Chewed Confessions

By Cheryl Kirwan

Chewed Confessions, is a series of thought-provoking, linked short stories, using an inventive supposition to share a variety of human experiences, as related by the animated stick of gum that traveled with each person on a given day. From this intimate vantage, these humorous, heartfelt stories together explore a broad spectrum of everyday life, from affairs of the heart to matters of conscience. With rich insight and reflection, this original work of literature reveals the daily struggles we all face with doing the right thing. In this series of nine diverse short stories, each unique piece of gum narrates the thoughts and actions of the characters once it enters his or her mouth. Each gum has its own flavor, and its own insightful understanding of the journey it is taking.

Chewed Confessions offers life lessons and insights – some sweet, some sour, just as the spectrum of chewing gum offers a wide variety of life’s flavors. Each story will make you feel something and leave a good taste in your mouth -- and at the very least, you’ll find yourself reaching for a piece of gum.

Over 150 million Americans chew gum—and the practice dates back further than when gum was initially commercially produced in the late 1800s. We chew it while playing sports, when socializing, when working, or just before a date. Kids, adults, and seniors love it all the same. Whether for pleasure, to relieve stress, or freshen our breath, we enjoy the oral pleasures of chomping on gum—from gumballs and bubble gum to Chiclets and sticks of gum. Author Cheryl Kirwan has written an authentic new book of short stories where the main characters chew gum and the stories are narrated, in part, by the gum they are chewing. It’s an inventive, award-winning and critically-acclaimed book, entitled Chewed Confessions.

The confectionary tales give readers something to chew on. For one, they remind us of our shared love for gum and they make us think of gum as a witness to the many emotional moments our lives are filled with.

Awards:
Readers' Favorite 2014 International Book Awards - BRONZE MEDAL WINNER in Fiction Short Stories
Indie Excellence Book Award – FINALIST WINNER in Fiction Short Stories, 2013
Global EBook Award – BRONZE MEDAL WINNER in Fiction Short Stories, 2013

• Language: English
• Publisher: Cheryl Kirwan
• Release date: Oct 4, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311227027

Cheryl Kirwan

Cheryl Kirwan is an award-winning author and storyteller. Her debut book, Chewed Confessions, was embraced as “sweet and endearing” by Kirkus Reviews and called “clever confection” by Clarion Reviews.She enjoys scuba diving, downhill skiing, mountain climbing and bicycle riding. Her hiking partner is an Australian kelpie/border collie.Raised in Alaska, she now resides just outside of San Francisco. For more information, please consult: www.chewedconfessions.comRADIO INTERVIEW ABOUT CHEWED CONFESSIONS: copy and paste onto your browser~ http://archives2014.gcnlive.com/Archives2014/aug14/AmerikaNow/0830143.mp3

Book preview

CHEWED CONFESSIONS

Cheryl Kirwan

Copyright © 2014 Cheryl Kirwan

All rights reserved.

Information contact: [e-mail]

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this ebook with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Distributed by Smashwords

Ebook formatting by www.ebooklaunch.com

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

Dedicated to my daughter Jessica

CONTENTS

Introduction

Mission Statement

Cherry Jubilee

Minty Chocolate

Peppermint

Clove

Cinnamon

Mega Mint Delight

Summer Mint

Triple Bubble

Fruity Explosion

About The Author

INTRODUCTION

We have gathered here to confess a few of the adventures we experienced in the theater of life with our admiring human hosts. More than likely you have walked over or stepped on us as we lay on the sidewalk. You may have recently stepped on one of us with a story that might have common threads to your own life's story.

Did you know, almost every culture in the world has chewed some kind of version of us. We even date back to prehistoric times when humans chewed on clumps of tree resin to clean their teeth, to freshen their breath, and for pure enjoyment.

Humans can find us naked with no sugar or dressed to the hilt with sugar.

Many of you have placed us in your mouths three to four times a week. We have shared countless interesting adventures together, and once we are in your mouth, we are able to narrate the thoughts and actions of your adventure.

The nine different pieces of gum in this book look forward to sharing their stories with you. So sit down, grab a piece of your favorite gum and let us tell you some of our adventures.

All we ask is that you walk humbly on the earth.

CHEWING GUM MISSION STATEMENT

Our goal is to assist in cleaning your teeth, freshening your breath, curbing your appetite, helping you relieve everyday stress, and bringing pleasure to your life.

