Goosebumps and Butterflies, Dating and the Teenager

By Jack Exum

Dating is a special time, which for the most part everyone looks forward to. Yet along with the anticipation, comes the questions. “Will I be able to find a date?” “How can I have a successful date?” “What do I do on a date?” “What if I mess up?” “What about kissing?” “What about sex?” These and hundreds more questions come to the mind. It’s a part of growing up! This is a marvelous time for you and I am happy for you... This little book is written especially for you because along with the excitement and joys that dating brings... frustrations, anxieties, self-doubts also come like an avalanche. Unforeseen emotional problems come like giant ‘sinkholes’ and seem to ‘swallow’ all hopes for fun without regret, making ‘mountains out of molehills.’ Life loses its balance and joy seems to get lost. Joy hoped for seems to melt away into tears on a lonely pillow.

The authors wrote this book after receiving cries for ‘help’ from pre-teens and teenagers alike, who found themselves terribly unprepared to play the “dating game” successfully. Parents will hopefully appreciate the help offered here because sometimes a ‘third-party’ is helpful. I am excited to present this book because the need is so great and the advice here is presented in a Christian context. It is my prayer, that this will be of some value to all concerned and provide some light and direction to a period of life, which at best is confusing for the teenagers of today. God bless you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jack Exum
• Release date: Dec 3, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311341204

Jack Exum

Redeemed and added to the body of Christ, May 31, 1959 at Southside Church of Christ, Beaumont, Texas. Graduated from Preston Road School of Preaching, Dallas, Texas, 1971. I ministered to congregations in Georgia, Saskatchewan, Canada, Indiana, Ukraine, and Florida. After the passing of my brother Robert Exum January 25,2016, my wife and I moved to begin work with the West Keene Church of CHrist in Keene, New Hampshire. I am a committed Christian, happily married to my wife Lauw Liang (Wiwik), from Indonesia. Together, we seek only to grow, and serve together in His grace, so freely given in Jesus. (Mailing address: 69 Blossom Street, Keene, NH., 03431.) Purpose and Philosophy statements: * To reach out to and encourage the body of Christ. Not only by publishing books by dad (Jack Exum), and eventually my own, but also dad's and my own studies on www.jackexum.com. I strive for BALANCE, avoiding EXTREMES, LEGALISM and LABELS which have contributed to division and sectarianism in the church. Growing in faith, hope, and love, unity of the Spirit in the bonds of peace, and being true to the Gospel of Christ, is 'where we stand.' My prayer is that we grow in grace, and learn to accept each other, being patient with those who question, or differ, while being 'Heaven bound' together. * To reach the lost. This is the mission of Jesus. Everyone deserves the privilege to hear about Jesus at least once. There is ONE God, and he loves you INCREDIBLY, There is ONE Savior, who gave His all that we might belong to Him forever, and ONE faith given to be shared in the power of His Spirit. There is ONE body to which all believers are added (Acts 2:38-47). That body has no official name in the New Testament but has several designations which describe relationship, with God, Christ, and each other. * To hold to restoration principles: 1. “No Creed but Christ.” (Written creeds, and traditions are not authoritative). 2. “Where the Scriptures speak, we speak; where the Scriptures are silent, we are silent.” 3. “In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, love.” 4. “We are not the only Christians, but we are Christians only.” Allow the Lord to deal with the 'weeds.' * We understand what the Bible teaches about being saved. One "must be born of water and the Spirit" (John 3:3-5). For more on this read Acts 2. However, now everyone who obeys the gospel of grace will be found in a congregation with the 'acceptable name.' God knows all that are His. Whoever does what early Christians did to be saved, is my brother and sister in Christ. I let God do the judging, I have 'my plate full,' working on my own sinfulness, and growing in grace, while encouraging others to do the same. Grow in grace! Heaven bound!

Book preview

Goosebumps and Butterflies

(Dating and the Teenager)

By Jack and Ann Exum

Copyright 2014 Jack Exum

Smashwords Edition

All Rights Reserved

Scripture quotations taken from The Holy Bible, New International VersionR NIVR Copyright C 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.T Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.T

Note: Occasionally, quotations are taken, with permission, from the Easy-to-Read Version (ERV) or from the King James Version (KJV) of The Holy Bible.

License: This book is for your personal growth and enjoyment only. You may not resell this book or give it away. This book or any portion thereof may not be copied without permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations of fifty words or less. If you would like to share this book with others, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Description: Dating is without a doubt, the most exciting time for teenagers. It is also a time when teenagers have a multitude of questions. The important ‘link’ that so often is missing is the connection with parents who are open, understanding and willing to take the time to be involved and provide guidelines, advice and help.

With the advent of the ‘dating game,’ all of life to this point comes into play for the teenager since all the teaching of the past is now to be tested. Unfortunately, many teens find themselves without the proper instructions and preparation, and now feel ‘on their own.’

