Random Thoughts & Incidents

By P. J. Quinn and Eric Addams

Random Thoughts & Incidents is a compilation of short stories based on experiences, as well as random thoughts about life in general. Most people may be able to relate to these thoughts and experiences, and others might have actually been through similar situations. Even if not, its a fun ride.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Dec 7, 2015
• ISBN: 9781682226926

Book preview

Scandalous

CHAPTER 1

FAKE ORGASMS.

I met this lady years ago. She was very good looking, and built pretty much exactly the way I really like my women to be built; tall and stacked. The truth is, I like women of all shapes and sizes, and I wouldn't necessarily call being tall and stacked a preference. But when I first meet a woman and she's tall and stacked, that's what I call a very good start.

So we're having a conversation and we're talking about sex. Now I wouldn't necessarily call talking to a woman who is tall and stacked about sex a preference, but I would call it the kind of conversation that never gets old. It's the conversation that keeps on giving. But then again, it could take a turn for the worse in some way, so it can stop giving at some point.

Anyway, I never shy away from talking about sex with a woman that I'm interested in, and whom I'm in the beginning stages with, because I like to know, or at least get a fair idea of who I'm dealing with sexually.

So she starts by telling me that she's bisexual. Music to a man's ears right? Well don't start dancing just yet. So I ask her Have you ever gone down on a woman? She says No. But I have had women go down on me. So I'm like ok cool. So we get into sex with a man. She starts telling me about an experience she had with a guy. She tells me that the way the whole thing went was, he went down on her, and then she gave him a hand job. So I asked Wait…he ate you out, but you only jacked him off? And she said Yes. Then I asked and he was ok with that? And she said Yes. Why wouldn't he be?

I was fairly young at this time. I had to have been 21 years old, and at that time, if I went down on a woman, I felt it was only even if she went down on me. Not even me going down on her, and then us having intercourse, was even in my mind. My thing was, if I put my mouth on your lady parts, then you put your mouth on my man parts. That's only fair!

That's actually how the first woman I went down on got me to do it. Before then, I swore up and down that I would never do that. There was a time that when I saw a man eating pussy in a porno, it would literally turn my stomach. But then I met her, and she simply said if you do me, I'll do you. And the rest is history. Now, I can't get enough of it. I also changed that way of thinking that things absolutely had to be fair and even too. But that's another conversation.

Back to the current conversation. So after she asked me why wouldn't he be? I was like well if he was ok with that then that's cool, but to me, that would not be fair. She asked why not? I answered a man eats you out and only gets a hand job in return? How is that fair? I can jack myself off. Then I asked her so that wasn't how it went with just that guy in particular, that's how it goes with all men you have sex with? And she said yeah, that's how it always goes with men I have sex with. I asked her what about oral sex…would you go down on a guy after he ate you out? Her answer was kinda weird. She said I think going down on a guy is better than going down on a woman, but I wouldn't do it. Maybe when I'm married. I don't wanna go down on a dude, and then we get into an argument, and he says 'you weren't saying that when you were sucking my dick the other night’. Then I said then that's not really sex for the guy; or at least you can't consider that as having sex with a guy, because you're not doing anything that he can't do for himself. I mean, what's in it for him? So then she said something that I had never heard before from a woman. And through the years, I started to realize that all women thought this same thing she told me at that time. And that was, when women have sex, they don't always have an orgasm. In fact, most of the time we don't. But when men have sex, they always do. So when a man eats me out and gives me an orgasm, then me jacking him off will give him an orgasm. That's why it's fair.

Now, it wasn't the part about women and orgasms that shocked me. I already knew that. It was the thing she said about men and orgasms that blew me away. When she said that, I laughed like she told me the funniest joke I had ever heard. After my laughter I said really? Where did you get that from? Men do not always have an orgasm during sex. And she said yes they do. I said to her let me explain something to you. There is a difference between an ejaculation, and an orgasm. An ejaculation is a physical response from a physical stimulus. So if you physically stimulate a man's penis, eventually the physical response will be an ejaculation. A lot of times the ejaculation is accompanied by an orgasm, but not every time. I don't think she believed me, and I couldn't believe that she didn't know that. Like I said earlier, I came to find out through the years that most if not all women, didn't know that either.

Years later I happen to catch a talk radio show, and they were talking about male sexuality. The radio host was male, and he was talking to a woman who was a psychologist or something. The host asked her, do men fake orgasms, and she said yes. So he kinda laughed, then he asked her how? She said something to the effect of, a man fakes an orgasm by denying his emotions and feelings during an orgasm, and therefore making women think that it's purely a physical act for him. I was like what the hell!? That was total unmitigated bullshit.

