Chloe Babineaux: Private Investigator Can I Shoot My Ex!

By Lisa Clancey

Chloe is asked to help her ex-fiancé, Johnny Zeegler, track down a missing costly tea kettle that long ago went missing. Johnny’s grandfather is the only person that knows anything about it. Unfortunately, his grandfather is no longer living so unless he’s returning from the dead he can’t help them find the missing kettle. Chloe has had help in the past from the not so living but this time she’s on her own. Her present fiancé, Rick, her brother Cody, and her ever present friends help her track down the missing tea kettle while tracking down insurance frauds.
The trick to staying sane is harder than it seems but somehow Chloe pulls it off. Sort of. Wanting to put Johnny out her misery was not only morally wrong but she really didn’t want to grow old in prison. That didn’t stop her from practically drooling over the idea of shooting him.
The things and people that pop up to slow down her investigation are annoying and more than a little alarming but somehow, someway Chloe pulls off the unexpected--without going to prison.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lisa Clancey
• Release date: Jun 30, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310043598

Lisa Clancey

I live in the great state of Louisiana. I have lived in several states but I absolutely love living in the South especially South Louisiana. I'm basically a lazy person which is why my characters are as active as i am. I live with my husband and dog and am active in my community. Not really, i just thought it sounded like something I should say.

Book preview

Chapter One

Chloe. I heard my name being called as I was walking to my office from the parking lot but ignored it.

I recognized the voice but also knew my exfiancé was in Afghanistan. If I was hearing his voice it might’ve meant he was no longer among the living. A while ago a group of ghosts decided to visit me in hopes I’d find their killer. I did but it still creeps me out. I didn’t like to talk to Johnny Zeegler while alive; I especially didn’t want to talk to him if he was dead. I’m the only one that saw the ghosts that visited me a few months ago, so if I talk to them I look as though I’m talking to myself. It’s hard enough to convince people I’m sane on an ordinary day but talking and gesturing to the dead and then convincing people I’m sane is damn near impossible. The ghosts wanted me to help find their killer. I found him, but since they also wanted me to find all the clues on my own so it would hold up in court. It was frustrating having them hang around, dive-bombing me and generally giving me a hard time while I searching for their killer.

It was a Sunday afternoon and I wasn’t working. It was my day off and I was taking it. Then why was I going to my office? Because I was in hiding and my office was the last place anyone would think of searching for me. Chloe? I heard footsteps. It was him. Thank goodness he’s alive. I also knew I was going to have to answer.

I turned around to face Johnny and he ran into me. I held my ground and greeted him. What.

Hey, didn’t you hear me calling you? He asked smiling, looking at me like I should have stopped walking and thrown myself at him. Yes, he was a good looking man if you liked six feet of toned but lanky body, sandy hair and striking blue eyes. I did once, but when you catch the man you planned to marry dating other women, you kind of get turned off.

Yes, but I was ignoring you. Brutally honest. That’s me, if I don’t have to stretch the truth to cover for something I shouldn’t have been doing. I couldn’t tell him I heard him but was afraid he was dead. No one knew except for my current fiancé, Derick Thompson, and he wasn’t too thrilled by it. His friends call him Rick or even Ricky, I do too unless I’m mad at him. And then it’s Derick.

Johnny rolled his eyes and gestured to my office. Can we go inside? I need to talk to you.

I really needed to get out of sight so I agreed. I unlocked the door and he held it open for me. He’s always been a gentleman in that way so I was sort of expecting it. What I wasn’t expecting was what he said after we entered the front office. Someone is threatening me.

What? Okay, I’m a private investigator so this my job but this is Johnny. Did you sleep with a married woman and her husband is after you?

No, I stay away from married women. I learned my lesson. He worked hard to keep his eyes on mine.

Tell me you’ve never gone after married women, I said exasperatedly.

He lowered his head sheepishly and said, I didn’t know she was married.

I took a deep breath and shook my head. I didn’t know if I believed him but didn’t care either. My cell phone rang so I grabbed it out of my purse and looked at the screen to see who was calling. It was Rick so this ought to be fun. Hey, Rick.

Why did you steal my truck? He didn’t sound very happy. No hello just jumped right in.

