Redemption: Tears of the Fallen, #2

By K M Hager

With Amy wrapped up in her own guilt and her heart being torn between Stephen and Michael, Amy finds herself on a deadly path right into purgatory. However, with Solas returned and her own personal torments, will Amy ever find the strength and courage she needs to destroy Solas once and for all.

• Language: English
• Publisher: K M Hager
• Release date: Aug 17, 2015
• ISBN: 9781516342204

Book preview

For my kids love you lots

And for everyone who has read and enjoyed this series I would like to say a massive thank you to you.

Copyright © 2014 K.M. Hager.

First published 2014

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

. Copyright © K.M.Hager 2012.

The right of K.M.Hager to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the copyright amendment act 2000. This work is copyright. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher. This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual people living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

Chapter one

Guilt plays a part in everyone’s life; the only difference between us all is the sin or lie that determines the severity of the guilt. In my case, the sin was big and the guilt that was manifesting itself from it was even bigger.

I’m sorry Miss Coleman, but the test results show that your HCG levels are dropping. The nurse's voice paused for what seemed like a life time, but in reality, I already knew what was coming. The baby was gone; I didn’t need her to tell me that.  She continued with her apologies and the words that these things sometimes happen, but I wasn’t listening. These things don’t just happen, well not to me anyway.  I wasn’t like normal people. I was tainted; cursed. It was my fault the baby was gone, only weeks ago I was planning on taking its life myself, and now I was being punished for it. And that was the exact moment; I felt the guilt climb up through my body and seduce my soul. 

Please Amy, just come outside with me; we don’t have to go far. You can't stay in this room any longer. Stephen's voice was quiet and calm but underneath his smooth tone, I could hear the desperation peeking its way out. I didn’t want to go out; my small dark room at my mother's house was the one place I wanted to be and was the only place I had been for the last eighteen days. I had no strength to answer Stephen; my body was weak from the tears and undernourished from my lack of appetite. There wasn’t anything Stephen could say to make the pain go away.    I felt Stephen rise up from the edge of my bed and let a little sigh out as he left the room. The mumbles of Mum’s and Stephen's voices were the only sounds in the house, but even their whispers that lingered outside the door were too much for me to bear. So I buried my head deep under the duvet.  It wasn’t that long ago that closing my eyes terrified me, scared that Solas would appear from the shadows of my mind and destroy me once again. However, that was over with now, Solas was gone, and all that was left in my mind was blackness.

No nightmares appeared; no dreams appeared. It was if all the devastation of the last year was gone, including any hope that was left in me, that had all vaporised into the air. Daniel didn’t even appear in my dreams anymore. I suppose I knew he was safe; he was with my father and now that Solas was gone to; the only real worry for his safety was if the angels found out about our existence. That's why Dad kept him hidden; that's why I wasn’t able to return to him much. With Michael not around to protect us, being around Daniel would just jeopardise his safety. I understood that, I had already lost one child; I wasn’t prepared to lose another one.

The Creak from the bedroom door opening made me jump. I just wished people would leave me alone. I had nothing left to give anyone at this moment. I hated myself for being like this, but I couldn’t stop. I just wanted quiet, to let the darkness wrap me up into its core and devour me.  

Miss Coleman, are you awake dear? A strong old male voice spoke from the corner of my room. I jolted up from the bed and focused my eyes on the small tubby man who stood in the doorway.

Your mother rang me dear; she is concerned about you, says you haven’t been eating properly. She just wants me to take a look at you, the figure approached my bed, and it took me a split second for it to sink in, but as soon as I saw the black leather bag I knew they had called the doctor. Not again, she wasn’t doing this to me again.  Mummmmmmmmmmmmm, I hollered from the bed. The doctor stood perfectly still trying not to alarm me, as my mother and Stephen both entered the room with their pale faces filled with guilt.

Why are you doing this Mum, Stephen tell her please. I don’t need a doctor; I just need to be left alone? I screeched from my shaky body.

We’re just concerned Amy; he just wants to check you over that’s all, Stephen spoke.

Even so, the last time Mum called a doctor for me; I spent twenty eight days in the mental hospital, but this time she knew everything. She knew what I was, what Stephen was, about that tragic night I was raped. It wasn’t a delusion, the shadows did really crawl their way up through the night and attacked me, so why was she doing this?

