Elvirus: Elvi-Geddon, Dawn of the Elvi Invasion

By Dave Ehlert

The story of an insidious plot to infect the world's population with a mutant gene that causes ordinary people to become Elvis Impersonators. In 1965, twelve years before Elvis Presley met his untimely death, there were only a hundred Elvis Impersonators World-wide. In 2017, the 40th anniversary of the King’s death, estimates are that there will be over 100,000 of these misguided, often musically challenged and most always psychologically damaged creatures. Never before has society witnessed such a rapid growth in a segment of society heretofore thought of as benign although highly nauseating to normal folks. The explosion in the population of these ersatz “Kings of Rock n’ Roll” has inspired social forensic scientists to theorize what caused this phenomenon. What they found is both surprising and disturbing.
Documents have revealed that the source of the problem can be traced back to the spread of a mutant organism starting with the million plus visitors to Graceland in the aftermath of his death and continuing to this day. Graceland has been established as being second only to the White House in most visited personal residences. This organism finds a host in these myriads and, those infected become “carriers” of the gene. When the “carrier” passes that virus laden gene onto a susceptible victim, the victim has no choice but to become an Elvis Impersonator. One telling event showing the sinister nature of the progression was a macabre “Elvis Happening” during the Bi-Centennial Celebration when 200 Elvis Impersonators were crammed on a barge floating down the Potomac. Where on earth was the CDC? The sinking of that mutant gene carrying barge would have been worth a million vaccinations! As the situation gets worse the outbreak of Elvis Zombies intensifies and Elvi are replicating, spawning hot spots of Elvi popping up all over the world. Just watching an Elvi sing could risk coming in contact with the mutant gene and becoming one of the Elvi Zombies. Will this continue until every last person on earth surrenders to Elviurs? Who or what can defeat this menace? As you sit feeling safe in your home, can you feel the effects of Elvirus? Have you been humming an Elvis song as you read this?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dave Ehlert
• Release date: Aug 25, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311047281

