Articles From Abroad

By Derwin Kitch

Introducing 60 articles that will suddenly transport you to the sensational and amazing world of expat life in Asia and South America.

Come along on an authentic, remarkable discovery where you will learn about the cultures, way of life, religion, language, and wildlife of Kuwait, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Chile, and countries in between.

Some of the easy to read articles include:
The Gassy Donkey of Petra
Jesus Lived in India
Planet of the Apes
Siemen Lahore
I Look Like a Pervert
The Poor Pluckers of Tea Country
Maldivian Jail
Geckos & Cockroaches & Bats, Oh My!
North American Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Monks and Elections
Celebrate Good Times, Come On!
Sri Lankan TV Guide
Asian Obesity
Cobras and Elections
Raid at the American Embassy
Get Your Wesak On
Bar Hopping from Beirut to Damascus
The Walled City of Colombo
Asia: A Comparative Study of Population Density
Asian Valentine’s Day
What a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts
Edward and Linton: Brothers from another Mother
The Bomb Squad Tore our Car Apart
When I Become Prime Minister of Canada

Plus! Powerful stories of the tsunami and its aftermath

Free bonus: 101 of the best travel quotes of all time

These articles were all previously published in a weekly Canadian newspaper by an expat teacher who lived and taught abroad for 11 years.

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Derwin Kitch
• Release date: Dec 29, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310587672

Derwin Kitch

An avid world traveler, writer, and photographer, Derwin has visited 45 different countries and taught at 5 different international schools. Originally from Swan River, Manitoba, Canada, Derwin was the author of a newspaper series called “Living Overseas” and has a published article on the Matador Network. Additionally, his photographs from his travels can be seen on InTheKnowTraveler.Derwin has endured several life altering experiences while living overseas. He met and married his wife in Kuwait, their daughter and dog were born in Sri Lanka, and their son was born and Chile. They lived in Pakistan during 9/11, were in Sri Lanka during the tsunami, and in Chile during the earthquake. They currently call Yorkton, Saskatchewan home.

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Articles

From

Abroad

Derwin Kitch

Articles from Abroad- Copyright © 2015 by Derwin Kitch.

This book is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. The author and publisher are not offering it as legal, accounting, or other professional services advice. While best efforts have been used in preparing this book, the author and publisher make no representations or warranties of any kind and assume no liabilities of any kind with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness of use for a particular purpose. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be held liable or responsible to any person or entity with respect to any loss or incidental or consequential damages caused, or alleged to have been caused, directly or indirectly, by the information or programs contained herein. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. Every company or person is different and the advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should seek the services of a competent professional before beginning any improvement program.

Copyright © 2015 by Derwin Kitch

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Contents

1. The Gassy Donkey of Petra

2. Geckos & Cockroaches & Bats, Oh My!

3. Asian Police Forces

4. Jesus Lived in India

5. Asian Medicare

6. Speaking English

7. Planet of the Apes

8. Charity in Batticaloa

9. My Parents Tour the Neighborhood

10. The Birth of Our Sri Lankan Daughter

11. Swindled

12. Siemen Lahore

13. Email about the Tsunami in Sri Lanka

14. I Look Like a Pervert

15. The Poor Pluckers of Tea Country

16. Maldivian Jail

17. Sovereignty Sri Lankan Style

18. Boston’s Career Fair

19. North American Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

20. Election Shenanigans

21. Family Values

22. Building an Arc

23. Flying Home

24. Religion in School

25. After the Boston Career Fair

26. Monks and Elections

27. Basketball and Love

28. Celebrate Good Times, Come On!

29. Sri Lankan TV Guide

30. Asian Obesity

31. Cobras and Elections

32. A Fortunate Traveler

33. Canada vs. Sri Lanka

34. SCAC

35. Raid at the American Embassy

36. Hissy Fits

37. Get Your Wesak On

38. Bar Hopping from Beirut to Damascus

39. Exploring Chile

40. The Walled City of Colombo

41. Asia: A Comparative Study of Population Density

42. Asian Valentine’s Day

43. What a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts

44. South American Basketball

45. Edward and Linton: Brothers from another Mother

46. Tsunami

47. English as a Second Language

48. Chilean Christmas

49. International Shipping

50. First Impressions of Chile

51. The Sultan Center

52. Chilean Writers Block

53. The Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam

54. Preparing for Chile

55. Poverty Sucks

56. Christmas Gifts

57. Best and Worst

58. Appreciate Your Education, You Young Whipper Snappers

59. The Bomb Squad Tore our Car Apart

60. Countries Be Warned

61. When I Become Prime Minister of Canada

Introduction

Ayubowan, Salam Aliekum, Namaste, Hola, Yush & Hello!

My wife, Dana, and I spent eleven years teaching overseas in Kuwait, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Chile, and Jamaica.

During that time, we routinely sent emails to friends and family. They were simply a collection of our observations and experiences in a mystical and mysterious part of the world.

I made sure that the emails had catchy Subject lines such as War in Sri Lanka and Other Fun Things and I, the Gringo, No Longer Have To Wear Boxer Shorts On My Head. They made sense if you read the emails.

One day, a friend connected me with an editor for a local Saskatchewan newspaper. They felt that our experiences abroad were worthy of sharing. Especially considering that we lived in Pakistan during 9/11, Sri Lanka during the tsunami, and Chile during their 8+ earthquake.

So, I submitted articles regarding the culture, religion, economy, people, wildlife, and way of life in our host countries and places we explored.

