Near-Life Experience

By Alix Bekins

All it takes is one fateful phone call to change David's life: His ex-boyfriend is HIV-positive. Thinking back, it's all too easy to conclude he may have been exposed. With the support of his best friend Jason, David goes for testing, and the two weeks waiting for his results are a painful exercise in what ifs and what nows with only Jason – steady, calm, comforting Jason – to serve as a lifeline. There's no way to know what will happen. But David comes to realize that living is precious, and choosing the right person to love can help you make the best of the life you have.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dreamspinner Press
• Release date: Sep 1, 2008
• ISBN: 9781935192084

Book preview

Chapter One

IT was early in the afternoon on a nice spring day, warm and fresh-smelling. Rehearsals for Much Ado About Nothing were going well and the director had decided to let them break for an early lunch since they’d accomplished so much. David shrugged out of some of Claudio’s costume, grateful that there was still almost a month to go before the Oregon Shakespeare Festival officially opened, and decided to check his voicemail before grabbing something to eat.

The first message was from his younger sister, bitching about how unfair their mom was being about her latest boyfriend. Then his dog-walker, wanting to talk about scheduling her vacation. The last one was from his agent, saying that someone named Scott Avila was trying to get a hold of him and said it was an emergency.

Frowning, David dialed the number his agent had dutifully passed along. Twenty-seven minutes later he was still sitting on the steps of outside the main rehearsal hall, blinking vacantly and trying to breathe like a normal person.

Hey, a soft voice said, concern obvious. You okay? I thought you were just going to check your messages and then grab some food.

Jason sat down next to him holding a stack of cardboard boxes from the cafeteria. The smell of his favorite ravioli made David’s stomach churn. He shook his head a little, trying to will away the wave of nausea.

David? What’s wrong, man?

He could hear the reassurance in his best friend’s voice but couldn’t make himself look up at Jason. Not vomiting and remembering to breathe were taking up pretty much all of his concentration at the moment. In a detached sort of way he wondered if this was what panic attacks were like, and suddenly he felt a lot of sympathy for people who had them often.

A cold bottle of water nudged into his hand. It was open, so he took it and slowly lifted it to his mouth. The first sip went down all right so he took a longer one. Breathed. Drank again.

Jason’s presence was soothing, patient, and the tightness in David’s chest began to relax a little. They’d known each other for three years now, been cast in the same plays together each theater season, practically lived in each others’ pockets. They’d bonded over being fellow Texans, good ol’ boys who just happened to want to be actors and had both followed their dreams to end up at the same Shakespeare festival. Jason, at twenty-seven, only four years older, had stepped into the role of big brother and best friend that David had sorta needed at first, unsettled and a little bit homesick in a new place.

Maybe still needed, sometimes.

David cleared his throat. I, uh. I got a call from a, uh, friend. Scott. He took a deep breath and felt things start to go a little wobbly again. He has HIV, he said in a voice just barely above a whisper.

Jason raised an eyebrow, surprised, the unspoken "And?" obvious.

David closed his eyes, breath leaving him in a deep sigh. This was so not how he had envisioned this particular revelation. He put the water bottle down and curled into himself, elbows on his knees, forehead in his hands. He was the first guy I slept with.

The silence from where Jason was sitting was unbelievably loud for a few moments.

Oh. I didn’t know you slept with guys, Jason said. The cringe in his voice was almost enough to make David smile, knowing that his friend hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

David shrugged, head still in his hands. A couple. Why, is that a problem? he asked, tilting his head to glance at Jason sideways.

Jason fiddled with his own bottle of water and shrugged. No. Just didn’t know.

Raking his fingers through his longish hair, David sat up, keeping his eyes focused on the copse of trees in the empty lot across from them. His heart was still beating too fast but at least this sort of adrenaline, from telling someone, from coming out, was somewhat familiar. Not comfortable, but certainly far more manageable than the other crisis staring him in the face right now.

Just a couple, he repeated. Well. Three, I guess, if fooling around counts.

Jason kind of grunted and nodded, and David felt his stomach begin to twist up in knots wondering if his friend was really actually cool with this news or not. He had a lot of faith in Jay, though, and honestly? His brain was a little too fucked up about the other issue at hand to get too worked up about something that he knew would work itself out one way or the other.

So... okay then.

A warm, heavy hand rested on his shoulder for a moment, squeezed, and then let go. David managed to twist the corner of his mouth up into something approximating a weak smile for a moment.

Tell you what, Jason said after a pause. I’m gonna call someone and see if we can fuck off for the afternoon. We got a lot done this morning and you’re pretty rattled, he said, gently removing the phone from David’s hand.

David stared at his empty palm, listening to Jason call an