Trust

By BR Kingsolver

The history of my relationships reads like the Titanic meets a tornado during an earthquake. Disaster after disaster. For some reason, I'm always attracted to lying jerks. I finally decided that it's better to just have a good time and no one gets hurt. Men are good for sex, but not for telling the truth. That philosophy worked for my last two years of college.
Then I let myself get pulled in again by a pair of broad shoulders, pretty hazel eyes, and kisses that turned my brain to mush. Of course he was lying to me. All my friends told me something wasn't right, but I'm such a fool.

When it all went wrong, I didn't expect his tall, dark, and handsome roommate being there to catch me. I think I love him. But can I trust him? He makes me happy. Can I trust myself?

Ashley graduated from college and isn’t looking for romance. What she needs is a job and the career she’s worked so hard to achieve. Can her dream of working overseas survive a man who seeks to capture her heart?

Contains adult situations and language and one scene of graphic violence.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BR Kingsolver
• Release date: Mar 5, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311010148

BR Kingsolver

I made silver and turquoise jewelry for almost a decade, ended up in nursing school, then took a master’s in business. Along the way I worked in construction, as a newspaper editor, a teacher, and somehow found a career working with computers.I love the outdoors, especially the Rocky Mountains. I’ve skied since high school, with one broken leg and one torn ACL to show for it. I’ve hiked and camped all my life. I love to travel, though I haven’t done enough of it. I’ve seen a lot of Russia and Mexico, not enough of England. Amsterdam is amazing, and the Romanian Alps are breathtaking. Lake Tahoe is a favorite, and someday I’d like to see Banff.I have a very significant other, two cats and two Basset Hounds. I’m currently living in Baltimore, nine blocks from the harbor, but still own a home in New Mexico that I see too infrequently.The first three chapters of my book are available in PDF format on my website:http://brkingsolver.com/downloads-free-three-chapters/

Book preview

Chapter 1

I packed up my books and slung my backpack over my shoulder. Taking a minute, I stood in the middle of the classroom and looked around. It was a rather unreal feeling. My last college class. All I had to do was turn in a couple of papers and take a couple of tests. Then I would put on a cap and gown and walk in the graduation ceremony. I thought I’d never get there, but finally I was done.

As I walked across campus, everything looked both completely familiar and somehow fresh and new. The flowers were blooming along with all the trees putting out new leaves. The grass was green after being brown all winter. The sky was the most gorgeous shade of blue, and the white puffball clouds floating overhead seemed to be decorating a scene just for my enjoyment.

I was free! I did it!

At the same time, it was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I was going to have to go out in the world and be an Adult. Not a college-student-pretending-to-be-an-adult, but a real adult.

I crossed the street and turned to look at the campus. Soon it would be a part of my past instead of my all-consuming present.

Walking into the Library, I waved to Ed and took my backpack to the back room. I dumped it in the corner where it had sat for so many nights over the past year and a half.

Tom wants to see you, Ed said as I came back to the front. He’s in the office.

Okay, thanks, I said, and made my way back to the small office. Tom was our boss, the owner of the Library. He was mostly an absentee owner, a CPA who bought a small off-campus bar as an investment. Other than dropping in for an occasional drink and the monthly review of the books, he didn’t spend a lot of time there.

Tom told me to close the door and motioned me to a chair. He was about six feet tall, thin with brown hair that tended to flop over his forehead. I thought he was kind of handsome, with a long nose and silver wire-rim glasses. I didn’t know his wife very well, but she seemed very nice.

Are you almost done with classes? he asked.

Done. A couple of papers to turn in, and tests during finals week. I smiled. He and Ed had always been really easy about accommodating my school schedule.

How’s the job hunting going?

I’ve had some interviews, on-campus interviews through the placement office. Two or three have told me that I’m on their consideration list. I’m sending out resumes, but so far I don’t have any offers. I shrugged. You know how the economy is. The placement office says offers are way down this year.

Do you plan to keep working here until something comes up? You’re going to stay in town?

Oh, yeah. Tom, I’d give you plenty of notice if I find something. I won’t just disappear.

Well, I have a problem. Ed turned in his notice. He got a job as food service manager at the Marriot, and his last day is two weeks from today.