Below is a compilation of those articles plus an email detailing the devastation of the tsunami.

I was far less wise and politically correct in my younger years. However, I was far more cheeky and sarcastic.

None of these articles are award worthy but they are from the heart, honest, and as accurate as possible. No tale was embellished, even the story of The Bomb Squad Tore Our Car Apart, Jesus Lived in India, or The Planet of the Apes.

And while some may seem hard to believe, they are all true.

The Gassy Donkey of Petra

We are often asked why we want to live overseas, especially since we are close to our families. The answer is simple, and it has nothing to do with getting away from teaching Canadian students. In reality, we live overseas so we can explore the world and learn about different cultures.

Some people spend money on fancy cars or houses; some spend money on alcohol or cigarettes; some Sri Lankans spend money on arrack and betel nuts. We just happen to spend our money on travelling. ‘Same, same but different’ as they like to say here in South Asia.

As amazing as it is to see the Pyramids, the Eiffel Tower, the Ganges River, or the Taj Mahal it is often the unexpected that makes for fantastic travel memories. Memories like seeing the children of Cambodia. As poor as they are, they may be the friendliest, most carefree children we have ever seen. Or memories of the young Omani boys who let me fish with them outside the royal palace in Muscat. Captain Nasser, a 16-year-old boy who worked on the felucca boat we took, invited us to his house for some Egyptian bread. Or having Christmas supper by a roaring fire in a little inn in a small village in Morocco. We have even seen the tank graveyard from Desert Storm in Kuwait.

There are also those special life events like proposing to my wife on a Mediterranean beach in Tunisia or getting married in a civil ceremony in Kuwait. Soon our child will be born in Sri Lanka.

When it comes to laughs, they all pale in comparison to the Gassy Donkey of Petra. Petra is an ancient Nabataean city in present day Jordan. Around 400 B. C., the Nabataeans built their houses by cutting them directly into the red stone cliffs in the area. It is a magnificent place to see.

Now, there are some people who own donkeys that will take tourists up the narrow, winding stairs to the top of the mountains above the city. We decided to hire one donkey each for the trip. Dana and a friend each got on one and proceeded up the narrow staircase. With the cliffs to their right and nothing but straight down to the left, it left little room for anyone other than the donkey. None of the donkeys were tall enough for my long legs so they took me around back to where there was one large donkey eating what looked to be beans.

Having tested him for height, I proceeded up the mountain as well. About one third of the way up, we came to a very well dressed French couple coming down the steps. He wore dress shoes and pants, a polo shirt and a little sweater neatly tied around his neck. His wife wore a dress shirt and skirt and high heels. It is amazing how many tourists wear clothes like that and considering Petra is in the desert, I am thinking that their IQ is the equivalent of a camel’s.

The stairway was narrow enough that the couple had to press themselves against the cliff wall as my donkey carried me up. They were obviously appalled by the donkey’s presence and made some very disgusted looking faces. As they passed the donkey’s backside, he directed the worst case of flatulence that I have ever smelled in my life in their direction. And he could not have aimed better. Her hair actually blew in the wind.

The Gassy Donkey of Petra then proceeded to emit gas at a high speed in the direction of everyone who shared the staircase with us. Even though I was riding him and was upwind from the flatulence cannon, I can personally vouch for the rotten stench. I have never smelled anything like that before.

Rarely have I laughed so hard. So give me your Angkor Wats, Luxors, Westminster Abbeys, or Grand Canyons, it is the small things, such as a donkey, that make it worthwhile being overseas.

Geckos & Cockroaches & Bats, Oh My!

When most North Americans think of life in Asia, they think of poverty, pollution, and high population density. But there is a lot more than what meets the eye, for behind every picture or in every drain there are small creatures that we call housemates. To successfully live in Asia, you have to forget the North American overly sanitized, clean, and sterile lifestyle that we lead and get used to the fact that you are never alone in your house.

The most obvious roommates that we have are geckos. These small reptiles are a common sight throughout Asia and can be found hanging from the ceiling or hiding behind pictures, wall hangings, or kitchen counter-top appliances. My wife toasted an unsuspecting gecko in the toaster one morning, which caused her to start a daily routine of tipping the toaster upside down and banging it before toasting his bread. Not something that you have to do in Canada.

A little green gecko once slinked into our fridge unnoticed. The next time we opened the fridge door, he (at least I think he was a he) stayed on the top shelf motionless. Once we moved him, he warmed up and quickly scrambled to safety. I’ve also catapulted a gecko against the wall by stepping on the garbage can lid opener. They are cute and eat a lot of insects so you learn to accept them in your home.

As welcome as the geckos are, 2-3 inch long cockroaches are another story. They were so common in Lahore, Pakistan, that the shrieking, panicked screams of my wife no longer sent me running to her aid. Instead, I’d just go get a Kleenex, chase the obtrusive cockroach down and crunch it. Occasionally one would crawl up my leg while sleeping. Another cockroach sat on my wife’s toothbrush that hung on the bathroom wall as if it were toothpaste. When we finally got an exterminator in, he counted 300 cockroaches dead from the shower drain alone.

The Sri Lankan cockroaches are totally different from Pakistani cockroaches. Whereas Pakistani cockroaches are incredibly fast and smart, Sri Lankan cockroaches are just the opposite. In fact, we often find them dead, alone in a room on their backs, with a leg laying a couple of inches away. So, as far as we can tell, the life cycle of the Sri Lankan