The Pocket Guide to Girl Stuff

By Bart King

Girls can be a mystery-even to themselves. Sometimes girls just need a little guidance and know-how. They get that and more with Pocket Guide to Girl Stuff. Acclaimed author Bart King delves into the secret world of girls-with the help of his five sisters and fifty other girls, of course. Girls can: Take the Friend Test to see how their friends rate. Discover their celebrity name! Learn the greatest, super-duper amazing diet of all time! Figure out why boys do annoying things. Fashion, friends, and fun stuff-everything is covered in this volume petite enough to fit in any girl's purse.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gibbs Smith
• Release date: Dec 18, 2008
• ISBN: 9781423607700

Bart King

Bart King has written more than twenty-eight books, including The Big Book of Boy Stuff, The Big Book of Spy Stuff, and The Pocket Guide to Mischief. His books for Gibbs Smith have sold more than 830,000 copies combined. He lives in Portland, Oregon.

Book preview

The Pocket Guide to Girl Stuff

Bart King

Illustrations by Jennifer Kalis

The Pocket Guide to Girl Stuff

Digital Edition v1.0

Text © 2009 Bart King

Illustrations © 2009 Jennifer Kalis

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any means whatsoever without written permission from the publisher, except brief portions quoted for purpose of review.

This book makes mention of some activities that could theoretically carry an element of risk. Readers naturally assume all legal responsibility for their actions.

Gibbs Smith, Publisher

PO Box 667

Layton, UT 84041

Orders: 1.800.835.4993

www.gibbs-smith.com

ISBN: 978-1-4236-0770-0

For Lynn, the best girl of all.

The Pocket Guide to Girl Stuff

Table of Contents

Introduction Boys Friends, Cliques, Secrets, and Gossip Fun Stuff To Do Nicknames, Handwriting, Words, and Doodles Beauty Hair Shopping Acknowledgments

Introduction

Girls’ Introduction!

Hello! Take your time with this book. It may be the best book you’ll ever read. (Of course, the odds against that are pretty high, but you never know!)

We really hope you enjoy it. Now, let’s get started!

Adult Introduction!

I may be gender-disenfranchised, but I’m not too proud to beg. And that’s why I found myself imploring my five sisters for their assistance with this book. It was a good move; in addition to being loving sisters, they had all coincidentally been girls at one time.

Mary, Sarah, Melinda, Kathleen, and Gretchen were able to provide this project with the little things it needed, like an enlightened outlook, a feminine perspective, and jokes that were actually funny. Our collaboration went so swimmingly, the book’s brain trust was then expanded to include other distinguished girls and women.

My collaborators and I hope that readers can find good laughs and even inspiration in the following pages. We’ve kept a light touch throughout, partly because that’s more fun, but also because there is already plenty of high drama in the literature for and about girls today. And while this book contains nontraditional female activities, it also features classic girl stuff. Why did we do this? Because girls asked us to!

Boys

If boys are the opposite sex, does that mean that they really are completely different from girls? Let’s find out!

Look at the cross-section of a boy’s brain. It looks pretty different!

As you go through school, at some point it will seem like all your friends are always talking about boys and couples. And you’ll think, Everyone’s boy crazy! How did things change so fast? We used to dislike boys.

And it’s true! If you ask little girls in kindergarten how much they like boys, the girls will rate boys as being okay. After that, the boys will get steadily worse ratings from the girls every year, all the way through fourth grade. Why do little girls dislike little boys? One theory is that it’s because little boys are brats! (What’s with all this cooties stuff, anyway?)

If ever you find yourself annoyed by a bratty little boy, try using this mystical chant to solve your problem. It was written by wise girls many years ago:

Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider,

Girls go to college to get more knowledge.

Crisscross, applesauce,

I hate boys!

That just might help you.

Annoying Boy Problems

Here are some other annoying problems that younger boys sometimes have.

Annoying Problem: He picks his nose.

Is This Normal? Yes.

Annoying Problem: He likes to give wedgies.

Why Does He Do This? Scientists have been studying Boys and the Mystery of the Wedgie for years, and they still have no idea why boys do this. It may be a way primitive people communicate with each other. No one knows for sure. What is certain is that you should keep an eye on any boy who likes to give wedgies.

Annoying Problem: He winked at you.

