Leashes and Lovers - What Your Dog Can Teach You About Love, Life, and Happiness

By Sheryl Matthys

Unleash the Secrets to a Better Life... with the help of your dog!

You'll discover inside LEASHES AND LOVERS
How to...
* Find your right match
* Strengthen relationships with a lover, friends, and family
* Explore your Dog-itude
* Launch a new relationship
* Create deeper and more real relationships
* Explore what's missing from your life and make it whole
* Make the best of a break-up and decide who gets the dog
* Tackle jealousy
* Manage your emotions when others aren't into your dog
* Handle grieving over a beloved dog

Attract the life you want with the help of your dog!

Sheryl Matthys, The Dog Expert shares tips and stories with dog lovers like you as well as from celebrities like Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan, Tennis star Monica Seles, Access Hollywood's Maria Menounos, Shock Jock Howard Stern, and TV host Rachael Ray.

Sheryl Matthys is The Dog Lovers Matchmaker and she specializes in helping dog lovers (singles and couples) with struggling relationships that may be robbing your life of joy and the fulfillment you deserve.

• Language: English
• Publisher: eBookIt.com
• Release date: Apr 26, 2016
• ISBN: 9781456617981

Book preview

FOREWORD

By Bruce Little, DVM

As a typical youth in pre-World War II rural America, I was aware that the value placed on dogs was based on the work that each could perform. Sheep and cattle dogs helped protect the flocks and herds. Barn dogs protected the chickens and baby animals from foxes and coyotes, and yard dogs served as security to prevent skunks, rodents and other varmints from setting up housekeeping under the farmhouse porch. These dogs were basically outside dogs that seldom had the opportunity to gain admittance to the warm and cozy confides of the family home, except on occasions of extremely harsh winter weather or the stifling heat of the dog-days of summer. These are the dogs that I knew as a child and young adult in rural America.

Fortunately, the fate of the dog has changed appreciably from those humble surroundings of my childhood. The accelerated rate of the post-World War II urbanization of America has changed the purpose of the dog and has moved them inside the home as trusted companions of family members. Many dogs now even sleep with members of the family. As a practicing veterinarian in the 60s and 70s, I began to see and follow the value being placed on the family dog by all members of society. Sight and hearing dogs were the norm, as were police and military dogs that served a purpose beyond just being a best friend. I had clients in my veterinary practice who realized the value in their dog’s presence from warnings of oncoming thunderstorms to the unconditional love displayed by the family dog as a companion to a young recipient in a much deserved time-out. The dog’s love and attention never wavered. Dogs have been trained to pick up toys and place them on a tray for physically or mentally challenged toddlers, and dogs have been used to train prisoners and juvenile delinquents about the need for love and nurturing. In many of these scenarios the answer was found in the relationship formed between the family member and the dog.

In 1981, Dr. Leo K. Bustad, then dean of the Washington State University College of Veterinary Medicine, first coined the term human-animal bond. Dr. Bustad, who had many honors bestowed upon him for his work and writings on the bond, served as chair of the newly chartered not-for-profit organization, The Delta Society. That international group focused on work to understand the quality of the relationship between pet owners, pets, and pet caregivers. The Delta Society, whose mission is to improve human health through service and therapy animals, later teamed up with the American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA), the largest and most influential veterinary support group in the world, to nurture the term human-animal bond. Every year, together they recognize a distinguished member of the veterinary profession for pioneering work in the human-animal bond field.

Both human and veterinary medicine continue to discover the power of animals to influence the detection and healing powers of a strong human-animal bond. Thousands of articles and books from the perspective of pediatric medicine to writings for the aged have been written relating the benefit of a strong human-animal bond in lowering blood pressure, lowering cholesterol, weight loss regimens, easing depression or healing minds from loneliness and emotional isolation, and detection of seizures and various types of cancer.

