Exploring Me

By Jamie White

Months after learning the truth about herself, and being betrayed by someone she trusted, Courtney Thompson is a changed person. Nearly crippled by anxiety and bitterness, she struggles to adjust to college life. She is ashamed of the person she’s become, and tries to hide it from her boyfriend, Sam.

To deal, she loses herself in the one thing that can make her forget it all: acting. While preparing for an upcoming production, the male lead asks her to help him run lines. Although thrilled with the chance to get onstage in some way, his presence unnerves her. There’s something about him that draws her attention and confuses her.

Now struggling with guilt over her potential attraction to him, this stranger leads Courtney to confront the past she once wanted a connection to, but she’s now running from. What happens next will change everything.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jamie White
• Release date: Apr 4, 2016
• ISBN: 9781311018526

Jamie White

Do you love weird, paranormal stories? GREAT, because I’ve got plenty of them to tell. I can help you journey into the unknown and discover the hidden, yet awesome world out there that most people either don’t see, or don’t want to see. I’ve been exploring that world unofficially since the first Poltergeist movie, and I haven’t lost that love for the paranormal since— that’s why I write about it. That’s right, I’m a paranormal fiction writer. But what sets me apart from other paranormal fiction writers out there is... I actively explore the fascinating hidden world around us through meditation and other practices, like Reiki and chanting. I also work with crystals. These things are part of my world, both real and fictional, and I love sharing them. I hope that, much like I felt after reading Christopher Pike’s work, you’ll feel inspired to explore the weird side of life by getting lost in one of my novels. Who am I? My name’s Jamie White. Aside from being obsessed with all things paranormal and writing about that in my fiction novels I’m also a journalism geek. Before following my ultimate obsession into fiction writing I was an editor of multiple college publications, and interned at a major newspaper. You could say words have accompanied me for a long time. During leisure times, I would role play Buffy the Vampire Slayer and write song spoofs based on that and other things. The fiction bug was biting, but it really got me when I went to my first writing club meeting on a whim (the lesson? Listen to that inner voice). I had some much fun writing that first story, I kept going. And within a year, I had the insane idea to try and write a whole novel in a month. Yes, I was questioning my sanity. Luckily, the muse was with me and her story, “The Life and Times of No One in Particular,” was born. Since then, I have been published by Pagan Writers Press, had a short featured in an anthology, won a library essay contest, and have several more projects coming, including the re-release of the Stains books and my new Lightworker series. On the weird side, I go to crystal classes, chanting classes, give tarot readings, and became a level II Reiki practitioner in February 2015. I'm taking a wild journey, and I'd love for you to join me. Fiction and the unknown? Works for me.

Book preview

EXPLORING ME

Lightworker Trilogy, Book Two

By

Jamie White

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2015

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. An unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, electronic or mechanical, photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and situations are a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual people living or dead, events or locations is entirely coincidental.

Dedication/Acknowledgments:

For my husband. Thanks for always being there. I love you.

No one produces a book alone, and I am so lucky to have some awesome people in my corner. Elaine Roughton, my editor, has been working with me since Clutter. Once again, she managed to help make one of my books the best it could be.

Vicki Rose, whose Platinum Book Reviews events have been amazing for me. I’ve connected with so many awesome people who have been supportive fans: Dawn, Donna, Vicki P., Jennifer, Kathy, Tia, and many others. I can’t say enough about how awesome her events are.

As always, thanks to my White’s Wyrd World street team, and my mailing list. You guys inspire me, and have kept me pushing forward to get this book out. Also, huge thanks to my husband for helping me to revise this one, as well as my co-host, Michelle, for her beta comments.

Thanks to Cheyanne Young for an amazing cover.

Finally, thanks to all the amazing readers and writer friends who have kept me inspired and producing work.

Chapter One

Courtney sat at her computer, her fingers a blur over the keyboard as she worked on a paper for her literature class that was due the next day. Music blared from her headphones, while a can of soda sat off to the side. Between the caffeine, the music, and the rush of an impending deadline, Courtney was blissfully unaware of anything around her, and that was the way she liked it these days.

It’d only been a few months since she’d left the familiarity of her hometown, and she couldn’t help wondering if she’d made a mistake by moving away. At the time, she couldn’t wait to leave it all behind—to be somewhere no one knew her at all; a place where she wouldn’t have to face them, for most of the year, anyway.

The slamming of a door pulled Courtney out of her thoughts, causing her to bite back a scream. She forced herself to smile as she willed her pounding heart to slow down a bit. Hi, she said.

Hi. Her roommate, Karen, plopped down on her bed and pulled out one of her books. Sorry for startling you.

It’s okay, Courtney assured her. Her face flushed with embarrassment. She hadn’t realized it was so obvious. I’m just trying to finish this paper and I guess I got into a groove.

Karen nodded. No worries. She opened her book and settled back against the wall, bringing the conversation to a grinding halt.

Courtney turned her attention back to the paper, but her mind wasn’t in it. She replayed the short conversation over again in her head, her frustration growing with each repetition. The girl’s dismissive attitude annoyed her, but Courtney supposed she couldn’t blame her. She hadn’t exactly been making much of an effort to be friendly. She frowned, remembering the way she’d looked down at the floor through most of their first meeting. Courtney knew it wasn’t the best way to start off her college career, but she hadn’t been able to help it. As soon as the girl stepped in the room, reality had crashed down on Courtney, hard enough to take her breath away. She had to actually live in that room with this strange person and sleep only a few feet away from her, never knowing what might be going on while she was unconscious.

