I Hate Men

By Pauline Harmange

The feminist book they tried to ban in France ‘A delightful book’ Roxane Gay

Women, especially feminists and lesbians, have long been accused of hating men. Our instinct is to deny it at all costs. (After all, women have been burnt at the stake for admitting to less.)

But what if mistrusting men, disliking men – and yes, maybe even hating men – is, in fact, a useful response to sexism? What if such a response offers a way out of oppression, a means of resistance? What if it even offers a path to joy, solidarity and sisterhood?

In this sparkling essay, as mischievous and provocative as it is urgent and serious, Pauline Harmange interrogates modern attitudes to feminism and makes a rallying cry for women to find a greater love for each other – and themselves.

• Language: English
• Publisher: HarperCollins UK
• Release date: Nov 26, 2020
• ISBN: 9780008457600

Pauline Harmange

Pauline Harmange (born 1995) is a French feminist writer and self-declared misandrist who became the subject of international news coverage after her 96-page essay I Hate Men sold out its press run after a French governmental official attempted to censor the book. She lives in Lille.

Book preview

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I HATE MEN

Pauline Harmange

Translated by Natasha Lehrer

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Copyright

4th Estate

An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

www.4thEstate.co.uk

HarperCollinsPublishers

1st Floor, Watermarque Building, Ringsend Road

Dublin 4, Ireland

First published in Great Britain in 2020 by 4th Estate

First published in France as Moi les hommes, je les déteste by Monstrograph, Collection Bootleg, in 2020

This 4th Estate eBook edition published in 2022

Copyright © Pauline Harmange 2020; 2022

English translation © Natasha Lehrer 2020; 2022

Cover design by Ola Galewicz

Pauline Harmange asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988

The Translator hereby asserts her moral right to be identified as the author of the Translation

The chapter title ‘I am woman, hear me roar’ is taken from the song ‘I am Woman’ by Helen Reddy and Ray Burton. Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, BMG Rights Management

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins

Source ISBN: 9780008457594

Ebook Edition © November 2020 ISBN: 9780008457600

Version: 2021-11-16

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Misandry, a definition

Shacking up with a man

Hysterical and sexually frustrated misandrists

Men who hate women

I am woman, hear me roar

Mediocre as a white dude

The heterosexuality trap

Sisters

In praise of book clubs, pyjama parties and girls’ nights out

Afterword

Footnotes

References

Acknowledgements

Interested in finding out more?

About the Author

About the Publisher

One day I wrote on my blog that I was fed up of men’s apathy and general lack of interest when it comes to women’s rights. Almost immediately an anonymous lurker left a comment: ‘Maybe you should ask yourself why men don’t want to talk about it. A few possibilities: the aggressive – hate-filled, even – attitude of feminists towards any man who doesn’t say I’m ashamed to be a man! Down with men! The day you accept the relationship between men and women for what it is – then we’ll listen to you. In the meantime, you’re just going to be dismissed as sex-starved shrews, and you’ll keep doing a disservice to your cause.’

With these words, this delightful gentleman was making a barely veiled accusation of misandry against me. I’m far from the only woman charged with manhating: plenty of feminists and lesbians are repeatedly accused of such an affront. As though challenging male power, or simply not being attracted to men, constitutes nothing more than hatred.

The accusation of misandry is a mechanism for silencing women, a way of silencing the anger – sometimes violent but always legitimate – of the oppressed standing up to their oppressors. Taking offence at misandry, claiming it’s merely a form of sexism like any other, and no less unacceptable (as if sexism were genuinely reviled), is a bad-faith way of sweeping under the carpet the mechanisms that make sexist oppression a systemic phenomenon buoyed throughout history by culture and authority. It’s to allege that a woman who hates men is as dangerous as a man who hates women – and that there’s no rational justification for what she feels, be it dislike, distrust or disdain. Because, obviously, no man has ever hurt a woman in the whole course of human history. Or rather, no men have ever hurt any women.