Dave Ehlert

Dave Ehlert - Bio Name: Dave Ehlert Born: Waukegan, IL May 7, 1951 Schools Attended: Grayslake Community High School Grayslake, IL (1966-1967) Graduated Zion Benton High School Zion, IL (1969) Majors: Creative Writing and Drama. Minors: Public Speaking and History Furthered specific studies of Mark Twain particularly in online sessions with lecturers from Yale, Berkley, St. Mary’s College in Maryland, Elmira College, University of the Pacific, Bowling Green State University, Swarthmore College and University of California. Performance History Dave Ehlert began performing in 1965 as Elvis in what has become the longest running Elvis Tribute Show in the world. He’s the first performer to be inducted to the Elvis Performer’s International Hall of Fame. He has performed in 44 states, Mexico and Canada as well as on a cruise ship in international waters. From 1994-2012, he operated the first theatre ever built in the tourist mecca Branson, MO. There, he widened his act to include tributes to many other characters including Tom Jones, Neil Diamond, Liberace, Willie Nelson, Conway Twitty, Johnny Cash, Roy Orbison, Nat King Cole, Ray Charles, Hank Williams and many more. In 2004, he was “drafted” into the role of Mark Twain when the scheduled performer was unable to make it. He had one week to gather all the Twain background he could find and then walked on stage in full character, cigar in hand. For the first time in over 30 years, Dave felt something different on stage. He felt very nervous! He looked out at the audience and remained silent for two solid minutes. Then, as a Mr. Twain himself said of his own first lecture, “I began to speak.” And speak he did. Performing 6 Twain programs a week for the first year in Branson and then taking Twain on the road to theatres and libraries across the country in 38 states. He has become absorbed in everything Twain. This is indicated in comments on Dave’s performance made by Professor Ben Click who teaches Twain studies at St. Mary’s College in Maryland: “What I found most refreshing is that you clearly had absorbed the essence of Twain's words, and rather than just repeat them you found refreshing contexts in which to put them. It's obvious that you embrace your subject. One other comment I would make is that your audience were completely engaged in watching and listening to you.” In 2011, Dave was researching Twain’s involvement in the Civil War through a lecture series from Yale University’s Professor David Blight and became engrossed in the character of Abraham Lincoln. He then came up with a program dealing with the Civil War from two very different perspectives. Abe Lincoln, the Great Emancipator and Commander in Chief of the Union and Mark Twain, a Confederate deserter, son of a slave owner. Combining his original script with amazing visuals and music of the Civil War era, the result is a fascinating look at America’s most perilous time through the voices of two of the Country’s Favorite Storytellers. Everywhere Dave has performed , the consensus seems to be the same as illustrated by comments from library directors below: "Most successful program EVER!" Patti - Operations Manager Rosalie - Reference Librarian Lebanon Laclede Public Library 915 S. Jefferson Ave Lebanon, MO 65536 417-532-2148 "Most successful program second only to the Milwaukee Ballet!" Linda A. Bendix, Library Director Frank Weyenberg Public Library Mequon, WI 262-242-2593 ext 35 [e-mail] "If anyone asks me, I'll say HIRE HIM!" Andrea Hermann Adult Services Director Crandall Public Library 251 Glen St Glens Falls, NY 12801 518-792-6508 The Phelps Library was thrilled to host "A Visit with Mark Twain". Mr. Ehlert is an accomplished and wonderfully entertaining performer. His knowledge of Samuel Clemens' life and works is extensive and his show was appropriate for all ages. "An awesome program", "I am so glad I came - what a great show", "truly enjoyed the program, especially the Norman Rockwell connection. Lots of fun" & "from start to finish a genuine delight" were just some of the comments we've received at the library from our clients who attended this wonderful evening. June Franzen, Director Phelps Public Library Phelps, WI 54554 And....................... "Just a note to thank you SO much for being our special guest on Saturday. Everyone had a great time. Indeed, our phone has been ringing nonstop with glowing comments! I believe that many folks are still laughing at the many jokes, others are still remembering their past and the past of their families and still others are mulling over the Twain wisdom as you so brilliantly portrayed it, and absolutely none of us wanted that wonderful afternoon to end. Thank you again. You brought far more than an entertaining afternoon, you brought a special joy which will last forever for all those lucky enough to be in your audience." Gratefully, Jane _________________________ Jane Genzel, Director Muskego Public Library S73 W16663 Janesville Road Muskego, WI 53l50 [e-mail] 262-971-2105 But, you can judge for yourself. Visit the link below to see video clips of one of Dave’s first Twain performances. You can see he has already captured Twain’s persona: http://www.bransonsuperstars.com/theshows/breakfastwithmarktwain.html That was 5 years ago and Dave’s portrayal of Mark Twain has evolved into a richer, funnier and more convincing performance as indicated by the comments found above. Many times teachers have given their students extra credit just for attending one of Dave’s programs. From Elvis Impersonator to Mark Twain Lecturer, the journey has been a long, wonderful and continuing quest for the complete Mark Twain story for Dave Ehlert. After performing for 50 years, Dave has become a published Author. His first book, If I Can Dream, The Story of Being Elvis for 50 Years is Available at Smashwords.com. The year 2015 will mark 38 years since Elvis Presley died and 50 years since the author performed his first Elvis Tribute Show. This is the true story of that journey as it intertwined with the life of the World's Greatest Rock n' Roller. A 3 year old boy sings into an imaginary microphone (hairbrush) and grows up to spend a half century “being Elvis”, performing during the terms of 10 U.S Presidents. This story includes wild road trips, clinging women, lost love, found love, lost friend, midnight visits from the mysterious “Ava”, advice from Elvis on being Elvis, schmoozing with Oprah, battles with drugs and alcohol, intentional exposure to nuclear radiation, an interrogation by the Secret Service and “being Elvis” through it all. Along the way the reader will encounter a father crawling up a dirt road with his throat nearly slit, a teen beaten to a pulp by a violent gang, buddies engaging in life-threatening horseplay, an unfulfilled romance spanning 30 years, international intrigue, shady talent agents, haunting midnight visitors, a homicide, an attempted car-jacking thwarted by side-burns the bedside account of the deaths of a father and a mother, the character morphing from Elvis to Mark Twain, spending time with the Chicago Bears and playing basketball for the Chicago Bulls. The book also contains many images and links to videos relating to musical performances as it has been designed to be read on e-devices as a multi-media product. The second book, Elvirus, Elvi-Geddon - Dawn of the Elvi Invasion is also available at Smashwords.com. Elvis is Everywhere. Elvis Impersonators are taking over every facet of our society. T.V., Movies, Social Media, Education and even Politics, threatening our way of life. A group of 100 “Elvi” in 1977 has grown to the astronomical number of over 100,000 with no end in sight. A plot originating in Memphis almost 40 yrs. ago involving a mutant gene that causes ordinary people to become Elvi. Who is involved? Grave robbers, drug pushers, the Dixie Mafia, Neo-Nazis and some high profile figures in the Entertainment World are among the conspirators.. Who or what will save the world from these "Zombie Elvi" Have you been infected? Have you been humming an Elvis Song as you've been reading this? The third book, a suspenseful murder mystery: Lethal Lecture, the Lincoln Library Murders follows an obsessive College Professor on a Library Speaking Tour leaving a string of grisly murders in his wake. Professor Elkhart is a respected authority on Abraham Lincoln and the Civil War. He travels the country giving lectures at Public Libraries as the 150th anniversary of Lincoln’s Assassination approaches on April 14, 2015. As the date gets closer, Professor Elkhart starts to lose his grip on reality. He abandons his Ivy League Jacket with the elbow patches and appears at the podium in full character complete with Lincoln beard and stove pipe hat. He insists the effect is for authenticity but things are just not right with the good Professor. He grows increasingly agitated at any “uncomfortable” questions about Lincoln’s Presidency. He lashes out verbally at audience members who raise any doubts about the “Pure Character of our 16th President” or have the audacity to suggest he might bear part of the blame for a war that took 600,000 American Lives. When those asking the tough questions start showing up dead, two things are certain. Attend one of Professor Elkhart’s lectures and you’ll learn something. Ask the wrong question, and you’ll die! Dave is currently on a 50th Anniversary Tour in recognition of his half a century career as “Elvis”. He continues to bring his portrayals of other Superstars to the stage as well as educational entertainment in the personages of Mark Twain or Abe Lincoln. Also, he makes frequent Author Visits and “digital book signing” appearances at bookstores and libraries across the country.

