Stagnant Swamp State School's Camping Trip

By Professor Nigel Peasbody, esq

This historical account of Class 6B's camping trip begins with the following letter, which is a faithful reproduction of a letter that was recently sent to the parents and guardians of students at Stagnant Swamp State School:

Dear Parent/Guardian
You may have read yesterday's headlines in the Stagnant Swamp Sentinel regarding Class 6B’s recent camping trip.
The purpose of this letter is to assure you that the report of the camping trip was grossly exaggerated by the media.
Only one person died, which appears to us to be very lucky indeed, except perhaps if you were the person concerned, whose name was Alfred Ormiston.
I understand from Alfred’s former teacher, Mrs Blanchings, that Alfred was a very dim boy and unlikely to amount to much anyway, so perhaps it is all for the best. In any event, there is little use fussing over it now.
At the request of the Police Department, the Fire Brigade, the Department of Education, the Stagnant Swamp Scout Brigade and the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Bunyips, there will be no more camping trips for Class 6B in future.
I hope this letter has cleared up any misunderstandings.

Yours sincerely

Mr Creechley
Principal

The story recounts the adventures of Class 6B prior to the letter, and explains why it needed to be sent.

During this adventure you will be haunted by the spooky spectacle of the Swagman’s Ghost! You will be amazed at what Mrs Blanchings can do whilst inside a biscuit barrel! And you will gasp at the fate of Constable Perkins’ tinned spaghetti and raspberry jam jaffle! This adventure promises to make for the best campfire story ever...although someone will not live to tell the tale!!!

The author, Professor Nigel Peasbody, esq is an eminent historian whose writing has been compared to that of Lemony Snickett.

Suitable for children and adults who like well-crafted language and an intelligent, funny, fast-paced, action-packed story with a complex plot and interesting characters.

Includes numerous cartoon illustrations by Sharon Rowe to keep everyone entertained.

• Language: English
• Publisher: popkulcha pty ltd
• Release date: Apr 26, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311149664

Professor Nigel Peasbody, esq

Professor Professor Nigel Peasbody, Esq, BVSc, BEng, Master of Origami, is the celebrated author of the Stagnant Swamp State School histories. He has just returned from a season touring with the Australian Symphony Orchestra. Unfortunately, he wasn’t one of the performers: he accidentally became locked inside a cello case and was carried around four continents as excess baggage. When he isn't locked inside a cello case, then he likes to write, and to knit pieces of string into useful objects such as telephone cosies and ornamental teapots.

Book preview

Stagnant Swamp State School’s Camping Trip

Book 2 in the Stagnant Swamp Series

Words by Professor Nigel Peasbody, Esq

Illustrations by Sharon Rowe

Copyright 2007-2015 popkulcha pty ltd

First published in print in 2008

This digital edition published in 2015 by popkulcha pty ltd ACN603846608 at Smashwords

Thank you for downloading this ebook. This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be sold or given away to other people or re-published. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for them or send them a link to it and make them buy their own copy. After all, they can't expect you to be made of money. If you are reading this ebook and did not purchase it, please purchase a copy from your favourite ebook retailer. (Professor Peasbody needs to eat.) If you enjoy this ebook, please visit your favourite ebook retailer to discover the other books in the Stagnant Swamp series. Thank you for your support.

Table of Contents

Table of Contents

Dedication

About the Author

Introduction

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Postscript

More About Stagnant Swamp State School

Sample of Much Ado About the Stagnant Swamp State School Play

Dedication

Dedicated to the memory of Alfred Ormiston, who didn’t believe in bunyips.

Unfortunately, bunyips believed in Alfred Ormiston.

About the Author

Professor Nigel Peasbody, Esq, SJD, BSc, LLM, Graduate Diploma in Applied Calisthenics, is an eminent historian who specializes in writing histories about Stagnant Swamp State School.

In his spare time, Professor Peasbody enjoys collecting pieces of string. He is currently knitting his collection into a three piece suit, which he hopes will be completed before next winter.

This is the Professor’s second book in the Stagnant Swamp State School series recording the history of Stagnant Swamp State School.

