A Blue So Dark

By Holly Schindler

Fifteen-year-old Aura Ambrose has been hiding a secret. Her mother, a talented artist and art teacher, is slowly being consumed by schizophrenia, and Aura has been her sole caretaker ever since Aura's dad left them. Convinced that "creative" equals crazy, Aura shuns her own artistic talent. But as her mother sinks deeper into the darkness of mental illness, the hunger for a creative outlet draws Aura toward the depths of her imagination. Just as desperation threatens to swallow her whole, Aura discovers that art, love, and family are profoundly linked—and together may offer an escape from her fears.

Praise:

"Breathtakingly, gut-wrenchingly authentic...A haunting, realistic view of the melding of art, creativity, and mental illness and their collective impact on a young person’s life."
—BOOKLIST, starred review

"Any story about mental illness will not be an easy read, but a very good one will reward those who stick with it.  A Blue So Dark definitely falls in that category, so powerful is the empathy the author has built for her main character."—SCHOOL LIBRARY JOURNAL

"An excellent first novel—a definite must-read. Schindler's debut novel is a lyrical tapestry...a work of poetry."—VOYA

"This story provides a realistic viewpoint of a teen living with a schizophrenic parent. Schindler shows how one teen copes with her ill mother, while trying to juggle the demands of school."—ALAN ONLINE

"A Blue So Dark is one of those rare books:  It never shies away from the darkness yet still manages to find the light.  A truly real, emotional, and honest read."
—Catherine Ryan Hyde, author of Pay it Forward and Love in the Present Tense

“Schindler’s lyrical debut explores the nightmare of mental illness in a voice that is sharp and funny and all her own. This is as real as teen fiction gets. A must-read."
—Crissa-Jean Chappell, author of Total Constant Order

"A Blue So Dark is a raw, compelling and eloquent portrayal of art and madness, and the freeing, healing gift of creativity. Schindler's voice is brilliant and true."
—Carrie Jones, New York Times bestselling author of Need and Captivate

GOLD MEDAL WINNER: IPPY Awards 2010 (Juvenile/Young Adult Fiction)

SILVER MEDAL WINNER: ForeWord Book of the Year Awards 2010 (Young Adult Fiction)

 

 

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Llewellyn Worldwide
• Release date: Sep 8, 2010
• ISBN: 9780738725802

Holly Schindler

I'm a critically acclaimed and award winning hybrid author for readers of all ages--both the young in years and the young at heart. My work has received starred reviews from Booklist and Publishers Weekly, appeared on Booklist’s Best First Novels for Youth, PW Picks, School Library Journal’s What’s Hot in YA, and B&N’s 2016 YA Books with Irresistible Concepts and Most Anticipated May 2016 YA Books. My YA work has also won a Silver Medal in ForeWord Reviews Book of the Year and a Gold Medal in the IPPY Awards. My MG work is critically acclaimed as well, having made the master lists for several state readers’ awards, including this year’s Oklahoma Sequoyah Book Award and Missouri’s Mark Twain Readers Award, and has been chosen for inclusion in the Scholastic Book Fair.

Reviews for A Blue So Dark

[bookspot · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A Blue So Dark takes an honest and often painful look at schizophrenia through a teenagers eyes. Aura Ambrose has to deal with what a lot of fifteen-year-olds have to deal with: divorced parents, a dad who's not around enough, tough friendships and a tricky relationship with her mother--but in Aura's case it's all compounded (if not caused) by the fact that her mother's a schizophrenic.

In her debut novel, Holly Schindler does a beautiful job portraying Aura's mother's illness, the isolation Aura feels in being the only one to deal with everything day to day, Aura's fear that she'll one day end up like her mother, and Aura's eventual need to ask for help.


This novel was the first book a long, long time that I've sat down and read in (almost) one sitting. I have to say almost only because I'd read the first even or so pages already and then I was going to read 50 pages or x many chapters but I got so engrossed in the story I ended up reading to the end. (It's a good thing it was a nice day outside where I was and my dog was behaving!)