I can’t talk right now. I’m with a client and I didn’t steal your truck it’s at your house. I said curtly.

Good, now I know you’re at your office. He said just as curtly.

Shit, I mumbled. I’ll call you later, I said louder.

No, I’m coming to your office so we can talk now. He sounded mad and I guess he had every right to be since I sneaked out of his brother’s birthday party. But Jeeze Louise! I’m not going to wait here just so he can chew me out.

Okay, come to my office, I said as pissed off as I could sound. I disconnected and looked up at Johnny and said in a calmer voice, We have to go. Let’s take your car.

We walked out of the office I share with my cousin Cheri, an accountant, and locked the door. I really don’t need an office I just have one to make myself look important but Cheri does. She’s good at what she does and has lots of clients. She likes me there to keep her company. She says I amuse her. I don’t care as long as I don’t have to pay the rent or utilities I’ll stay there and amuse her.

I don’t take divorce cases any longer, they depress me. I mostly work for an insurance company looking into fraud cases. They are much more lucrative than divorce cases, so I can usually pay rent and buy groceries in the same week. Rick would like it if I moved in with him, but I don’t want to until we’re married. Now, if I could just decide when I want to get marred we’d be all set. Oh well, that’s a dilemma for another time.

We jumped into Johnny’s black Dodge Charger and off we went. Uh, Chloe? Where are we going? He had stopped at the stop sign at the end of the lot and stared at me like I might hit him. The thought had crossed my mind on several occasions.

Let’s go to the mall but park in the back so we can’t be seen from the main entrance, I said looking around in case Rick could have drove fifteen miles in five minutes. Rick’s an ex-Navy SEAL but I don’t think even he could have done that. He’s now a detective with the Rapides Parish Sherriff’s Department so he doesn’t have to worry about speeding tickets but I still didn’t think he was lurking around. Still I’d better keep an eye out just in case he had called while he was in town.

Alexandria, Louisiana doesn’t have a big mall but it’s still a mall just the same. Alexandria isn’t all that big and has about 50,000 people but it’s home. We’re located in the middle of the state, so it’s about four hours north of New Orleans and about two hours south of Shreveport. Rapides Parish is called the ‘Cross Roads of Louisiana’. I guess because drivers have to at least cross near it to get to where you really want to go. It’s not an exciting must go-to metropolis, but as I said its home.

We also have parishes instead of counties. As children we have to learn not to question forms when asked to fill in the blank for county, we of course think everyone else is wrong and we’re the only intelligent state in the union. Louisiana was Roman Catholic during France and Spain’s rule so dividing territory boundaries parish was used. In 1807 the legislator adopted the ecclesiastical term and we’ve had parishes ever since.

We parked and walked inside so we could talk without being interrupted by a pissed off cop carrying a big-ass gun. Hell, Rick didn’t need a gun to get his point across. He looks like he eats nails for his iron intake. Don’t get me wrong he’s hot with his dark hair, nose a little too long a well muscled body and a smile that would make a woman say "Yes, to anything he wanted. He shouldn’t be so damn hot but he is; he just has a look about him that says, Don’t mess with me."

We talked about Johnny’s family until we got to a bench somewhere in the middle of the mall, and sat watching the people walk by. I glanced around and noticed we just happened to sit across from a store that sells sexy lingerie. Really? I said and nodded toward the store.

Hey, it’s an empty bench so I sat down. If you don’t want to sit here we don’t have to, He said looking offended. He tried his best to look innocent but that’s almost impossible for him to do.

He was no more offended than I was. I rolled my eyes and said, Whatever. When did you get back from Afghanistan?

His eyes took on a glassy look before he answered, About a month ago.

I nodded, squeezed his arm and said sincerely, I’m glad you made it back alright.

He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly, slightly smiled and said, Yeah, me too.

So, I said brightly trying to lighten the mood. What’s this about a threat? He may be an ass but I didn’t want to see anything happen to him. I really like his family and we were close once. I miss that, I hope one day we’ll be friends again.

He leaned over so he could take his cell phone from his pocket and started swishing the front of the screen. Look at this.