Book preview

Elvirus

Elvi-geddon: Dawn of the Elvi Invasion

by Dave Ehlert

Copyright 2014 by Dave Ehlert

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This is a work of Fiction. All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Dedication August 21, 2014

This book is dedicated to my wife Susie who provided inspiration, proofreading and laughter to make this book much better for her efforts.

Special thanks for further inspiration to:

Warren Stef Steffen

Rich Wenzel Krueger

Larry The Bird Hendrickson

Ralph Mr. Wonderful Garrity

Anthony Alter Kacker Roberts

Dr. Terrence Chops Bugno

Chester Rusty Mansfield

and Elvis The King

Technical Advisors:

Kris Pooter Poulsen-Hendrickson (Reader Services)

Devin Fitty State Stephens (Zombie Killer)

Introduction - The Vile Evil Elvi Live

Sounds of a family reunion fill the air in the suburban Chicago neighborhood on a warm Sunday in summer of 1959. Adults sitting around the kitchen table visiting after the meal. A few are in the living room watching their beloved Cubs lose yet another game. Young girls on the front sidewalk playing hopscotch, older girls seek refuge in their bedroom to giggle and fawn over the teen idol posters on their wall. The younger boys ride their bicycles on the dead end street. Older ones play a combination of cops and robbers and tackle football. It makes sense to them.

One of the cousins at this reunion isn’t joining in any of the games outside. He has discovered an older cousin’s record collection and has stumbled on a sound he had never heard before. It was the voice of Elvis Presley. Young David tuned out the world and lost himself somewhere between Don’t be Cruel and Heartbreak Hotel. For hours, as Grandparents visited, Aunts and Uncles played cards and cousins made a ruckus, David was mesmerized by the voice and singing style of the most influential entertainer of the 20th century. On the 2 hour drive back to his home, David’s brothers and sisters were a captive audience in the back seat of the family car as David sang all the new songs he had just heard. Dave’s Dad, a Frank Sinatra fan, wasn’t impressed.

What the hell is that? he said, Somebody in pain back there?

George, scolded David’s Mom, don’t discourage him! He might get better someday.

Someday finally came six years later in 1965 when young David, now Dave, sang his first Elvis song in public at a neighbor’s birthday party. It was the start of a career performing as an Elvis Impersonator, or Elvi as they later came to be known. Dave had no idea anyone else was an Elvis Impersonator. It never occurred to him that anyone else would want to be one. Elvis was still alive. Anyone could buy a ticket and see the real Elvis in one of his movies, although they weren’t likely to win any Oscars. Anyone could go out and buy a record the real Elvis made. And in the late sixties, anyone could go see the real Elvis in concert after an eight year absence from the stage. Dave was doing it mostly for fun. He loved being Elvis on stage. Five years after his first show, he was shocked when he found out there was another Elvis Impersonator. Rick, from another Chicago suburb was also Elvis on stage. What Dave and Rick didn’t know at the time was that there were almost 100 Elvi worldwide in the mid-sixties. What they also didn’t know, couldn’t know was that in the next 40 years, there would be 100,000 Elvi world-wide. And more would come each day until every last person on earth would be in danger of becoming an Elvi. Rick and Dave could never have foreseen events like the following.

