Chasing Clarity

By Sylvia Stein

What happens when you lose the person most important to you and are left to pick up the pieces?

Mia Gerard had always wanted to be a trained dancer yet she has just lost the love of her life in a tragic accident. Leo Dancy was her best friend and soul mate. As she tries to deal with losing him, she finds his absence unbearable and she feels lost without him.

But then a great opportunity arises for Mia that she just can’t turn down.
She is accepted into the New York Dance Academy of performing arts.
At first she is overwhelmed but once she gets there she begins to allow herself to heal.

This is when she comes across Henry Watson a painter with aspirations of acquiring his own exhibit one day. While she ponders her feelings for Henry, will she be too late? or will she find the clarity she needs and chase after him?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sylvia Stein
• Release date: Oct 21, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310536427

Sylvia Stein

Author Sylvia Stein began her path to writing when she joined the Writer’s Group on Linked in 750 in 2012 and she also started to connect with other authors through the World Literary Café. She continued her journey by creating short stories, which were published, in the Giant tales Anthology series. While obtaining her Masters degree at Southern New Hampshire University online author Stein built a solid foundation with her colleagues who encouraged her to continue on her writing. That’s when Closure was born. With the help of her editor Closure grew from a short story to a full novella that Author Stein is excited to share. Her First Debut Novel came in July 31, 2014 entitled, Closure and now she has just released her first YA called Chasing Clarity out October 5th 2015 . “ This is the first of many to come.”

Book preview

Prologue

Part one

When I looked into his eyes, I could not keep from crying. It had been so long since I felt this way.

Mia, what is wrong? he asked.

I cast my eyes down to the ground and bit my lip.  I blocked his voice and did not want to hear what he had to say.

This was not Leo and he would never be like him!

Where are you, Leo?   Come back to me my love.

Grabbing my  purse, I  headed to the door.

I am sorry, Henry, but I have to go now!

You’re leaving now, he asked uneasily.

I nodded. Yes, I have to go now."

Mia, please don’t go! he pleaded.  His tormented face broke my heart, but I felt entrapped and the need to escape suffocated me.

No, I have to go, Henry.

I tried to break away, but he pulled me towards him. Mia, why are you not looking at me?

Please, Henry, I need to go!

Mia, talk to me! he demanded soothingly, which only irritated me even more.  How can I make him understand?

I can’t do this now.

Henry began to caress my arm in comfort but to no avail.

I tried to remain polite, but it was hard to do.

I need to go now!

Mia please don’t do this!

I tried to keep it together. I did not want to hurt him.

He would not stop pushing me. Mia, I demand to know what is the matter!

Sobbing uncontrollably, I tried to explain. Look, Henry, I do not want to hurt you. He wouldn’t listen to my pleas.

Hurt me? What are you talking about?

The tension escalated. My heart raced, and my body trembled. I had to remain calm. I took a deep breath.

Henry, I am just a bit taken aback by all that is happening with us.

Mia, do not be scared of what is happening.

This was too much. I am not ready for this now. I can’t do this, Henry!

Taking the steps two at a time, finally reaching the last step, I gripped the railing. Leaning over, I clutched my chest with my right hand.  All I wanted was Leo.

Mia, where are you going? His voice trailed off behind me.

I am sorry, Henry. I hope one day you can forgive me.

Mia, please come back! Unfortunately, Henry seemed to want something I was not ready to give.

Chapter 1

Part One

My name is Mia Gerard, and dancing had always been a part of my life for as long as I could remember. I don’t think there was ever been a time I didn’t love it. When I was five years old, my mother enrolled me in my first ballet and jazz class.  After working so hard for so many years and putting countless hours into it, I was thrilled when I began winning so many competitions. However, nothing came close to winning the heart of Leo Dancy.

In my 7th grade English class, I started to feel a connection between us. I could not explain it.   I mean how can a twelve-year-old know when she is in love, right?

Well, although I did not have concrete proof, I knew what I felt. It was a feeling like no other. My heart raced, and my hands got sweaty every time I was near him. I know it may sound cheesy, but I literally felt like he and I were the only ones in the room, and we were meant to be together.

Oh, when I think about it now, I can’t help but let out a chuckle. I can still see Leo coming in with his blondish hair and green eyes looking right at me. I hadn’t seen him for awhile. We went to the same elementary school, but his parents moved to Chicago, and we lost touch.