Tom didn’t seem terribly upset, although Ed had managed the bar for him for three years. I was the assistant manager, so what that meant for me immediately started running around my mind.

Ashley, I don’t know anything about running a bar. I’m hoping that you’ll consider taking over. Your job situation makes that a bit complicated, I know. But I’ll pay you forty-five thousand dollars a year. The same deal that I have with Ed. What do you say?

It was a generous offer. A lot more than I would be making as a new grad with the large corporations. It also wouldn’t hurt to be able to put Manager on my resume instead of Assistant Manager. But it meant staying in Fort Collins instead of going to some new and exciting place. My common sense confronted my dreams and set off an immediate storm of confusion in my mind.

Tom, I’m flattered, but ...

He held up his hand to stop me.

Ash, take the job. Whether it’s for two weeks, two months or two years. I’ll take whatever you can give me. I need you. At the very least, I need you to hire someone and train them. And if you get an offer next week, I’ll deal with it. I won’t be in any worse shape than I am right now.

No one had ever told me that they needed me. How could I say no?

Okay, under those conditions, I’ll do it. I smiled. Thank you.

Good. Now, what should I do about hiring your replacement as assistant manager? Can you write up an ad for me to put in the newspapers?

Actually, I’d rather promote from within, I said.

Tom frowned. Who are you thinking of?

Tyrell. Tyrell was our bouncer, a former linebacker on the university’s football team whose eligibility and scholarship had run out. He’d been working at the Library for over two years.

Convince me, Tom said.

He has the temperament, I started. He gets along well with customers. He already knows inventory. Ed and I use him to do the inventory and make out ordering lists when it’s slow. He has one more semester to finish his degree in accounting, so the books won’t be difficult for him.

Tom’s eyebrows rose in surprise at that news.

He has a wife and baby, so he needs a steady job, and he’s as dependable as the sun rising. He’s only called in once in the time I’ve been here, and that was to take the baby to the hospital.

Does he have any experience tending bar? Tom asked.

No, but I can teach him. Making drinks is a lot easier to pick up than keeping the books. Besides, eighty percent of what we do here is pour beers. He’s filled in a few times in the kitchen when we needed a cook. He told me he worked at McDonald’s when he was in high school.

Make him an offer, and arrange for him to meet with me on Saturday, Tom said. If he convinces me, then he’s got the job.

Thanks, Tom. When do I start? I mean, you said Ed’s last day is two weeks from now?

Yes, two weeks from today. But as of now, you’re the manager and your new pay rate starts today. Go ahead and continue taking your share of tips until Ed leaves. Sound good?

Sounds great. Thank you! Suddenly I was excited. A part of me was grumbling about putting off my adventure into the next phase of my life, but at that moment, all I could think of was, I have a job! A real job! With a salary! I’m a manager! I wasn’t even officially graduated yet, and I had a job.

I thought my heart would burst. I leaped around the desk, wrapped my arms around his shoulders, and gave him a big kiss on the cheek.

Thank you! The shocked look on his face brought me back to reality. I backed up. Uh, I’ll try to be more professional. Don’t tell Kayla I kissed you, okay?

He burst out laughing. Not a chance. I wouldn’t keep this moment from Kayla for anything. She thinks I’m too dour and don’t connect well with my employees. She’ll love this story!

My face felt as though it was on fire. Do I need to get a bullet-proof vest?

No, Ashley. Believe me, you’ve made my day.

I went out and Ed, standing behind the bar, gave me an expectant look.

I took the job, I told him. Thanks for the recommendation.

He told you I recommended you?

He didn’t have to. I leaned forward and kissed Ed on the cheek. Congratulations on the new job.

I looked around. The Library was a fairly typical bar. There was a dark-stained oak bar and matching tables. A few pictures of meadows with wildflowers and snow-capped mountains hung on the walls, along with the TVs that were always tuned to sports. The space consisted of a large front room and a smaller one in the back. We didn’t have shuffleboard or pool tables. The Library served food and drinks without much frill. The bar wasn’t too busy yet, and everything behind the bar looked good. Spic and span, everything stocked. Just the way Ed and I liked to start a night.

Do you mind if I take a couple of minutes? I asked him.

So you can call people? he asked with a smile.