Now, Sheryl Matthys has written this most insightful and inspiring book on how relationships with dogs can influence and guide our relationships with other people. Ms. Matthys captures many of the benefits of depending on your dog, or that of your potential relationship partner and their dog, to guide you in important decision-making within that relationship. Dogs teach us unconditional love and affection and that love never wavers. Leashes and Lovers is truly a magic potion for understanding our relationships with lovers and those we love. Many of these encumbrances have been with us for most of our lives and have prohibited us from developing meaningful and lasting relationships, or renewing those relationships as needed.

Yes, change has and is happening every day. As the technology revolution continues on its course in every aspect of life, the need for interpersonal relationships will be ever increasing. Look to Sheryl Matthys’ book, Leashes and Lovers: What Your Dog Can Teach You About Love, Life, and Happiness, to direct you in those important decisions. And let your dog be your guide!

Dr. Bruce W. Little is a veterinarian who has not only witnessed this great change in the understanding and evolution of our best friend – the dog, but has played an important role in implementing that change. After graduating from the Kansas State University College of Veterinary Medicine in 1965, Dr. Little spent 21 years in clinical veterinary practice tending to the needs of dogs and all species of animals. At mid-career, Dr. Little felt a need to make greater and more meaningful contributions and accepted a position on the staff of the American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA) where he served 11 years as the Assistant Executive Vice President and 12 years as the Executive Vice President and CEO of that 78,000 member organization. Among his accomplishments are the creation of the AVMA and Delta Society’s Human Animal Bond Award and the newly created AVMA Animal Welfare Division. Although retired, Dr. Little continues to serve the animals he so dearly loves on boards and committees involving animal related issues.

INTRODUCTION

How to Speak Your Dog’s Language

Wouldn’t you love to have a friend, confidante, advisor, and BS detector to help you navigate the often frustrating and challenging world of modern relationships? You can, and he or she might even be at your feet or in your lap right now. Yes, I’m talking about your dog!

The secrets to relationship success are actually wrapped up in how you relate to and what you can learn from your furry friend. In fact, your dog holds the key to unlocking all of your relationship goals – whether with a new date, a long-time sweetheart, a spouse, an acquaintance, your friends, or even your family members.

I’m Sheryl Matthys, The Dog Expert, and I specialize in talking with dog lovers about how their dogs impact their human relationships. As The Dog Expert, my mission is about helping humans discover dogs’ hidden codes as a means of communicating with each other more effectively.

Now, I don’t claim to be a dog whisperer or spiritualist, but I have dedicated myself to bridging the communication gap between dogs and owners so that humans can better understand one another. In fact, I’ve been studying this relationship between dogs and humans for years to become more informed about the world of human-to-human and dog-to-human communication, and yes, dogs really do have things to tell us. In this regard I rely heavily on my degrees in psychology and communications, and on my certification as a dog trainer.

I enjoy helping dogs and humans communicate so much, that I created a place Where Dog Lovers Meet® for dog lovers to share with one another worldwide. Years ago I founded LeashesandLovers.com – a dog lover’s online social community where you can connect for friendship, find others who share your affinity for your breed, find a date or even love. Business owners also have the opportunity to network and be recommended. It’s a venue for interacting with people about how their dogs impact their lifestyle and relationships – for better or worse – and what it really means to have both Leashes and Love in their lives.

My work has been featured on Bravo’s Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, E!’s #1 Single with Lisa Loeb, Ambush Makeover, Animal Planet and FOXNewsChannel.com, and in Modern Dog magazine, BARK, Entrepreneur, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and USA Today, as well as hundreds of other online sites, magazines, blogs, newspapers, and TV and radio stations around the world.

I know dogs. I know people. What’s more, I know that dogs and dog lovers communicate with one another on a deeper level than most can fathom. That deeper communication – and how it impacts ALL of the other relationships in one’s life – is precisely what Leashes and Lovers is all about.