I leaned toward him so I could see the screen when suddenly I was punched on the arm so hard I thought I would lose all feeling to that extremity. I jerked my head around and saw Rick’s niece, Amy, standing in front of me with her hands on her hips looking outraged. Hey, that hurt. I said rubbing my upper arm.

Amy was a pretty girl with light brown hair, brown eyes, tall like her father and dynamite figure like her mother. She’s seventeen and most times acts her age except those times she acting like a four year old or else all grown up and going on twenty-four. As I said she’s seventeen. Typical teenager.

"Who is that and why aren’t you at Uncle Brandon’s party?" Amy said gripping her purse over her shoulder and blatantly accusing me of something for which I was not doing.

"Why aren’t you at Uncle Brandon party?" I asked turning it back on her.

She crossed her arms and asked pointing with her chin, "I did go remember? I left early. Who is that man?" She stared daggers into Johnny.

I left early too and he’s a client. I looked down at her pink bag and changing the subject asked, What’s in the bag?

She smiled mischievously like she didn’t just accuse me of cheating on her uncle and then sat down beside me while her friend sat on the other side of her. I had noticed her friend earlier but didn’t pay that much attention to her. I was focused on Amy accusing me of being an adulterer. I’m not married so I can’t be an adulterer but being engaged to her uncle is close enough to being married in her world.

She opened the shopping bag and I peeked in and said laughing, Don’t let your dad see them or he’ll have a fit. Inside were metallic and lace thongs. Since she was only seventeen, I didn’t think her dad, Tyler, would appreciate his baby daughter wearing them, nice as they were. Tyler was Rick’s oldest brother and he’s a very nice man but he’s also the father of two teenagers, Jeremy was fourteen. He was also a very protective father whose blood pressure was slowly rising.

She laughed with me and said, Tell me about it, but Momma washes clothes, not Daddy so I think it’ll be okay.

I laid my hand on her thigh and said smiling, For the sake of you keeping your phone, I hope so.

All at once, Amy jumped up and her friend followed. They both smiled and Amy said, Well, we gotta go, we’re meeting some guys. That explained it.

Uh, Amy? I said and gestured at the bag.

Oh, Chloe, it’s fine. They won’t see it, I promise. The girls walked away laughing and leaning on each other.

Oh, good Lord, Johnny said grinning. Those boys won’t know what hit ‘em.

I shook my head and answered him but kept my eyes on the girls, Nope, and for their parents sake I hope I hope I won’t have to hurt either one of those boys.

He laughed and said Now, back to why we’re here. He handed me his phone so I could read it without risking another punch.

What does, ‘kettle doesn’t belong to you’, mean? I said reading the screen. I looked up and asked grimacing, Is it a euphemism?

It couldn’t be because I then I received this one. He took the phone back swished the screen again and gave the phone back to me.

I read it aloud, If you don’t return it someone will get hurt. I turned to him and said with a flat voice,

I suppose that means you’re the one that will be hurt.

Don’t sound so astonished, Chloe.

I’m not. We are talking about you. Did you take some woman’s tea kettle before she could hit you with it?

Funny, he grumbled. I didn’t take anyone’s kettle and the number say’s unavailable.

It’s probably a pay-as-you-go so you don’t have to register it. You know-a burner phone.

What does that mean?

It means you’re shit out of luck. The number can’t be traced.

He sighed deeply and asked, So, now what?

So now you wait and see if they contact you again. If they do, hit reply and see if you can figure out what kettle they’re talking about.

Sounds like a waste of time but if that’s the best you got we can leave now unless you want to shop, he said raising an eyebrow while glancing at the lingerie with a playful look in his eyes.

It’s the best I’ve got and no I don’t want to shop, let’s go. I started to rise but he grabbed my arm and said, Wait. I need to tell you something. He looked so serious I was afraid of what he was going to tell me. He cleared his throat, looked down at the floor and said in almost a whisper, I should’ve said this a long time ago but I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I started to butt in but he shook his head and looked deeply into my eyes. I couldn’t turn my head from his gaze. I shouldn’t’ve been such a bastard the first and only time we had sex. Neither one of us knew what we were doing but I should’ve been more sensitive to you. He slightly smiled and continued, I should’ve prepared you better instead of calling you…uh…a name.