This little book is written only to help ‘fill the gap’ as far as a written resource of advice is concerned, understanding that nothing can take the place of a Godly Mom or Dad sitting down with their children and sharing their experiences and stories of success and failure in dating, answering questions, and offering sound advice.

Nothing takes the place of parents letting their beloved teens know that they are always ready to help with their questions and provide advice with any problems.

Let’s understand one thing; teenagers want freedom, and yet when trouble comes, they turn to their parents. Thus, parents need to assume there are and will be questions that need answers. Parents need to assume that even though a teenager may act like they know what they are doing, and have all the answers… in reality the opposite is the truth.

A wise parent knows how and when to provide freedom for teens to explore life, while providing wise guidelines and rules, based on a strong relationship which encourages the asking of questions and seeking advice.

It is my prayer that this little book will be a help to parents who seek a good Bible centered resource, and to teens who seek an objective ‘third party,’ who offers unbiased practical suggestions.

The ‘dating game,’ is an exciting period of time, and it is the aim of the writer to help you get through this time with the least amount of ‘regrets’ as possible, as you prepare for a life-time commitment in marriage with the love of your life.

We sincerely dedicate this book to the author of some old notes,

found buried among other odds and ends in our closet.

Any good that this book may do, is gratefully shared with him.

Contents

Preface

Foreword: The Letter

Chapter 1: The Dating Game

Chapter 2: Getting Ready For The Date

Chapter 3: One Potato, Two Potatoes And Eeny-Meeny-Miny-Moe

Chapter 4: And Away We Go…

Chapter 5: Hey Man, This Is For Real

Chapter 6: Should We Kiss On The first Date?

Chapter 7: What About Petting Or ‘Feeling Off’?

Chapter 8: I Love You

Chapter 9: Will I Have A Happy Home?

Chapter 10: Seven Infallible Ways To Handle Your Parents

Chapter 11: Ten Commandments For Teenagers

Chapter 12: Teenage (Unwanted) Pregnancy… Why?

Suggestions For Young People — Activities Indoors And Outdoors

Final Thoughts

Author’s Note

Preface

Remember the first love letter you ever wrote? It began with bold, uneven print as you struggled to make it look more mature than your 3rd grade level. That first sentence said, Mark one of the following: Do you like me? Do you love me? Could we sit together at lunch? I love you and will never love anyone else — I promise!"

This wasn’t the very beginning, but it was the surfacing of feelings that ran through the ‘curiosity days’ of Tarzan and Jane, playing Doctor and Nurse, and Hide and Seek.

So you began the DATING GAME on a 3rd grade level.

The game is universal and knows no boundaries. It goes where males and females are found. It is in the animal world, practiced by both ‘the birds and the bees’ with one final object in mind – FINDING THE RIGHT ONE!

This book is about the dating game – its fun, its ‘frolic’, its laws and rules, boundaries and blessings. After each chapter, you will find Questions for Discussion or just some things to think about. Read it just for fun – find answers to your questions, follow the rules – enjoy the blessings.

I went into my files and found this letter written a number of years ago to one of our daughters by one of her first boyfriends. It will better describe some of the thoughts and ideas of the chapters that follow. It began with the traditional word,

"Dearest,

This is hard to write because I have never done this before. I cannot totally explain my feelings for you. I feel like a loner when you’re not around. It will be a long time before I can say I have partially forgot about you. I know it will be longer before I can find a girl … like (or love) more than you. I don’t speak of love, because I haven’t known true love yet, I don’t think. Your kind words and affection will always be remembered. You are my first girl and I hope we will see each other again soon. Maybe again this summer.

In the mornings all I do is think of you and how Closer to You comes true for you and me. As I have said, my feelings are more complex. I have never felt this way about a girl before.

My feelings are new to me and I cannot explain them. Everything in me is aroused when I am near you. Maybe this is love – I don’t know.

Well, these are a bunch of words on paper, but all I have is words to bring you near to me. I hate to leave you, but leave, I must. You can bet that I will write, call, drive down, or something to see your smiling face, and hear your voice again.

I will NEVER FORGET you and there will NEVER be another girl in my life like you."

(It was signed with a simple four letter word, L O V E and the name affixed.)

What a marvelous letter. Go ahead, read it again. See yourself in it, regardless of your age. Dad, you read this and remember! Mom, look again at the words that, at another time, in another place, were written to you or by you. Grandpa, tell us of your courting days with Grandma. Remember those sweet nothins that meant everything?

What I am saying is, the dating game is not a new one. It is as old as mankind, (played differently within the bounds of different customs), but played all the same. It is needed and with a few simple rules attached, becomes one of the most exciting times of life. It is ‘springtime’ that bursts through the clouds. It is lying on your belly and drinking from a clear crystal stream flowing over the rocks. It signals that maturing physical growth that takes down the homemade sign that hangs over the neighborhood tree house door or hut, which reads "NO GIRLS ALLOWED.