No, you’re not doing this to me again Mum I leaped up from the bed and tried to barge my way past them, but Stephen's grip around my waist was too tight for my body to fight. I had no power left; everything disappeared from me; I was useless now.

Please Amy just let him check you over; I promise no one will be taking you anywhere.  I looked up to Stephen’s face, his dark handsome face, that not so long ago sent my body into a full meltdown, and I felt my heart sadden. I loved him so much that it physically hurt me. Not being able to connect to him, not being able to let him take my pain away or comfort me, or me comfort him. Because it was his child that I lost to, it wasn’t just me that was grieving I knew that, but it was my fault the child was gone. If only I hadn’t taken on Solas, let the electricity from the thunder carve its way through my veins unleashing the darkness inside me, then maybe our child would still be growing inside of me. Instead I wasn’t sure where our child was, if there’s a heaven was it even there, and if it was, would a child of Nephilim be allowed to stay? There were so many unanswered questions to everything that my mind had just giving up caring now.

Fine, I whispered in defeat and sat my body back down on the bed.

The doctor very gently and slowly did his formal examination. I seemed to fall into a trance, it wasn’t until I heard the bedroom door close that I realised that my mother and the doctor had left the room. Stephen was still sat on the bed looking at me through his beautiful blue eyes; he was longing to touch me, hold me in his arms. I could tell from the energy of his body, he was so sad that he was unable to do this. For the first time in weeks I felt an emotion other than guilt, and it was sorrow. Sorrow that the man I loved felt like he was walking on egg shells around me, and I felt my body lean into his and absorb the warmth off his skin on to mine.

His body was rigid and scared for the first few seconds but then all the tension released into the air as he wrapped his arms around me and held me tenderly into his chest, and for the first times in weeks I fell asleep in his arms.

My eyes opened when the sun penetrated through the curtains, somehow I had been placed into the bed with the covers tucked over me, but Stephen was still here. His strong arms were wrapped around my body tightly. They felt reassuring and safe and for the first time in the last few weeks I wanted him close to me. The warmth and smell off his skin lingered over my body, and I felt the pain and guilt only slightly withdraw from me.

You’re awake, Stephen whispered into my ear, and I turned around to face him.

He smiled at me but I could tell he was nervous, scared that maybe any minute now I would shove him from the room and bury my head deep into the pit of my own misery.

I was thinking, maybe you could go and see Daniel, only if you feel up to it of course? Stephen said. My heart sunk every time Daniel's name was mentioned, I missed him so much, but I knew the dangers of going to see him.

Will it be safe? I whispered, trying to desperately not get my hopes up.

I have spoken to your father, and he seems to think as long as you’re on your own, and I stay behind with your Mum it will be fine. Normally, the thought of being away from Stephen would drive me into some sort of panic attack but this time, I felt relieved. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be around him but the guilt I felt every time I looked into eyes made me feel ashamed.  Maybe if I was away for a bit, then I could get a grip on it.

Okay, as long as you’re all right with that, Stephen smiled sweetly at me and hugged me deep into his chest.

With Michael not around anymore and the fear that Stephen could be being watched by the other angels, there was only one way to get from Tintagel to the Lake District, and that was to drive. The drive itself would be more than twelve hours long, and Mum was worried that I wasn’t up to it, but I promised her that I would stop every couple of hours to refresh.

There is one thing Amy love, my mum looked nervous as she spoke her words.

What? I replied hesitantly waiting for some other command or bomb shell to send my body into a quivering wreck.

The doctor, he seems to think you might need a little help with everything that has happened, I looked at her with shock, was she suggesting that I go voluntarily to the mental hospital. Was this their reason for getting me to see Daniel, as this would be my last visit for a while? Because for the next twenty-eight days, I was going to be drugged and locked up like a criminal. My stomach tied up in knots and I felt the fear reach my hands as they began to shake. Mum's hand came from behind her back and enclosed in them was a small white tablet box.

They are only mild dear, but he thinks it might help if you take them. I looked towards Stephen, who was glaring at my mother; he obviously didn’t agree with the anti-depressants that were being presented to me.   For me, please love, I didn’t argue with her; I just