I was just glad to see him back in Ann Arbor, Michigan.  He was always such a comedian. Like the time in sixth grade, when he made a joke about the Wolverines beating the Ohio Buckeyes.  The love of football was something that we had in common.  I was never social due to my hectic dance schedule. Most of the Girls, except for Courtney Deegan and Keyla West, who were in the same dance class as me, were the few that I got along with.  We grew up together, so they understand me more than the rest of the girls at school.  I know dancers are supposed to be graceful. Not to say I am not, but it doesn’t hurt to be one of the guys and be ladylike too.   It’s okay for us to wear tutus and play in the mud.  That is why Leo and I became close.

Leo loved that I danced.  He was very supportive, never missing  a recital.  Many times after dance practice, we would hang out by the lake or do bonfires surrounded by family and friends. No matter how busy we were, we always helped support each other. Boy! I miss those football games. I can still see him on the fifty-yard line, making passes, as the band played our school song.

He was very popular and everyone liked him.  Even the school bullies were respectful toward him. Now there is a story. One time, Chad Pearson, was picking on Samantha Green, who was the new nerdy girl at school.  She wore a neck brace due to a medical condition.  I never saw Leo so angry.  Instead of using his fist and resort to violence, he was there for Samantha and invited her to our lunch table.  Once word got out to the football team, everyone protected her and eventually, Chad was expelled.

During seventh grade, I got the lead in Swan Lake. He was so proud of me, and he bought a ticket for front row seats.  After dancing the last piece, Leo was the first to give me a standing ovation.  Then the crowd followed, but not before I heard him shout Way to go, Mia!

They all smiled at me, and then the crowd applauded even louder. Oh, I can go back and replay that forever. That was the moment I knew I had feelings for Leo. It was the same sort of thing I’d felt when he first came into English class, only deeper.

Oh, I don’t want to ruin our friendship. What should I do now?

I knew how I felt about Leo, but that did not mean he felt the same way. Did he? I thought about playing it cool.

I don’t need to say anything. If I do, and then I find out he doesn’t feel the same way it will be weird between us. No, there is no need for him to know. Friends, it is.

For the next few days, I could not stop thinking about Leo. It was getting harder to be near him, and all I wanted to do was hide my feelings.

During seventh grade finals, I was really stressed out.  I didn’t study for my history test due to the Swan Lake recital.  It took so much out of me, for I was the prima ballerina.  I was at the studio from the time I left school to about ten o’clock every night.  Who had time to study dead people anyway?  Like, we don’t even live like that anymore.  Ankle dresses, no make up, no style, no ponytails were just not my thing. With the history final on my mind, worrying about it affecting my GPA, I literally ran right smack into Leo, knocking him on his butt.

Mia, are you okay? he asked while I lied on the floor.  Embarrassed, he helped him.

Turning back to my locker to hide my embarrassment, I grabbed one of the books and responded with a smile, I am fine, Leo, but are you okay?

Smiling sheepishly, he replied, My bottom is a little sore, and my pride is broken.  But other than that I am fine  Looking down, he stared at my feet with a puzzled look.

I sighed. I didn’t have time for Leo’s games right now. Leo, what is the matter?

Well, I notice you are wearing two different types of shoes today.

My mouth dropped opened, and I quickly looked down at my shoes.

I was mortified. Leo was right. My shoes didn’t match. One was my running shoe for gym, and the other was my dance shoe. I didn’t know what to do.

It is okay, Mia.

Okay? How can he think it is okay? Tears welled up in my eyes.

Mia, it is okay. He leaned closer and started to twirl my hair. I pointed it out, because my socks don’t match today. We are so much the same.

Looking deep into his green humorous eyes, I felt my heart skip a beat.  I silently begged him to ask me out.

I say we blame the weather.

The moment was lost, and I tried to hide my disappointment. That is right. Michigan weather was always changing, and even though it was April cold temps still blew in from time to time to disorient you.

Come on. I will walk you to class. He grabbed my hand, and my heart leaped into my throat.  It was surprisingly strong, rough, and warm.

I looked up at him. What are you doing, I asked breathlessly.

Well, don’t you think it is about time we make it official?

Official?

You know, go out as boyfriend and girlfriend.

I blinked. You do?

He abruptly stopped, and I almost ran into him. Yes. Do you accept? he asked, turning toward me.

I felt my heart racing again, and it was hard to get the words out. Yes, I accept.

He held my hand as he walked me to my next class, and I didn’t care about my shoes anymore.

I will see you in English class, Mia.

I smiled. See you then, Leo.