CHERRY JUBILEE

I sat in a sterling silver square container placed on an Italian marble counter the human had custom built and placed near the front door. He pulled me out of the container, unwrapped me, and popped me in his mouth without hesitation, just as he had done with other pieces of gum almost every day before leaving his immaculate home. When I entered his mouth, the first thing I learned was his name, Jason. I could tell Jason's fresh breath must have been of utmost importance to him. He chewed me with sheer gratification and great anticipation of his adventurous day. Jason's mouth was wet and spicy from the strong mouthwash he had apparently rinsed with earlier this morning. I'm not a fan of mouthwash. It competes with my cherry flavor!

He was a man of stature, tall and lean. His hair was groomed to perfection. There were no creases in his exquisite attire. The brand-name clothes in his walk-in bedroom closet were color-coded and organized by the seasons. He was up every morning at 5:00 a.m. to begin his morning workout, which included an hour of cardio and a half hour of lifting weights, and he ended the routine with five minutes of yoga stretches. Breakfast consisted of dry toast, banana, and poached egg, all consumed by 6:50 a.m. He showered with hypoallergenic soap at 7:05 a.m. for at least fifteen minutes. This routine gave him a half hour to select his stylish clothes and properly take care of his dental hygiene. He was in his car by 7:50 a.m. for the short drive to his sterile office in the swanky business district located in midtown.

Every weekday, Jason exited his contemporary home, walking down the marble staircase and nodding with appreciation as he passed the various box hedges lining the front of his yard. Each box hedge was an exact distance apart from the others, and all were perfectly manicured with symmetrical designs and engineered with precision.

He sauntered up to his Audi A8, which was immaculately clean inside and out. No dents, scratches, or dust marred its beauty, a proud reflection of the perfection he so desired.

He chewed me with large open-mouth chews, giving me the opportunity to watch him lovingly admire his Audi by running his recently manicured hands across its silver finish. Jason rolled me over his tongue from right to left four times, forming me into a perfect ball of flavor that he transferred by a light chew onto his back molar. His teeth were blindingly white, and he had replaced all his amalgam fillings with composite resin ones. It looked as if he had never had a cavity, and even his tongue was freshly brushed. Nice surroundings, but the mouthwash could have stayed in the bottle!

Today, as he entered his downtown office, he noticed the message light blinking on his phone. He dialed the code to access his messages and listened to his friend Peter's inquiry about fishing this weekend. Jason relished his time spent fishing with Peter. They always had interesting conversations as they relaxed by the serenity of their favorite river. They both enjoyed catching and eating fresh river trout. Sometimes they got lucky and the occasional bass graced their fishing lure.

Jason's desk was designed with contemporary craftsmanship, and nothing was out of place. The uncluttered and sterile desk, which incorporated only a silver monitor, ergonomic keyboard, wireless mouse and a silver pen holder, looked as if it was a display model you would find at IKEA. Behind his desk was a small refrigerator, stocked with Perrier. Perrier was his preferred choice of drinking water. The water-cooler water would not be seen touching his lips.

He sat down on his ergonomic chair and grabbed a Perrier from the refrigerator. He decided to return Peter's call after he checked his emails.

He took a swig of Perrier, being careful to protect me from being swallowed, and then sprung me from my safe holding under the tongue to the top of his tongue where he performed acrobatics with me. I finally landed on his back molar where he seized the opportunity to squish my cherry juices.

Jason did not have a steady girlfriend as he felt he had not yet met his dream girl. Spending countless hours with Dreams Come True, the online dating service he frequented daily, was perfect for him. He felt the numbers game was where he would find the success he was looking for. As he glanced at his shiny blank computer screen, he said to himself: Any woman receiving an email from me must be of the highest caliber. He reflected on his dating must-have list, which included:

1. She must be perfect in height and weight.

2. She must respect her car enough to keep it clean and in good working order.

3. She must be as active as I am and be able to support herself.

4. She must be a woman who knows her way around the kitchen and loves to cook.

5. She must be tidy and enjoy keeping a clean house.

As he continued with his must-have checklist, it slithered through his mind that he wanted someone who was independent and intelligent with a good sense of humor. Ideally, he wanted her to be a cross between Marilyn Monroe and Taylor Swift.

Thoughts of romance shifted his lips into a charming smile and squished me over to the left side of his mouth. He began munching me with the uniformed precision of a marching band.