The way that creativity was seen by Aura as a possible gateway to insanity was really, really interesting to me. I don't have any mental illness in my family, but I am creative so to try to think like Aura on that was different. (And I couldn't imagine how hard it would be for her to have-or think she had-that choice.)

The relationships between all of the characters were all very well written and developed--the bits of the past also helped you see more of who they were and I enjoyed that.

It was a beautiful story yes about a teenage girl whose mother has schizophrenia but it was also a beautiful story about a teenager who has too much on her plate and needed to learn how to manage it and accept help from others.

A Blue So Dark is a great read for teens and young adults (and adults, too, really) not only because it's an amazing book, but also because far too many people don't know about or understand schizophrenia and this book, while fiction, depicts it very well I think.





10/10 --and I so cannot wait for Playing Hurt even if it's a totally different genre, I think I love Holly Schindler's writing

[n.t.embe · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

My first trip to a library again after ten years of not being in one resulted in a fantastic first read. This book is a far cry from the manga and other variety of books I’ve been reading so far, and I never imagined I would wander into the Young Adult section of my library and walk away with this beautifully covered book whose internal message and tale is so… intense and alluring. Considering this is the first novel ever written by Holly Schindler, there are only positive things that I have to say about this read! Literally everything about the story was appealing! …even the things that would turn most people off, scare them, or perhaps disgust them. *Smiles* Being someone with a lot of love for psychology in anything I’m experiencing, books and stories especially, I could really relate to the complex emotions and feelings that were carried over throughout this book.

But I’m getting a little ahead of myself. Let’s start at the beginning a bit, shall we? This is a book written about a middle school girl whose beautiful, artistic mother, eventually succumbs to schizophrenia. It’s a story of the struggle between a family that’s falling apart at the seams, a fear of a madness that might be tied into the main character’s shared passion with her mother—the love of art—and the way she lives a very normal, very relatable life even with all the chaos and challenges unique to her situation. Aura (the daughter and our main character) speaks to us in the first person throughout the novel, and it is a story that isn’t so much unusual as it is realistic. This is a life where the things that happen are all normal situations. School plays a huge role, and like it is for any teenager, it’s filled with harassment, stupid teachers who don’t have a clue what the heck is going on, drama that concerns Aura’s best friend, and more. On top of all of that, we have a family broken by a father that left them, and a mother who… is shockingly unreal.

It can be a scary thing… to have someone with a mental disorder like schizophrenia before you. No matter your age, or your experiences with things like that… it’s a situation that can shock you into a world that you realize was so completely normal before you found someone who cannot abide by its rules—regardless their efforts. Having been a Psychology major, I’ve had the chance to study abnormal psychology before, concerning mental disorders. *Shakes her head* When you see firsthand the footage and studies about schizophrenia, you begin to realize just how sad and life-changing the situation can be. Especially when, like in A Blue So Dark, the schizophrenic tries their best to live life normally without medical help and isn’t able to. Some can! …sometimes they can’t. And that’s where things begin to fall apart.

Although Holly Schindler said she had no personal experience with schizophrenia, and though she mentioned she did research it, I was actually shocked to find she had no actual experience with the disorder! The way she wrote, I kept insisting to my friend and family members that I could see the accurate depiction of what someone with schizophrenia would act like! She carried over everything perfectly in her novel! It was down to the finest detail in convincing me that she knew firsthand what someone with this condition would be like.

Schindler’s writing is not only down to earth, straight-shooting and delicious for its bold attitude, but the emotions are so much more real because they’re conveyed in that way. This brings the experiences of Aura to us all the more like slaps in the face, stabs in the heart, and gut-wrenching pitfalls as she has to deal with her sick mother endlessly. It’s a cruel, grueling, but liberating throe of emotions; one that few get to experience with the reality and clean-cut, leave-nothing-out prominence brought to us in A Blue So Dark. The richness given to our minds and hearts—and that shrouded part of us deeper than both: our very souls—is what makes this book majestic and gripping, like breathing and finding your voice again after being strangled and buried down under countless weights, deeper and deeper until you felt all you had left inside you are tears and screams.

