Lost

By Barbara Speak

Sadie Warren is a walking contradiction. The confidence she wears on the outside is only to cover the scars that are imbedded on her soul. Coming out of an abusive relationship where she was stripped of her security and confidence, she chooses to bury it under every man she gives her body to. After one intoxicated night that she will never remember in its entirety, everything begins to change. Being seen more for her positive attributes and less for her faults, Sadie arises from the dark and into a place she feels safe. But with that comes a chain of events that blur the lines of everything she thought she needed and everything she's beginning to want.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Barbara Speak
• Release date: Feb 29, 2016
• ISBN: 9781310781599

Barbara Speak

I never felt I had time to read until one day my sister in law threw the Twilight saga at me. She demanded I give it a try and a new reader was born. An obsession would be a better word for it. While I still love a good YA book from time to time, contemporary romance is where I have found my home. Living through a characters life in real situations draws me in and holds on to me. One day an idea came to mind for a book I had not seen out there yet. After the first few chapters, I was hooked. Finding Solace was written in less than seven weeks. I just couldn't stop once I started, and have yet to stop since.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

Something was making a God awful sound in my dream. Adam Levine had just confessed his love for me when an ear-piercing horn went off causing both of us to cover our ears until it stopped. I begged him to continue with what he was saying when it cut him off once again. I was getting pissed. It was the third time that pulled me completely from my dream into the reality of my bedroom and my cell phone ringing. Without opening my eyes, I felt for it on my nightstand and placed it next to my ear.

"What?"

Well, well, well. Sleeping Beauty finally awakens from her slumber.

No, this beauty needs more sleep. Goodbye.

Wait. I wanted to ask you if you were up for going to The Alley with me tonight.

Heather, I am exhausted. Not tonight. Every time I go I end up feeling like total shit anyway.

But Shawn said they’ll all be there. Come on, Sadie, I really want to see Jason. I’ll do the dishes and the laundry for a week. Whatever you want, just please come with me. Heather had always been one for the dramatics. She’d had a crush on Jason for six months and was apparently hell-bent that night was going to be her night.

Fine, I’ll go, but I refuse to close the place down. I can’t afford to be nursing a hangover tomorrow. What I really wanted to do was go back to sleep, but Heather seemed more desperate than ever before.

Oh, thank you, chica. I just need you to walk in with me so I don't look like I came there just for him. All you have to do is stay for an hour or so. I will have Jason begging to get in my pants, I just know it. I laughed secretly to myself, knowing full-well she probably wouldn’t even talk to him.

Heather was my best friend. She and I met in the tenth grade when her parents bought the house a couple of doors down from mine. We’d been inseparable since day one. After we graduated, it was inevitable we would end up living together. I loved her like a sister, so saying no would have been downright mean. 

The alley, as we referred to it, was probably exactly what you would think it was. A dirty, old, smelly bowling alley that all of our friends that worked at a club called 51 hung out at on Monday nights. Since most of the employees were students at the university in town, it had been declared the hot spot. 51 was open every day but Tuesdays. That meant Monday night was the weekend, per se, for the employees. It also helped that whoever ran 51 worked out a deal that all employees from the bar could bowl and drink for free. In exchange, the same went for the bowling alley employees. 

All right, I'm getting up now. What time do you want to meet there?

In an hour. Were you planning on sleeping the rest of the day away or what? I looked at the clock and saw that it was eight-thirty. What the hell? I could have sworn I’d only slept for maybe a half hour, but since I laid down at five o’clock, that obviously wasn’t the case. 

"You stand for eight hours cutting hair in heels. My feet were killing me. Now, you need to let me get off the phone so I can get in the shower. Wait, where are you?" 

I’ve already been home. You were so dead to the world you didn't hear me. I'm going through Burger Max as we speak. I need to make sure I have some food in my stomach before I get my drink on. That’s my girl. Heather was a power drinker. She could put men to shame when it came to shots. 

