Chaps & Chumps

By Christopher Devitt

"A Youth In My Youth"

Of Sturm und Drang of long ago and far away misspent young years, of adventure and calamity, of love and lust, of irony and pathos; of these tell tall and teetering tale.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christopher Devitt
• Release date: Jan 20, 2016
• ISBN: 9781524277260

Book preview

God Bless:

Daddy, Mama;

Chris, Sean, Mary, Anne, Nick, Matt, Willy, Dolly;

Marilyn and Cally.

John R Bliesener –

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I was a youth in my youth.

00 Content

30 degrees

747

And I was mad

And then it was time

Been round

Benzedrine badness

Boardwalk

Boat in fog

Can’t do it

Cars traverse

Cinema

Cool

Cool Calm

Crowded

Cute

Dakota Smith

Death comes

Desolation

Do, do do do

Drinkin’ with the boys

Driving

Driving the car

Flat on my back

FM radio

Girl’s

Go to Burger World

Guaranteed

Guns

Half a league

Half a man

Hey, Mister Bus Man

Honey Child

Honey, catch me

How can I miss you

How come

I can’t get enough

I do so like a candy bar

I don’t love anyone

I had just arrived

I hate mathematics

I puke before the panorama

I woke up

If she leaving

If you don’t

I’m at the beach

In the army

It feels like the cutting

It happened again

It needs no beginning

It was cold

It was a cold, blue gray

It was a warm but windy

Kelly, you a hardship case

Kitchen table

Last time I saw Tom

Met you in a nightclub

Morning

My name is

No permanent address

On the road

Oooo, watch out

Open 24 Hours

Petrocelli’s restaurant

Plane drone

Poem of no form

Poised

Pom pom pull away

Powerful yet

Practice

Ridin' in the car

Sey hey ... Stones

She had seen better days

Shotgun shooter

Six times ten

Sometimes I think

Standing outside

The pot plants

There is an old man

Third down

Thought I’d had it

Tony Oak

Tooth Fairy

Tricks

Tuna fishless

Tup-tup tup-tup

Unpopular Music

Wake up, Beth

Walking the dog

We had been at sea

We pulled into Kodiak

What animal

Whiskey-wine

Who know

Why do men learn

Why waste

You lead me through

You need sanctuary

You Saturday night women

ZZZ Rated

30 degrees

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30 degrees and fading fast.

Cold as thawing hamburger.

Mean like they just raped your girl.

Mad like a snake on waxed linoleum.

You can stand around on the street corner till shit decays and what good will it do you?

You can be as loose jointed and jivy as they are in the pictures, eyeball ‘em and grimace till your eyes pop out and your face really stays that way.

You can wear God’s own number of hats.

And what good will it do you?

30 degrees and fading fast.

Shot of Jack Daniels and a beer back.

Sure, thanks. Keep the change.

Leg up against the bar.

Chicks and chumps sit at tables.

Music: electric loud.

People stumbling around trying to dance.

Some fine filly, eh?

Shot of Jack Daniels and a beer back.

Sure, thanks.  Keep the change.

You know that pool, stripped of the surrounding and defining aura would be like bowling, shuffleboard, horseshoes, croquet. I don’t know. Maybe not so bad. What if that happened with fucking?

14 in the corner

9 in the side

Cross corner, he cried, with the 13

12 ball all the way down

11 – 15 combo where it lies

Off the rail for the 11

A little low left – 10 there in the side, and bang – 8 ball dicked and you loose, fool.

30 degrees and fading fast.

I’m in exile.

I don’t know why.

I don’t know what to do.

I hate it

I hate it

I hate it.

Liar.

You know, don’t you?

You’re no fool, you fool.

You know.

You know why you’re in exile, don’t you?

It is due to what you have done. What you have done and what you have not done.

That’s it, isn’t it, fool?

Sure. 14 in the corner

9 in the side

Cross corner, he cried.

Happiness is hell.

Hell is happiness.

Hell is heaven.

And I’m heavenly happy.

You can invert a spiral, can’t you?

What would happen if you inverted a doughnut? The hole would be the universe, the whole universe the doughnut hole. Or would it be the doughnut?

I could stand some improvement. What if I were to invert myself? O Christ. Plague and pestilence. The universe, known or not, as CD viscera.

30 degrees and fading fast.

How much time?

How much time?

My little girl, how are you?

Unwholesome, illegal, immoral, and unnatural fun.

Go to Burger World, they give you burghers.

Go to car lot, they give you automobili.

Go to whiskey store, they give you whisky.

What did you expect, Sweet Pea, coming to my house, my little room, my cave, my den, my hole, my lair.

What did you expect?

What do you expect now?

God, what do I now expect?

How come magnets both repel and attract?

Were I to invert my room, I would be possessed of a large chunk of real estate. And for only $65 a month too.

Idle mind the devil’s workshop.

Idle devils league with me.

Aiding and abetting my every everything.

Rich man fat.

Poor man thin.

Rich bitch spleen.

Poor girl eat too much carbohydrate.

30 degrees and fading fast.

Fading

Fading

Fading

Fool, you're no fool, you’re a fool.

Give me another shot, Baby. I can make the team. Loose ball. Screen.Trap.

Misdirection. Down and out.

Rain doesn’t wash away, nor clean nor purify.

It makes mud.

I think that I usually tolerate those that revel in rain.

It is good that the seasons change

And change our lookout outlook.

