Back To Me

By Michelle Smith

Whatever happened to "the one that got away"? What if you had the opportunity to find out and you both realized that it was meant to be?

When Mattie meets David, sparks fly, romance ensues, and love blooms. After embarking on a full blown love affair, David moves across the country due to unforeseen issues. Mattie remains and she discovers something that changes everything.

When they find each again, will they be able to stay together, against the odds?

A story of a lifelong, enduring love that neither Mattie or David can ever fully walk away from.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Saga Books
• Release date: Sep 3, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311891068

Michelle Smith

Michelle Smith is a resident of Auburn, Alabama and a graduate of Auburn University with a BA in Criminal Justice and Criminology. Michelle is a dedicated historic researcher and an investigator for the Alabama Paranormal Research Team. Michelle also published Haunted Auburn and Opelika with The History Press in 2011.

Book preview

Back To Me

A Novel

Michelle Smith

Back To Me © Michelle Smith, 2012

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without permission in writing from the author.

This is a work of fiction.

Names, characters, places, and incidents

are either the product of the author’s imagination

or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance

to any actual persons, living or dead,

organizations, events, or locales

is entirely coincidental.

Back To Me

Book design by Michelle Smith

Smashwords Edition

Grateful acknowledgment is made to the following:

Jack Hinge Pitzer

The Toolshed and Lordfinx for their thoughts on the beautiful lyrics of Peter Gabriel and Sting.

Chapter 1

Mommy, I want to find him. My seven year old daughter, Maggie, looked up at me with her big cerulean blue eyes that reminded me of her father every time I saw them. I really do, come on. Please can we try to find him. she implored me. Of course sweet girl, we'll find him. I told her with a silent, inner prayer. Thanks Mommy. She gazed at me for a moment and then gave me a long hug, a crushing one, the kind she liked best. We googled his name, 'David Goldberg' and found numerous links; some for a lasik doctor right here in Vermont, an attorney in New Jersey and a few Facebook links. I told her I would peruse through those later to see if any were him. Okay Mommy, thank you. thank you, thank you! she said, her eyes shining with happiness and excitement. The front door opened then and Ari called out, Hello, anyone home? In here Uncle Ari, with Mommy. Maggie answered. Ari walked in to the kitchen, in his usual rangy gait and came over to us. How are my two best girls today? He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, and had a long hug for Maggie. Stir-fry tonight, Ari... with an avocado salad and some iced herbal tea. I told him, at his questioning expression. Thanks sweetie. I'm going to go shower and be right back for dinner. he said and walked out of the kitchen toward the bathroom.

What's going on with Maggie, Mat? Ari asked me at night while we were watching The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, after I had checked on Maggie and determined that she was soundly sleeping. She wants to find her father. I told him. I'm honestly surprised that she hasn't asked before this. I've looked for him regularly since Maggie was born, and I've never been able to locate him. I hope it's different this time. I'm scared Ari, what if I can't find him? Or what if I do and he doesn't want to be a part of her life? What if she's let down and disappointed by him? I get it, Mat. Look, she's always known – you've told her just about everything about her dad. I nodded and he continued. It's always been just you and Maggie, and me. Now, while I do think I am a pretty fantastic father substitute. he smiled toothily, She wants to find her biological dad. Of course she wants to. She probably has for a while now. I think this is the right time for her. She needs him in her life and she's able to make sense of that now and voice her feelings. I don't think anything negative will come of this – I really don't. I think you both need David in your lives. I love you Ari. You're the best, do you realize that? I said to him and he kissed me on the cheek before grabbing the remote and turning off the television. We talked a little then about how to go about looking for David and how to best contact him once I located him. After thirty minutes or so, Ari yawned and went to his bedroom, I checked on Maggie again and I smiled in the dark at my beautiful girl and reached over her to pick up the open book from the bedside table and put a bookmark in to mark her page, then placed it back on the stand. I walked to my bedroom which was right next to hers and eased into bed, but I didn't sleep, I lay there in the dark and thought back.

Chapter 2

I met him when I was 24. It was the year after I had graduated from college. I was planning on going to graduate school and in the meantime I was holding down two jobs: managing a psychologist's office full time and coat checking on the weekends at an exclusive area restaurant where the average patron had more money than taste. One Friday night, I was especially tired after a long day at the office as well as hungry, having not eaten since breakfast. I left work late that night to drive directly over to the restaurant. Right after the first rush of diners I snuck back to the kitchen and made puppy eyes at the sous chef who tickled me under the chin, gave me a smacking kiss on the cheek, grabbed a box of plain graham crackers and handed it to me. I walked back to the coat room, opening up the box, once I was back among the jackets and wraps. I pulled out my purse from its hidden location, bent down to feel around inside for my newest paperback that my best friend had read and since given to me, opened the box of graham crackers, stuck one in my mouth and sat up to start reading all the exploits in this new and entertaining Olivia Goldsmith novel and eating my pathetic excuse for a dinner. Instead of looking out at the lobby of the restaurant, I was looking at three adults who were looking expectantly at me. I quickly removed the cookie, put down my book, apologized and asked how I could help them; they were there at my station to check their coats, of course. Two men, and a woman. One man and the woman were older and the other man, well, I didn't ordinarily go to pieces over how someone looked, but this guy was amazing looking. Super short, white blond hair, pale pale skin, amazing blue eyes, black leather coat. They removed their coats and handed them to me, I gave them their ticket and they bade me a good evening. The amazing looking one gave me a slow smile and told me to enjoy my snack in his Queens accent. I blushed and stammered something in return. After he walked away I grabbed a blank notebook from my purse and began writing furiously. I began an impromptu journal then and there with the following entry.