I recalled this day as if it were yesterday. If only there was a way to go back. Leo Dancy was  my soul mate—someone I wanted to be with the rest of my days. I fell in love with every part of him.

He was one of the nicest people you could ever meet. Oh, I get so teary-eyed as I remember everything. But that’s all in the past. There is no future for us.

No, I refuse to think that way. This can’t be the end. I do not want to wake up. I want to stay asleep. Leo, my love, I want you to take me with you. Please take me with you.

Chapter 2

Dear Diary,

The day that changed my life forever happened on a cool, breezy day in late August 2013. The weather was not surprising for Michigan. After being born and raised there, I was used to the severity of the winter weather and the unpredictability of summer. Still, the chill in the air that evening set an uneasy feeling within my heart.

My cell phone  began to ring off the hook really late one night.

Oh no! How am I supposed to answer that now? Darn it!

I took a step forward and swallowed back the pain inside as I answered without looking at the caller ID. Hello? I said, barely breathing.

Mia, are you awake? the voice on the other end of the line asked.

Yes, I am. Then I recognized who was calling. Courtney?

Mia, I am sorry to call you so late, but I saw something on the news a few minutes ago….

Okay, I said, cautiously noting the pause. Courtney, are you there?

Her silence intensified my worries. I gasped for air and gripped the phone in my hand, waiting for her to say something.

After about five minutes that seemed to last a lifetime, she finally spoke, Mia, I do not know how to tell you this.

By now, the pain in my chest was almost unbearable. I gritted my teeth. Oh goodness! What is going on? Courtney, what is it?

I think something terrible has happened to our guys.

Wh-what d-do you m-mean? I could barely speak.

Listen, Mia, I overheard on the news just now that there was some type of accident after the game.

I loved Courtney, but she could be a drama queen at times.

Gosh, I hope she is wrong. So you automatically thought of Leo and the guys?

No, I have been calling Matt for the last two hours with no answer.

Courtney, please listen to me. I took a deep breath in order to stay calm.

Mia, you know it is not like Matt to not answer me!

Please calm down. Let me try Leo’s phone.

Okay, Mia. I hope you have better luck.

I dialed Leo’s number and tried to remain calm, but the pain in my chest increased. My hands shook more with each ring. Finally, I heard someone pick up, and I heaved a sigh of relief. Oh thank goodness, Leo!

Mia, this isn’t Leo. It’ Matt!

He-llo Matt , can you please call Courtney? I said struggling to speak.

Mia, listen to me, he said.

I didn’t want to hear it. Okay, Matt. Please call Courtney. She is losing it!

Mia, please listen to me! he exclaimed.

Something in his voice told me I couldn’t fight it anymore. Goodness, Matt. What is it?

Mia, there was an accident, and something terrible has happened to Leo!

I honestly do not remember what happened next. My mind went blank.

Mia, Mia. Please, Mia!

What is going on? I can’t breathe!

Mia! Courtney screamed.

Everything turned dark.

All I remembered was the poem I recited for my love:

Withering memories get in my head, and then I see your face.

I begin to see what is only an image. You are gone and will never be back.

Inside, I am dying each time I recall the moment you left me.

I wait for the day when we will be together again.

Until that day, my heart will never mend.

I will long for you forever.

Mia

Chapter 3

A year had passed, and I still can’t help but cry as I recalled getting word of Leo’s passing and the days that came after. I struggled to get out of bed the morning of Leo’s funeral. I dreaded being around everyone. Not to mention Leo’s parents. After all, the Dancy’s and I were so close. It was hard to look in their eyes and not break down.

I felt so helpless. I needed to keep it together. This is like some horrible nightmare. How can it be happening? We just graduated from high school in June. This makes no sense. Oh, goodness! I want to scream so loud and just disappear.

Leo’s face began flashing through my mind. I looked around my room and tried to shake away the thoughts of him, but his image is everywhere. The pictures behind me are all of us. I don’t know how I am going to be able to take all of this today. Since the news came, I have not been able to even leave my room.

I passed out for awhile after receiving the confirmation from Matt that something bad had happened to Leo, and then I awoke to my mother and my best friend, Courtney, standing over me. Keyla was there too.

Outside my room, I heard my dad talking to Leo’s parents. They were crying. I wished I had been able to hug them, but I was too weak and still in shock. I really don’t remember what happened after that. I think I fell into a deep sleep. I wish I could have stayed that way.

In my dreams, Leo was with me and nothing had changed. We held hands as we walked outside the school. He smiled at me and then placed