After a Good Man Cheats: How to Rebuild Trust & Intimacy With Your Wife

By Caroline Madden

You are a good man who made a bad decision. You were unfaithful in your marriage. You love your wife, and now that you see clearly what your infidelity has done to her, you are incredibly sorry that you have hurt her so much.
You want to save your marriage. You don't want to lose your family. I know that you are doing your best to regain your wife's trust, but no matter what you do, you seem to make it worse. She has so many questions about your affair. So. Many. Questions.
Not only is your wife furious, but she's also emotionally volatile. Sometimes she seems to love you more deeply than ever, and other times she kicks you out of the house.
You are on a roller coaster. You want your marriage back, but you're not sure how to help your wife trust you again and move forward. She doesn't know what she wants, and her volatility exhausts and upsets you. You both are stuck.
My name is Caroline Madden. I've been a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles for over a decade. I have helped countless couples restore their marriages after infidelity.
I've seen women just like your wife go through the whole process--from uncovering their husbands' affair to making it to the other side, heart healed and marriage restored. I have heard their innermost thoughts and concerns as they try to process their husbands' betrayal. I know what specific stages your wife will experience. I know what prevents women from moving forward, and I know what women need in order to trust and forgive.
Most importantly, I know the things men say and do that they think are helpful but that actually make things worse.
This book is a practical action plan that will walk you through the first stages after your wife has discovered your infidelity. Learn the tools to fix your marriage. Avoid the (sometimes fatal) mistakes I've seen so many men make.
In this book, you'll learn the things your wife is going to feel, say, and do, giving you the following:
* Insight into what she is thinking and why this is so hard for her to get over
* Practical advice so you know exactly what to do at this important stage
* Actual scripts so you know what to say in response to very specific situations
* Clear explanations as to why certain words and actions you think will be helpful might be making this worse
* Two self-administered quizzes to help you determine why you cheated so that you can get a better understanding of what triggered your affair.
Included at the appropriate points are scripts of what to say and why you need to say those words at that time. You will want to translate the scripts into your own natural wording, using the meaning of each script as a launching pad for productive, healing dialogue with your wife.
Also, other these other questions are answered:
* She doesn't know. I feel guilty. Should I tell her the truth?
* We aren't married yet? How does that impact recovering from the affair?
* I didn't have a physical relationship with my Affair Partner, why is my wife so upset?
* What is an Emotional Affair?
This is the most important time for you to get things right, because your wife is actively deciding at this stage whether or not she wants to stay with you. Buy "After a Good Man Cheats" today.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Caroline Madden
• Release date: Sep 20, 2015
• ISBN: 9780990772866

Caroline Madden

Caroline Madden, PhD is Los Angeles based pro-marriage therapist and internationally known author and lecturer. Her writing focuses on difficult relationship topics such as: parental death, emotional affairs, another types of infidelity in marriage.Madden graduated in 1993 from Cornell University with a BS in Labor Relations and worked for a number of years in Labor Relations/Human Resources in the private sector and government. She believes that her extensive training in conflict resolution and collective bargaining gave her tools to later help even the most difficult couples.In 2001, Madden earned her Master of Arts in Psychology from Phillips Graduate Institute. Her training covered all areas of psychotherapy but centered on relationship dynamics. Since opening her private practice, Madden has focused her couples counseling on helping people save their marriages after infidelity.Since opening her private practice, Dr. Caroline has focused her couples counseling on helping people rebuild their marriages after infidelity. In addition to helping men explore why they have gone outside their marriage she helps women deal with the symptoms of trauma related to the affair.In an effort to better help women reduce symptoms without psychotropic medication, Dr. Caroline returned to school and earned her Doctorate in Holistic Counseling. Her dissertation explored the use of meditation as a way to reduce trauma symptoms in wives who have been cheated on.Dr. Caroline is the married mother of two young boys. She's been in the same loving relationship for almost two decades and understands first-hand that even the best relationships take work.

Book preview

~~~~~

After a Good Man Cheats:

How to Rebuild Trust & Intimacy

With Your Wife

CAROLINE MADDEN, PHD

~~~~~

Publisher’s Note

This book is designed to provide information and motivation to our readers. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged to render any type of psychological, legal, or any other kind of professional advice. No warranties or guarantees are expressed or implied by the publisher’s choice to include any of the content in this volume. No therapeutic relationship is established. Neither the publisher nor the individual author shall be liable for any physical, psychological, emotional, financial, or commercial damages, including, but not limited to, special, incidental, consequential, or other damages. Our views and rights are the same: You are responsible for your own choices, actions, and results.

ISBN: 978-0-9907728-6-6

TOTP: AGMCS03212018

Summary: Advice from a therapist for men who have cheated and want to repair their marriage

© 2015 by Caroline Madden

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed:

Connie Johnston

Train of Thought Press

2275 Huntington Drive, #306

San Marino, CA 91108

~~~~~

Dedication

I humbly dedicate this book to my clients who trusted me with their marriages and opened their hearts to me. I could never have written this book if I had not had the privilege of witnessing your journeys through what were most likely the most difficult experiences of your lives. Thank you for letting me in and allowing me to work alongside you as you labored to forge genuine intimacy in your relationship.

It is my hope that this book will help couples rebuild trust and intimacy. In this way, you (my clients, present and former) will also help those couples, as your collective wisdom and experience is delivered to those who currently struggle with the aftermath of infidelity.

Acknowledgements

This book would not have been possible without the dedication of my editor, Rachel Mork.  You wholeheartedly believed in the value of this book and its pro-marriage message.  I cannot thank you enough for all the guidance and encouragement you have given me and my writing efforts.

I would also like to thank my long-time mentor and friend, Julie Faurot, MFT.  Our relationship has not only made me the therapist that I am today but also the wife and mother I had always hoped to be.