After I got off the phone, I went to get ready. Not feeling really into going out, I dried my hair into its natural wave and put on a pair of skinny jeans and an off-the-shoulder shaker sweater. It was October in Illinois, and I was not feeling the need to freeze for sexiness. It was the bowling alley, for Christ’s sake. 

I couldn’t say that I was ugly. I mean, that would be a lie, but I am average. Okay, maybe a little above average. I stood a five foot four and was a size four. My hair was thick, a pretty auburn color that hung just below my bra strap. I had freckles that sprayed over my nose and cheeks that I had always hated, but most people told me they were what made me, me. You know, that kind of average mid-west girl. After a dab of lip gloss and one last glance in the mirror, I was out the door.

When I arrived at The Alley, I spotted Heather's car immediately. I couldn’t miss it if I tried. She owned a 1997 Ford Tempo, also known as the Cream Cruiser. She claimed to love anything that was cheap on gas, insurance, and she could pay cash for it. Parking next to her, I was shocked to find her car empty and that she hadn’t waited for me. After repeatedly calling her phone with no response, I headed in, wondering why I was there in the first place if she went in without me.

Walking through the doors always gave me anxiety due to the fact I was not yet twenty-one, but I had been drinking from the bar for the past year. Not long after I walked in, I found Heather; she was waving me over to the usual group of guys that had quickly become like brothers to me. Mike, Bryan, Dave, Shawn, and Jason had obviously already been at it a while because with each welcoming hug came a slur of words or a stumble in their step. That was the boys for you, though. Heather was, as usual, pounding down enough shots to catch up. I said my hellos and headed over to the bar.

After only a few steps, I was suddenly grabbed from behind, tossed in the air, and screaming my head off before I landed in Mike’s arms. He let me back down, laughing his ass off. How can you not be used to that yet, little one? he asked, still chucking under his breath.

"Asshole. You’re lucky I didn't have a drink in my hand yet, or it would be on your head," I said with a laugh. I loved Mike. He and Jason were brothers, and I had known them for a while. Those boys were tough. Mike fought MMA while Jason boxed and was competing for Golden Glove. I hadn’t had the chance to meet the third Harrison brother, Tony, but I could only imagine what he would be like. 

Did you want to get carded or can I get you a drink? Mike asked, snapping me back to reality while also making a very valid point. I asked him to just grab me a beer and headed back over to my friends. 

It seemed Heather really was on a war path to get Jason to notice her. She was downing her third shot and collecting the glasses like they were prized possessions when I got back to the table. Jason was even challenging her to another round. Who would have known that a drinking contest was all it would take for those two?

Mike came back with four shots and two beers on a tray. Are you thirsty? Because you know only one of those beers is mine. Mike just smiled and handed me two of the shots and a beer to chase them down with.

Yeah, right, Sadie. Since when do you want to be a good girl? Mike asked with a devilish smile. 

Boy, how a comment like that could ring so true to me. But you have no idea how much I wish it didn’t.

I had been doing some major damage over the past two years. After high school, when I finally broke it off with James—the abusive asshole—I started partying non-stop. Having sex with different guys but never getting attached meant that we could still be friends and they would always come back for more. And with each time, I felt a sense of power. However, lately, I had been feeling different. I really didn’t want the power; I just didn’t want them to have it, either. Finding that balance was trickier than I thought.

Three hours later, I was still at the alley. So much for my one-hour show and go. In fact, I was shit-faced. Bowling was not the easiest thing to do sober, but holy shit, I had rolled the ball into the lane next to us. When I stepped back and almost fell trying to go down the step, I realized I needed to sit down and chill out for a minute. Jason walked over to me wearing the cockiest smirk, bent down, and whispered in my ear, Heather and I are gonna get out of here. Are you cool to get home, or do you want me to come back? 

I was shocked stupid.

"No. You guys go have fun, and don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine."

