The Towering Baloney of a Microscopic People (4) Essays on Show Biz, Liberals and other Shit

By Christopher Volkay

Another foray into the utter insanity swirling from the confluent worlds of show biz, its liberal zombies and the political correctness these stooges preach to the slack-jawed masses. If I should go to Attica or Folsom for hate crimes would you please bake me a cake? A pineapple upside down cake and a six pack of beer inside should do nicely. Every day.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christopher Volkay
• Release date: May 21, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310136344

Christopher Volkay

Life? Was it what you expected? I'm not praising it, I'm not crying about it, Only saying it was absolutely nothing like what I thought it would be. People? Wow. I remember when I was young I suppose I loved everybody and everything, it was peace love and grooviness MAN! How's this for a quote-by the time we're sixty everybody finally has the face they deserve. Well almost.. Sad to say I probably live by one of George Carlin's brilliant sayings. I've used the following quote my whole life from Carlin and it really, actually does help. The quote, "We're all f**ked, it helps to remember that." And it really does somehow. You might change the f**ked to maybe crumbs, a bit more palatable. Also, there seem, to be at least two types of outrageous pricks. 1. People like Billy Carter (Jimmy's brother) or maybe the banjo player over the river in Deliverance. Pricks but they don't know it. 2. Then there is a second kind, Pricks, fully aware of it, but won't stop because being a shameless prick is just so god damn much fun. It's great "pricking" or piercing their delusional pretensions. Hmm? I wonder which kind I am? I gets pretty good coverage over on Free Republic-one of the biggest conservative sites in the world with 100,000 hits per day and about 20 million views per month. Also, look for me there or over on Goodreads, Facebook, Smashwords and other suspects

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THE TOWERING BALONEY OF A MICROSCOPIC PEOPLE (4)

(More Essays on Show Biz, Liberals and Other Shit)

By Chris Volkay

Published by Chris Volkay at Smashwords

Copyright 2015 Chris Volkay

At my last book signing; some of my fans were a little upset.

Chapter 1

(Advice to Hollywood: How to Make a Fuckin' Movie)

A few days ago, via the Internet, I was treated to stills of the new Batman, Ben Affleck. He's the logical choice. After actors like the TV original Adam West, and then stalwarts like Christian Bale and George Clooney, who better to inhabit a wooden character than another wooden actor. Wasn't Schwarzenegger available? There's enough wood there to build a gazebo in my backyard, and have enough left over to build a clipper ship inside one of those bottles. Jejune Clooney gets the most praise, the wood in his head is of extra density and therefore will last up to 22% longer government tests confirm.

Oh Hollywood, Hollywood, you wretched slimy bastards. Here we go again with another lousy, crummy Batman movie where the title character will save the world, once again, from some evildoer (George Bushes favorite word.) How many thousands of times over the last 50 years have we been subjected to this sort of rancid drivel? Hmm? The Stupor Hero saving the world from yet another crumb-bum. The list is endless, Superman, Batman, James Bond, endless, endless, the same old tired re-worked stories, completely devoid of any intelligence, zero creativity, near-comatose people lumbering out to see them as a sort of communal tribal ritual. Just to say that they went.

Let's get creative, let's give the wonderful people of this world what they want. Now, who wants to save this lousy, crap-ass world? I certainly don't. It would be utterly impossible for me to care less. Global warming? Bring it on baby! I cheer for global warming, I can't wait. Every night before retiring I Flic my Bic (TM)(Copyrighted) for about 10 minutes or so, just hoping to raise the mean temperature of the globe by some tiny, tiny little infinitesimally small amount to hasten our complete and total ghastly annihilation. And I don't even smoke.

Couldn't we have a Stupor Hero for once that acted like a real entity would act? Let's call him Fatman, no better yet Fat-face.

Constance Truetits bounces through the door of Fat-face's cave, "Oh Fat-face, Fat-face, the evil Dr. Pencilweiner is going to destroy the world! You must save us!

Fat-face, Fuck dhat. Say doan Laverne and Shirley come on right afta Mork and Mindeee."

Constance, "But Fat-face, that evildoer Dr. Pencilweiner has invented another secret weapon. This one will strip all of the pretense and phoniness from all of humanity. All people would instantly be seen just as they are. As nobody would then want to have sex with anybody ever again, the human race will quickly die out!

Fat-face, "Wouldn't dhat be de catastrophee? Hey, yeah, yeah I was right, here's Laverne now...shots and pepper corporated, we're gonna do it! Wacky man, wacky, wacky stuff! You see Tam, for me you people are all like giant upright cock-a roaches. With my superior intelligence, how could I possibly live among a people such as well, you and your kind? I mean...Jesus. Your politics and culture? I got four words for ya baby, Bush, Barack, Bieber and Cyrus. I mean really, there's just no chance. So while dhat rat Dr. Pencilweiner is shooting his ray guns at people with the help of his squadron of flying monkeys, I shall be kickin' it Bermuda with the bath salts. Dig?

Constance, Oh but look out Fat-face. With this Pencilweiner now appears on screen and heads right for Fat-face. They both meet in the middle and instantly engage in about a 30 second long French Kissing