I helped him out. Frigid.

Yeah, that. He looked away again before saying, That’s why I kept coming to your apartment and pestering you. I know we could’ve gotten it right if we tried again.

Johnny, it was a long time ago. I started to place my hand on his leg, thought about it and then moved it to his shoulder to get his attention. Let it go.

Okay, but I should’ve stayed around and held your hand and gone to counseling with you after you were raped as well. This time I didn’t butt-in because I agreed with him. I knew you had your friends and family to help you, but I just didn’t know how to act around you.

I survived.

Yeah, you did, no thanks to me. We were silent for a while because I didn’t know what to say to him. He was pouring his heart out and I didn’t want to make him feel worse even though I agreed with what he was saying. He took a deep breath and said, Anyway, I just wanted you to know how strong I think you are and I’d like to be your friend again.

I looked at him hard and asked while studying his face, Who are you?

Okay, I deserve that but I’m serious. Can we at least be civil to one another?

I smiled and said, Sure, we can be civil, and I’ll help you find out who’s threatening you.

Thanks. He squeezed my hand and I squeezed it back. He was a jerk but he was trying. I’ll give him that.

This time we rose from the bench together and walked out of the mall and into the bright early March sunshine toward his car. We were about twenty yards from his car when BAM! The car exploded. We were thrown hard on our backs. The loud crackling fire and smoke pouring from the car was disorienting and confusing. Car parts, big and small, were flying everywhere, landing hard on other vehicles in the lot. Car alarms were angrily blaring trying to out-blast one another. I must have hit my head on the concrete because everything was spinning and my ears were ringing. I saw Johnny lean in front of me with his mouth moving but I couldn’t understand him. His voice was muffled and sounded far away and he seemed to be moving in slow motion. I shook my head and stuck my fingers in my ears trying to unclog them. I eventually heard him say, Are you okay?

No, I’m not okay, I was almost killed! I nodded and asked him, Are you okay?

He nodded and turned to watch his car fry to a crisp while we listened to emergency services arriving. The smoke spewing from it was sending smoke signals to the fire engines telling them exactly where we were located.

A few people ran to us asking if we needed help but we assured them we were fine. I’m sure I didn’t look fine. My medium brown hair is normally half way tamed but after the explosion I’m sure even my highlights didn’t look very delighted. I tried to brush through it with my fingers but gave up. Why bother? My long legs were stretched out in front of me and probably made me look taller than my 5’8" but I didn’t care about that either. Rick was just over six feet and he says he likes having a tall woman in his life he doesn’t have to bend over, just sort of tilt his head to kiss me. Although sitting like this probably made me look on the hefty side I really didn’t care about that either. I was just glad Johnny and I was still breathing.

Chapter Two

I leaned back on my arms with my legs stretched out in front of me, I turned my head to Johnny and said as intimidating as I could, If you get me killed just because I’ve been seen with you, I’ll shoot you.

He kept his eyes on his smoldering car and said, How will you shoot me? You’ll be dead.

I’ll possess someone’s body and make them shoot you.

He turned to me and with a blank face and a flat voice he said, Okay.

I shook my head. He must be in shock if that was the only response I was going to get from him.

A fire engine and an ambulance arrived at the same time and got to work. The firefighters worked on the hopeless car and the EMTs checked on us. Lucky for us, we only received a few scrapes but I felt like my body was one big bruise. The efficient EMTs wanted us to go to the hospital to get checked out but we both refused. Hell, I’ve had enough concussions to know what they felt like and didn’t feel as though I had one. Johnny always acts a little off so it’s hard to tell when he might have brain damage.

A police officer swaggered over to us looking as though he was glad to have something interesting to do for a change. What are your names and who wants to tell me what happened? His eyes went to Johnny and then to me several times and his smile had an expectant slant to it.

We were leaning against a police car so I crossed my arms over my chest and said with a toss of my head toward Johnny, I’m Chloe Babineaux and he’s Jonathan Zeegler and that’s his car. Let him tell you why someone wants him dead.

The middle aged police officer whose name tag read, Sawyer looked at Johnny and said with wide eyes, Someone is trying to kill you?

Johnny threw his arms up defensively and said quickly, No. Wait. Stop. No one is trying to kill me.