He tapped me on the head and then stood back up smiling as he walked over to her. I couldn’t believe she’d finally done it. Seconds later, he took her hand in his and then they were on their way out. Heather gave one last look over her shoulder at me with a beaming smile on her face and mouthed the words, Oh my God. I laughed, gave her two thumbs up, and then watched them walk out the door. Unfortunately, that left me with a car I shouldn’t drive, no one to speak of as my designated driver, and Mike screaming at me from across the bar, Sadie, get your pretty little ass over here! I want you to meet my brother, Colt. 

I got up from my seat and started to walk over to the bar, thinking, Colt? I thought his brother’s name was something like Tony. Was I that drunk that I didn’t even remember their brother’s name? Whatever, I don’t even care. As I was walking over to them it really hit me just how drunk I was, but if it was going to get Mike to shut up, I would go as gracefully as a person in my state could.

The last thing I expected to see when I got there was the drop-dead-gorgeous guy standing next to Mike. He was tall, about 5' 10", with hair as black as night. It was cut short and looked a little unkempt, but it only added to his rawness. He didn’t need to worry about his hair, though, because his eyes, God those eyes—they drew me in. I had never seen that shade of brown before. It was more like a deep-amber, and they just kept penetrating me. As I continued to walk, I took in the tight, fitted shirt that expanded over his ripped muscles, the jeans that hugged him in all the right places, and, of course, to top it off, he had black Chucks on his feet. 

All of a sudden, it hit me how stupid I probably looked gawking at him. I needed to play it cool. Pushing my drunkenness aside, I tossed my hair back and with each step I took, my confidence grew. I was going to be something that sexy ass man would never forget. Staring into his eyes, I knew I had him. Only a few feet stood between us and then… I stumbled. One foot got mangled with the other and I went down like a sack of potatoes. Who does that? Well, a drunk girl like me thinking she could play it off, that's who. Mike immediately put his arms out to catch me but my eyes never left his brother’s. I was mortified and then Mike had to go and make the moment even more awkward when he said, Way to make your grand entrance, Sadie.

I wanted to die from embarrassment—like run to the bathroom and never come out—but then something I never saw coming happened. Colt reached out his hand, took mine, and said in the sexiest damn voice, It was one that I promise to never forget.

Mike cleared his throat. Sadie, I don't think you've met Colt. Colt, this is my good friend Sadie. We both just stood there staring at each other. I was speechless until Mike cleared his throat again. Well, I guess it’s obvious that I just disappeared, so I am going to go ahead and go. 

Wait. I snapped out of the trance immediately feeling guilty. Mike, I'm sorry. What do you want to do?

Mike looked back at us wearing a scary ass grin. If you both are up for it, let’s do another shot! 

That was the last memory I had. The rest of the night became a blur. One big blur that I would never be able to remember in its entirety. 

CHAPTER 2

I woke up the next morning and attempted to open my eyes, but the pounding in my head kept me from being able to. Why do I do this to myself? I rolled over to stretch when my hand felt something that should not be in my bed. What… the… fuck! Do I open my eyes? Yes, no, yes, no. What do I do? I slowly peeled one eye open when what was looking back at me said, Good morning, beautiful. Oh my God!

I could feel the, foul hot breath coming from my mouth, so I rolled over onto my stomach and inserted my face into the pillow. How did you get in my bed?

I heard him laugh and then he said something that let me know I was so screwed. "Honey, you’re in my bed." And only then did I take notice. How it took that long to register, I had no idea, but I was completely naked.

What do I do now? 

I said the only thing that came to mind, as stupid as it was. So, you’re the Harrison I've yet to meet? Well, I mean, obviously we know each other a little now, but… 

He cut me off laughing again. No, actually I'm not even a Harrison at all. That would be Tony you’re thinking of. 

My head snapped in his direction as I looked over every feature on his face. I am a fucking idiot! How did I not notice he looks nothing like the Harrison boys last night? I mean, really? I knew their brother’s name was Tony. 

I was at a loss for words. I had never wanted to rewind my life more than I did at that moment, so I went with the only thing I could think of. Well, then uh, it was nice, whatever this was, and now if you don't mind turning around, I'll be getting dressed and out of here.