"October 8, 1998

Destiny just entered the restaurant. Okay, not at all, but this guy just walked in and actually made me blush. I looked at him and felt my insides go all … trembly. I must be in lust. Hmm, what to do... Note in pocket with phone number? No, no way. Wait until he leaves and slip him my number then? No, too tacky. Dammit, I can't actually do anything, I can't say anything. I'm working and I'll look pathetic. Shit! I am an idiot, that much is certain, given that I'm actually considering taking any action at all. I know that I can't really do a damn thing since I'm working and it's too inappropriate to consider. But I can imagine the possibilities, which I am. Granted, most of them are moronic but, oh, how I wish I were meeting him somewhere else, so I could actually talk and attempt to flirt.

Well, anyway, he's beautiful. I don't generally refer to men as beautiful but this one is... there's something there, in his face, his demeanor, his posture – he looks like an off-duty angel. Sadie's home on holiday break from college, I'll call her tomorrow with this. Whatever reason, I've always liked New York accents and I'm placing this guy's as Queens."

I turned around on my chair and looked at his coat. Distressed black leather, I bet that it smelled good also, but no way was I going to be that desperate. I resolutely turned around and tried to remind myself that I was a 24 year old woman, a college graduate with a 3.8 average, not some high school student with a crush on a cute never-seen-before celebrity, and I had simply seen an attractive man and that was that. I was at work - he was a patron of the restaurant and after he and his party came to collect their coats, I would hand them their outerwear with a smile and a courteous goodnight and that would be the end of it...dammit.

Suddenly, he was there, in front of me. I found my voice. Leaving so soon? I asked him, my voice came out sounding completely normal, thankfully. No, I came to talk with you. he told me, purposefully yet somehow shyly at the same time. I was right, it was a Queens accent, I thought to myself. Is everything all right with your experience here tonight? I asked him in a throughly professional and solicitous manner, which was simple, as long as I didn't look in his eyes. Everything is fine, I came to talk with you, because when I walked in here tonight, I couldn't stop staring at you.... and I realized while I was eating that I didn't want to stop looking at you. You're beautiful, but you must know that. he told me, and then I looked up into his blue eyes and that was that, I'm David... Epstein. And I'm Mattie, Mattie Leland. We talked, I don't know that he ate anything beyond his appetizer and he stood there for nearly an hour while his friends finished dining. He asked me for my number and then his friends came, with his dinner in a container to take home. He introduced them to me and asked me if I was free at all over the weekend. Sunday. I'm free on Sunday. I told him. Would you like to have dinner then? he asked me. Yes, I replied without hesitation. Sunday it is, then. How about seven-ish? I'll call you to discuss everything. Bye David, it was… nice... to meet you. Mattie... it was... likewise.

I had never been quite so affected just by meeting and talking with a man and I drove home that night in a daze, stopped at a gas station that was open late and bought a pack of cigarettes, even though I had recently made the decision that I would quit. I got out of my warm car and walked quickly up to the box where the teenager on duty stayed in the cold weather and asked for a pack of Marlboro Lights 100's, my breath coming out in cloudy puffs in the bitterly frigid air. Back in my car, I turned on the engine and warmed up for a minute. I sat there and lit a cigarette, taking in the first long drag with a smile. Part of me doubted he would call, but still, it had been a great night. When I got home it was shortly after twelve in the morning, I walked inside my house apartment and checked my answering machine. Five messages, two from my best friend, one from my mother asking if I was coming home for the weekend at all, and two from the guy I had been casually dating but was ready to break things off with, Jay, who usually worked at the restaurant with me but had missed tonight, due to watching a sporting event of some sort with his parents. I stood there and undressed out of the clothes I had been in for well over fifteen hours and put my pajamas on. I yawned and went to sleep, tired after a very long day.

The next morning came and went, and I woke up when it was nearly the afternoon. I took a quick shower and brushed my teeth. Still too sleepy to eat, I fired up a cigarette and called Jay. It rang a few times until he answered. What is it? I was eating, he asked me in an unpleasant way. It's me. I wanted to talk with you before work, can you meet me? I asked him. No, I'll come over after. No... I can't. Why not? he asked. I didn't want to break up with over the phone, it just seemed immature and unnecessary. We had been dating somewhat since the summer and while I wasn't in love with him and knew that it wasn't a forever or even a long term relationship, I mostly had an okay time with him, but after meeting David the night before, I realized that I would rather be single than have a just 'mostly okay' time with someone. Since he wasn't agreeing to a meeting, I decided to just say it. I don't want to date anymore, he was quiet and I matched his silence while waiting for him to say something. I can change. I'll be nicer and take you out more often. It's not that, it's just me. I'm just not interested in pursuing anything right now. I told him and added, I'll see you at work tonight. A few hours later, I received a call from the head chef, Urs. Hey Mattie. Hi Urs, is everything okay, do you need me early tonight or something? I asked, puzzled since the only other time Urs had ever called me at home was the one time he had asked me to babysit last minute so he could take his then girlfriend out. Mattie, I'm sorry. Jay called and told me he would quit unless I asked you not to return to work. Shit, Urs, I said. I really am sorry Mattie, I know that you rely on this job and I don't want to lose either of you, but I can't run on the weekends without a server. he told me, sadly. Couldn't you have waited to break up with him until the spring, when no one needs to wear coats? he asked me and I laughed, No, I couldn't, really, and why don't you give Kate, Brian's girlfriend, a call. I'm sure she'd be happy to be your