Am I Missing Something?

By Ruth Roberts

One time News of the World journalist tries to explain her new belief in Christianity to her friends at the same time as working out those beliefs for herself.

It's a weird and puzzling world we enter when we become Christians. Ruth Roberts, a journalist and media worker who at one time was on the staff of The News of the World, found church completely alien. She shares with us her own experiences in the form of 'diary excerpts' and letters to her father. Entertaining, insightful and poignant, Am I Missing Something? is very honest in revealing the culture clash between Christianity and the secular life. Ruth explores the nature of her new-found belief, and her struggles to reconcile many of her own ideas with that of the church, including the issue of homosexuality.

Am I Missing Something? is based on a column which appeared in Christianity magazine, with additional material.

'This book should carry a health warning. It will make you laugh, cry, and could possibly change your life. Ruth Roberts gives an enjoyable and refreshingly honest account of life as a new Christian in a lively evangelical church. Am I Missing Something? isn't down on church. Instead we're encouraged to model the love, healing, acceptance, grace and holiness to which we are called.' Paul Woolley - Executive Director, Bible Society

• Language: English
• Publisher: Authentic Media
• Release date: Mar 1, 2013
• ISBN: 9781780780962

Book preview

AM I MISSING SOMETHING?

AM I MISSING

SOMETHING?

Christianity through the eyes of a new believer

Ruth Roberts

Copyright © 2013 Ruth Roberts

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First published 2013 by Authentic Media Limited

52 Presley Way, Crownhill, Milton Keynes, MK8 0ES.

www.authenticmedia.co.uk

The right of Ruth Roberts to be identified as the Author of this Work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher or a licence permitting restricted copying. In the UK such licences are issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency, Saffron House, 6–10 Kirby Street, London, EC1N 8TS.

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 978-1-78078-096-2

Unless otherwise stated, Scripture quotations are taken from the THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION.

Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica. Used by permission of Hodder & Stoughton Publishers, a member of the Hachette Livre UK Group. All rights reserved.

How Great is Our God 15% Cash Ed/Tomlin C/Reeves J © 2004 worshiptogether.com songs, sixsteps Music (Admin. by kingswaysongs.com) Alletrop Music/Music Services (Admin. by Song Solutions CopyCare www.songsolutions.org.)

How Great is Our God 85% Cash Ed/Tomlin C/Reeves J © 2004 worshiptogether.com songs, sixsteps Music/ASCAP (admin. by EMI CMG Publishing) Alletrop Music/BMI.

International copyright secured. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Cover Design by David McNeill (Revo Creative).

For S, R, R and H.

Contents

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Part One: Minority Report

Part Two: Hopes and Fears

Part Three: Hold Tight

Part Four: Making Music

Part Five: Little Children

Part Six: The Lord Reigns

An Interview with the Author

Notes

Acknowledgements

Thank you to everyone at Authentic Media for their support and kindness; especially to Claire Ashurst and Becky Fawcett for their encouragement, wise counsel and prayers.

Thank you to editors Julia Evans and Sheila Jacobs for their great ideas, help and suggestions and to David McNeill for the wonderful cover design.

Thank you to Ruth Dickinson and John Buckeridge for commissioning the column in Christianity magazine, and for all the fun and support over the years.

I’d also like to thank the friends and family members who have inspired the various characters in this book. I feel so blessed to have such lovely people in my life.

And finally a special thank you to all the pastors and leaders who have been part of my church journey so far. Through you I’ve experienced the compassion and grace of Christ, and I am so grateful.

Introduction

Thirteen years ago, I’d have used the term ‘evangelical Christian’ as an insult. Now the label describes who I am. My journey to faith has been slow and sometimes bumpy, and I often reflect on how my attitude has changed over the years.

As a child I went to Sunday school, and I attended the junior school attached to church. I also went to a Christian youth group for a few years in my teens, but although I believed in God, I rejected what I saw as restrictive rules, and lived life accordingly.