The CDC announced enhanced E screening at New York’s Kennedy Airport, Washington Dulles International, O’Hare International, Hartsfield-Jackson International and Newark Liberty International. Passengers will also undergo detailed questioning upon their arrival.

Passengers at other points of entry will continue to be screened by customs agents, who examine travelers for visible signs of the E virus and distribute fact sheets to those who have traveled in areas affected by the outbreak. In addition, the T.S.A. is providing guidance to airlines on how to identify passengers who are infected.

On Oct. 27, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention will begin implementing a post-arrival monitoring plan for non-symptomatic travelers arriving by air from the E virus Hot Spots.

Passengers will be asked to check in daily with state or local health departments in order to report their temperature, any other symptoms and any travel plans, including both in, or out of state. If a traveler does not report in, public health officials are to take steps to locate the person and ensure that active monitoring continues.

Six states, including Georgia, Maryland, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania and Virginia, which together receive more than 70 percent of those passengers traveling from known areas of E virus , have already been prepared to begin post-arrival monitoring. Anyone showing symptoms will be isolated and by local health officials trained in protocols to limit exposure, and will be directed to a medical facility trained to receive potential E Virus patients.

The C.D.C. will assist the effort by informing state officials of passengers who will require monitoring and by providing extra technical support, guidance or funding, as necessary.

Does the above information pertain to the dreaded Ebola virus? No, something far more insidious.

In 1965, twelve years before Elvis Presley met his untimely death, there were only a hundred Elvis Impersonators World-wide. In 2017, the 40th anniversary of the King’s death, estimates are that there will be over 100,000 of these misguided, often musically challenged and most always psychologically damaged creatures. Never before has society witnessed such a rapid growth in a segment of society heretofore thought of as benign although highly nauseating to normal folks.

T he explosion in the population of these ersatz Kings of Rock n’ Roll has inspired social forensic scientists to theorize what caused this phenomenon. What they found is both surprising and disturbing.

Documents have revealed that the source of the problem can be traced back to the spread of a mutant organism starting with the million plus visitors to Graceland in the aftermath of his death and continuing to this day. Graceland has been established as being second only to the White House in most visited personal residences. This organism finds a host in these myriads and, those infected become carriers of the gene. When the carrier passes that virus laden gene onto a susceptible victim, the victim has no choice but to become an Elvis Impersonator. One telling event showing the sinister nature of the progression was a macabre Elvis Happening during the Bi-Centennial Celebration when 200 Elvis Impersonators were crammed on a barge floating down the Potomac. Where on earth was the CDC? The sinking of that mutant gene carrying barge would have been worth a million vaccinations! As the situation gets worse the outbreak of Elvi intensifies and Elvi are replicating, spawning hot spots of Elvi popping up all over the world. Just watching an Elvi sing could risk coming in contact with the mutant gene and becoming one of the dreaded ilk.

Gangs of Elvi are roaming the streets terrorizing defenseless wheelchair bound old people. Make him stop! pleads one frightened senior. I was minding my own business, waiting for my medication when he came out of nowhere! He grabbed me by the neck and made horrible sounds. It was only when Raymond, our orderly pulled him off that I could breathe again! It was a terrible day at Shady Pines!

In otherwise safe neighborhoods, residents are observing uncomfortable scenes as the Elvi Creeps accost their kids, stealing their bicycles. Mister, said the little girl, That’s my bike!

A well a Ah jes need tuh rock n’ roll with it baby! Ah-ah-ah promise to Return to Sender, you dig?

I’m sorry, what? was the little girl’s response.

Take a walk down Main Street and you think you’re safe but look! – Up on the rooftops!

Nearly every aspect of human life including Entertainment, where one of America’s Late Night Icons surrendered his ratings for a jumpsuit.! Now instead of entertaining millions on TV, he’s harrassing audiences a local Karaoke Night in your home town!

Want to see Arnold Schwartzenegger in another Blockbuster?. Think again, he’s fallen prey to this insidious predator. Instead of I’ll be back he’s crooning Return to Sender and with that accent, it ain’t pretty!

Even World Politics can’t escape the effects of this epidemic. Some say that House Speaker John Baynor in his continuing vendetta against Obama slipped some of the mutant gene to the President when they were doing shots in the Oval Office. The result? See for yourself!