Deciding a change of scenery might help, she gathered up her stuff and said a quick goodbye to Karen before hurrying out the door. She stepped into the night, turning right at the end of her dorm’s walkway in search of a place to work. She mulled over the options while she strode through the mostly-empty street. The coffee shop would be full of too many chattering people and there was a risk of someone trying to engage her in conversation. The library was slightly better, but it was usually just as full. She frowned, picturing the study carrels practically sitting on top of each other. The last time, she’d been caught in a conversation after some guy dropped his pen. The thing had rolled under her seat, so he’d asked for help. Sometimes, Courtney wondered if that pen had dropped by mistake. She’d noticed him giving her a look a couple of times, which usually just made her skin crawl.

Courtney opted for the coffee house. It may have been louder, but at least the tables weren’t jammed together. Maybe she’d be lucky and get one in a corner. With her destination decided, she hastened her pace.

About a block from the coffee house, Courtney’s cell rang. She glanced down at the screen, a smile forming as she anticipated a call from her boyfriend. Her smile gave way to a frown as she saw her father’s name. She silenced the phone and stuffed it into her pocket. She’d call back another time.

What’s happening to you?

The last time she had a proper conversation with either of her parents had been before she left for her grandparents’ house. They’d offered to come to see her off to college, but she’d refused. Courtney couldn’t bring herself to deal with them fussing over her like they had when she left for the summer. The secret she carried haunted her far more in their presence. Would they look at her the same way if they knew what she’d done?

Courtney brushed the thought away as she entered the coffee house and got herself something to drink. She settled into the quietest spot she could find and immersed herself in her work again, drowning out the rest of the world with her headphones.

While it was a little easier to concentrate without the one-on-one pressure of being in the room with Karen, she found herself unable to think of anything but her boyfriend’s impending visit. It’d be only the second time they’d gotten to see each other since arriving on campus, and she couldn’t wait. It was one of the few things keeping her from totally losing it, and that confused her. How did she go from being so excited about leaving home and exploring her heritage to being terrified of it all? The whole thing was humiliating and she hated herself for it. Still, try as she might, she couldn’t seem to open up and let go here.

Courtney shook her head, banishing the thoughts from her mind. It wouldn’t do her any good to flunk out her first semester, so she needed to focus. She forced her attention on the book in front of her, allowing the music to help keep her on task. She’d have plenty of time to have fun later when Sam arrived.

***

A few days later, Courtney’s heart pounded in excitement as she waited at the train station for Sam. She checked the time, sighing as she saw the train was a few minutes late. She couldn’t get over how fast time moved when she was dreading a test or something, and how slow it moved when she was waiting for something good to happen.

Court!

Courtney looked over to see Sam hurrying toward her. She moved to meet him partway, laughing as he took her in his arms and lifted her off the ground. Hi to you too!

Hi, he replied as he set her down and grinned. Admit it, you missed that.

Maybe, but I wouldn’t tell you if I did, she teased. Next time, let’s not take so long to visit, okay?

Promise, he agreed. He adjusted the straps of his backpack, then took her hand and led her toward the exit. Come on, let’s get some lunch.

Courtney shook her head with a grin. I knew you were going to say that. Come on, there’s a place down the street.

Great, he replied.

They made their way to the diner in a comfortable silence Courtney had missed more than she realized. She found herself longing for high school again, where she could hang out with him, Matthew, and Lauren as often as she liked.

Just the thought of Lauren’s name brought about a shudder of revulsion and a wave of unwanted images. A wreck with lifeless forms lying close by flitted through her mind, and Courtney had to wipe at her eyes to stop the tears from flowing. Even half a year later, she couldn’t stop the ache inside at what she’d lost and would never know, and at how drastically everything changed.

Who was Lauren?

The question had haunted her almost every day since that night in Lauren’s apartment, and she was no closer to an answer than before. She could force it aside at times, but it always nagged at her.

You there?

Courtney pushed the images and questions aside, putting on a cheery smile. Sure, I’m fine. Just thinking… nothing important. She pointed to a large window a few feet away. Here we are. The place just opened a couple of weeks ago, so I haven’t had a chance to try it yet, but my roommate was raving about it the other day.

Cool, he replied. He opened the door, waving her in.

Courtney stepped inside as she scanned the room for just the right spot. She found a table near the back and took Sam’s hand. Come on, I see a table in the back.

He raised an eyebrow as he followed her. You don’t want to sit near the front?

Courtney pictured the table they always sat in at a place back home. A bunch of students were gathered around—mostly people from the hockey team. She shook her head. I just felt like being alone tonight is all. It’s been a long time and I missed you.

They sat across from each other in the small booth and Sam reached across the table to take her hand. I missed you too, Court. He rubbed his thumb over her hand. It’s been weird, hasn’t it?

You could definitely say that, she replied. Her mother’s gentle warnings about dating someone going to another school ran through her mind, and she hated to admit how much of it had been accurate. She frowned.

What?

Nothing… I was just thinking of how I almost invited you out the other night. Then I remembered you’re too far away to just drop everything and come out to a party. She rolled her eyes. I’m being stupid. We’ll adjust, right?

Sure. He leaned across the table and kissed her forehead. No question. So, what have you been doing, anyway?

Nothing special, for the most part. You know, boring stuff like classes. Oh! I did get a new assignment in the drama department: props.

Sam’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "You are doing props? Whoever made that call is crazy not to have you on stage."

Her cheeks heated at the compliment. Yeah, well…. He’s one of those old-school types who believes in the whole ‘earn your way’ thing. He wants everyone to get hands-on experience with other parts of the production.

He nodded. I guess that makes sense.

The waiter came to take their orders, cutting the conversation short. As soon as they were alone again, Sam asked, "So… anything else new? Ya know… with your other stuff?"

What other stuff? The second the words left her lips, she wanted to smack herself. Right. That. Courtney glanced around to make sure no one was listening before continuing, The last time anything weird happened was before I left for school. You know… that night at the apartment.