I could also never accept the idea that non-believers and people of other faiths are eternally punished for not saying a ‘prayer of acceptance’ to Jesus. As I entered my twenties, I firmly dismissed Christianity.

At around the same time, I got a job as a reporter on a local news agency, covering courts, inquests and other stories for the regional and national press, TV and radio. And aged 24, I walked into the Wapping offices of The News of the World for a week’s trial in the newsroom. Nine months later I was given a staff job, after a lot of hard work trying to prove myself as an investigative reporter.

Much has been written about what happened at The News of the World in the run-up to its demise in July 2011. By the time I left on 31 December 1999, The News of the World was already a deeply unpleasant place to work, and I was a deeply unhappy person.

It would be easy, however, to paint a totally dark and terrible picture of my time at the tabloid, but that wasn’t the whole story. Life is seldom that simple, and the paper was often a force for good. And while some memories of my time there cause me to cringe with shame, I do also have some very happy and fond recollections.

I came into contact with many churchgoers while at The News of the World – mostly when covering stories of a minister or leader who had fallen from grace. I was often dealt with quite harshly (understandably!) by Christians who were hurt, confused and very defensive. Other experiences with well-meaning believers did nothing to alter my perception of Christians as judgemental hypocrites or woolly do-gooders.

But I still believed in God. As time passed, some of what I saw as a reporter began to wear away at the hard part of my soul. I started to become more distressed than perhaps a ‘professional’ should have been at some of the situations I was covering. It gnawed away at me. So I began to pray.

I prayed for the people I was interviewing; the patients whose lives had been wrecked by a surgeon who shouldn’t have been working; a toddler who’d lost his hands and feet to meningitis; two little girls abducted by a paedophile on the south coast.

Then one day I stumbled into the back of a church, and prayed for myself.

Almost straight away I knew I’d been heard. I felt something subtle ‘shift’ in me and my life began to change. Six weeks after my ‘cry for help’ I left The News of the World after applying for a job I thought I had little chance of getting.

I started to drink less and tried to look after myself more. I started to volunteer as a press adviser for an international development charity. It wasn’t easy, but my life started to feel cleaner, and I was becoming someone I could live with.

Occasionally I visited a lively evangelical church some friends went to, dipping in and out for a few years. Then two months after our wedding, my husband and I signed up for an Alpha course.

As I searched for God, I found Christians who showed me compassion and kindness. I started to understand the meaning of the word ‘grace’ and finally committed my future to Christ. But I soon realized this was just the start, and following Jesus was going to take me on a long, sometimes tricky, but ultimately exciting journey.

As I tried to settle into ‘church life’ I started to jot down notes and stories about my experiences. Writing helped me to make sense of what was going on. I soon found myself wondering if anyone would be interested in reading the story of a new believer coming to faith and navigating their way into church. The idea really wouldn’t go away, so to deal with it once and for all I fired off an email to John Buckeridge, the senior editor of Christianity magazine.

I suggested I could write about my new-found faith; reactions I faced from Christians and non-Christians alike; attending a church that teaches homosexuality is a sin, while having close gay friends; learning to pray for people and coming across things such as words of knowledge. I received an encouraging reply, and a few months later met with John and Ruth Dickinson, who is now editor.

They commissioned a series of articles based on true events I’d experienced. The idea was to help Christians see how non-Christians sometimes view them, and better understand the issues that new disciples face as they go through the inevitable culture clash. I was to write under a pen name and change some other names and places, so I could be as honest as possible without upsetting people – and to respect the privacy of my friends and family.

The columns took shape with suggestions and support from John and Ruth, and as I wrote I found myself fascinated by the stark difference between the perception of the church from the outside and what I found as a new believer.

Sometimes it’s been very hard to reconcile the two viewpoints. Now I’m on the ‘inside’, how can I relate to the people on the ‘outside’ – to my non-believing friends and family, my colleagues, the lady on the bench who looks sad?