Stagnation is stupid.

Even if you got something good.

Fall makes you remember. 

And you can’t have it twice. To think of twice would be perversion. That would make you illegal and licentious, incestuous. It would be wrong. They would legislate against it. There would be no such thing. And I guess there isn’t, is there?

Me and Calvin CoolidgeJust as cold as stone.

Stone cold Calvin cool:

Me, I’m just a fool.

It is necessary to tire

And to tire consistently.

30 degrees and fading fast.

747

747 set to jump for the sky

Rollin' down the runway

Lord, you know I’m flyin' high

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Whiskey and water

Whiskey and water

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Guess I shoulda’ oughta’ love her

But bound to live alone

––––––––

What the hell

Can’t help it

––––––––

Babe, hey, I’m leaving home

And I was mad

And I was mad.

Mad of music, wine, women, and whiskey.

Mad of motion,

Mad of madness.

I drove cheap cars (not always so cheap when got but always when run to ground).

Faster, faster and faster;

And fast was I.

Treadmill treading traction training.

Disarming dissonance.

Cool, hot, overflowing and pained.

And then it was time

And then it was time to do something different. The problem was what to do.

So I drank for a few days but all that happened was right now fun and later lack of fund. Neither of those so bad. But what to do next?

While in my cups I asked plenty of folk what they would do:

Smoke some herb.

Get laid.

Get a job.

Go somewhere.

Take a few classes.

Pay the rent.

Huh?

Swell. But the weather was fine and my luck was running stronger than it had in some time. What the hell.

Been round

Been round the world 3 times,

2 county fairs,

a Swahili pig sticking,

an All-Star game,

2 Methodist church services,

18 rod and custom shows,

3 ice cream socials.

Shot Luther Lassiter and Willie Masconi

in Okinawa in 1959.

Beat Jackie Stewart at Monte Carlo

in 1961.

Watched ABC, NBC and CBS

as they landed on the moon.

Been to 7 confirmations,

4 pro football games,

A trip to Ketchikan in an

18 foot skiff.

I can throw a ball 50 yards,

kick it 90,

run the hundred in 10 flat;

440 pretty fast.

Out fight 9/10 of anybody

you’ll ever meet,

and out brag the rest.

Hitting 356,

48 home runs,

and 129 RBI.

Got a homer in the park;

stole home too.

Own an 8 car garage

and 16 cars,

a boat,

a plane,

4000 dollar watch,

1000 dollar alligator shoes,

200 dollar tennis shoes.

I got a flat,

a town house,

home in the country,

cottage in the woods,

chalet in the mountains,

bungalow on the beach,

and a quarter mil circus tent

so I can stay

anywhere I want.

I throw nothing but 7’s and 11’s,

never have to make it

the hard way.

Drink a quart of Jack Daniels

every day.

Smoke an ounce of Columbian a week.

Do M, H, T, D, C, PCP, MDA, THC,

S&M, B&D,

reds, yellows, whites,

brown & clear,

green & clear,

pink & clear,

pink & white,

blue & white.

I tells ya:

Uppersdownersallarouners.

Got a PHD in mathematics;

more women I can count.

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But I don’t have you.

Benzedrine badness

Benzedrine badness

Methedrine madness

A comic is funny

A comic actor acts like someone who is funny

Diet beer

Diet dog food

Why won’t cars start in the morning cold?

Boardwalk

Boardwalk, Santa Cruz! We drive onto the pier laughing and looking, my baby and me.

Saturday afternoon, white warm, windy and crowded. I ace somebody out of a quick opening parking spot, give a guy a look, but it's OK; I can’t be beat today.

We walk. I wear white on white pinstriped white buck shoes. She carries hers. She is... I am ... We are ... it all, the whole thing, is shimmering pointillist painting. We walk.

Folks are lined up fishing off the wharf. Little blue jeaned blond kid swings to cast his too big pole.

Look out, C.

I swing spin out of the way.

OOOOOoooooo, Miss May

Jackie! Watch what you do! small boy’s big Mama yell.

Jackie turn. Jackie scared.

EEEEeeeeeHHHHHhhhhhhEEEEEEeeeee, I squeeze from my belly, leap high in the air, land on one knee.  UUuuHHhhOoo.

I laugh.

Little Jackie laugh.

May pinch my leg.

Ha ha ha.

We walk on.

The jetty juts straight out into the blue-green Pacific. To our right is rocky bootleg shore.  To left the Santa Cruz small boat harbor.  There are small (32-45 foot) wood or steel or fiberglass boats: brightly colored trim on white wash with wheelhouse, winch, boom, and lines and nets going every which way.  Annie Mae, Albatross, Lady Luck and so on.

Beyond the harbor is the beach. Little dot people dart about.

Up from the beach are the rides – Ferris-wheels, merry-go-rounds, roller-rides and whirligigs of all varieties, each making a different noise. And there’s a big crowd and plenty of action at the Arcade.

We buy cool Chenin Blanc splits and deep fried calamari and lean over on the rail.

Hullo.  Mind if I join you?

Well great Goddamn! Look who’s here? How very odd.  May, this is Geoffrey. Geoffrey – May.

Hullo.

Hullo. How are you?

Well. Thanks awfully.

What’s on, Geoffrey? I said.

What’s on? he said. What is on indeed? What is it that you think you’re doing?

"Gee, Geoffrey, I don’t know. Thought we’d drink some wine, skip some rope. You know,