Dogs are smart, and are often instinctually accurate about who is right for us and who is wrong for us. Sometimes it’s a physical reaction. Does your dog react warmly to a blind date or chance encounter, or do his hackles resemble a Mohawk? Or, it may be more of a gut reaction, such as discovering how the mood in the room grows increasingly tense when your date shows up – just because you and your dog know something’s not quite right.

Unfortunately, as we all know, your pooch can’t exactly tell you in plain English what he is thinking, so you need to learn how to hear, see, and interpret what your dog is telling you or you’ll miss out on everything he’s trying to say. Think your dog can’t talk? Think again. Man and woman’s best friend speaks volumes, not only to you, but also about you, and about what you really want out of your life and your relationships.

And what’s more, whether dealing with a potential date, lover, family member, co-worker, or friend, many answers to our dilemmas, happiness, or resolve with others can be found by taking a closer look at our relationships with our dogs and what our dogs may be trying to teach us. The more we connect with our dogs, learn from their natural instincts, and apply that to our relationships with others, the more in tune we’ll be with ourselves.

Dogs want to understand you as desperately as you want to understand them. Why do you think they’re always standing at your feet, watching your every move? They’re waiting for your aha moment; that epiphany when you’re finally getting their language.

Think of Leashes and Lovers as something like a language conversion book. But instead of converting Spanish to English or English to French, we’re converting what your dog has to say about relationships into understanding and actions, so you can develop and implement natural and organic changes into your lifestyle and relationships right now (much as our dogs do by living in the present). So if you’re ready – if you’re willing to learn how to unleash your inner dog and let your dog be your guide – a whole new way of understanding awaits you and your dog.

Dogs want to understand you as desperately as you want to understand them. Why do you think they’re always standing at your feet, watching your every move? They’re waiting for your aha moment; that epiphany when you’re finally getting their language.

CHAPTER 1

Hand Over Your Leash

While at a dog run in New York City, I asked Penny, a fellow dog owner, if she thought there was a difference between dog lovers and non-dog lovers. Penny said vehemently, Either they’re doggie people or non-doggie people, and doggie people are just more fun. And I think people who are brought up with dogs are more open as well.

So since you’re a dog person, I believe you are open to giving this a try. Want to change yourself for the better? Want to know why some relationships fail and others flourish? Or why your regrets about the past tend to color your future relationships? The secret to inner knowledge, emotional healing, and healthier, more rewarding relationships is probably slobbering all over your shoes at this very moment.

That’s right; it’s time for a new direction in how you view your relationship with your dog, which will lead you toward improving your relationships with others. Don’t think owner and pet; don’t think master and beast; don’t think pack leader and follower – in this instance, think friend and partner; think counselor and co-conspirator; think guru and apprentice when it comes to creating, understanding, and experiencing better relationships with others.

According to the 2008 National Pet Owners Survey, more than 74 million dogs are pets here in the United States, owned by about 45 million people. About 39% of U.S. households own at least one dog, according to The Humane Society of the United States. That’s a lot of people, and a lot of dogs.

If you consider the possibilities with an open mind, you and your dog can embark upon a serious and committed journey to better understanding and healthier relationships, not just with each other, but with everyone you come in contact with on a daily basis.

Bosses, coworkers, boyfriends, girlfriends, lovers, acquaintances, dates, spouses, kids, family and friends; all of these relationships – and so many more – can be influenced and improved merely by opening up the door to stronger, longer communication with your dog. Not as the leader in this instance, but as the follower; not as a provider, but as a partner; not as the teacher, but as the student – once you allow your dog’s innate qualities to be your relationship guide.

It’s a new philosophy: to Hand Over Your Leash, metaphorically speaking. We’re used to being in charge, not relinquishing control – especially to, of all things, a dog. But think about it for a minute...have you ever heard of a dog getting involved in a nasty divorce? How about refusing to speak to his brother or sister for ten years, betraying his friends, being disloyal to his owner, or embarrassing a pal at the dog run? Ever heard of a dog having a mid-life crisis or a nervous breakdown? Or getting sued for misappropriated funds or insufficient ethics?