Should I even be using terms like ‘in’ and ‘out’? After all, wasn’t Jesus much more concerned with those on the margins? I seemed to have lots of questions, but very little in the way of answers . . .

Still, I think the questions are important. How do we appear to unbelievers? Should we care? I came crashing through the culture barrier and lived to tell the tale, but what of those who don’t, or can’t? Are there unnecessary barriers that the church puts in the way of those who want to join it? This book is based on the articles I wrote for Christianity magazine. It is not intended to be a critique of evangelical Christianity. I can truly say that when I walked through the doors of church for the first time as an adult, it felt like coming home.

I am, however, offering my honest thoughts and observations as a newcomer. I hope you enjoy them.

Ruth Roberts

Summer 2012

PART ONE:

MINORITY REPORT

Dear Dad,

I’m in church on Sunday morning, the sun is streaming through the window and I’m thinking about you. It’s your birthday today and I’m smiling to myself because I feel like a little girl with some explaining to do.

You’re probably surprised I’m here. The last time we talked about religion you said you believed in God but that Christianity wasn’t for you.

Well, I think I’ve decided it might be ‘for me’. Can I tell you about it? I think it’s important.

Your loving daughter,

Ruth

December 17th

It’s Friday morning and my colleague Marie stops by my desk. ‘You’re going to hate me for this, but I’m going to church on Sunday,’ she says.

I look up. ‘Why would I hate you for that?’

‘It’s a carol service by candlelight and we’re going because we thought it would be nice for William’s first Christmas – and for us, of course.’

‘Yes, and?’ Am I missing something?

‘Well . . . As you know, I haven’t set foot in a church for years. So you’ll think I’m a big fat hypocrite, just popping in because of the candles and nice carols . . .’

Gosh, these people must really think I’ve lost the plot. I shake my head, but before I can think of a reply, Vicki’s talking, ‘A Christian friend of my brother gave him a really hard time because he wanted to get his daughter christened but never went to church.’

And now Mark: ‘My friend wanted to get married in a lovely country church, and the vicar laughed her out of the door, saying she only wanted her wedding there because it would look pretty.’

I don’t get it. Do these kinds of Christians really exist? They’re not like any I’ve met in my brief churchgoing career.

I have to remind myself that it wasn’t that long ago that I viewed evangelical Christians as distinctly dodgy – and the people in this office know that.

But do most Christians really know how they’re viewed by the world at large – however unfairly?

‘Well, you wouldn’t want to get married in my church,’ I murmur. ‘It’s a converted warehouse.’

A few coughs and then an awkward silence. Great, now they just think I’m weird. And it’s at times like this that I wonder if I actually have become a little strange. Surely Christians would want non-Christians to go into church for whatever reason, or am I missing something again?

I get a little frustrated sitting here sometimes. I want to explain myself but it increasingly feels like I’m speaking a different language.

I wish I was as confident in my faith as my friends Steve and Jane. They’re so gentle and kind – just displaying the fruit of the Spirit, I guess – and people want to know more.

I know I have a long way to go to be anything like them, and my stuttering, incoherent response just now is unlikely to have led anyone anywhere near wanting to find out about Jesus.

But I do want to be a good example – I want to uphold Jesus’ reputation, because for whatever reason, it’s been damaged in this country, in the circles where I live and work. My cell group leader said last week that the Holy Spirit can work through any situation – often in spite of us. But I thought the whole point of being a Christian is that we’re supposed to do Jesus’ work for him.

My head’s spinning. I need a coffee.

As I get up I see Katie, one of the producers, staring at me. And she follows me into the kitchen.

‘I want to get married in a church,’ she says. ‘I don’t go every Sunday, but I do believe in God and it is important to me. But my fiancé is divorced and I’ve just been told by the vicar’s wife at my local church that there’s no way the vicar would marry us. End of story.’

Oh Jesus, help, what do I say? Could the vicar’s wife really have been that blunt, or has Katie just taken it the wrong way? Whatever the case, I silently vow to pray that she finds a vicar to marry her and