As a result of the way it’s been misunderstood or misconstrued, there’s a tendency in feminist movements to argue that misandry as a concept doesn’t actually exist. In a way, of course, this is true, because there is no coordinated, structured system for denigrating or coercing men. And because even when we do sometimes put all our messieurs in one basket, it’s more to laugh at them, it’s kind of tongue in cheek, if you know what

Reviews for I Hate Men

[d-fbuser-496956307 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I am proud to announce my entrance into the ranks of the misandrist who so bravely have so bravely cleared a path. Feminine be Divine! Shine misandrists light! Far to long has the far from even mediocre masculine engulfed every facet of being. Step down from your self centered and unruly roost...or perhaps it is there you should remain, giving space to the sisterhood, which has no need for your kind anyway.

[marina · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

misandry is actually the most innocent thing in the world

it’s not that i learned something new from this book, it’s essentially what i already thought and believed. it didn’t stop me from going “yessss!! you’re so right, bestie! go off, girl!” after every sentence. sometimes it’s just nice to read something that validates your feelings.

btw it’s essential reading for men! give it to your fathers, husbands, brothers and boyfriends!

[thewestwing-864351 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

While I can see why people criticise this book, I thought it provided some good insights into how persistent the patriarchy is and how it’s often ingrained into both sexes psyche.

[antao-3 · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Why, Mrs. Harmange , when you state you believe women are powerless to stop this, do you believe men can? Why then hate us when that's turns out not to be true? Do I, as a man, have any louder a say on this issue than a woman? Any bigot, abuser, murderer or other such actively destructive misanthrope engendered by our culture can only be stopped by all of us together. The confrontational approach of feminists only aggravates the situation, and loses any sympathy there otherwise may be for their cause. All you're saying here is "we can't stop this alone". But rather than engage with others and solicit their assistance rationally, you automatically condemn before them there's any attempt to even put your case. I loathe feminists. I equally loathe chauvinists.Please stop with all this "it's your fault" and simply continue to highlight the issues that disgust us all so we can all work together to solve them. The "Full Stop" campaign did not demonise men as a whole, only those loathsome enough to commit these atrocities, and asked us *all* to help. You'll never influence behaviour when you crassly persecute half the population simply for having been born. Continue to do that, and you'll simply add to the numbers of those unwilling to take women seriously - and feminists in particular.Anyone who uses physical violence against another person (except in self defense) deserves nothing but contempt. I'm not sure many people would disagree. Others can argue about statistics, which I always mistrust, and about who does what to whom more often and whether or not they report it to the police. Still, the most common situation I see when I'm out and about involving violence is mothers hitting their children. And if you've ever tried speaking out about that, you'll KNOW what thanks you'll get for it. Does this mean women are more violent than men? Of course not. Does this mean that children who grow up thinking violence is a way to get a message across are the victims of female indoctrination? Probably not. But if I wrote a book with a headline "Why I hate women - at least those who beat their children, and those who do nothing to stop it" would I be guilty of misogyny? Of course I would. And if I wanted to try to reduce the incidence of children being brutalised in this way, it would be a self-defeating book to boot. It's not that we disagree Harmange. But if you want a fruitful debate, your book (and its pathetic qualification) are never going to achieve it.With this line of inquiry, I think Harmange's hit a rich seam of material for future books. I look forward to next one, "Why I hate blacks - At least those who perpetrate robberies and those who do nothing to stop it", and perhaps "Why I hate Muslims - At least those who murder in the name of Islam and those who do nothing to stop it". Of course, some might argue that this viewpoint is simplistic and unhelpful. But what's an internet blog for, if not for people like yourself to display their stupidity and ignorance to the aghast world?The trouble with books like these is that it reinforces tribalism. Male, female, gay, straight, black, white, young, old, Jewish, Muslim, Christian, atheist ....within all these groups are people of all kinds- compassionate and definitely not so. The moment we pigeonhole people - according to some broad definition or other- and then say it is okay to hate them, we perpetuate the deep violence which is latent in the human race. Let's go for compassion and then deal with injustice when it arises in specific cases with individual people, or groups which have a explicit policy of aggression or oppression or have institutionalised it informally.