I nodded and he motioned with his hand. I dug out my phone and walked out the side door where we had wrought-iron tables with chairs. Four of the five tables were occupied and there were almost as many people out there as there were inside.

I took a seat at the open table and punched in my brother Pat’s number.

Hey, what’s up? he answered.

How’s the electrical-engineer-to-be? I asked him.

Doing okay. I turn in my final project tomorrow and I’m done.

No tests next week?

Nope. Nothing between now and graduation but celebrations.

Lucky you. Hey, I called to tell you I got a job.

Thank God! I had visions of having to support you for the rest of your life. Poor little Ashley, only one step away from either living on skid row or selling your body.

I laughed. No way I’m going to indulge your fantasy of becoming a pimp. Here’s the scoop. Ed’s quitting the bar, and Tom offered me the manager’s position. Starting salary forty-five thousand. Not bad, huh?

Congratulations, his voice was warm and genuine, and I relaxed. It made me feel good to hear him validate my decision. Not exactly Tahiti or Bora Bora, but it’s in your field.

Yeah, it is. Thanks. What are you doing tonight? Stop by later and I’ll buy you a drink.

I have a date with Jenna, but we’ll stop by afterwards.

As pleased as I was with Tom’s offer, I was disappointed that I was still in Colorado. Five years of college and I wasn’t any closer to my dream than when I started.