Two detectives walked up after speaking to the EMTs, with notebooks in their hands and head nodded to me before one of them said, It is your car is it not, Mr. Zeegler? The two detectives went to the police academy with me before I dropped out so I knew them but we were never close friends.

Yes, it’s my car but maybe someone was after Chloe. Johnny was being very defensive and I didn’t like him throwing the blame on me.

Officer Sawyer jumped all over that, "Why would someone want to kill your girlfriend?

We aren’t dating, Johnny and I said together.

Detective Lonnie Dummary, better known to me as Detective Dumbass, laughed and said, Knowing Chloe as we do, someone wanting to do her bodily harm isn’t that farfetched. His partner Doug Byrd, chuckled and shook his head.

I narrowed my eyes and placed my hands on my hips so I wouldn’t hit them and said a bit too loud, No one knew I was going to be with Johnny before he arrived at my office begging me to take his case.

Detective Dumbass got interested after that and turned to Johnny and asked, What case would your gumshoe be talking about?

Johnny clammed up and looked at me hard like I spilled the beans and now I had better help him get out of trouble. He should know better than that. I had no idea why anyone would want to kill him over a kettle so he might as well tell Alexandria’s finest the truth. I stared back unblinking until I shrugged and turned to the detectives and said, He received text messages from an unregistered phone telling him to give back a tea kettle. Unfortunately, he has no idea what kettle they’re talking about.

Is that true, Mr. Zeegler? Doug asked in his cop voice.

Johnny just looked at him with a blank face. I shoved his shoulder and said, Oh, get off it Johnny, and show them the texts you received.

Reluctantly, he reached into his pocket and retrieved his phone and swished screens until he found what he wanted. The cops read them and shook their heads. She’s right, they’re from a burner phone, Lonnie said while staring at the messages.

"Wait, I said and grabbed his arm. Did you just say I was right? I quickly turned to the uniformed officer and said, Did you write that down? Detective Dummary just said I was right."

Doug laughed and Sawyer bit his bottom lip to keep from laughing. Johnny looked from Lonnie to me and asked, Is there something I should know?

No, Lonnie and I said together. Dumbass and I can get along when we have to but we’d rather give each other hell.

Doug shook his head and said, Will you two give it a rest? The police academy was a long time ago.

Lonnie narrowed his eyes at me and growled, She cheated on the target shoot.

I threw my hands up and asked, How did I cheat? There were people all around and I hit the target everywhere I aimed and didn’t miss a single shot. I slapped my chest with my palm for emphasis.

Yeah, well that’s the problem. All the times we practiced you missed six out of ten times then the day we shot for the test, you get a perfect score. He placed his hands on his hips avoiding his Glock and glared at me.

I was just lucky I guess, Detective Dumbass. Not much of a comeback but I had no idea why I shot well that day considering I had a hangover. That was probably why I shot so well, I was seeing double and I just shot at one of them and it just so happened to be the right one. Maybe I loosened up, I leered at Lonny, crooked my lips and added for the sheer enjoyment of seeing him squirm. Alcohol does that to me.

He rolled his eyes and ignored my name-calling and looked over my shoulder. Hmm, I wonder if he’s use to people calling him that. I thought it was just me that called him that cute nickname.

Slam! The next thing I knew Johnny is laying flat on the ground holding his jaw with his hand. I turned around and saw Rick looking like he was ready to eat Johnny’s liver, with my twin brother Cody, standing right behind him with his hands clinched in a fist. What the hell? The two APD detectives said at once. Well, at least I wasn’t the only one confounded.

Rick started to go after Johnny again when Doug reached over to hold him back and trying to calm him, Hold on slugger, what’s this about?

Hands clinched and arms flexed Rick kept his eyes on Johnny and hissed, I’m gonna kill him for almost getting Chloe killed.

Wow, Rick, so chivalrous, what am I to think? I said mockingly flirtatious. I had to admit watching my man beat up another man because he was worried was sweet. I’d thank him later.

Cody grabbed my arm and said not so sweetly, What the hell are you doing with that asshole?

This asshole has a name, Johnny said pushing himself to a semi-standing position.

