and we were pleased to find that they have all survived the winter and have started sprouting new leaves. Unfortunately it will be several years before we can enjoy elderflower champagne and elderberry wine from our own trees. I suspect a lot of home-brewing will take place this year. The thing is, we will need to make the most of the fruits and berries when they are in season; and it’s to our advantage to have a stock of different wines and beers in store for when friends come around to visit. It will save us a fortune as well, as we won’t have to buy any wine or beer. Besides, I enjoy making country wines. And beer, of course! We do have an apéritif in the evenings; but after all we are in France…

LSS did some fishing in the pond last Friday afternoon, catching 49 gudgeon in under an hour. I think she used a grand total of two earthworms as bait. So we had a fry-up on Saturday evening. There are lots of carp in the pond as well; but I’ve found that these taste a bit muddy. We’ll probably need to rescue another old bathtub from the Aged FIL’s field and fill it with rainwater. If we put any carp we catch in that water for a day or so, hopefully that will purge some of the muddy taste. I suspect I may have to rig up some sort of aeration mechanism to keep the fish happy for their final hours though.

Tuesday 2nd

This morning we went to the local quarry 15km away with the trailer, and came back with 700kg of 8/16 gravel. I used half of it as hardcore for the floor of one of the little rooms next to the workshop; this room will be used for storage, but we need a solid floor first. The layer of compacted gravel will be covered with a thin layer of lime, then a membrane, and then finally a lime concrete floor. Unfortunately it’s not warm enough yet to pour concrete, so the tractor-powered concrete mixer is still in the Aged FIL’s barn; we may bring it to La Darnoire once the weather warms up. Or maybe not. It doesn’t have a tilting mechanism for the drum; one has to use the levers inside the tractor cab for that. Which I suspect will be a bit of an annoyance – we may end up buying an electric one instead.

I have been filling up the thermal store in stages. Unfortunately when it was three-quarters full I noticed a leak where the topmost copper coil exits the cylinder, so I had to drain some of the water off again. Once the connection has dried out tomorrow, I will see what remedial action can be carried out – probably by using some silicone sealant, as we have already returned the borrowed brazing torch which I used to solder the connections in place.

In the afternoon I continued working on the ST1100 motorcycle; the wheels have now been re-fitted and the new stainless steel brake lines installed. Whilst the front wheel was off I changed the coolant, using propylene glycol instead of the less ecological ethylene glycol. Now I just need to bleed the front brakes and put the body panels back on.

LSS took advantage of the sunshine to use the motor-driven tiller on the garden, ploughing in the rabbit-dropping compost. I suspect the first plants will soon be sown.

As my contribution to the gardening, I sprayed the four peach trees with a copper sulphate solution as the buds were about to break. Last year they suffered badly from peach leaf curl. As long as we don’t get any unseasonal frost this year we may even get some fruit – unlike last year when we didn’t get a single peach, pear or apple!

Saturday 6th

My mother used to have a recipe book from East Africa. One of the tried-and-tested recipes was for a chicken curry. Well, I was never able to get the dish to taste the same, until now. My sister mentioned that she had found this recipe book amongst my mother’s effects, so I asked her to photocopy this page for me. We decided that last night would be Curry Night. And I was delighted to find that it tasted exactly like I remembered! We had it with little side dishes of coconut, peanuts, raisins, apple, grated carrot and grated parsnip. And of course rice. We'll consider doing it again in the near future, and this time we’ll invite the neighbours around to try it. I suspect they will not have had curry like this before (even if they've had curry at all – because it's not that well-known in France.)

Mum’s Curry Recipe (quoted verbatim):

"Ingredients:

3 fair-sized onions

3 heaped tablespoons fat

2 tablespoons curry powder

2 tablespoons vinegar

1 cup gravy or soup

1 tablespoon good chutney

2 tablespoons milk

1 tablespoon apricot jam

Meat – fresh or cooked

Method:

Cut onions finely; brown in boiling hot fat; then add curry powder. Stir constantly, to prevent the powder burning, for ten minutes (this prevents the raw taste that is sometimes found in curries when the powder is not well cooked). Add gravy or soup – if neither is available use the same quantity of hot water; cook for five minutes; stir constantly, then add chutney, apricot jam, vinegar, and a little sugar. When the curry is suited to taste, add milk; cook all together for 10 minutes, then put in the meat, cut up in small pieces, and allow the curry to simmer on the edge of the fire (*) till required for the table. The longer the curry simmers the better it is, but care must be taken not to let it burn.

(*Note that this recipe book dates from the 1950’s and was very much aimed at a non-urban lifestyle. Other recipes involved using cleaned empty petrol tins as cooking vessels. Nowadays, of course, we have saucepans.)

If fresh meat is used for the curry, the meat must be fried till half cooked before it is added to the curry gravy. Just before serving the curry, add one tablespoon of milk; this gives the curry a soft taste which all good curries ought to have. If coconut milk is to be had, it is better than fresh milk."

Tomorrow we're off to the restaurant in Salbris with LSS's three cousins. Since they learned that we were now in France they instituted an annual Easter get-together. I’m not looking forward to it much, as they all talk nineteen to the dozen, generally all at the same time. Still, it's only once a year.

The weather has turned cold again, and we had a few flurries of snow on Friday. It's supposed to be spring!

Thursday 11th

So, today’s labour saw me putting the finishing touches to the manufacture of my steampunk-style electric hot water-cylinder workshop woodstove. You see, LSS had given me