Hope and liberty come to us hand-in-hand though, throughout the experience of this book. And it’s one I would recommend for everyone to go through. Maybe you will not understand it or feel as passionately moved by it. Maybe it’ll frighten you or evoke feelings of disgust that make you want to turn away. But for those of you who stick through and read on until the end, I know you’ll love the feeling of victory and peace you get from this book. It’s worth every horrible moment, every wild and mindless animalistic tear and cry. It’s a book like so few are writing or can ever present so properly, or so beautifully. For that, I recommend this book with the highest marks! Holly Schindler, you did a fantastic job. And I have only praise for you for this amazing read. Thank you, for this creation. It is a provoking piece I will always keep in my heart.

[satyridae · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

This is one of the more intense books I've read lately. I was pulled in and held mesmerized throughout. The characters are so real, so broken and so translucent it was impossible to look away. Even when I wanted so much to look away.

Aura is given a lot to deal with here, her mother's descent into mental illness most notably. This book is the story of how Aura's life comes apart despite her best efforts. It's really well-done, it's really dark, it's a grueling read.

A few minor quibbles: I didn't quite buy the dad, even through a 15-year-old's filters. I don't think Schindler's been around too many real skateboarders, the "paint my board" thing was unlikely in the extreme since the top of boards are covered in sandpaper-like grip tape, and the bottoms get scraped clean of the factory designs in just hours.

Recommended, if you can take the darkness.

[thehidingspot · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I was first drawn to a A BLUE SO DARK by the amazing cover art; the color of the water and the positioning and detail of the title are perfect. I never could've imagined just how much I'd enjoy Holly Schindler's YA debut!I've always had a preoccupation with abnormal psychology and two people I am very close to are artists, so I found the connection between schizophrenia and artistic temperments interesting. Though there are exceptions, I find that many artists honestly can be described as having an "artist's temperment;" I feel like those who are truly creative must share some common personality traits. Because of this, I could draw similarities between artists I know and Aura and her mother, allowing me to feel that much closer to the characters. The schizophrenia was an interesting element. Aura's fear that her creativity would overtake her and somehow cause her to become sick like her mother was almost tangible. On the outside looking in, it might be hard to understand Aura's logic and actions, but I felt like Schindler's writing enables the reader to transport themselves into Aura's world, into Aura herself, to truly understand her anxiety.Aura's parents are divorced; her father is remarried to a much younger, must more "normal" woman and he is in the process of starting a new, shiny family. Even now, having finished the novel, I still feel angry when I think about Aura's father. I can understand and justify his leaving Aura's mother if he no longer loves her or can find happiness with her, but he has no right to leave Aura. You do not get to divorce your children. Ever. Most of the time, in YA literature, the child and parent work through their issues by the end of the novel, but this isn't the case with A BLUE SO DARK, and I can honestly say that I'm happy about that. I didn't feel like Aura's father deserved forgiveness.Though there are many heavy aspects of this novel, there were lighter, brighter parts as well, like Aura's crush on a cute skater boy. This was a huge part of the novel, as expected, her mother's illness occupied much of Aura's time and energy, but I was greatful for the romantic reprieves.

[kimmydavis · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

A Blue So Dark by Holly Schindler is a very aptly-named book: this is a dark and sad tale. Schizophrenia is never a disease to be romanticized, and the author of this story makes it clear that the heartbreak of mental illness can last DECADES.Aura is a great character, and she's one of those that I'd love to be able to give her a hug, let her know she doesn't have to be alone, and that it's all going to be okay. Schindler writes in a wonderful manner, she is very tuned-in to both teenagers and divorced families.I would think carefully about having an actual young adult read this book. It's a "deep in the trenches" type book, and it's a story that deserves to be told, but not all teens can handle something like this. I can see this book being very useful in a college curriculum like Psych 101 or Humanities 101, but not at a high school level. This is my personal opinion though, and since I don't have any actual live teens in my social circle, I could be way off base.Overall, 3.5 stars and I would most likely read another story from this author.