Okay, so maybe I’m oversimplifying, but am I really? What’s so wrong with cutting the fat, getting down to brass tacks, and stripping away the hype? We covet a dog’s life, with emotion bordering on envy. Why can’t we covet a dog’s social life with equal gusto? Take the plunge!

For years we’ve thought the correct relationship with our dogs was to lead instead of follow, punish instead of reward, and talk instead of listen. I’m suggesting you twist that age-old wisdom on its head and turn listening into an art.

The Art of Listening

It begins with listening. As a certified dog trainer with a B.A. in psychology and master’s in communications, I spent many hours studying how to actively listen. In fact, I may go so far as to say that everything I know, believe in, and trust is a result of listening, and everything you’ll learn in this book hinges on your ability to communicate through listening.

Listening is an art. Partly, this is a reactionary statement, for I’m not sure listening was an art – or even needed to be – in the days before television, radio, Walkman, CDs, DVDs, iPods, Blackberries, Bluetooth, and smart phones. Today, merely getting someone’s attention can be a Herculean task. Listening? Forget it. You might as well be speaking a foreign language.

But not so with your dog. Your dog has perfected the innate, wondrous, and energetic art of listening. The best part is that it comes so easily to dogs. They are sensual beings; they delight in the senses. They love textures – the feel of a new shoe, throw pillow, eco-friendly pull toy, or rawhide chew. They desire within to smell, touch, taste, see, and hear. Tastes are their color palette. Watch a dog sniff out, lick, and then devour greedily something it enjoys, yet then completely ignore and act aloof to that errant pineapple chunk that just hit the floor. And, sure, we all know dogs are expert smellers, but what you might not know is that they are exceptional listeners as well.

Not just for sounds – like the subtle tear of a bag of treats, the mere jiggle of their leash, or the UPS man at the front door – but they also listen for emotions, tears, fears, and jeers. Much as a dog will perk up at the scent of frying bacon, so too will she round the corner unexpectedly if she senses that you’re crying, laughing, yelling, down in the dumps, suddenly silent, or sniffling into your pillow. Dogs teach us that listening includes an open, receptive, unguarded mind and heart in order to hear what’s being said as well as what’s not spoken.

Leslie Irvine, a sociologist at the University of Colorado at Boulder, and author of If You Tame Me: Human Identity and the Value of Animals’ Lives, explains, If an animal is living with a person for a number of months or years, that animal will know when that person is experiencing tension or when the person is relaxed, or when the person is angry – much in the same way that we know when our human friends would be feeling those emotions.

To think that dogs can comprehend so many of the complexities of human emotions without speaking our language – to say nothing of not being able to read a dog-training manual – makes them even more expert in the art of listening. But they can’t do it alone. To effectively foster communication you must be an active and willing participant.

To that end, I want you to strive for these four goals after reading this book:

1. Appreciate the art of listening: Accept that listening is the key to understanding, and humble yourself enough to recognize that as a modern human being you may have lost some of your skill set in this demanding arena. It’s not your fault; we are taught that he who speaks loudest or most or last wins. But when communicating with your dog in order to learn to become a better communicator, it’s got to be: speak softly – or not at all. We have labored too long in the belief that the more we say, the more we think we know. But when it comes to dogs, it’s not so much what you say as what you hear.

2. Hand over your leash: It’s about control, and it’s time to hand over your leash. Relinquish your role as the omnipotent, all-knowing, all-seeing guide, and start following more than you lead. Stop trying to be in control of everything and everyone in your life, and realize that the tighter you clutch, the less control you actually have, and the more likely things will spiral out of control. This can be hard for most of us; we’re taught that being in control is our natural state and part of being a responsible adult. But heed this lesson from your dog: It’s great to be part of a holistic pack! Especially when you