Is This Normal? The technical term for winking is nictitating. Does that sound normal to you?

Annoying Problem: He wrote you this note:

Hi!

I’m guessing that you’re from Tennessee, because you’re the only ten I see! I know you’re good at science. Are you going to be a female astronaut? Because you are really out of this world! If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together! What do you say?

Timmy

Is This Normal? Not unless you think it’s funny.

As you can see, most boys’ problems have to do with maturity. The fact is that most boys mature more slowly than girls. That’s mentally and physically!

This is why girls and boys sometimes don’t have a lot in common in 6th through 8th grade. (Of course, this is also when many girls get interested in boys.) But boys are sooo immature. It makes sense that in many cultures throughout history, girls got married in their early teens, while boys weren’t allowed to get married until they were in their 20s or older. This may also explain why so many women end up marrying men who are a few years older than they are.

If you’re trying to understand boys, one important thing to know is that a boy never wants to look like a sissy to the other boys. That’s why even little boys will act macho, like they weigh 300 pounds and are covered in tattoos. It’s silly, but a boy starts pretending he’s a man when he’s just a kid. (And then he never stops pretending for the rest of his life.)

Because of this, as they get older, many boys often won’t show much emotion. These older boys are like poker players, but instead of hiding their cards, they hide their feelings. Your average boy is not going to want to tell you any of his feelings because for him, these are his secrets.

It’s not their fault, though. Boys are often told if they show their feelings that they are acting like a girl. A boy playing with dolls (or doing any other girl activity) is teased much more than a girl playing football (or any other boy activity). So life can be tough for boys in ways that girls don’t have to worry about.

Did you know that MACHO actually stands for Males Acting Childish, Horrible, and Obnoxious?

Father, May I Grow? A tribe of people named the Malagasy live in Madagascar. One of their customs is that a boy cannot grow taller than his father without permission. If he wants permission, he must buy the right to grow taller by giving his dad an ox.

Communication

Girls like to talk. That’s because it’s fun to do something you’re good at! There is a scientific reason for this. A girl has shorter vocal cords than a boy, so it actually takes less effort for her to talk. As for boys‚ their vocal cords double in length during puberty. This can make it a lot of work for them to spit something out! Guys are four times more likely than girls to have a stuttering problem. So, because many boys aren’t as good at talking as girls, they do less of it.

Studies show the number one thing guys find annoying about girls is that they talk too much.

Boys and their talking problems may not get better anytime soon. Every year, boys spend more and more time playing video games, which isn’t very good for their social skills. One of Japan’s hottest-selling video games is a love simulation game. In it, a boy tries to get a girl to go on a date with him. One young man wrote that he liked the game because he was not interested in real girls. Scary, huh?

Because many boys aren’t the greatest communicators, they often don’t understand basic girl language. For example, if you say, I don’t have anything to wear, you mean that you’re frustrated with all your clothes and none of them look good on you at the moment.

But when a boy hears you say, I don’t have anything to wear, he thinks you’re insane because you have a closet full of clothes.

Often boys don’t use words to show their feelings. Instead, they let their facial expressions communicate for them. See if you can guess which feeling matches up with the boy’s expression.

Guy Fashion

You might be able to tell a little something about a boy from the way he dresses. Many boys just wear whatever combination of T-shirt/shorts/jeans/cap/jacket that is the guy uniform of the year. Sometimes a boy will even be wearing new clothes, but you’ll think they are the same ones from the day before because they look the same. But other guys will branch out more and express themselves with their clothes, shoes, and even hair.

If a boy dresses with style (good or bad), you have to give him points for trying. Let’s see what some of the more unusual fashion choices for boys might mean.

Shoes

none: Your school allows this?

Birkenstocks: He cares about the environment!

sandals with socks: He’s either a real rebel or a real nerd...or both!

penny loafers: Look at the sentence right above this one.

tube socks with shorts: He just got out of a time machine. . . Retro!

Pants

jeans: Pretty basic.

khakis: A little more style.

white pants: He’s probably friendly and he might have ice cream!

leather pants: He probably isn’t friendly. He probably doesn’t have ice cream.

Shirts

tie-dyed T-shirts: Mean people never wear tie-dye, so he must be nice.

T-shirts with odd or funny sayings: How