[laura_frederick_14 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

A really did not know what A Blue So Dark was going to be about when I picked it up. Truthfully, I just had a few extra bucks on a gift card and decided to buy it. Lucky I did! This book was interesting AND informative. The main character Aura has an anything but ordinary mother. Her mother is an artist who also suffers from schizophrenia. Aura's mother's illness becomes increasingly more severe throughout the story. Upon the beginning of each chapter, a fact about schizophrenia is presented that to some degree correlates with the chapter. It is a heart renching, very real take on the mental illness and the affects it can have on a family when it is left untreated. Luckily, the story DOES have a happy ending. I highly recommend this book!

[taleofnight · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I didn't really know what to expect with A Blue So Dark, but the cover was pretty and velvety so I bought it. Plus, the author is from Missouri, and the book is set in Missouri, which I thought was awesome since I haven't read any books set in Missouri before. (All though, unlike the author, I do not pronounce Missouri Ma-zur-AH, that just irritates me).A Blue So Dark is very depressing. I don't know why I was surprised that it was so sad, since it is about a girl's mother who has schizophrenia, but I was.I got really annoyed with Aura, not because she was annoying, but because she wouldn't ask for help. She was only 15 and she was trying to take care of her mother and go to school. It was almost difficult for me to read the book because it was hard to read about Aura struggling to take care of her mom, she didn't even have time to take care of herself. Plus, I wanted to slap Aura's dad. He knew what Aura was going through, but just left her to deal with it on her own, when he couldn't handle it himself. UGH!And then when you think you might get away from all of the sadness, you also have Aura's best, and only friend, who has a child and has to drop out of school.So it's not that this isn't a good book, it is. It's just not my type of book. Personally, I don't enjoy reading depressing books because I don't like to be sad. But the book did manage to bring out a lot of emotions from me, whether I liked it or not. And I learned a lot more about Schizophrenia.So if you want to read a sad tale and learn more about schizophrenia, I would recommend this to you.

[ericajsc · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I find it ironic (in that Alanis Morrisette way, that is) that a book about a girl caring for her schizophrenic mother is the book that managed to pull me out of my reading slump and make me feel alive and hopeful once again. But, OH MY GOSH, how I love this book!Aura’s story pulled me in quickly and I didn’t want to stop reading. Her voice was pitch-perfect, and I immediately empathized with her struggle to care for her mother without help from anyone. As Aura’s history in dealing with her mother’s schizophrenia is revealed, it is obvious that her relationship with her mother is complicated but full of love. Schindler does an excellent job of showing Aura’s struggle to keep her mother’s illness a secret, even at the cost of living her own life.As Aura looks at her family history of creativity, as well as the role genetics plays in addiction and disease in a neighboring family, she is 100% sure that creativity leads to mental illness. At times I was surprised that Aura would be so naïve to believe this to be a hard-and-fast rule, but through Aura’s memories of her mother and her own experience with her own artistic endeavors, it quickly becomes apparent how she could easily convince herself that this would be so.While the majority of the story does focus on Aura and her family, including her remarried father and estranged grandmother, there is a subplot with a boy Aura has a huge crush on. First of all, I will say that Schindler tells so much story with so little time devoted to it that I marveled at her skill. Secondly, there is a scene with Aura and Jeremy and a skateboard and a drainage ditch that blew my mind. Not because it was oh-so-romantic, but because of how Aura was affected by it in that moment. It was a perfect merging of the two plot threads, and quite possibly one of the best scenes I’ve read all year.The subject matter of this book is, without question, heavy. However, it’s not like when you’re forced to read The Bell Jar and end up feeling so depressed that you can’t sleep and feel sick for days. (Wait, that was just me? Oh, okay then, never mind.) There is breathing room in this book, and little rays of sunshine manage to shine through the darkness every now and then. It is an amazingly wonderful read.