Here's the thing… We always hear about women faking orgasms for a number of different reasons. The main one being to not shatter the fragile male ego. I understand that, because a lot of men do have a fragile male ego. But not all of us. Matter of fact, there have been times when after having sex with a woman, I told her I know that wasn't shit. It's important to be honest about that sort of thing because that's the only way of getting better. But no matter what, sometimes it's just not going to be what you want it to be. Tell me one thing in life that's always what you want it to be. So, we never hear about men faking orgasms. Women think it's impossible. Or, if they do think it's possible, then they think it's done in some ridiculous way that most of the time, makes absolutely no sense what so ever.

But you know what's crazy? There are a lot of men who don't think it's possible for a man to fake an orgasm. In fact, most men couldn’t even imagine how to fake an orgasm. They don't realize that it's something they have most likely done themselves, a few times, without knowing that that is what they were doing.

Confusing right? Let me explain. First, what is faking an orgasm? Faking an orgasm is simply allowing your sexual partner to believe that the sex was better than it actually was. We are all adults here. And I'm sure that whether you're a man, or a woman, you have heard the term good pussy. If you are a man, then most likely at some point, you have said she got some good pussy or something like that. And if you are a woman, then you've heard that phrase, and a lot of times, you've heard that phrase in reference to your pussy! Well in order for there to be good pussy, there has to be bad pussy, or else it would just be pussy. In most cases, it wasn't that the pussy was necessarily bad. What is was, is you may have had an ejaculation when you had sex with that particular woman, but you did not have an orgasm. But with that other woman, you had an ejaculation and an orgasm, and that's why her pussy was good.

As a man, if you have never experienced sex where you busted one off, and it was as fun and pleasurable as a trip to the DMV; then you're either extremely lucky, or you haven't had enough sex. Picture this…you've had sex with your woman, and then your climax felt more like a cli-min. You know, cli-maximum and cli-minimum? Ok forget that. Picture this…you've had sex with your woman, and your climax didn't really do it for you. There were no fireworks, and you just came and went at the same time. It was one of those times when you would've had more fun reorganizing your sock drawer, or building a spice rack. Now, do you look at your woman and say honey that was bullshit! I missed the game for this? Do you say anything negative, or anything at all for that matter? Of course not. You handle it like a man. You suck it up, and you walk it off.

Doesn't that sound like the title of a book written by Dr. Phil? Can't you just hear him saying that with his Texas accent? Yuu suuhck it uuhp…and yuu waawlk it awff! And that's the proper way to handle it. We always hear about the fragile male ego, especially when it comes to sex. But have you ever told a woman that her sex wasn't good? If you do, then it better be over the phone, or via text. Because if you plan on sleeping in the same bed with that woman, after you told her that her sex wasn't good, then you could wake up with a knife in your chest. Proceed with caution. Matter of fact, don't even proceed. Just suck it up, and walk it off. In other words, be a man!

And women never ask if it was good for you anyway, because they assume that men have an orgasm every time. And if she does ask, just say what are you talking about…don't you see that cum right there? Of course I came baby! And she'll be none the wiser. Congratulations! You my friend, just engineered yourself a fake orgasm. And our fake orgasms come with physical evidence. And that makes it even more plausible than a woman's fake orgasm. And women, don't go asking your man if this is true, or if he has ever faked one with you. Because he probably has, and he's going to deny it!

Do you realize, if we men had an orgasm every time we ejaculated, that we would still be in the Stone Age? Nothing would have been invented, because the cave men would've been too busy in that part of the cave, where they jacked off, well… jacking off. We might have even gone extinct. Do you think that the cave men would've put up with cave women's mouth, when they could have gotten just as much pleasure on their own, as they did with a cave woman? C'mon man…would you? Ok I'm kidding about all of that cave man stuff, but faking orgasms, is a unisex androgynous phenomenon.

CHAPTER 2

DID THIS REALLY HAPPEN?

Have you ever had something happen to you, that right after it happens, or soon after, you question if it really happened? I’m not talking about something you can’t believe happened, like winning the lottery, I mean something you wake up from the next day, and there is no proof it wasn’t a dream? You replay it over and over again, but at the end of the day, there is nothing to prove your story but your imagination, which sometimes, works overtime. Or maybe when you look back, you wish you had done a whole lot of things differently? I’ve had a few of those days and nights, and so have some of the guys I hang out with.

First I have a question for everyone out there. If you paint something, it doesn’t make you a painter. If you build something, it doesn’t make you a carpenter. If you draw something for your kid’s school project, it doesn’t make you an artist. How about helping your kids with their science project, that sure as hell, doesn’t make you a scientist. But how come, you fuck your ladies mom, one time, and you’re labelled as a Mother Fucker for life?

I’m