Khutting Up the Koran Part One: The Mecca Wish Foundation

By Rafael Paulino

From the Author who brought you the much better written "Butchering the Bible" series comes the next chapter in book-killing horror. So strap in, grab a cup of Spice Coffee, and get ready to experience the worst ever retread of a holy book. From MUHAMMAD, that is. THIS Author is not that bad a writer. No, really, I'm not. Hey wait! Come back! WARNING: Not safe for Muslims. Last Updated: 1/15/2018

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rafael Paulino
• Release date: Jan 17, 2016
• ISBN: 9781311882707

Book preview

Khutting Up the Koran

PART ONE

The Mecca Wish Foundation

Copyright 2016 Rafael Paulino

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

I created the jinn and humankind only that they might worship Me.

Surah LI: 56

Other books by Rafael Paulino

The Butchering the Bible Series

Hollow Be Thy Name

The Valley of the Shadow of Myth

Off to C the Wizard

Ruminations on Atheism, Agnosticism, and the Nature of Reality

No longer available

A Detailed Rebuttal of Silvio Famularo’s

"Evolution? The Theories And The Facts"

(free e-pamphlet)

Currently unavailable

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Title Page

Introduction

Khut 1: The Clot

Khut 2: Power

Khut 3: The Dawn

Khut 4: The City

Khut 5: The Sun

Khut 6: The Night

Khut 7: The Fig

Khut 8: The Earthquake

Khut 9: The Coursers

Khut 10: The Calamity

Khut 11: Rivalry in Worldly Increase

Khut 12: The Declining Day

Khut 13: The Elephant

Khut 14: Winter or Qureysh

Khut 15: The Opening

Khut 16: Mary

Khut 17: Ta Ha

Khut 18: Saba

Khut 19: The Angels

Khut 20: The Winnowing Winds

Khut 21: The Mount

Khut 22: The Star

Khut 23: The Moon

Khut 24: The Beneficent

Khut 25: The Event

Khut 26: The Pen

Khut 27: The Ascending Stairways

Khut 28: Noah

Khut 29: The Enshrouded One

Khut 30: The Cloaked One

Khut 31: The Rising of the Dead

Khut 32: Time or Man

Khut 33: The Emissaries

Khut 34: The Tidings

Khut 35: Those who drag forth

Khut 36: He frowned

Khut 37: The Overthrowing

Khut 38: The Cleaving

Khut 39: Defrauding

Khut 40: The Sundering

Khut 41: The Mansions of the Stars

Khut 42: The Morning Star

Khut 43: The Most High

Khut 44: The Overwhelming

Khut 45: The Morning Hours

Khut 46: Solace

Khut 47: The Traducer

Khut 48: Small Kindnesses

Khut 49: Palm Fibre

Khut 50: The Unity

Khut 51: The Daybreak

Khut 52: Mankind

Khut 53: The Banning

Khut 54: Abundance

Khut 55: The Disbelievers

Khut 56: Al-Hijr

Khut 57: The Children of Israel

OUTRO

Introduction

At the Author’s request, the introductory materials have been moved to the suspiciously-named Outro section, so that those Readers who have only downloaded the demo version of this book can read slightly more of the actual text.

Thank you for your patience.

The Beating of the Glorious Koran

Khut 1 / Surah XCVI

THE CLOT

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful—

YEAH, RIGHT.

Read: In the name of thy Lord who createth,

Createth man from a clot—

Okay… And from what exactly did Allah obtain said blood clot?

Read: And thy Lord is the Most Bounteous,

Who teacheth by the pen,

Teacheth man that which he knew not—

So he couldn’t just—I don’t know—whisper sweet nothings to them while they were sleeping?

Nay, but verily man is rebellious

That he thinketh himself independent!

Lo! unto thy Lord is the return—

Wow.

Just… wow.

You’re already making less sense than the Christian Bible, Koran boy.

I mean, really: That’s got to be some kind of record.

Hast thou seen him who dissuadeth

A slave when he prayeth—

And now you’re rapping?

Hast thou seen if he (relieth) on the guidance (of Allah)

Or enjoineth piety?

Hast thou seen if he denieth (Allah’s guidance) and is froward?

Is he then unaware that Allah seeth?

Nay, but if he cease not We will seize him by the forelock—

The lying, sinful forelock—

So you—whichever you it happens to be at the time—will… seize the free man by his hair?

What are you: An elementary-school teacher?

Then let him call upon his henchmen!

We will call the guards of hell.

Nay! Obey not thou him. But prostrate thyself, and draw near (unto Allah).

Khut 2 / Surah XCVII

POWER

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful—

WHAT, AGAIN?

Lo! We revealed it on the Night of Power.

Ah, what will convey unto thee what the Night of Power is!

The Night of Power is better than a thousand months—

By what metric?

Is it longer?

Darker?

More boring?

Sigh.

You didn’t think that comparison through very well, did you?

The angels and the Spirit descend therein, by the permission of their Lord, with all decrees.

(That night is) Peace until the rising of the dawn.

Khut 3 / Surah LXXXIX

THE DAWN

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

By the Dawn(‘s early light…)

And ten nights,

And the Even and the Odd,

And the night when it departeth,

There surely is an oath for thinking man—

DON’T JUST TAKE PEOPLE’S WORD for anything.

Especially not when they claim to speak for a god… and then begin their commentary with a freaking incantation.

Dost thou not consider how thy Lord dealt with (the tribe of) A’ad,

With many-columned Imad,

The like of which was not created in the lands;

And with (the tribe of) Thamud, who clove the rocks in the valley;

And with Pharaoh, firm of might,

Who (all) were rebellious (to Allah) in these lands,

And multiplied iniquity therein?

Therefor thy Lord poured on them the disaster of His punishment—

Because he is the Beneficent and Merciful?

Lo! Thy Lord is ever watchful.

As for man, whenever his Lord trieth him by honouring him, and is gracious unto him, he saith: My Lord honoureth me.

But whenever he trieth him by straitening his means of life, he saith: My Lord despiseth me—

I take it that you’ve read the Book of Job?

According to the Christians: It’s actually Satan who does the straitening thing.

But, then again: They usually neglect to point out that he apparently needs the Lord’s permission to do it, so…

Nay, but ye (for your part) honour not the orphan

And urge not on the feeding of the poor

And ye devour heritages with devouring greed

And love wealth with abounding love—

Wow, man.

Blaming the victims just never gets old with you religious folks, does it?

Nay, but when the earth is ground to atoms, grinding, grinding,

And thy Lord shall come with angels, rank on rank,

And hell is brought near that day; on that day man will remember, but how will the remembrance (then avail him)?

And now you’re peddling Fear?

I’d say you’re more than a little late to that party, Koran boy.

He will say: Ah, would that I had sent before me (some provision) for my life!

None punisheth as He will punish on that day!

None bindeth as He then will bind.

But ah! thou soul at peace!

Return unto thy Lord, content in His good pleasure!

Ugh!

Get off me, you camel-humper!

No means no!

Enter thou among My bondmen!

Enter thou My Garden!

Khut 4 / Surah XC

THE CITY

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful—

SIGH.

Nay, I swear by this city—

And thou art an indweller of this city—

And the begetter and that which he begat—

Otherwise known as violence—

We verily have created man in an atmosphere—

Of violence—

Thinketh he that none hath power over him?

And he saith: I have destroyed vast wealth: