The Innis Reports: 6 Strange Shorts

By Huxley Innis

Wildly hilarious, bizarre and unsettling... The Innis Reports: 6 Strange Shorts is a brutal but wonderfully fun ride into the HI mind. Stories that never hesitate to reveal the ugliness and absurdity of the human condition, these 6 shorts turn reality on its head, laud the ludicrous and honor the surreal. Brazen and piercingly satirical, no one is safe from Huxley Innis's lyrically weird assault on the familiar. And this is just the beginning...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Huxley Innis
• Release date: Oct 12, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310115271

Huxley Innis

Huxley Innis likes to keep to himself somewhere up in the heavily forested hills writing columns and reports on whatever controversial, heretical, or marginally hypothetical subjects he happens to read, see, hear, feel or find. But whenever faced with straightforward Socratic questions from strangers about his literary ramblings and antagonistic aspirations, he will only mumble odd incoherencies and seemingly meaningless phrases, sometimes even in street-slang Gaelic...

Book preview

The Innis Reports:

6 Strange Shorts

by

Huxley Innis

Published by Blue Pig Publishing

Distributed by Smashwords

Copyright © 2014 by Huxley Innis

Cover art by Damian Willcox

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.

Contents

About this Collection

I Saw Martin...and Martin Saw Me

A Signal Please!

The Not So New Guy

On the Couch

The Horrible Sad Invitation

Walled In Walled Out

About the Author

About this Collection

First and foremost, I would like to take this opportunity to welcome you Wise Reader into the HI mind... This collection of six...reports, or shorts, or stories--whichever nomenclature you prefer, were written in reclusion in my cabin on a HIghly protected, private and remote forested hillside in a state of mind I can only describe as...HIghly creative... The first four stories in this collection appeared, in chronological order, in Linguistic Erosion, Subtopian Magazine, Gone Lawn Journal and Wilderness House Literary Review. The final two stories, The Horrible Sad Invitation and Walled In Walled Out, failed to find a home...until now. My sincere gratitude to these fine folks who have provided me and many other unnoticed writers with a place to start. And to Smashwords for an innovative, revolutionary platform from which to be heard Around the World.

I Saw Martin...and Martin Saw Me

PANIC

I suddenly realized...I had consumed too much.

But it was too late. What’s done was done.

But it was just too funny--far too goddamn funny for me to comfortably conduct myself properly in this very public, very volatile, and increasingly ugly situation I recently found myself in, and one from which I sought immediate extrication.

It was some kind of rally or protest or something. It’s always something.

There were dozens of people, yelling, chanting, some screaming; many were mad; most were men. It was an alarming scene. LOUD! Intimidating; a multilingual mélange of faces and boiling up from underneath, an angry mob mentality held back by nothing and no one.

I inconspicuously made it to my office after eluding the crazed crowd by cutting quickly through a small stand of trees and down a narrow back alley behind Saint Somebody Catholic church--the only other potential place of refuge, besides my office, but the doors were locked and the lights were off. Saint Somebody wasn’t home.

I saw Martin from security sitting at the front desk when I entered. He’s always sitting there when I come to the office. Sometimes he sees me and sometimes he doesn’t. Tonight he did.

Sometime later I could hear loud voices. Intensifying, getting closer.

The door to my office was of heavy steel with a protective steel-mesh-infused window on the upper half. I peered out and saw Martin running down the hall towards me. He stopped at my office door. I looked at him through the window. He looked at me. His eyes were watery and red and his