Introduction

Dear Reader,

A short time ago, the parents and guardians of students at Stagnant Swamp State School received the following letter in their letterboxes:

The Principal's Office

Stagnant Swamp State School

Stagnant Swamp

Dear Parent/Guardian

You may have read yesterday's headlines in the Stagnant Swamp Sentinel regarding Class 6B’s recent camping trip.

The purpose of this letter is to assure you that the report of the camping trip was grossly exaggerated by the media.

Only one person died, which appears to us to be very lucky indeed, except perhaps if you were the person concerned, whose name was Alfred Ormiston.

I understand from Alfred’s former teacher, Mrs Blanchings, that Alfred was a very dim boy and unlikely to amount to much anyway, so perhaps it is all for the best. In any event, there is little use fussing over it now.

At the request of the Police Department, the Fire Brigade, the Department of Education, the Stagnant Swamp Scout Brigade and the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Bunyips, there will be no more camping trips for Class 6B in future.

I hope this letter has cleared up any misunderstandings.

Yours sincerely

Mr Creechley

Mr Creechley

Principal

This historical account sets out the details of the camping trip for posterity and also as a warning to all persons who insist on going on camping trips.

Camping trips are very uncomfortable affairs and are likely to be fatal, particularly if organized by Stagnant Swamp State School. You are much better off staying at home and reading a good book. In fact, even reading a bad book would be better than going camping.

However, if you insist on going camping then this book will at least provide you with essential information concerning the habits of certain vicious beasts that you may encounter – such as piranha fish, bunyips and sixth-grade teachers – which may help you to stay alive.

It is terribly important that you stay alive so that you are able to buy the next book in this series, which is well worth staying alive for.

Yours fictionally,

Professor Nigel Peasbody, Esq

Professor Nigel Peasbody, Esq

Chapter One

It was a still, hot Tuesday at the end of summer and Stagnant Swamp was seething with activity.

The flies lazily circled Stagnant Swamp State School, enjoying the pungent aroma of rotting swamp weed and sweating students. The rats were frolicking amongst the bulrushes happily awaiting the end of classes for the day, when they would have the school cafeteria all to themselves. The snakes slithered merrily around the swamp looking for the rats amongst the bulrushes. The crocodiles lay sunning themselves in their usual place on the front steps of the school, hoping that:

1). the new postman would forget to watch where he was walking; and

2). he wouldn’t be quite as skinny as the old postman.

Only the pigeons nesting in the rafters were unhappy. They were trying desperately to block their ears, which is not an easy thing to do if you happen to be a pigeon. As they stuffed their feathers in their ears, they wished desperately for fingers to stuff in their ears instead and cursed the raucous snoring coming from the office of Mr Creechley, Principal.

In the office, Claire Calthorpe – the cleverest and consequently the most boring girl at Stagnant Swamp State School – stood before Mr Creechley. Mr Creechley was sound asleep at his desk. His head lolled backwards on his chair, rolling from side to side as he slept. His mouth was open and (as the pigeons had noticed) he was snoring loudly. Long trails of drool slid from the corners of his mouth, coating the dusty, mildewed folds of the same patched and threadbare grey hessian suit that Mr Creechley wore to school every day.

Although almost any other student in the world would have been tempted to cough loudly or perhaps even slam a door in order to gain Mr Creechley’s attention, Claire was far too boring to do either of those things. Instead, she waited politely – hands folded – for Mr Creechley to wake up.

But little did Claire know that on still, hot Tuesdays at the end of summer Mr Creechley was in the habit of sleeping in his office all afternoon. This meant that Claire might have stood there for the rest of the day had Mrs Cradoc, the school nurse and cafeteria manager, not been passing in the corridor.

Mrs Cradoc was a fearsome person who had recently represented the town of Stagnant Swamp in the State Weight-lifting Championships. She carried a large, sharp meat cleaver at all times, just as other ladies might carry a handbag or an umbrella. Although she was a dreadful cook (and regularly served up dishes such as ‘gym sock soup’ and ‘grilled toad dumplings’ in the school cafeteria) remarkably not one single student had ever complained about her cooking.

‘Not