The United Nations issues a statement that Kim Jong Un can proceed with making a nuclear bomb if he will just please stop with the Elvi stuff! Ruv me Tender? Are you kiddin me? Even an intervention from Dennis Rodman failed to bring Kim back from his descent into Elvi land. When asked to comment, Rodman said this,

"ain’t nobody know what I know. You know what I’m sayin? Don’t even try. People try, but they can’t. I can, but I won’t Even if I did, who knows? You know what I’m sayin? I wouldn’t say it but sometimes it has to be said.

Think you can find comfort by seeking a religious refuge? Not really. Even religion is no match for this scourge.

Whatever your beliefs are, they have been infested with the Elvi gene.

Christians, Jews, Hindus, Muslims even the Dalai Lama has an Elvi Clone! It has given new life to an old joke: A Jew, a Hindu, a Muslim and a Christian walked into bar.....and came out singing ‘My Way’!

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie also fell victim to Elvirus. It happened so suddenly that his torso was wrenched in the opposite direction of his rear! Who or what is responsible for this gyrating nightmare? What evils are yet to come? Holy sideburns Batman, Evils is just Elvis with the letters jumbled! No one is safe.

Paranoia is everywhere! Orders of peanut and banana sandwiches have spiked. Is that a facial tic or the virus causing your lip to curl?

It’s not even safe to go to Wal-Mart! This shopper came in to the store as Father Mulrooney of the local diocese in Columbus, OH. By the time he checked out he had been overcome with Elvirus and was genuflecting to the beat of Suspicious Minds.

It seems that everyone who has visited Graceland has been exposed. When they go back home the mutant gene virus is unleashed on would be Doctors, Lawyers and Teachers.

Is there no way to fight this side-burned menace? Perhaps if citizens band together, this mayhem can be stopped. But, no one can escape the contagious Elvis Impersonator Pandemic. Even Authors who, one minute are typing away on their keyboards- Thank ya, Thank ya very much……wait a minute- I didn’t type that! Ah’m all Shook Up Baby - STOP THAT!!! A uh huh... Oh NO…..It’s happening to me! Well it’s One For the Money…. GOOD GOD! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES……….!

Elvirus

Chapter One – A Grave Situation

The Memphis Police cruiser sped towards Forest Hill Cemetery on a cool October night in 1977. Elvis Presley had been dead less than two months when two body-snatchers were discovered trying to steal the King’s coffin. Or, were they?

Did you stash the cylinder? asked the one called Monk.

Yeah, and it weighed a ton! snapped Monk’s partner Rudy as they rode handcuffed in the back seat of the MPD squad car.

Monk was a career con-man, burglar, and small time bookie for the mob in Memphis. The Memphis mob had ties to the Dixie Mafia headquartered in Biloxi. Monk was a street smart guy who knew better than to cross anyone in the Dixie Mafia, especially Kirksey Nix. Kirksey was the guy everybody knew tried to kill Sherriff Buford Pusser and succeeded in killing Pusser’s wife back in 1967. Nix was in prison now, but still ordered hits from behind bars to all those who crossed him. Monk wasn’t sure if his current assignment came from Nix, but he wasn’t taking any chances. Nothing in the Memphis crime world happened without being sanctioned by Nix or guys like him. A hit ordered from Louisiana State Prison could come in the form of a shotgun blast like Nix’s first attempt on Pusser or in the form of a mysterious one car accident which finally killed the McNairy County Sherriff in 1974. Neither outcome was attractive to Monk. He was following his instructions to the letter. And in the situation he found himself in presently, his instructions were to ‘shut the hell up!"

Doc gonna have our bail ready? rasped Rudy.

Don’t worry, it’s all good! smiled Monk. He’s in this too deep to screw us.

The two men who had staged the ruse of stealing Elvis’ coffin had heard the rumors that Dr. Nick, as he was called, had not only pumped Elvis with 5,000 pills in the last six months of his life, he was also involved in the virus plot. In 1977, the good doctor, or Dr. Feel Good as he came to be known had prescribed over 10,000 doses of amphetamines, barbiturates, narcotics, tranquilizers, sleeping pills, laxatives, and hormones for Presley. His predilection for over prescribing led to not only Presley’s death, but some say the deaths of two of Jerry Lee Lewis’ wives. Monk and Rudy had been informed of the scheme which involved hiding two cylinders of a formula containing a virus. Doc and another genetic scientist had manufactured the virus from samples taken from Elvis Presley in the years before his death. From beginning to end, the plan was devised to spread the virus world wide, then hold the anti-dote ransom for millions of dollars. They