~~~~~

CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter One: Do You Really Want Her Back, or Are You Just Scared?

Chapter Two: How to Fix This Mess

Chapter Three: Understanding What Your Wife is Going Through (AKA: Why is My Wife Acting Crazy?)

Chapter Four: Get the Ball Rolling — What You Need to Do RIGHT NOW

Chapter Five: 4 Steps to Handle Difficult Conversations

Chapter Six: Answer Her Questions (AKA: What to Say!)

Chapter Seven: Carry the Ball

Chapter Eight: Rebuild Trust and Intimacy Through Transparency

Chapter Nine: Infidelity Relapse Prevention

Chapter Ten: Other Situations

Situation #1: My Wife Doesn’t Know About the Affair. Should I Tell Her?

Situation #2: What If We’re Not Actually Married Yet?

Situation #3: But It Didn’t Even Get Physical! How to Handle an Emotional Affair

Resources

Diagnostic Quiz: What Kind of Affair Did I Have?

Sexual Addiction Self-Assessment

Works Cited or Used for Inspiration

Recommended Reading

About the Author

I Welcome Your Feedback

More Books by Caroline Madden, MFT

~~~~~

Introduction

You are a good man who made a bad decision. You were unfaithful.

You love your wife, and now that you see clearly what you have done, you are incredibly sorry that you have hurt her so much.

You want to save your relationship. You don’t want to lose your family. If you could go back in time and stop the affair before it started, you would. In fact, you repeatedly kick yourself as you think back to the moment you knew you were crossing the line. You wish you could take it all back, but you can’t.

Much as you desperately wish that she could just forgive and forget, your wife has made it clear that you can’t just say you’re sorry and expect everything to be as it once was. She feels the psychological impact of the affair, and this makes her angry… very angry. Her anger might even scare you at times. You’ve probably never seen this side of your wife before, and you hope you never will again.

Not only is your wife furious, but she’s also emotionally volatile. Sometimes she seems to love you more deeply than ever, and other times she kicks you out of the house.

You are on a roller coaster. You want your marriage back, but you’re not sure how to help your wife trust you again and move forward. She doesn’t know what she wants, and her volatility exhausts and upsets you. You both are stuck.

My name is Caroline Madden. I’ve been a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles for over a decade. I have helped countless couples restore their marriages after infidelity.

I've seen women just like your wife go through the whole process—from uncovering their husbands’ affair to making it to the other side, heart healed and marriage restored. I have heard their innermost thoughts and concerns as they try to process their husbands’ betrayal. I know what specific stages your wife will experience. I know what prevents women from moving forward, and I know what women need in order to trust and forgive.

Most importantly, I know the things men say and do that they think are helpful but that actually make things worse.

I also know what a difficult time this is for you. Your wife is hurting, but you are, too. I know that certain needs weren't met in your relationship, and I know you probably feel defensive and are sick of being the bad guy. If you have children, you’re probably terrified that you will be cut out of their lives and portrayed as the person who destroyed your family. You may wonder what was wrong with you that you felt the need to stray, or you may feel like she’s blowing things out of proportion.

I know that you are doing your best to regain your wife’s trust, but no matter what you do, you seem to make it worse.

That’s why I’ve written this book. I want to hand you the tools to fix your marriage. I want to help you avoid the mistakes I’ve seen so many men make. I want to get you through to the other side as smoothly as possible.

This book will give you the power to anticipate her emotional needs and get it as you repair the rift in your relationship. She feels like life is a blur, but you can fix the problem by getting into her world, showing her you understand, and then helping her through the turmoil.

At a time when she is unsure if she can trust you, you can re-establish yourself as the good guy. The man who understands her. The person who loves her more than anyone else. The man in whom she believes and trusts.

This will help her truly believe that you are back for good.

This is the most important time for you to get things right, because your wife is actively deciding at this stage whether or not she wants to stay with you. Will the pain go away if she divorces you? Will staying with you just set her up for more pain?

This is a proactive book. It’s a practical action plan that will walk you through the first stages after your wife has discovered the affair. You’ll learn the things your wife will feel, say, and do, giving you the following:

• Insight into what she is thinking and why this is so hard for her

• Practical advice so you know exactly what to do at this important stage

• Actual scripts so you know what to say in response to specific situations

• Clear explanations as to why certain words and actions you think will be helpful might make things worse

Included at the appropriate points are scripts of what to say and why you need to say those words at that time. Do not just memorize these words and parrot them back to your wife. You have already lost her trust; if you start using words you don’t normally use, you’ll sound like you’re faking it. You will want to translate the scripts into your own natural wording, using the meaning of each script as a launching pad for productive, healing dialogue with your wife.

Most couples who come into my office assume their marriage is over. They think infidelity is the worst possible thing that could ever happen, and they believe it means there is no hope. I’ve heard women say, I can never trust him again, and in that moment, they

Reviews for After a Good Man Cheats

[Megan Frances · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I like how the author of this book gives advice and examples!!