Jason turned on his computer to continue his methodical search for his perfect woman and to check the numerous emails he received every day from the wide variety of lonely women seeking their soul mate. Soul mate, he said in a soft purr, does that person even exist?

He twisted me across his tongue to the other side of his mouth and continued chewing me with rigor.

Jason opened his first email, which was from a lady named Carly Applegate. Her email was short and to the point. She wrote, Have not heard from you in a couple of weeks. How are you doing?

He opened another screen on his computer and pulled up her profile from Dreams Come True. Remembering when he first saw her profile, he knew she was a woman of extreme interest to him. In her profile, she wrote of the many exciting places where she had traveled. He was particularly interested in her scuba adventures, as he was an avid scuba diver himself.

In Carly's profile, she wrote about her love of diving the Great Barrier Reef. Her profile continued to describe her wall dives at the Bloody Bay Wall, which was one of Jason's most memorable places to dive. She dove with the stingrays at Stingray City, Waldo's Reef, in the Grand Caymans, and she went drift diving in Cozumel. She loved the deep dives in Belize as well as the Isla Marietta Island off of Puerto Vallarta. She described in detail her chilling dives in the icy waters off the Cordova Harbor in Alaska, as well as the warm dives in the Pacific Ocean. Her favorite dives were off the tropical Similan and Syrian Islands near the coast of Thailand. She said her dive logbook also registered a shipwreck dive off the coast of Cabo San Lucas, which he was very familiar with. And it was this that had at first convinced him to make contact with her. Rereading her profile the second time excited him as much as it did the first time he read it, but not for the same reason.

Jason awkwardly pinched me between his cheek and gum. He had to summon his tongue to rescue me, and then he positioned me between his back teeth where he pulverized me flatter than a stingray laying on the sandy ocean floor.

Carly's land adventures had taken her to Germany, Ireland, Austria, Switzerland, England, Italy, and every country in Central America. With his first impression of her profile, he thought she was perfect. I must have her, were the words he remembered using after he read her profile.

He recalled emailing back and forth with her for several weeks before he decided to give her a call. Her emails were so engaging and creative. His patience level had peaked, and he knew he must meet her before someone else caught her interest. He had held great expectations for the impending date, as the pictures of her on her profile were lovely, though there were few of them.

Jason's tongue lifted my flattened self up off his bottom teeth and slowly rolled me in a tight little ball and batted me around his mouth with authoritative energy.

During their phone call, he had decided to set up their first date. They were to meet at Sam's Famous Diner. He was not a big fan of diners per se, but this diner was eclectic with a modern Southwest flair. It was important that he not frequent the same restaurant twice when he was meeting women from the Dreams Come True dating service. He tried to avoid even the remote possibility of running into someone he had previously dated. To him, confrontation was like having to deal with the black plague.

He reflected back to the day they had their date. When she had walked in to the restaurant, at first glance he realized that he did not feel the instant chemistry he achingly longed for. She had long legs, which he liked; however, she was not very curvy and had small breasts. Her face was a bit weathered, and he remembered her hairstyle was decidedly out of date. She was wearing a tank top under her blazer, and when she took the jacket off, he immediately noticed she had scars on her left arm.

He had made sure to remain guarded and somewhat distant, as he had known within a very short amount of time after meeting her that she would not be going home with him.

Jason stopped chewing me for a few seconds and cocked his head to the left while continuing to reflect on his date at Sam's Famous Diner. He opened his mouth to yawn, and I saw the picture of Carly on the computer screen. She was lovely! He closed his mouth and pinched a little cherry jubilee flavor from me.

Jason leaned back in his office chair and looked up at the ceiling as he continued to remember when they were in the restaurant how he could not help glancing at the scars on her arm. He had to ask how she got them. Carly told him she had had a rollerblading accident about seven years ago. She had been rounding a corner at high speed when, trying to avoid a dog that had crossed into the middle of the path, she had crashed into a retaining wall.

Between bites of Sam's famous potato salad, Carly was explaining in detail her rollerblading mishap, but Jason had struggled to keep his interest in what Carly was saying, as he continued to focus on the scars on her left arm. Jason remembered his mind had begun to wander during their dinner date and he found himself looking out the restaurant window at his Audi and thinking it was time to take his car in for an oil change.

As he thought back to their date that evening, he recalled how it seemed to drag on. Their conversation at the restaurant was genteel and not full of much depth. The date could not end