[chrystalm_7 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

What an amazingly well written story about creativity vs. schizophrenia. It's so achingly poetic and unbelievably touching to follow Aura on a path she shouldn't have had to make alone. Aura does her best to take care of her mother, all while watching the mother she once knew flounder and then sink beneath the waves that are schizophrenia.The story gripped me tightly and almost didn't let go. It was heart wrenching to see this young girl struggling with the thoughts inside herself – loving art so much that she can't even stop herself from drawing and writing at every turn, yet feeling that if she lets art into her life that she will be crazy just like her mother. It's almost like she had a fear of drowning in art and not surfacing ever again. Look, Aura, right now, you're okay, just like she was. But soon, you won't be. Soon, you will start to fall to pieces, see?... Enjoy being whole while you can. It won't last forever. pg. 86Poor Aura had to grow up faster than she should have to and yearning for a normal life, while the adults just passed her by not noticing she was needing help. The emotional toll it was taking on her that left Aura at her breaking point. Such shame and guilt eating away at her due to the promise to help her Mom to not be on medications versus the need to have a normal life.In the end things always have a way of coming together somehow and true family will always have your back even if at the time you don't think they do. If a set of genes really does exist to predispose a person to becoming a schizo, it is possible that those same genes also rev a person's creativity, actually helping them to survive in the long run. pg. 248The other aspects that I loved about this novel were the powerful and gorgeous cover art, the chapter openings with tidbits of information on schizophrenia – some humorous and others informative, and the intensity of the emotions evoked by Holly Schindler's writing.

[storiesandsweeties · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This was an incredible story, but so hard to read. I don't mean that in a bad way at all. I mean that reading Aura's story and taking this journey with her was painful and heart-breaking. Everytime I put it down, it lingered with me for awhile after, left me exhausted trying to imagine being fifteen and having to deal with a situation that felt so completely hopeless and uncontrollable as being the soul care-taker of a parent with schizophrenia; to be so creative that your art makes you whole and on the other hand, having to be so terrified that that creativity will turn you into what you fear the most in the world. Her anger and her frustration at what life had dealt her were apparent in her rough attitude and her harsh outlook on all aspects of her life. To those out there that are sensative to foul language, I will warn that the "f-bomb" is dropped quite a few times throughout this one. (It doesn't bother me, but I know I've seen discussions about swearing in YA fiction, so its worth a mention.) She has no one to turn to, as her best friend also has some really tough things to deal with, and her father has completely abandoned the family. It's quite an experience to see how the mother-daughter conventional roles are completely turned topsy-turvy. Schindler's writing was spot on, and really brought this emotional story across beautifully.Favorite quote:I really don't know what to do---I guess I'm alittle like a bird who's railed against her cage her whole life, only to cock her head to the side in confusion when somebody finally opens the door.

[kreierso_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

As fifteen-year-old Aura struggles alone with the increasingly sever symptoms of her mother’s schizophrenia, she wishes only form a normal life, but fears that her artistic ability and genes will one day result in her own insanity.

[stephxsu · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Ever since her dad left for another woman, Aura Ambrose has been alone with her mother, Grace, and it's been far from easy. Grace, a talented artist, has schizophrenia, and is often immersed in episodes where she confuses what's real and what isn't. Aura is terrified that, thanks to genetics and her own creative proclivities, she will also become crazy like her mom, and so she shuns her art in order to stay sane. As Grace spirals more and more out of control, however, Aura can no longer hold things together on her own.A BLUE SO DARK is an astonishing achievement by debut author Holly Schindler. Aura's story is horrifying, enthralling, and touching all at once, and will certainly open readers' eyes to situations they've probably never considered before.I have never read a book about schizophrenia before, but Holly Schindler writes these heartbreaking scenes between Aura and her mother with a conviction that thus carries into the reader, absorbing us until we, like Aura, cannot escape from the horror. This writer's confidence shows in the character of Aura, who doesn't necessarily approach her situation with more aplomb than reasonable in a teenager, but who also doesn't dissolve into histrionics. Aura keeps her narration poetic yet direct, even as her mother further deteriorates, and this contrast in situation vs. presentation only serves to amplify the terror that she--and we, connected as we are to her--feel as we watch her mom.A BLUE SO DARK is really a story about family, and thus while some non-family characters are not quite as strongly developed (e.g. Aura's crush and best friend), we really get a complete sense of the important family members: the three generations of women in Aura's family, each of whom is satisfyingly different in action yet similar because they are family. A BLUE SO DARK, with its evocative cover and fascinating premise, blew me away with the way it handled such a delicate issue. This is a real good one to read if you're looking to expand your experience with books about psychological illnesses. Can't wait to see what Holly has for us next!