I called Marcie and my mom and gave them my news, then went back inside to start work.

~~~

Chapter 2

The Library had a great location, which had a lot to do with its success. It was the closest bar to campus, on a short block amidst chain fast-food places, with a bicycle shop on one side, Starbucks on the other and a convenience store across the street. To the north of us was fraternity row. But to get to the meat market bars, students from the dorms and from the Greek houses had to walk past our place. We had pretty good food and cheap beer. We served a great burger, and with half-price appetizers on Fridays, it was a hot happy-hour spot for professors and grad students. With the end of the semester only a week away, this Friday it was hopping. I watched several professors I knew filter in, as relieved as the students that the semester was over.

Pat called around ten thirty and told me they were on their way. I watched for a two-top table to open up, and when a couple got up to leave, I put a ‘reserved’ sign on the table. Pat and Jenna walked in about eleven.

Patrick Coughlin was a campus darling. Six-feet-two and the starting shooting guard on the basketball team for the past three years, he was devilishly handsome with an engaging smile. I’d wondered at times how he got his schoolwork done with all the girls hanging off him, but somehow he’d managed. The past year or so, there’d only been one girl to worry about, Jenna. But I could tell there was trouble in paradise when I saw their faces as they walked into the bar. And believe me, I knew Pat’s face better than anyone. I’d been looking at it since we shared a womb.

I pointed toward the table I’d saved for them, and then crooked my finger at Pat. He walked Jenna to the table and then came back to the bar.

Are you driving? I asked.

No, we walked.

What can I get you? I poured him a beer and her a glass of wine. I also put a shot of Irish whiskey in front of him. You look like you need it.

He glanced over his shoulder, saw Jenna digging in her purse, and knocked down the shot while she wasn’t looking. Thanks.

Still arguing about California? I asked.

Yeah. She seems to finally accept that I’m not taking her with me, but she wants to go out with me and help me look for an apartment.

And then you’ll have trouble getting her to leave, I finished.

You got it. Ash, it’s not that I don’t love her. I do. But from what I’ve been told, new engineers work sixty hours a week. They want you to get immersed in the culture. And I don’t want to go through learning to live with someone at the same time I’m trying to learn a new job.

He picked up their drinks. She’d just be sitting around, waiting for me to get off work all day. I’ll get home tired, probably with stuff to study, and she’ll want to go out.

So tell her that. Offer to fly her out in August for a couple of weeks just before school starts. Tell her that you won’t have time for her now, and if she loves you, she’ll understand.

You don’t really think she loves me, do you? he asked.

I was surprised that he asked. The way he stood waiting, he expected an honest answer. I don’t know what he hoped I’d say, but I said, I think she loves the idea of you. I think she loves the idea of getting married. Anything to get away from her parents.

He gave me a long look. The fact was I didn’t think he really loved her. She was hot and very compliant, but I didn’t think that was enough to base a lifetime on. I also didn’t think the compliant act would survive much beyond the wedding.

Marcie called about midnight, giving me a heads up that she and my other girlfriends were headed my way. I placed the ‘reserved’ sign on a four-top near the back. At twelve thirty, the crew rolled in.

Marcie looked my way and I pointed to the table I’d saved for them. She strutted across the room trailing our friends in her wake. She had definitely dressed for attention, wearing a swishy dark-blue polka-dot dress showing plenty of cleavage and strappy fuck-me shoes that, in her case, were more promise than tease. I could tell she was in a mood, and she attracted every eye in the place.

Brenda, the waitress who covered that table, looked over at me with a questioning expression, and I shook my head. I’ll take care of them, I said. The questioning look changed to a grateful one.

Man, if I was single … Ed trailed off, appreciatively eyeing Marcie’s derriere.

Be glad you’re not, I laughed. She’d eat you alive just like her previous thousand conquests.

But what a way to go, he smiled, shaking his head and moving down the bar to refill some parched soul’s glass.

Marcie wasn’t the most beautiful woman in the bar. She and everyone else took a back seat to Sheila, another one of our group. Indeed, I doubted that Sheila had ever walked into a room holding someone prettier than she was. But Marcie had presence—sensual, confident, animal-magnetism presence—that made women envious and made men lose their minds.

Who’s driving? I asked as I approached their table.

We took a cab from downtown, Marcie said. We’re two sheets to the wind, and the only driving any of us will do tonight is if Prince Charming happens to stop by.

They gave me their drink orders. A Cosmo for Marcie, white wine for Sheila—the upscale Sauvignon Blanc, not the standard Chardonnay or Riesling—and a Guinness for Darlene.

I don’t know why I ask, I said. I could have poured your drinks and had them on the table already. Don’t any of you have any sense of culinary adventure? They laughed. I looked at Dar. Not in the mood for three shots of tequila tonight?

Already had them, she pouted. No one took the bait.

The night’s still young, I said, patting her on the shoulder. Maybe Prince Charming will stop in and you can arm wrestle Marcie for his attentions.

The tequila thing was an inside joke. When Dar—tiny, pretty, intelligent, funny Dar with the pixie haircut—had arrived at college, she was on a mission to sacrifice her virginity at the earliest opportunity, and planned on taking down every male who crossed her path afterward until she graduated.

The only problem with her plan was that Dar was so painfully shy around men she could hardly look a man straight in the face, let alone talk to one. Completely obsessed with men and sex, it took until her junior year before she managed to drag one into bed. The secret was three shots of tequila, which loosened her up enough to simply say the word ‘yes’ if a guy approached her. She’d had three boyfriends since, and I wasn’t sure if any of them knew she was able to speak. When she managed to latch onto a guy, she never let him out of bed, and I don’t think they spent any time with pillow talk.

All of us arrived on campus as freshmen and ended up together on the third floor of a dorm for nerds. It was so far away from the center of campus that you needed binoculars to see a classroom. Five years later, we were still together. Three of us would graduate in two weeks. Sheila, Perfect Sheila as Marcie and I privately called her, had graduated on time and immediately started working on her master’s degree in clinical psychology. Other than Marcie, she was the closest girlfriend I’d ever had.

Looking around to check out the bar, and how busy things were, I asked Ed if I could take my break. I stopped by the kitchen and put in my order, then delivered my friends’ drinks.

So tell us about the new job, Sheila said. You’re really going to be in charge here?

I told them everything, even about my faux pas of kissing Tom on the cheek. They erupted into gales of laughter.

What about DJ? Dar asked as my cheesy fries and burger with no bread were delivered to the table.

What about him? I answered. I assume that his agent will be taking over his life immediately after graduation. He’ll have workouts and interviews and all sorts of things going on before the draft. His lease is up on May thirty-first, and I’m not sure where he’ll be moving. Probably hotels.

Aren’t you going to miss him? Don’t you want to go with him? she asked.

I sort of blinked at her, trying to assimilate the question. No, why would I? We’re just friends. He’s been working for this chance all his life, and I have this, I said, sweeping my arm about to indicate the bar.

Friends with major benefits, Marcie muttered.

I ignored her.

A couple of frat boys came in late and sat at the bar. Major eye candy, especially the tall one. They ordered beers and the shorter one tried to flirt with me, but I was too busy to spend time with them. I did notice they both watched me, which was sort of flattering considering that Marcie and Sheila were sitting close to them. It made me wish I had time to chat.

Ed had found an old ship’s bell somewhere and hung it behind the bar. At one twenty-five in the morning, I turned off the music and rang the bell. In the ensuing silence, I announced, Last call. Bar closes in five minutes.

The waitresses scurried around getting their customers’ final orders while Ed and I took care of the customers at the bar. I looked over at my friends and made a circling motion with my finger, asking if they wanted another round. They looked at each other, and then three faces turned my way and nodded.

The two frat boys ordered another round. When I delivered their beers the shorter one said, I’m Jeff, and handed me a five for a tip.

I smiled and said, I’m Ashley. Thanks!

Do you work here regularly? he asked.

Every night except Sunday and Monday.

This is a nice place, he said. I’ll be back.

Sounds good, I answered. Stop in earlier. The food’s pretty good.

He winked at me. I’ll do that.

Marcie took pity on me and came to the bar to get their drinks. She handed me three five-dollar bills before she picked up the tray.

Shaking my head, I said, Drinks are on me.

Of course they are, she said with a smile. That’s tip. Can you call a cab?

Sure. Let me wait for the waitresses to see how many we’ll need. We always ask our customers about taking a cab. It’s not only good customer service, but the laws on serving drunks are such that a server can get in real trouble if a customer gets in a wreck.

Can I catch a ride with you? Marcie asked.

I nodded. When the cabs showed up fifteen minutes later, Marcie walked the girls out and then came back inside. No one said anything. The bar crew were used to her or Pat waiting on me while I closed.

