My Fucking Best Erotica

By Mister Average

In this collection of fast paced and unique erotica, Mister Average brings you six exciting tales of titillation to get you through the night. From the outrageously funny, The Girl Who Farted During Sex, to the outstandingly dark work, The Sex Auction, each piece tells its unique tale in a different way. Take a taste of Mister Average with these six exciting pieces, you will be back for more.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mister Average
• Release date: Oct 7, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311267061

Mister Average

Mister Average is a pen name of one of the most prolific writers of erotic short stories. Most of my stories have a message, or a question. Yes, they are naughty, but they often also present a dilemma. Most contain some love and romance, most of them reflect what we are like in our average lives. The characters are generally normal, average, people - like me and you in realistic situations, in realistic fantasies. I write about the kinds of things you fantasize about. If you follow me on Twitter you will find out about free days and discount coupons that I send out from time to time and you will see every new release. Enjoy.

Book preview

MY FUCKING BEST EROTICA

Smashwords Edition

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Published By Mister Average

at Smashwords

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Published by Mister Average

My Fucking Best Erotica

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Copyright © 2014 by Mister Average

This ebook MAY NOT be distributed through any file sharing mechanism. Any copy of this ebook obtained in such a manner is an illegal copy.

All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

Image licensed by Depositphotos.com/ bezikus

Dedicated to all those who fantasise – enjoy!

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This is a work of fiction, the characters are not real. Please do not distribute this ebook freely, you can purchase a copy at your nearest online retailer.

Recent releases by the author…

How Do You Spell Cunt? , a day in the life of the erotica author – revealing and hilarious, why don’t you join me?

The Wanker’s Guide to Masturbation – From one of the most prolific erotica authors comes the funniest book on wanking you will ever read. It has all the answers to questions you never thought to ask - Is God a wanker? Was Eve made to be the first bit of porn? Is wanking cheating? Wanking facts, songs, literature, who does it and why? Mutual masturbation, wanking jokes and, of course, the origins of wanking. But wait...there is more!

Older Men, Younger Women – The Dice II – This is part II of the Dice ~ with the characters still at the pub, but a sudden storm blows in and changes the mood of the night as Brian is knocked to the ground by lightning blasts nearby. When he recovers he is holding the dice in one hand, and his mobile phone in the other - with a rotating glowing dice on its screen. A bizarre game then follows, each of them revealing their sexual fantasies.

Cuckold Stories – The cuckold - a man whose wife has sex with other men, or a man who has fantasies about his wife having sex with other men. Here is a story told to me that shows how a partner can mistake the cuckolding sentiment for something else, and hurt their partner when they move from pleasure to humiliation against the man's will. There is a very fine line that, when crossed, can cause pain.

For my other ebooks, please go to the end of this book.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

PUNISHING THE WIFE

THE GIRL WHO FARTED DURING SEX

SEX WITH MY BEST FRIENDS MUM

FORBIDDEN SEX STORIES 3

THE GIRL FRIEND WHO WANTED TO BE PUNISHED

THE SEX AUCTION

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

MY FUCKING BEST EROTICA

INTRODUCTION

Hello there,

My name is Mister Average, it is the pen name of one of the world’s most prolific erotica authors.

It is nearly the end of 2014, another year of erotica, another year in my life observing people’s sexuality, exploring my own, having sexual adventures to write about for you.

I have decided to put together a collection of my best erotica relating to the act of… well… fucking!

I hope you enjoy it and thanks to all those who contact me to offer me their ideas, their thoughts and their bodies in the name of literary excellence. I appreciate the offers, seriously, I do.

PUNISHING THE WIFE

Steve didn’t mind having a drink with friends when he was out on the town and interstate. He had planned this for some time so that two of his colleagues would also be in town over that weekend and they could get up to a bit of fun whilst they were away from wives or girlfriends.

Funny how you always plan these things to go a certain way, but in reality they just don’t end up like that and rarely is a night out as exciting as you had hoped it would be. He was out of town, footloose and fancy free and he was after some nice and new pussy - and to hell with his wife. In fact, he hoped he would get a chance to bone some slut tonight and he hoped she was married to some loser. He liked that idea - fuck the woman and send her home to her husband with a pussy full of his muck. Steve smiled and drained his drink and motioned to the barman to give him the same again. He had high hopes for the night.

Of course, to many of those looking at Steve on that night, it would have seemed as though he was the loser, but he didn’t realize that.

The air of the hotel bar was filled with the sad attempt at piano music provided by a drunken old man sitting at the piano. Steve continued nursing his drink; he was bored now, horny and bored. He had joined two of his friends on what he thought would be a sensational weekend of booze and girls, they were all away from home and looking for sex. But it hadn’t worked out like that for Steve, instead his two friends had been swept away by two young and gorgeous college cheerleaders who, oh so conveniently, did not have a third friend. So Steve was left at the hotel bar, all alone and knocking back drink after drink.

He found his surroundings to be mind-numbingly boring and he was so pissed off he thought of going to bed soon. The few women that were scattered around the bar were either with someone, or he could easily see why they weren't, which was a bit uncharitable since he was no hot looker himself. After a few more drinks his mind might be dizzy enough to take anything with legs and breasts that walked through the door, that would do him just fine – at least he would get his dick into some wetness. Steve was one of these guys who thought a bit of pussy was better than no pussy!

But instead what greeted his eager gaze was a sight he never expected and suddenly the evening changed for him.

CARLA

Carla's legs were long, and her breasts were full beneath the low cut collar of her burgundy dress. Its colour accented her skin tone which was pale and flawless. Her hair tumbled in loose chocolate curls that made him ache to run his fingers through it. She was older, but he was most impressed by the way she walked and how she carried herself with confidence and authority, this was a woman of style and breeding! He watched her as she strode across the bar to a small table not far from him. She was instantly served her drink of choice.

As she sipped it, she glanced in his direction. He thought it was his imagination that she was gazing at him sexily while she took another swallow of her drink. He told himself, as the heat rose in the base of his stomach, that she could have any man she laid her eyes on, yet she was looking at him. Her eyes lingered on him, and he could feel them slowly surveying his physical prowess from his broad shoulders to the youthful curve of his ass on the bar stool. Slowly she stood from her chair. She picked up her drink and wandered toward the bar. Steve could not believe his luck when she sat down beside him. He was too nervous to speak as she leaned across him to pick up his glass. She held it up to the bartender and pointed to her own, indicating that the young man should have what she was drinking. Steve couldn’t believe it; this was the material of dreams, not of any reality he had ever lived in.

I thought you would like it, She whispered just beside