Things My Kids Have Said and Done That Have Amused Me

By Rico Rodriguez

A lightly edited treasury of quotes, anecdotes, and other memories of a family that always makes me, and I hear others, smile.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rico Rodriguez
• Release date: Dec 6, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310841866

Book preview

Things My Kids Have Said and Done That Have Amused Me

A Lightly Edited Treasury

By Rico Rodriguez

Copyright 2014 Rico Rodriguez

Photographs Copyright 2008 – 2014 Medeeha Khan

Used with Permission.

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

Thank you for downloading this ebook. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete, original form. Thank you for your support.

Dedication

To Kiren, Jonah, Aaron, and Logan - the true authors of this book.

Acknowledgments

Thank you to my wife Kiren, for making sure the appropriate secrets stayed secret.

Thank you to my sister Medeeha, for taking so many pictures of my kids that I never had to.

Thank you to my sister Ianna, for hiding some things and making other things look better.

And a special thanks to all the boys’ fans, for constantly reminding me of the treasures I have in my life.

Chapter 1: Jonah 4, Aaron 0

-o-

I wish that I had taken the waterproof camera out of the car to record Aaron's first lap around the Lazy River. And that I hadn't taken my eye off the giant bucket before it almost washed Jonah away.

-o-

It was nice of the circus folks to tell the kids don't try this at home before they shot those gals out of the cannon.

-o-

I’m watching Jonah build what he just dubbed his greatest invention.

-o-

I think everything got packed, despite the kids' best efforts to derail the process throughout the night. Poor Aaron got washed in a bathroom sink to get him clean enough to transport him for a 5am bath.

-o-

I wish I had been able to get video of airport security patting down Aaron.

-o-

I was very proud of Jonah for explaining how to operate a toy to a sales clerk that had just told his parents it was too complicated for a child his age.

-o-

I’m surprised that Jonah literally poured his tears into his first homework assignment. It's still drying on his desk.

-o-

I just watched Aaron attack a stalk of broccoli like it was a turkey leg at a county fair.

-o-

I was outsmarted by my four-year-old today. Suffice to say, don't agree to let a child have one piece of chocolate after dinner if you happen to be at Hershey World, or at least don't let the kid pick the piece.

-o-

How Jonah is the embodiment of a peace offering in a culture clash.

Kiren’s family is Muslim. Mine is Christian. That’s as narrowed down as I can get it for you; we weren’t even all the same flavor of Christianity in our household growing up. The benefits of a multicultural family are fairly well known and celebrated. An overly (to me anyway) intellectualized one being the celebration of the diversity that is our world being boiled down into a single individual that never really feels at home anywhere except at home, because that’s where their particular mix is the norm. Another, far easier for the children to grasp, one being Presents! I lost track of why, but presents! And it’s not just the kids having access to two sets of holidays; it’s also their loved ones giving gifts on both sets of holidays because they ain’t gonna be the ones not bearing gifts that day.

The drawbacks are less discussed. For example, if there is anything you’re only going to do once, you’re kinda screwed. In some instances, it’s just really hard to say, yeah, we’re going to go with Family (I can’t even put A here, because I know somebody will object to being characterized as Family B) on this one, but hey, Family (not the family mentioned in the earlier part of this scenario), you got next. Incidentally, this is also a large part of the reason why the tables at our wedding weren’t numbered.

Which brings us to the naming of our first, and at the time, only, child. We went through many, many books of baby names, each with thousands of names, and we went through every single name therein. Again, first child. Plus, we were among those parents who thought it was so romantic to have no idea exactly how their baby way going to pee on them, so we couldn’t even skip over chapters. And nothing was feeling quite right. Specifically, nothing was feeling like it was fitting in to both our families.

And so we pondered. And we pondered some more. And we realized that the only crossover between our families was... hmm... I can’t say.... no.... okay...how’s this?: the only common cultural ground we could find between our families was that they both followed religions based on source texts that shared many similarities in their underlying stories. So that became our new hunting ground for names. Still both boys and girls names. And we developed short lists of names for both boys and girls, and one name kept floating to the top of the boys’ list, and the more and more we said it to each other the more right it felt. Noah.

But we already knew a Noah, and it was just too soon to add another one, so we kept right on trying out names aloud. And again, one name kept floating to the top. And as soon as we first laid eyes on our baby boy we knew it was right. Jonah. Although we accidentally called him Noah a half dozen times that first week.

-o-

I have complete faith in Jonah's daycare's new bear prevention measures.

-o-

Jonah and I closed the water park for the year. It was kind of cool having employees following us around and roping off areas from the public as we passed.

-o-

Jonah: Daddy, will you please stop banging the hanger on the floor?

Me: Um, sure Jonah. Why?

Jonah: Because it's stopping me from eating.

Me: How is it doing that?

Jonah: When you bang the hanger on the floor, I have to stop eating because I have to dance.

-o-

Is it wrong to occasionally feed my nine-month-old son by placing a bowl of food on the ground?

-o-

Jonah and I made it through Where Did You Go? on Rock Band 2 with Jonah on vocals. Jonah even worked the crowd. It was awesome.

-o-

Jonah: Daddy, when I'm as tall as you, then I'm gonna be a doctor.

-o-

I overheard a conversation at Jonah's gym about how buff Jonah is, but I don’t see it.

-o-

Kiren, to Jonah: This is the first time Aaron is wearing sneakers.

Jonah, to Aaron: Aww, you're getting so big!

-o-

I just caught Jonah's magic show, in which he makes things disappear and gives medical care and a haircut to a female member of the audience. I tried to volunteer, but he said it had to be a girl.

-o-

I’m even more surprised than the doctor that Aaron has pneumonia. In other news, Aaron got his first x-ray even faster than Jonah did.

-o-

I don’t know whether to be really proud or slightly sad that Jonah isn't really fooled by anything, but I’m leaning towards really proud. Jonah treated FrightFest as a fashion show and pointed out which zombies walking around the graveyard he thought had the best make up.

-o-

Chapter 2: Aaron 1, Jonah 4

-o-

I need to remember to discharge my static electricity before helping Jonah in the bathroom....

-o-

I feel a little guilty for laughing when Aaron walked face first into an armchair, staggered back three steps, and then fell on his bottom. I think it was the way he was completely bundled in his winter coat with the hood up that made it impossible for me to keep a straight face.

-o-

Jonah asked us to write two signs and post them on the garage door so that visitors knew the rules of the house. No smoking. And No dinosaurs.

-o-

Despite swearing to myself while I was cleaning the house in preparation for Aaron's birthday parties that I was going to simplify and pare