~~~

Chapter 3

I collected Marcie and asked her, Do you want to go home, or are you staying at my place tonight?

Are you sleepy?

No, want to talk?

She nodded and I picked up a bottle of vodka, a bottle of tonic water, and a bag of limes from behind the bar before we walked out to my car. Marcie and I roomed together in the dorms for three years, and shared an apartment for a year after that. We knew each other pretty well.

We sat around my living room, talking and drinking and enjoying each other’s company the way we often did when we lived together. After a couple of hours, I passed the point where drinking makes you blurt out things that make you look silly.

You know, I said, I’m really jealous of all the traveling you’re going to be doing for your job. That’s supposed to be me, and I’m feeling kind of like a failure because I’m still stuck in Colorado. As much as I’m happy that I have a job, I wonder if I’ve been a fool all these years for chasing an impossible dream.

Sounds good to me, Marcie said. It’s still a week before graduation, and no one has crowned you resort management queen of the year. You should probably just shoot yourself to avoid the pain of having to send out any more resumes.

I threw a pillow at her, and the subsequent battle cheered me up.

We sat up and talked until the sky started to lighten in the east. I woke up on Sunday and went through my normal Sunday routine, aware that it was probably the last time. Shower, shave, dry my hair, and go out for KFC, a large, family-style bucket of KFC. Sometimes I’d get pizza, but I didn’t feel like pizza that day.

DJ rented a small house on a large lot. It was in an older part of town, and the house was probably fifty or sixty years old. Walking up the sidewalk, I began to feel nostalgic. We had established our Sunday routine more than a year and a half earlier. I didn’t work on Sundays, and he didn’t play or have practice then. Without really talking about it, we’d set aside the day for us.

Whatever us happened to be. Sometimes we’d go down to the gym and shoot some hoops. Sometimes in the winter, he’d go to the mountains with me and sit in the lodge drinking hot chocolate and studying while I skied. Mostly we watched the game, football in the fall, and basketball anytime there was a game on TV, even women’s basketball. He had become a big fan of the women’s game.

And no matter what else we were doing, we made love. Before, during and after whatever else was going on. I always left his house on Sunday nights feeling completely satiated but also incredibly sore. The man was six-foot-ten, two hundred sixty-five pounds, and he was huge. Everywhere.

He opened the door and pulled me into his arms, picking me up off the floor and kissing me long and deep. I tried to tell him that he was crushing the chicken, but as the kiss went on and on, I stopped caring. He carried me to the kitchen and extracted the bucket of chicken from between us, allowing me to put my arms around his neck and wrap my