He just stayed where he was, staring at me. My name is Colton Jennings, by the way, but people just call me Colt. Damn, did he have the sexiest voice. How was I feeling such strong feelings just by hearing him speak? I needed to get the hell out of there. So with that, I stood up completely naked in all my glory, grabbed my clothes, threw them on, and ran faster than The Road Runner to get the hell out of that room.

I had no idea where the door was that I needed to go through. As I looked for it, I started to panic more. What if he was following me? The hallway seemed to go on forever. Then I was in the family room. Once I was through the family room, I saw the kitchen. I heard a noise behind me just as the door came into view. I threw it open and began to run down the steps, not even bothering to close it behind me. That was when I saw my car, and my whole world crashed down on me. It was parked on top of a curb. 

I got in and noticed that the keys were left in the ignition. It was then that the tears began to flood my eyes. I started the car with shaking hands, fell off the curb I was on, and headed straight home. All I kept thinking about was why I seemed to be falling further and further down a path of destruction. I mean, really? How did I go from a fun, happy person who loved life, to a relationship that nearly destroyed me, to needing to take control, to losing control completely? Since when was it okay to drink and drive, black out, and sleep with a stranger? What am I doing with my life?

CHAPTER 3

I walked into the apartment and saw Heather sitting at a bar stool facing the kitchen. She must have heard me come in because she turned around with the biggest smile on her face. Well, that was until she really looked at me, then it vanished.

What's wrong, Sadie? As she said it, a head popped up from around the corner. It was Jason. She had done it! 

Hey, Jason. Did you just get here? I couldn't help but tease them. It was six months of hell waiting for that moment.

Uh, not really. Um, Heather and I um, well. I had never seen him so nervous. It was adorable.

Well said, Jason. She looked at him annoyed then turned back to me. Anyway, what happened to you, Sadie? 

I wasn't sure what to say. How could I tell them that I slept with a total stranger who I thought was Jason's brother, but oh yeah, don't forget—I didn't remember anything about it. So, I just shrugged my shoulders and said, Nothing at all. 

I went upstairs and jumped in the shower hoping to wash off my mistakes. As the water poured over me, I tried my damnedest to remember something, anything about how the night before ended. I got nothing. What I did remember was the God-like creature staring back at me that morning. If you had to find a positive in every negative situation, he was mine. I could tell you one thing, though, I vowed to never see him again. There was no way I could face that perfection of a man, knowing I was the one-night stand whore who woke up in his bed. I just couldn’t do it. I turned off the water and stepped out with a whole new outlook on who I needed to be. A chick that did what I did would not be something that could define me ever again. 

I laid down thanking the Lord that it was Tuesday. The one day, other than Sunday, that I had time off from work. When you are a hair stylist, you work when everyone else doesn't. Tuesdays were supposed to be my get laundry done, clean house day, but after the night before, it had become a nurse myself back to health day. All of a sudden, Heather was knocking on my door telling me someone was on the phone for me. Did I leave my phone downstairs? I looked at her suspecting it to be a joke, but she just smiled huge and handed me the phone.

Hello?

Hey, beautiful. As soon as I heard it, I dropped the phone to the floor. Heather picked it up laughing and forced me to take it back. 

Um, hello, was all I could say as I heard him laugh at me.

Are you going to ask me how I got your friend’s number? God, his voice just made every one of my hairs stand on end. 

Okay, you got me. How and why are you calling my friend’s phone?

He laughed again and said, I listened last night when you told me who your best friend and roommate was. Besides, check the number I'm calling from. 

Instantly, I pulled the phone off my ear and knew what to expect. Because my luck couldn't get any worse. Yep, we all know exactly whose phone it was. 

So, are you ready to come give me that haircut you promised? Just think, you can pretend it’s just to get your phone, and I get to see your beautiful face again. Plus, I get a haircut from the sexiest hair stylist on the planet.

I thought I was