Crying In Silence by Sandra Russet-Silk

By Sandra Russet-Silk

The Tragic Story of Steven Tsakalos by Sandra Russet-Silk

In 1987, Steven Tsakalos suffered a rare, life-threatening illness. Through immediate medical intervention, he survived the disease, but the long-term effects of this episode and treatment changed Steven’s life. He wanted this story to be told, to provide a deeper understanding of his case and the battles he won.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christina Tsakalos
• Release date: Jul 11, 2016
• ISBN: 9780994486523

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

This is a biographical account of Steven T and the life threatening illness he suffered in 1987 that turned his life on its head and caused him to be at the mercy of his undiagnosed and untreated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and prescription drug addiction until he died in 2009.

There are many layers and levels to Steven’s life story and trying to put them altogether in a cohesive readable manner has been very difficult. Both Christina and Steven kept diaries and written account of the events and happenings that made up his entire life from the horrific illness of 1987 until his death in 2009. This biographical account is written from these writings and Christina’s recollections, which are as clear today as they were in 1987. In Steven’s own writing it is very clear that he wanted his experiences shared with the world. Throughout the many months of reading through Stevens and Christina’s diaries, Christina has felt time and again the terrible anguish and sense of helplessness that she remembered from the time Steven was taken to hospital in 1987 until he was found dead at his home at the age of forty-four years.

Christina has shed many tears, asked many questions and surprisingly enjoyed occasional moments of laughter throughout the writing of this book. She has endured my constant questioning and probing of her memory and criticism of her bad English and grammar. Together we have admonished Steven for not still being with us to help write his story. Her memory for detail is astonishing and without her memory this book could not have been written. Every memory Christina can be substantiated with letters, reports and written accounts.

There have been many occasions when Christina doubted herself and her reasons for writing this book. What has kept Christina going is Steven’s own wish for his life story to be written and a desire to help bring his story to life, and a passion to highlight the flaws in the systems that contributed to Steven’s eventual death.

Throughout this book there are occasional references made to interventions, experiences for both Steven and Christina that had profound influence on the outcome of Steven’s life and the illness he eventually survived. These interventions cannot be explained and at the time of their happening they were gratefully accepted and not questioned. Many years later a forensic psychiatrist, one of the psychiatrists who was treating Steven, in discussion with Christina about Steven’s illness admonished her for not believing in the power of ‘pure energy’.

I only met Steven one time. Christina had asked for some advocacy help in January 2009 and I made an appointment to see her in my role as an advocate with a local advocacy agency. Christina rang me back to cancel the appointment and told me she would ring me back when Steven felt well. Christina rang me back in May of 2009 and I visited her home to meet with her and Steven. I met Steven as he was standing in the doorway of his bedroom with a pile of papers under his arm and a plastic bag in his hand. My impression of Steven was of a shrunken thin man who had an air of desperation and hopelessness about him. He did not want to speak with me and walked into his bedroom and closed his door. No amount of persuasion could bring Steven to come out of his room. I sat and talked with his mother for a little while and then made an appointment to come back and see Steven the following Friday. The following Friday I arrived at Christina’s house and again Steven would not come out of his bedroom. I spoke with Christina for a while and then left the home. On the next Monday I received a phone call from Christina to let me know that Steven had been found dead in his bedroom on the Saturday 30th May 2009.

Steven survived a medical condition that the medical profession had not believed was possible to survive. As part of his treatment Steven endured extreme medical procedures that were necessary to keep him alive however the effect on his mental health was profoundly damaging and largely not understood at the time. At the time Steven was placed in a medically induced coma.

The treatment was relatively new and is used on patients often as a last resort and primarily is used to protect the brain and to¹‘lower intracranial pressure’. In the many notes Steven has written since his illness in 1987 he describes being able to feel intense pain during the procedures that were performed to drain his body of the infection that was flooding it. He describes trying to ‘cry out’ but not being able to make people hear him.

Steven’s notes:-

I remember not being able to breathe, struggling in the darkness, I could not speak and I could not tell the doctors they were hurting me. I could not believe the pain I felt and I could hear what they were saying and I was trying to tell them how much they were hurting me and I wanted them to stop. I could hear my mother’s voice and I asked her to help me and I could not believe she was not helping me. I remember screaming at her, screaming at the doctors to please stop and I could not believe they were not listening to me. All I remember is pain and terrible, terrible fear. I could hear the doctors telling my mother ‘he is going to die’. I felt panic and I could not see because something was covering my eyes, I was crying in silence.

Perhaps his experiences could be likened to the experiences of survivors of torture and trauma. He was in a living nightmare from which he did not emerge until two months later.

In 2011-2012 I worked as a Torture and Trauma Counsellor with the asylum seekers in Curtin Immigration Detention Centre in the far north of Western Australia. Daily I would sit and listen to men from different countries and cultures speak about their experiences of torture and trauma. The purpose of torture is to break a person’s spirit by inflicting extreme pain and render the person helpless and unable to fight back or protect themselves, they are in a powerless situation. Steven’s description of how he felt during medical procedures, that he could feel but do nothing about it is very similar to the descriptions of the men whom I counselled in Curtin. They too felt panic, helplessness and indescribable pain both physical and psychological. During one of my supervision sessions I expressed to my supervisor my concern that the men I was counselling would never recover from their terrible experiences. He told me that sadly very often they did not.

The failure of the medical system to treat Steven appropriately and the subsequent involvement of the justice system brought about Steven’s untimely death. Many doctors involved in Steven’s treatment, and Steven himself, have asked for the account to be written on his behalf of his life and the indescribable psychological and physical pain and suffering he experienced over twenty-two years.

The title of this book describes how Steven felt for all the years of his life after 1987. Throughout his illness, the subsequent work traumas, his dependency on prescription medication and his involvement with the justice system,