Stepping in I pushed Cody and Johnny away from each other and yelled, Would all of you just shut the hell up a minute? When everyone quieted down I added glancing from Cody to Rick, Now, what are y’all doing here?

You act like we have no right to be here, Cody said glaring at me.

I glared back until I heard a throat clear and Rick said, Would you two stop reading each other’s mind and explain it out loud to the rest of us.

I exhaled loudly and said, Look, I ran into Johnny and he told me about some strange text messages he’s getting…

Probably from husbands or boyfriends, Rick cut in.

I nodded and agreed with him. Yeah, that’s what I thought before he showed them to me. Someone thinks he has their tea kettle or something and wants it back.

This is over a tea kettle? Rick said outraged waving his arm at Johnny’s burned up car.

Johnny and I shrugged but before we could answer, the fire captain on the scene walked over with something in his hand. He stood in front of us holding an eight inch pipe. He pushed his helmet back and said, glancing at all of us, This looks to be the device that blew the car up and we found a body. The person could’ve just been in the wrong place at the wrong time, unless he placed the pipe bomb. He shrugged and glanced at the cops. That’s for them to find out. Body? Did he say body? Oh, shit!

Lonnie, Doug and the firefighter looked at each other silently questioning each other about the body and then Lonnie asked, Did either one of you see anyone near your car? Johnny and I shook our heads "No," so the detectives and the fire captain jogged off to where a group of officers were standing around with their hands on their hips.

An IED? Johnny said pissed. "Someone placed an IED in my car? What, I couldn’t get blown up in Afghanistan by one so someone puts one in my car here? He then stiffened and said hesitantly, What did he mean the person placing it was found?" Wow, I thought I was the only one that had delayed reactions.

An IED? I asked asking the group in general. I thought that was a pipe bomb. I chose not to mention the mangled body just now.

"A pipe bomb is an IED," Rick said sounding calmer. I guess seeing the thing that almost blew Johnny and me across Alexandria, kind of calmed the situation.

Oh, that makes sense. I punched Johnny in the arm and said, "What do you mean an IED couldn’t blow you up in Afghanistan? Is that why you came home? You were hurt? I punched him again and said, Why didn’t you tell me you were hurt! I wouldn’t’ve have flown out there or wherever they would have sent you but I would’ve liked to have known!"

Johnny closed his eyes and turned toward me and said softly while rubbing his upper arm, Your concern overwhelms me Chloe, but no, I didn’t come home because I was hurt, my tour was over.

You didn’t answer me about the IED thing.

He shook his head and closed his eyes before answering me. No one else said anything. We just waited for him to answer. He eventually raised his head and said, No, I didn’t have anything to do with an IED.

I shook my head and said softly, You’re lying but I’ll let it go. He nodded and slightly smiled.

Lonnie and Doug returned looking bewildered. Detective Byrd looked at Johnny and asked, Why would someone place an IED in your car?

Johnny shrugged and asked, Did you find any I.D.?

Lonnie shook his head and said with a blank face, None was found. Johnny nodded like that made since and stared at the ground with unfocused eyes.

Wait! I said grabbing onto Doug’s arm.

"Someone wasn’t after Johnny. They were after me! What are you talking about?" Cody asked looking totally confused.

It was Rick’s mother.

"What?!" Rick said looking at me like an eye suddenly appeared in the center of my forehead.

Yeah, she hates me, I turned toward Doug and continued. Check out her bank account and see if she made a significantly large withdrawal to pay the hit man-or woman. I faced the burning car where I assumed the body was found and asked while pushing up to my toes as if that would help me see and asked, Is that a man or a woman?

Unbelievable, Rick muttered. My mother wouldn’t hire someone to kill you, Chloe, he said louder.

Lonnie chuckled and said, If Chloe’s involved, it’s not that unbelievable but we don’t have probable cause to check into your mother’s bank account.

"I’ll give you probable cause, Detective, I said throwing my arms around and hitting a car, it hurt so I made a face then shook my hand to ease the pain and continued. It’s probably ‘cause she hates me! The men standing around laughed, including Rick and Cody. That is so not funny." I mumbled and rubbed my sore fingers.

Lonnie stuck his hand out toward Cody and said,